She has all I crave, but her genotype…

Dear Agatha,

May God bless you for the innumerable advice you daily offer emotionally troubled souls. Please I am confused and badly in need of your advice on an issue that has been giving me sleepless nights.
I am 34 years of age and a self-employed graduate wishing to settle down. But for my business that has been experiencing one hiccups or the other, I would have since married. My immediate younger brother is already married. 
My father, who is very eager to see I marry this year, introduced me to a 26-year-old lady last year. This lady has all I want in a woman and to cap it all, she is a virgin. 

Just when I thought my dream of getting married to my ideal woman has finally come true, it turns out that we are both AS and can’t marry each other, medically speaking. To make matters worse, I had deflowered her before discovering our genotype problem.
Agatha, the love between us is so strong that we don’t want to lose each other. I am planning to get her pregnant so that our families can support our union. I am waiting for your advice.

Dear Desperate Man.

Dear Desperate Man,

Getting her pregnant to win over support of your families isn’t a solution to the medical problem you both have. The concern of your families is well placed. You can only consider your option if it comes from malice and is intended to deprive you of something you know deep down is yours.

In this case, their disapproval is entrenched in the consequences of what you are both contemplating. The after effect won’t be their concern as much as it would be yours. You and your woman would be the ones who daily face the fear of losing a child. Believe me their concern isn’t to deprive you of happiness but to ensure you don’t go into a union you would later regret when you are faced with the reality of caring for a Sickle Cell (SS) baby. 

It can be very traumatic; some couples have had to go their separate ways when the burning feelings of love that made them ignore well-meaning concerns turns to hatred as a result of what they are going through with the child.

Their concern is for the child who would daily experience all sorts of discomfort, go through constant series of medical examinations, get denied the chance to play with friends, excluded from games children like to play as well as the pressure it would put on your marriage each time the child falls sick. 

When things like these begin to happen, it is always easy for both of you to forget the passion of love and query God for allowing it to happen. If you have ever lived or stayed near a Sickle Cell (SS) person you will appreciate that it takes more than love for couples with AS to marry. 

The trauma, headaches and heartaches are what your families are trying to prevent and not the love you both feel for each other.

Even though the blood group of a baby can be ascertained these days during pregnancy, can you withstand the emotional stress of allowing your wife go through abortion each time the foetus is discovered to be SS?

Until the time modern science is able to find a permanent cure for it, the wise thing to do is for dating couples with AS to part but that is not the absolute solution to your problem as long as you are both real enough to look at other areas. Granted, it is a painful process losing one you love so much but this situation is one that should not be sentimentally decided. This is the time for both of you to face reality and consider other options.

Sincerely, if you are both so much in love and cannot afford to stay away from each other, you both have the options of considering adoption in addition to having AS children. Once you are both able to have Sickle Cell free baby, you may consider adopting one or two more if you are keen on having a large family.

Rather than take the panicky decision of getting her pregnant just to force the hands of your families to accepting your decision to marry, you and your woman should first seek knowledge of the implications of your medical history. Go into the internet and find out what Sickle Cell really is and how it can be managed. Find out the options you both have as AS couple; discuss your fears and thoughts with your doctor who is in the best position to give you proper medical directions. 

Knowing the now and future implications of the decision you are about to make is important key to your happiness later in life. 

This way you both would be happy for the rest of your lives with the decision you take now. This is most important.

Good luck.