Dear Agatha,
There is this young lady I desired to marry this year, but who suggested we wait till next year when she would have graduated.
Two months ago, we had a misunderstanding which led to cutting off communication between us for a month and five days. Within that period, I kept sending her allowance and weekly airtime in line with my routine. The only response I get from her is a cold “thank you” sms. Some few weeks back, on a Saturday, I drove from Umuahia where I stopped over in her school in Enugu to pick her home, because they’d closed for the session. I got to her school gate just 30 minutes after she left school. I got this information from one of the security men in the school that I often contact. Immediately, I called her number to inform her that I was at her school gate to take her home. She replied by asking me why I came. I asked where she was so I could come to pick her there. She told me she was somewhere watching a football match. I asked her where, and she kept asking me why I was asking her and why it’s now my business to call her. I told her I would wait for her at her school gate for 30 minutes. To my surprise she bluntly told me, I should come to Nsukka the next day if I wanted to see her because that’s when she would be home.
After waiting for 30 minutes by the school gate, I called her aunty in Enugu to ask if she was there. The aunty said she wasn’t there. I also called her mother in Nsukka and father in Abuja to know when she told them she would be coming back home. They both told me, the next day.
After waiting for 45 minutes at the school gate without a sign of her, I left. I slept in Enugu that night and went back to Umuahia the next day. When I got to Umuahia, I called her father to explain what transpired between his daughter and me. He promised to travel to Nsukka the next day to see her. He must have done that, because she has been sending me text messages since then. My problem with her is that she is very stubborn and known for her unapologetic nature. Not once has she ever apologised to me, not even when she is wrong in this relationship. I have told my sister who introduced the two of us.
Chuks.
Dear Chuks,
One of the most difficult things to do in life is to build a successful relationship. Don’t forget both of you are coming from different backgrounds, homes, beliefs and family traditions. Besides, you both have your different personalities that must first go through distilling if other aspects of a relationship have to be tackled. Good enough, you are familiar with her nature: that she is stubborn and finds it difficult to apologise. The thing is how far are you ready to go with this aspect of her? At this critical junction, you must be realistic enough to know that no matter how much you desire some changes in her, she won’t be able to let go of some of her character just like you too would find it difficult to let go some aspects of your person. Problems often come in a relationship when couple delude into thinking that their mate would change after a while. Yes, her father may have succeeded for now in getting her to send you these text messages, which to you represent apology, but be real enough to know that this is an aspect of the person you love. It is a vital part of the whole person that she is. Overtime, you will find it difficult to go to her father for help.
The logical question you should ask yourself now is whether you cope forever with this side of her? Don’t pretend because you would eventually get to that point where you wouldn’t be able to pretend or tolerate the situation anymore.
But preparing yourself for the possibility of living with this part of her would go a long way in determining how you would both manage your affairs with minimal interference from third parties. The vital question to ask yourself now: do you have the patience and strength to cope with her kind of person? Can you tolerate living with a woman who is as stubborn as she is and who doesn’t see anything wrong in whatever she does? Do you have the kind of maturity and state of mind to always ignore her and absorb the heat when you both have a disagreement?
An honest answer to these questions would help point you at the direction you should go. If you don’t pretend about a situation today, it wouldn’t become a burden tomorrow. Be bold enough to admit to your limitations as a human being. We all get to a point in a situation where our elasticity as a human being would snap beyond repairs. But to prevent that situation, we must learn to be honest about her abilities because this journey and decision is for a long-term project. Go to God in prayers because He has arranged everything concerning us to honour His name in our lives.
Good luck.
Posts
