Dear Agatha,
I have been reading your columns in this paper and I must say you are doing a very good job.
There is this guy I met some two months ago. I honestly thought I had found true love with this man, but little did I know I was deceiving myself and that I was entangled with the devil himself.
My story is this: After sleeping with me; he went about saying all sorts of things about me. I now want to see a native doctor to help harm him for me, but I want to hear from you first.
Chinyere.
Dear Chinyere,
What will you achieve by going to a native doctor to harm him? Will it change the fact that has been circulated about you or the truth that you slept with him? Will it make the memory of what you both had go away? In the first instance, he didn’t force you into a situation you didn’t want to go into and at the point of transaction, you also found it satisfying, so no contract was breached per se. The only ugly thing is what he did thereafter. And it all comes from your inability to read his character from what he says about other people.
Often than not, what people say behind the back of others tell a great deal about who they themselves are. It tells of their moral values and attitudes towards life. This man clearly lacks self- respect, is uncultured and vain to go about telling what you both did in the privacy of your bedroom.
Doubtless, he has acted irresponsibly by broadcasting to everyone things that happened in the confines of a room but the fact remains that if you hadn’t left your flanks unprotected, this man wouldn’t have stories to tell without you being able to challenge him on the authenticity of it. Like I keep saying, sex is not a prerequisite for the success or failure of any relationship. When a relationship is premised on sex only, it ends up becoming an instrument of pains. At the point, had you taken time to investigate his person or settled down to invest meaningfully into the relationship instead of jumping to have sex with him, you wouldn’t be in this moral mess.
What do you expect him to think of you when in just two months of meeting him, you have already gone the whole mile with him? What man would take a woman who presents herself to him like that serious? He is bound to think you are of low morals. He would think you are cheap and so generous with your body.
For a woman, there are basic requirements she must know about a man before jumping into bed with him. What do you know about him before taking the risk of exposing your body to him? For a woman who is serious about her image, it takes more than a chance meeting of two months to sleep with a man.
Even if you aren’t like that, the fact that he had it so easy with you would make him think you are cheap and indiscriminating in your choice of men.
Rather than waste precious time consulting a juju man to harm him, do yourself a lot of good by rethinking and re-branding yourself sufficiently for a man to honour you.
Use this experience to examine yourself, be bold enough to admit to your own faults because that is the only way you can move forward. Even if you consult all the native doctors in the country, without you changing your ways, you will continue to meet men who kiss and tell. You gave room for this man to call you names; after all, you won’t be the first woman he has slept with. Something about your conduct, attitude towards your image gave room for this ugly incident.
The most vital lesson for you is to zip up until the right man comes; and this is on your wedding night. You may seem to have lost everything now, but like a phoenix, you can pick up the pieces again and rebuild, this time with blocks of determination to do things right.
Rather than waste precious time and resources on native doctors, why not turn to God who has all powers to do everything as well as give you a better chance to be happy? Unlike a man whose season never comes to an end, a woman has limited season. So, be careful how you manage it else you end up with nothing but very sad memories of what could have been. Therefore make hay while the sun is still shining and learn to place the essential priorities in your front burner.
Good luck.
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