Guys boo me for having no girl…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626


Dear Agatha,

You have been very wonderful in the handling of your column. May God bless you.

I am a Christian guy in my mid, an undergraduate and also sings very well. I have never spoken to any lady concerning love. I don’t know what is responsible for this despite having ladies as friends in school, church and in places where I work.

Until recently, I didn’t see it as a problem, but when my friends started calling me all sorts of names I began to see it as such. Knowing I would one day get married doesn’t seem enough encouragement for me anymore.

Deep down I know I am not ready as well. Please Agatha, tell me what to do because the issue is sincerely becoming a nightmare for me.

Bode.

Dear Bode,

One important lesson you should learn in life if you hope to succeed is to be your own person at all times. To do it right, you would have to develop the will and tough skin to ignore the opinion of others about you as well as resist the temptation of allowing the behaviour of others around you to change you from your ways.

Once you are able to get through this challenge, you are on your way to success. Your friends have a right to their opinions and ways; you have a right to your life and decisions. You are not them; they are not you. To attempt to be like them is to cause a dislocation in your own destiny and dreams.

If you are not ready to go into any relationship, don’t allow anyone or friends pressurise you into it. The fact that you are not ready to go into any relationship doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Your ability to get on with members of the opposite sex, underscores the fact that you are not adverse to female company. A man who opposed to female company would do everything to completely avoid being close to any woman.

For now, it appears you are not just ready to be more than a friend to a woman. You are contented with your music as well as your spirituality.

Because life is in stages, a time would come when all these things you have crowded into your life would not be enough for you anymore; when you would want from a particular woman more than friendship, when love would come knocking on the door of your heart.

Also there is the issue of one’s time. That your friends are ripe and ready for the fun of relationship doesn’t mean you are. Physically, you may appear to be but may not be ready emotionally. And until you are ready psychologically, you will end up with more heartbreak than you can cope with.

The success of a relationship is not measured by how long but how well. Yes, experience matters so much in life, but it also depends on the kind of experiences your friends are getting in their relationships.

Besides, if you are smart, you could learn a lot about the behaviour and attitude of women from your female friends. Because they are your friends, they won’t hide anything from you, giving you the rare opportunity to observe and study the ways of the average woman closely.

This would no doubt help you in no small way in your relationship when you are ready.

If these friends are beginning to make you very uncomfortable, you have the liberty of avoiding them. Friends come into one’s life to give encouragement, support and ideas. For a partner or friendship to strive, there must be mutual respect and understanding. Once friends begin to manifest a behaviour that suggest they are not ready to respect each other’s feelings, mock in the place of understanding each other’s behaviour, then there is a problem of definition of what that particular friendship stands for.

If others are calling your names behind you, it is the duty of your friends to rally round you even if they agree with your critics secretly. The role of a friend is not to bully but to gently point his friend into the right direction.

Nobody has the right to make your life a nightmare just because you opted to be friends with such persons.

Friendship is optional. Don’t endure a bad friendship for whatsoever reason. And don’t rush into something you know you are not yet prepared for. When your time is ripe, it would happen effortlessly.

Good luck.