I need a girl in my life…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I am 20 years of age. I am single and don’t have any girl to call my own. I really need a real relationship. Please is there anyway you can help? Michael. Dear Michael, At 20, your studies should be more important to you than the business of women. As a man you owe it to yourself to be well focused in life because it is one of the surest ways of attracting and sustaining the interest of a woman. Several decades back, you may be right to worry at the absence of a woman in your life because things were less complicating than they are now. Back then, the land provided the mainstay of a family’s survival. As long as a man can farm, he can stay alive. But things have since changed; a man must from very early in life begin to plan his life in today’s modern world. Every stage of a man’s life requires proper planning. Once a stage is skipped, it takes the grace of God to get it back. But this is not to say, you should not socialise with women; it is a simple matter of finding the woman who shares your dream and aspirations. This is why you must have a focus of who you are and where you are going to in life. Once you identify the woman who shares your dream, ask for friendship, nothing more. The problem of true intent comes when a man proclaims love to a woman on first date. When you identify a woman who you like, propose friendship to her first. Stay on it until the relationship grows to the level of being able to discuss what your real intentions are. As friends, you will be able to discuss freely and honestly. You may be having challenges because you don’t know what to look out for in a woman or too shy to display who you are to the girls you have met. Be bold enough to be who you are at all times. It is the start to being a responsible man. Good luck.

I’m disturbed by his covert phone calls…

Agatha,gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, There is this particular number that keeps beeping my husband. Whenever the user of the number flashes him, he would retire to the toilet to return the call. Last week the user as usual flashed my husband’s number. He, as always, went into the toilet to return the call. This time I confronted him on the identity of the caller; to my surprise he almost beat me up. Agatha, I am very bothered. What should I do about the situation? Worried Wife. Dear Worried Wife, Concentrate on making your marriage work. You have no business with whosoever he is calling. Your concern should be your home and diverting the attention of your husband back to the home front with the most minimal fuse or quarrel. Anybody, who is in love, is like a hot metal, which cannot be grabbed with the bare hands when hot. Patience is required to wait for the metal to cool down. This is precisely what is happening in your home. You need absolute patience because your husband is waiting for you to give him the slightest of reasons to bring in the other woman. You will be acting foolishly by fighting or quizzing him on the identity of the strange caller. At the stage he is now, he is beyond reason and like a burning inferno is ready to consume whosoever stands in his path. Presently, there is something about that woman he isn’t getting from you; the reason he is determined to battle with you over the existence of the other woman in his life. Sometimes too, these interests aren’t natural. Some are being spiritually manipulated; if the woman at home isn’t careful, her home would be derailed completely even if temporarily. Because of the danger to your home if you get to find out her identity, it is best you don’t bother about the strange caller. It isn’t worth the trouble. Even if you know, beyond going to fight her, you cannot stop the two of them from dating each other. Therefore her identity is of no use to you at all. When situations like yours happen, it is an opportunity for couples, especially the woman at home to sit down to X-ray her marriage. Definitely, something is wrong. Rather than trouble yourself seeking the identity of this woman, why not concentrate more efforts at finding out the problem spot in your marriage? The first place to start your investigation is to examine with detachment his attitude towards you in the last couple of months. What has he consistently complained about you, even in the early stage of your relationship and marriage? What has he always wanted you to do that you have persistently refused to do all the years you have known him? If you were to grade yourself objectively, how would you describe yourself, first as a person, wife and mother? Are you the kind of woman who doesn’t care? Lacks respect for him as the head of the home? Do you show interest in his welfare or well being as his wife and friend? How much of his business do you know? How often do you create time for romance, bonding and growth of your relationship with him? Do you remember to compliment or pray for him? Finally how much of him do you know? Other areas to examine in your marriage include your looks, housekeeping, relationship with his family and friends as well as your attitude towards the things that concern him. If honest, the clue to the problem in your marriage will become evident to you. Most times, the difference between happiness and sadness is as tiny as a smile. No man likes coming home to a woman who is forever nagging and is totally lacking in respect for his feelings. If you are the kind of wife who has developed the habit of being unappreciative of his efforts, change and learn to smile. His efforts may not be much, but the right attitude from you can act as a great incentive for him to go the extra mile. Rather than fight, put your house back on track. Don’t even ask him about the mysterious caller. Even if he takes the call in your presence pretend you are not bothered about the identity of the person on the other side of the phone. You have the knowledge the other woman lacks as well as the advantage of his being his wife. Use that knowledge to win him back by cooking his favourite meals and looking after him the way you have done in a very long time. Woo him with everything God gave you as a woman; don’t hold back; apart from being his wife, you must win this battle of your home and happiness. This is the time to invest cash too. What does he like? Get him gift items you know he will appreciate. Bear in mind that you are now in the position of his girlfriend, the other woman in his life so you must be ready including using prayers to get him to come back to you. If you are the kind that thinks once a woman marries, sex becomes a duty rather than a tool of recreation, you better rethink your options very well. Create exciting moments, the kind of memories that last forever. You may not get instant results, don’t even expect it but if you are tolerant, patient and selfless, you will eventually win the battle of your husband’s heart back to you. Without you first putting the necessary machine into motion, you cannot effectively tackle his feelings for the other woman who is only putting on her best behaviour because of what she intends from him. But your husband doesn’t know that because her seemingly good side is painting you in very negative hues. Flashing your husband at odd hours is aimed at getting you annoyed and confrontational. She knows that your husband will definitely fight back if you get angry with him so it is a tactic she is deliberately using to make you fall out of favour with your husband; so resist it. Reality is even if you catch him red-handed with another woman, you still have to play it cool with him. Wisdom is what makes the difference in marriages. If you elect to fight him on account of calls he could easily deny as being from a business associate, what will you do when you find out the identity of the other woman? Sincerely when another woman is involved in the life of one’s husband, the wife has the challenge of adopting the patience of a vulture. Be confident that he cannot just ask you to go if you don’t fight him and are confidence in the God you serve. In addition to creating the right atmosphere for him, time to change your look to something much sexier, appealing and arresting. Time too, to get those commotion causing nightgowns out of wardrobe for duty. You must be wise to win this battle for the heart of your husband. Besides, count yourself lucky that he is still coming home to you and is discharging his duties as a husband and man. Not many women are that lucky. Frankly, if you push him too hard, you may at the end of the day find yourself all alone. He may just decide not to come home at all, pegging his reasons on you not giving him peace at home. Remember the other woman’s home offers an immediate alternative to his home, so be careful how you handle this matter. Patience, endurance, prayers and wisdom are the tools you need to win this battle. Good luck.