She is acting strangely

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I am 23 years of age. There is this lady I fell in love with and who claims to love me but, who has continued to play smart. Admittedly, I became interested in her because of her Christian attitude. Since meeting her, I have shouldered some of her responsibilities but she has refused to allow me get as close as even to touch her. I understand the bit about her not wanting to sleep with me until our wedding night, even though she isn’t a virgin but keeping me at a distance, is making me wonder at her motive for dating me since I cannot even get to kiss her. I keep having this feeling she would leave me one day and have even suggested she stopped calling me but she keeps insisting she loves me. I don’t know what to do. Uche. Dear Uche, At 23, are you ready for marriage? Do you know what her previous experiences are that made her vow never to get too close to a man until she gets married? If you were attracted to her person by her Christian qualities, what were you expecting? Why are you disappointed that she is displaying the traits of a true Christian? Were you expecting her to be different from your perception of her? This girl has not in any way deceived you or told a different story about herself. If sex or intimacy was what you wanted from her, you should not have gone after her at all. If she is not allowing you get close to her, she has her reason. After all, she didn’t lie about being a virgin. She told you the truth meaning, there is an experience somewhere that has informed her current position against any form of intimacy with a man. For better understanding in a relationship, goals post must not be changed mid-way. Had you been more explicit at the onset of the relationship, perhaps she might not have entered a relationship with you. The danger is, if you keep insisting on being intimate with her, she may think your interest in her is simply to ravish her body. If you really love her, learn to respect her views. She may no longer be a virgin but, has learnt sufficient lessons to influence her current determination to remain celibate until her wedding night. On the issue of her not allowing you get close to her, it is to prevent what she doesn’t want to do. For some women, the mere touch of a man’s lips is enough to make them lose their balance. Besides, are you going to kiss her without touching a part of her body? Erotic zones differ from one individual to the other. If she is the kind whose erotic zones are on the common places, like her shoulders, palms, lips or nipples, there is no way she can prevent a kiss degenerating into hot romance. Prevention they say is better than cure. She is trying to avoid a situation she would be compromised. Try to understand her if you love her. As for the things you are doing for her, if it bothers you that much, you have a right not to even if it is for the purpose of knowing how she would react to the situation. If at the end of the day she freezes you off on account of you withdrawing these privileges; thank your stars and move on. It means her interest in you was for the money she was getting from you. It is as simple as that. But if she continues to date you Inspite of it, be careful you don’t allow the demands of your body drive her away from you. Concentrate your energy on getting to know her better by being the friend she needs at this point in time. Every relationship has a trial period: intended to help prepare the couple for the challenges of being married, alert a couple to the need of adjusting one’s character to accommodate the other person’s needs and feelings; to teach couples to be selfless and promote better understanding into the character of their partner. I am sure if asked what kind of woman she is, you may not be accurate in describing her because your mind is too preoccupied by sex to care about her person, nature or abilities as a human being. The more you worry about her refusal to allow you near her, the more you lose the opportunity of getting to know her and getting close enough to be a true friend. The best way out for you is to take each day as it comes with this woman because if you try too hard to rush her into anything, you will lose her completely. There may not be a better time than now to get to know her. So explore the opportunity presented by her aloofness. Good luck

Re: I caught my father in bed with my wife

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, This is a very pitiable story. It further highlights the decay in our society. After going through the story, I actually became frightened for your safety. May God continue to protect you and your family. As for that young man, only God can deliver him from his present predicament and he has to apply wisdom and tact because his parents are involved in this matter. It wouldn’t have been tough if the people involved weren’t his parents. That young man needs special deliverance that would require someone close to him to stand in gap. If he still has a grandmother, especially his father’s mother, he should go and beg her to pray for him. This is because his own mother has corrupted her hands hence lacks the authority to intercede for her son. The prayer of the grandmother is all he needs to survive this challenge between him and his father. He should not make the mistake of reporting his father to anybody again. Agatha, encourage him to keep quiet about what is happening to him; he should also avoid getting close to either his father or mother just as he must avoid his brother because his parents will use his brother to draw him back into their web. As for the workers, there is nothing he can do because they have become his father’s zombies. There is nothing he can do about it else he will further complicate his situation. It will be dangerous for anybody who isn’t related to him to get too close to him to avoid unplanned arrows. The dangers surrounding him are very oppressive; he honestly would need the grace of God because he has been dedicated to the powers his father worship right from his mother’s womb. It was an agreement between his mother and father. Besides, all his life, he has never worked, which means whatever he is, is from the blood money his father made. He needs the unconditional grace of God to move on. if he tries to fight his father, he will not survive it at as a result of the covenant the father entered into on his behalf. He should rather look for a place to disappear to, preferably outside the country. I happen to know how he feels because my father, a very prominent man in Lagos particularly and Nigeria, generally got his wealth from sleeping with his daughters. He must deflower his daughters else the mother of the child pays with her own life. This is why I pity people who envy the so called wealthy people. Till date, my father is still doing it. I would have been a dead person if not for the spirited effort of my maternal grandmother who brought me to a neighbouring country. Here, I was made to go through thorough spiritual exorcism; these days, I keep a very low profile and have completely changed my identity. If I begin to narrate my own story, you will weep for me. I cannot have a child because as a baby, my father used my womb in one of his many rituals. Two of my brothers are imbeciles. My mother being his first wife is worst hit. Although he doesn’t joke with my mother; gives her everything she wants, but at what cost? So many things are wrong with our society. This is why he should be cautious of how he handles this delicate matter. For years, I kept looking behind me because even the so called people I thought were on my side were giving my father information about my movement. But for my maternal grandmother who at the end, paid with her life, I wouldn’t be alive today. Agatha, I marvel at the grace you have because some of the issues you tackle would send someone not spiritual strong to an early grave. May God continue to protect you for what you are doing. I.O.S

My ex wants me back

Dear Agatha, Long ago, I fell in love; we were so much in love until we had a dispute. This disagreement led to break-up. I also left for Calabar in Cross River State that very weekend, determined to put as much distance between us. Due to the stress of what happened between us, I didn’t particularly pay attention to my body. It was until three months later that I noticed I hadn’t seen my monthly period. By the time I went for test, I was already about four months gone. And when I made attempts to inform him, I heard he married the first girl he met after we broke up. Everything was too fast for me. A combination of the hurt and betrayal made me decide against coming back to Lagos or informing him about the baby. That was three years ago. Now he is in Calabar. A friend of his who moved to Calabar a year ago must have told him about us. His child attends the same school as my son. What I didn’t know is that he and the woman he married went their separate ways barely six months after their wedding and that they are now formally divorced. He is begging me to reconsider coming to him, but I am involved in another relationship. Though I love him and would want to spend the rest of my life with him, I am constrained by my relationship with this other man who has introduced me to his people as the woman he intends to spend the rest of his life with. Honestly, there can never be anyone like him for me, but I don’t know how to go about this problem without causing anyone pains. I love the father of my child with all my whole heart. Already, my son is thrilled with the idea of meeting and having his father. He has suddenly become so hostile to my boyfriend. What do I do? Hilary. Dear Hilary, This is the juncture you face reality in your life. You cannot be in love with one man and marry another. Sentiments won’t get you anywhere in this matter, because marriage is a journey of a lifetime. You cannot afford to cut corners, sweep under the carpet issues you should tackle now. If you go ahead to marry your current boyfriend feeling the way you do about the father of your child, you would only be postponing doom’s day. No matter how deep your current boyfriend loves you, there is no way he would endure being married to a woman who doesn’t love him. Even if you pretend to love him now, the knowledge that your former boyfriend is free and available to marry you will eventually make you to become cold towards this man. Gradually, you will begin to be offended by his presence, his attitude and everything he used to do that once made you happy. At the end of the day, hate would take the place of whatever feelings you have for each other. This is why you should be bold enough now to tackle your shadow. Even if your ex didn’t show up, you still would never have been able to love him the way he deserved to be loved. You will only end up destroying this man for another woman. Free him before it is too late for another woman to redeem him, and give him back his confidence as a man. He may not really appreciate your telling him the truth today, but he would eventually thank you for having the guts to end the relationship when he finds his true rib. There is nothing difficult in telling him the truth about what you feel for the father of your child. Just be very honest. The plain truth is that you haven’t really fallen out of love with your past. Let this man know that you will never be able to love another man the way you love the father of your child. As for his family, they will understand that it is better to have a broken relationship than a broken marriage. In taking back your man, ensure that whatever caused the initial problem is properly discussed and settled, so it doesn’t cast a permanent shadow on your relationship. Good luck.

My ex wants me back

Dear Agatha, Long ago, I fell in love; we were so much in love until we had a dispute. This disagreement led to break-up. I also left for Calabar in Cross River State that very weekend, determined to put as much distance between us. Due to the stress of what happened between us, I didn’t particularly pay attention to my body. It was until three months later that I noticed I hadn’t seen my monthly period. By the time I went for test, I was already about four months gone. And when I made attempts to inform him, I heard he married the first girl he met after we broke up. Everything was too fast for me. A combination of the hurt and betrayal made me decide against coming back to Lagos or informing him about the baby. That was three years ago. Now he is in Calabar. A friend of his who moved to Calabar a year ago must have told him about us. His child attends the same school as my son. What I didn’t know is that he and the woman he married went their separate ways barely six months after their wedding and that they are now formally divorced. He is begging me to reconsider coming to him, but I am involved in another relationship. Though I love him and would want to spend the rest of my life with him, I am constrained by my relationship with this other man who has introduced me to his people as the woman he intends to spend the rest of his life with. Honestly, there can never be anyone like him for me, but I don’t know how to go about this problem without causing anyone pains. I love the father of my child with all my whole heart. Already, my son is thrilled with the idea of meeting and having his father. He has suddenly become so hostile to my boyfriend. What do I do? Hilary. Dear Hilary, This is the juncture you face reality in your life. You cannot be in love with one man and marry another. Sentiments won’t get you anywhere in this matter, because marriage is a journey of a lifetime. You cannot afford to cut corners, sweep under the carpet issues you should tackle now. If you go ahead to marry your current boyfriend feeling the way you do about the father of your child, you would only be postponing doom’s day. No matter how deep your current boyfriend loves you, there is no way he would endure being married to a woman who doesn’t love him. Even if you pretend to love him now, the knowledge that your former boyfriend is free and available to marry you will eventually make you to become cold towards this man. Gradually, you will begin to be offended by his presence, his attitude and everything he used to do that once made you happy. At the end of the day, hate would take the place of whatever feelings you have for each other. This is why you should be bold enough now to tackle your shadow. Even if your ex didn’t show up, you still would never have been able to love him the way he deserved to be loved. You will only end up destroying this man for another woman. Free him before it is too late for another woman to redeem him, and give him back his confidence as a man. He may not really appreciate your telling him the truth today, but he would eventually thank you for having the guts to end the relationship when he finds his true rib. There is nothing difficult in telling him the truth about what you feel for the father of your child. Just be very honest. The plain truth is that you haven’t really fallen out of love with your past. Let this man know that you will never be able to love another man the way you love the father of your child. As for his family, they will understand that it is better to have a broken relationship than a broken marriage. In taking back your man, ensure that whatever caused the initial problem is properly discussed and settled, so it doesn’t cast a permanent shadow on your relationship. Good luck.