Dear Agatha,
I commend you for your effort to ease the emotional problems of people. I read the reply you gave to Whitney of Kaduna Polytechnic. I want to disagree with you on what you said about the guy who has been pestering her for sex.
I am presently in that guy’s shoes. My reason is my past experience. I dated a girl whom I loved so much, she was a virgin, and because of the love I had for her I decided to succumb to her wish.
After some time we had a misunderstanding, not over sex. However, the relationship did not continue, but after two years she came back to me and I accepted her back. But to my shock another man has deflowered her, I felt bad about that.
Even though I loved her so much I could not continue with the relationship because I was ashamed of being a man. I want to avoid such happening again. My present girl is a 100 level student in the university. I want to make her my wife.
Can you vouch she'll graduate a virgin? Please, note that not all men who persistently want to make love with their girl mean no harm.
I want to know your view.
Benjamin.
Dear Benjamin,
A woman remains her own best keeper, and a lot of what she does with her body comes from her own moral values as well as her attitude towards life. Your girlfriend can stay a virgin till she graduates if she is determined to remain one irrespective of the challenges she meets along the way. It is her choice, one only she can make. So what I feel or don’t feel has nothing to do with what she does with her body at the end of the day.
When it comes to relationships and desires, you cannot make a broad statement; you can only speak for yourself. Granted, not every man who makes premarital sex to his woman has an ulterior motive, but you would agree that in the majority of instances, a lot of men see sex as recreation that every woman must be ready to give them on demand.
God never intended sex to be a plaything though designed to give pleasure.
Even though a lot of women seem to have forgotten the moral burden invested by God in them, the fact remains that sex cannot be given by a woman cheaply to a man simply because he is on ego trip to paradise.
Sex comes with responsibilities for the man mostly. It comes sealed with responsibilities and respect to the woman. Before a woman goes on a sex wheel, she should first put in place structures that would protect her from shame should the game produce results like pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases (STD) and protection of the woman’s dignity at all times.
It isn’t just a matter of getting under the sheets, but that of demonstrating to the woman that she is in safe hands both inside and outside the bedroom.
Some of the issues that go on inside a woman’s mind when sex pressures are put on her is her place in the man’s heart and what she means to the man. A man who truly cares about a woman would not be so demanding preferring to allow the woman be, until she is ready would also consider the stigma that comes from unwanted or unplanned pregnancies as well as the danger she faces at the abortionist table.
These are the considerations that go on in a woman’s mind. Will the man stand by her should the process of enjoyment turns into challenges warranting the feeding of an extra mouth, supportive during the time nature forces her to take a break and care for the child?
Should your girlfriend get pregnant for you before she graduates, do you have the economic power and emotional stability to care for mother and child? A man who has a woman and a child to care for must put what about the material structures that in place.
These are the fears reasonable women consider when the issue of sex comes up.
Relationship is about tremendous sacrifices, endurance, tolerance, respect, loyalty, fear of God and responsibilities. All these and much more must be factored into every sex a man asks a woman for.
Good luck.
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