Falling For Whore Who Abused Me For 10 Years

Dear Agatha,

I have a little problem. I am currently 24 years of age. At the age of five, a woman, 15 years older than I am, started abusing me sexually.

This lasted for about 10 years. It was only of recent I found out that she is a prostitute.

Now that I am older, I don’t have feelings for women anymore except this woman whom I love very much. I am so confused and don’t know what to do. Please help me.

Worried Boy.

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Dear Worried Boy,

The first thing would be for you to move away from her, go to a place where it would be impossible for both of you to meet. If possible go without your phone to make communication impossible between both of you. You are hooked to her and unless your addiction to her is broken, there is no way you would be able to love another woman or have feelings for any woman, but her.

What you feel for her isn’t love, but an addiction from a habit you got hooked on at the tender age of five.

This woman has infected you with her virus, when stole your innocence as well as your feelings for any other woman. Honestly, if you don’t fight it, run away from her as far as you can, you may never be able to live a normal life with any other woman.

This is because for 10 years she did whatever she wanted with your body, plied your mind with knowledge gotten from her trade and made it impossible for another woman to occupy your thoughts.

If you cannot resist the urge not to call her, throw away your SIM card, because you need time away from familiar people, scene as well as situation that would tempt you to get in touch with her.

Your solitary life should be spent trying to figure out, who you really are and not what this woman has made you to be. By figuring out what you want, you are helping yourself remove her imprints on your heart and soul.

You may need to confide in someone, a friend or family member to help you with prayers as well as moral support in this journey of self-reclamation and actualisation.

When one is fighting a sex addiction especially one, which began at such a tender age, it helps immensely to surround oneself with the presence of God. This is because sex remains one of the most difficult addictions to break particularly for someone who has known no other form of life.

If you cannot move away immediately seek refuge in the house of God. Immerse yourself in His works, activities as well as other things of interest that would help you beat this habit.

It might also be necessary for you to go for deliverance because she may have, unknown to you, initiated you into a covenant, one that would make it impossible for you to be happy with any other woman, but her. Any woman who can have sex with a five old boy is capable of doing anything and cannot be trusted not to have other motives for doing what she did.

This is what you should find out by running into the house of God, but again you also have to ask God on your own to send you to the right person to make your deliverance complete.

Whatever her motive may be, or reasons for initiating you into the sex cult at such tender age, has to be broken and fast too, so you can live a normal life like young men of your age as well as come to into God’s desires for you.

For now, don’t give her any inkling into whatever you intend to do, because she would fight to keep the status quo. Besides you don’t have the kind of power to resist her on your own.

Although I am told you could sue her for rape as well as causing you emotional and psychological problems, having allowed her the freedom to your body for 10 years, you may not have a strong case as she can claim you came to her of your own freewill to be taught the act of sex, especially as you are 24 years of age now.

However, one place you cannot fail to get the right results is in the presence of God. So, go down on your knees now to get a permanent solution.

God is your strength.

Good luck.

How Can I Stop My Mum From Leaving Dad?

Dear Agatha,

My mother is angry with my father because she found out about his relationship with another woman. She is determined to leave the marriage.

Please what can I do to help them?

Worried Daughter.

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Dear Worried Daughter,

By encouraging your mother to stay and fight for the control and happiness of her home. This is the time for you to play the role of a mediator and counsellor to your mother, who by now, is so hurt the she wants to opt out.

She feels she doesn’t have anything to live for, as her trust in your father and faith in the marriage is all gone due to the betrayal of your father.

Her feelings are all understandable, but ones you can help her get over through the right words. Deep in her she is crying for a shoulder to lean on, to assure her she still has relevance in that home, to appreciate all her commitment to your home and husband.

By listening to her, you are giving her the chance to heal and have a clearer perception into areas she is now closing her mind against.

By insisting you and your siblings appreciate her, showing her that while you understand and identify with her pains, leaving her home to another woman isn’t a solution. Make her realise that the issue has gone beyond your father or her for that matter, but to the family she helped your father put together through her children. That any decision she takes now would impact on all of you.

Ask her how she would feel if you have this type of problem in your marriage and threatens to pack out? Would she support you to throw your children into emotional confusion or stay to weather the storm?

Plead with her to consider the interests of her children, who will have to contend with the headaches of having a stepmother as well as stepsiblings if she makes good her threat to leave your father.

Ask her how she would feel if the other woman begins to maltreat your and your siblings, undoing all the good things she has done in your lives?

Let her know that while your father made a mistake she is about to do the unpardonable by leaving her children defenseless and hapless. Tell her, one of the roles of a mother is to learn to put the interest of the children before hers. That as of now, her children should top the list of her priority. You should also make her understand that while it is easy for your father to have other sets of children from as many women as he desires, she cannot afford such luxury because the bond between a child and its mother is too strong and eternal.

She also has to realise the worst kind of mistake any woman in her position can do is to give the other woman the satisfaction of making her desire come through by vacating her home to her.

Even if she is unwilling to fight for her home, do it on her behalf by going to your father to ask him why he did what he did as well as what he hopes to achieve with this affair.

Have the patience to listen to him and not condemn him before he even has the chance to say what is on his mind. Don’t make the mistake of criticising him at the beginning of your discuss else you may push him into defending his decision even if it hurts him at the end.

If your father has a big ego, he may not easily admit his wrong, preferring to lay the blame of his infidelity on things your mother may have done in the past or is doing which are unknown to the children.

Give him the benefit of doubt because there are indeed issues in a marriage, which only the couple involved are aware of. The children may not know about it until the matter becomes too messy and unmanageable, as is the case between your parents. Often, it comes with shock to the children, who have always been under the impression that things are okay between their parents.

Since you are interested in helping your parents resolve this issue amicably, resist taking sides, no matter the evidence against any of the party. What you are seeing may be the result of years of silent suffering, complains and unreciprocated sacrifices. So, be careful you don’t further rock the boat by making it obvious to your father where you sympathy lies.

To resolve this issue, please remove yourself from it and learn to place the blame on the door of the wrong person. Learn to be bold and fair. Let each party know where he or she went wrong as well as the best steps to take in the interest of the children.

If need be, get a respected family friend, the pastor or a family member to help you in the dispute resolution. Get your siblings involved too, to help play up the emotional side of ensuring your mother realises what is most important to her at the end of the day. The crisis will be easier to manage if your mother doesn’t pack out of the house.

The most important weapon at your disposal is prayer. Go to God in prayers to help you by giving you the wisdom as well as the right words to use to pacify both parties.

Good luck.