Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Lonely Heart


Dear Agatha,

Compliments of the season. My name is Obong, I would like you to link me up with an educated lady for a relationship that would lead to marriage. The lady should come from south- south and should be based in Lagos. I could be reach on 07089060634

Though Cool In My Arms…Thought Of Her Ex Makes Her Sick


Dear Agatha,

There is this lady I love so much but it seems she is still in love with her former boyfriend, whom she had a misunderstanding with before she met me.

Even though I can tell she is in love with me, she still responds to her ex-boyfriend’s calls and appears to feel better after such calls.

Another challenge is that there appears to be massive pressure on her by people close to both of them for her to come back to her ex-boyfriend, a development that is making her so confused.

When I asked her whether she plans on going back, she said no but admits to calling him. On the issue of being mine permanently, she said I should give her time to think about it. 

I have done so much for her within the short period we have been together but since the issue with her former boyfriend started, she hasn’t been herself and her health is not improving because her mind is not settled.

Please help me because this is affecting me deeply. I need your urgent response on the matter. Frankly, she seems not ready for me. Do you think I should continue with her or not? I am so confused.

Richard



Dear Richard,

Step aside and give her time to sort herself out with the other man. It is obvious her purported break with the other man wasn’t conclusive and that what happened between them wasn’t fundamental. They apparently had only a quarrel, one of the many disagreements people in relationships have to procure better understanding between them.

Unless the point of disagreement is fundamental, it is not enough reason or excuse for either party to quit the relationship for another.

Even when couples have genuine reasons to go their different ways, it is always advisable they both allow the dust to settle completely before starting something new. The reason for this is to avoid hurting another person innocently when the pains of whatever might have caused the disagreements lessen.

Time has a way of affecting one’s reactions to issues. What seems unpardonable at the beginning of the day may end up seeming less of a grievous offence in the afternoon as well as being completely normal in the evening.

From her attitude, it is obvious that whatever may have led to their disagreement isn’t as important as it was when they went their different ways. Unfortunately, her inability to wait for a reasonable period of time before going into another relationship is what is causing problem between you and her now.

Because she is confused don’t know how to confront you with her change of mind stepping aside would help her get a very clear picture of what she wants out of life.

If you must be fair to her, you would appreciate the difficulties of leaving the known for the unknown. Her ex is the known, someone she has some form of history with, someone with whom she can predict what would happen the next minute with some level of accuracy. Besides, whatever might have caused their differences has made both of them wiser on what to avoid preventing a re-occurrence in that area.

The most potent and most useful is that they have been able to grow a circle of friends and loyalists, ones whose influences would help moderate certain grey areas in their characters. From the pressures these people are applying on her, it is obvious that they have a lot of influences on whatever might have caused their disagreements as well as the determination to resolve the issue.

They have also invested time growing it and for her as well as countless women, that is often the joker. You are her unknown journey; a fresh book, one she needs time to study as well as appreciate. Time is what most women who are in their 20s and thinking of settling down, don’t have in abundance. The riddle going on in her mind now is the fear you being able to play her peculiar melody? To an extent she can price his words while yours are still all new irrespective of what you offer.

You may have shown her considerable attention but would it continue to endure like this other one who despite her shortcoming, as a person, is still interested in keeping her?

While it is easier for a man to take the step into the unknown world, for a woman, lot of things are involved. The many ifs are usually why majority of women are reluctant to do experiment.

Her biological make-up gets in the way of her desire for adventure. She may really feel something deep for you but the fear of being left on the shelf, of you leaving her for another woman at the end of the day. This is the secret fear of all women, the fear of their men leaving them for another woman.

It would take more than what you have done to convince her to stay. It would take the grace of God as well as a special kind of love to make her close the book of her history with this other man permanently. To get her to do the right thing, don’t apply pressure because she has to live with the choice she makes now forever. If you love her, give her the necessary time to either heal completely or go back to her former boyfriend.

Honestly, there is no way she can be useful to you in the mood she is currently. If you put too much pressure on her and she in her moment of weakness settles for you when her heart is really with the other man, you would only be postponing doom’s day because there is no way she would ever be able to give the relationship the best.

When you love someone so much, you learn to give that person some freedom out of trust. If God says this lady is yours, she would come back to you irrespective of this minor hiccup.

But if she doesn’t, no matter how much you try to hold on to her, you would end up hurt.

Good luck.