Dear Agatha,
I am an avid reader of your daily column, and I appreciate the solace you provide as well as your candid assurances to people. I became compelled to write you after reading one of your write-ups on the issue of premature and weak erection.
I am 36 years of age and I am having a very serious case of weak erection. This problem has been on for as long as I can remember. I noticed it first when I wanted to have sex with a woman, then I was 22.
Then I naively based it on being my first experience so I didn't take it very serious, unfortunately it has continued to be a problem in my life. I have never ever had a complete sex session with a woman in my entire life, no record of ever satisfying a woman. Some times I feel the urge to but can't proceed further due to weak erection crisis. You can imagine how terrible!
When alone and stimulate myself, I do have fair erection but with a woman, find it too difficult to penetrate. I have been to over three different hospitals, here in Nigeria, and I have also gone for tests in the United Kingdom. All the doctors gave me clean bill of health. They said nothing is wrong with me yet the problem persists. I have also taken some herbal drugs but nothing changed.
I also recently noticed that I have become very nervous, no matter how hard I try not to, when trying to make love with a woman.
I smoke but this has nothing to do with this problem, which started even before I took to smoking. I don't drink alcohol and I don't engage in any form of hard work or anything strenuous.
I don't understand why I get nervous when trying to make love to a woman or over the issue of women. I don't understand it at all.
Agatha, this problem isn't funny to me anymore, I mean I'm not being kiddy. Besides, it is bringing a lot of shame (personal and public) to me. There are so many girls who like me and want me in their bed but can't do their requests because I 'can't do.' It is fast making me insane. Please, is there any form of advice or solutions you can offer me regarding this problem? Or is there any form of treatment for this? Is it curable? Are there roots or other herbal solutions for this problem? Is nervousness a disease and is it also curable? I need your urgent and candid advice before it finally drives me crazy. I count so much on your solace, don't know what else to do.
Edward.
Dear Edward,
Before you started making love with a woman, did you at anytime indulged in masturbation excessively? If you get stimulated enough to have strong erection during self-examination and find it difficult to get going with a woman, it means you have schooled your body to perform at a particular level. It therefore takes extra effort on your part to redirect your body control to work at the pace of a woman's needs.
There are several reasons for men weak erection. Since you claim to have been able to enjoy optimum sex with a lady, it means at one time or the other in your life, you engaged in excessive masturbation, which has left your body tired and totally lacking in nutrients and hormones needed to perform at peak.
It could also be a sign of an insufficient blood flow, which might come from a variety of factors, notably smoking and a high fat diet. This particularly contributes to reduction of blood flow. Most of the times, this degraded level of blood is not only harmful for a person's sex life, but also detrimental to his or her life in general. A change of diet and maintaining a healthy lifestyle can greatly increase your body's blood flow to your member.
According to doctors, weak erections caused by atherosclerosis results in the hardening of the arteries due to fatty deposits, this in turn thickens the arteries and makes blood flow highly difficult due to the constricted passages and lower elasticity. Far worse than just a weak erection, this condition may also lead to a stroke (partial paralysis). Atherosclerosis is seldom seen in young males, but can occur at any age in individuals with diabetes or other chronic medical conditions, as well as a poor diet.
Another reason that could cause inadequate blood flow is a leaking venous. This is when a man destroys the veins within his male organ. But I am told this is rare, where such destruction exists it can be so severe to make a man leak from his penile vein.
One thing a man suffering from weak erection must never do is to loath himself or try to aid his soft manhood into rigidity. Either of these has the potentials of complicating the situation. Some men try to contract his pubococcygeus (PC) muscles like women do to help tighten the walls of their virgina. The PC muscles are the same muscles you use to stop urine flow. Unlike women, when a man uses the PC muscles, he adds pressure and stress to the prostate gland. This increased strain on the prostate will mimic orgasmic contractions and will force pre-ejaculation shaft to lubricate the urethra for the intended orgasm.
Because you are worried over climaxing too early and the fear of being mocked by the woman, in your case, it could be a function of performance anxiety. It could be very frustrating for any man to want to make love to a woman and find himself unable to perform such a seemingly simple natural task without complications or hadship. This, of course, does not include the embarrassment of having to pacify his partner whose hopes and expectations are all wired up for emotional fulfillment. The damage to the man self-esteem cannot be quantified at especially if unfortunate to be dealing with a woman who is discreet about such matters.
To help you manage this situation, best you confide in your partner from the onset the problem you are having. Since yours isn't the absence of erection but that of being unable to sustain it for long, an apt and understanding woman can provide help by providing stimulations that can help you stay sufficiently rigid.
All you need is the help of an understanding woman provided you are able to go beyond your pride as a man. There are no medals for telling lies or hiding what would soon become public knowledge. By being honest and humble you save yourself a lot of stress as well as transfer the burden of satisfaction primarily to your partner. It would also help to stopping you from being anxious around women else you end up complicating what could have been such a simple problem. Any woman who makes fun of your condition is worth your attention in the first place.
I am also told that herbal remedies can help but please see your doctor first.
Good luck.
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