Dear Agatha,
He is 43 while I am 23. We met at a wedding reception, three years ago. We got talking and one thing led to the other. We eventually agreed to a relationship and sincerely I found him not only caring, but also very attentive to my needs.
When I asked if he was married, he told me his wife and three children live abroad and that he was lonely. I didn’t see anything wrong in dating him against the advice of my friends and family, especially my mother who never liked any other her daughters dating married men.
Tried as she did to end the relationship, I resisted her till she eventually gave up trying. Eventually I moved out of the house, got a place of my own through his help. He also bought me a car. To say the least I was happy and looking forward to the day he would come to ask for my hand in marriage under the native law and customs.
Even though I knew my parents would never accept him, I knew some of my extended family members who would give their support once given the right financial incentives.
The first two years were happy, I couldn’t have wished for a better man as he diligently took care of all my needs, but to my surprise, we attended one of his friends’ birthday and he started chatting up another young lady. She can’t be more than 20 years of age.
Right in my presence, he gave her his call card and some money. When I protested, he simply ignored me. I discovered his friends too were doing the same thing. They simply didn’t care about the women they came with as some were even fondling some of these girls right in our presence.
For some strange reasons, none of us mustered the guts to walk away. Not only was the place secluded, it was late in the night, hence we endured the humiliation of watching the men we came with make it out with other women.
After a while all the men disappeared into one of the rooms upstairs with the excuse they were going for a meeting. It was well after two hours before they came out of the meeting.
When we got home, I demanded to know what sort of meeting they were holding at night and why he elected to humiliate me by chatting up another girl right in my presence.
To my shock, he told me I was free to leave the relationship as he has gotten what he desired from me. He said I was free to keep the house and cars. He also volunteered to give me a parting gift of N5million if I didn’t make trouble with him.
Agatha, what keeps baffling me about him is the fact that not once in my presence has he received a call or called his wife and children. When I ask if they never communicated, he would mumble something and begin a new conversation.
Now I am beginning to suspect he is into some kind of ritual, because he doesn’t like me coming to his house, but prefers to come to mine.
Since that party, he has increasingly become elusive, doesn’t give me money as before. Severally, he has refused to answer my phone and have seen him with the lady he met at that party.
When he decides to call, he keeps asking me if I have decided to pick up my N5million cheque. I need the money, but I want all of him, which is why I don’t want to let go.
But the dreams I have been having of recent are beginning to scare me, but whenever I wake up, I can’t recall precisely what I saw, but the thoughts of these dreams leave me horrified.
Do you think there is more to this man? And do I collect the money? I really need it as my parents have turned their back on me, but my friend suspects the motive of him giving such a huge amount of money. I am confused because he seems determined to make me accept the money.
Iyabode.
Dear Iyabode,
What is happening to you is what happens to a fly that insists on accompany a corpse to the graveside and gets buried along with the corpse.
In the first place what were you doing with a man 20 years older than you do, and who told you from the beginning that he has a wife and children in his life? If not greed at the money he was giving you, would you have refused the well-meaning advice of your parents and friends? Why are you now complaining about the presence of the other girl in his life? After all, the knowledge that he is married with children didn’t stop you from going out with him, leaving your home for a rented apartment to be with him. So why are you bothered now when there is another woman taking your place in his life?
The same disregard and contempt he showed his wife and children by dating you are what you are also experiencing. Even if you don’t believe he has a wife anywhere, the fact that he mentioned having one should have made you rejected his advances in the first place.
However, it isn’t too late for you to make a retreat, if not for anything, for the sake of your tomorrow. From what you said, there appears to be a side of this man you don’t know and clearly lack the experience to handle.
It is unfortunate that you refused to listen to your parents, but if you are to protect yourself from something deeper than you know, don’t ignore the signs you are getting. The fact that you remember that the dreams are nightmarish is clear indication that you are in some spiritual trouble for which you urgently need help.
And the best thing to do is to first go back to your parents to make peace after which you must seek spiritual help from a church God leads you to.
No matter the temptation, please don’t accept the money from him as it could be a form of spiritual exchange of your glory. Once you accept the money as pay off, it would take the special grace of God to bring back what he has paid you for in the spiritual realm. Even though some sorts of bargain and payment have happened through the various gifts he has given you, this final payment could be for something precious to you, something you will forever miss as a woman if you are lucky to be alive.
At this stage, only God’s intervention can work for you, hence your need to make peace fast with your parents. When situation gets this bad, more often than not, the presence of the mother is vital in deliverance. She has to constantly stand in gap for you, remind God that she didn’t mortgage you; therefore an impossibility for anyone to exchange your glory without her permission.
Even though you have unwittingly sold yourself into this mess, with the prayers of your mother and you, God will direct you to a servant of His choice, specially equipped by Him to set you free.
Be careful, you don’t jump out, looking for spiritual help without the clear directions of God else you will end up with more complex situation.
You must, as a matter of urgency, move out of his place without taking anything from what he bought for you. There is no way any kind of deliverance would work for you if you insist on keeping his money and other gifts, because you don’t know the source of the money and the purpose of him giving you those gifts. Therefore to continue to hold on to them out of greed is to declare for the source and his purpose for giving you those items.
One thing you must know is that such things come with severe price tags. Only God’s gifts are permanent and without conditions. Unquestionable sources of income, especially the kind that elicits midnight meetings and indecent relationships with young girls.
In addition to moving out, stop all forms of communication with him as well as develop the habit of praying before going to bed.
If you are sincere and determined to make a departure from your past, God who sees the end from the beginning as well as everything will definitely help you. All you need is to go to Him in prayers for forgiveness as well as complete trust.
Good luck.
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