Dear Agatha,
I thank you so much for your pieces of advice that have been solving problems of so many people. I gained a lot from reading your column before I travelled out of the country, I now log on to the internet to continue reading your column.
I know you can solve my problem too. I am 37 years of age and I have a girl I have been dating for three years. We concluded to settle down late last year. Our families were happy at our decision to finally tie the nuptial knot.
Being a naturally shy person, she doesn’t know much about love and relationship but this isn’t a problem since I am very willing to help her because I love her so much. Besides, she has all qualities I need from a woman including her spiritual life.
I explained everything about her to my mother, but last month, my sister phoned telling me she had found me another woman. I was surprised by this and promptly, I told her wasn’t interested in another woman. She insisted I speak with the other lady. I also declined this request and we went into hot exchange of words.
I expected my mother to be on my side but to my surprise, my mother too was in support of my sister’s move.
Ignoring my feelings and stand on the matter, my sister went ahead to give the lady my phone number as well as my e-mail address. Not only did she send her pictures to my mailbox, but she has been calling me since then.
Inasmuch as I don’t want to be rude to my mother and sister on account of the sacrifices they had made for me, I think choosing a wife for me is really taking liberties too far. I don’t know what my sister has discussed with the girl’s parents because the pressure to change my mind over the issue is too much.
My father and my uncle are on my side but my mother and sister are a huge problem.
Agatha, I need your help because they are delaying my desire to formally perform the introduction ceremony as I desire to come home and get married. I have spent time on my girl, growing to love her. She is also very much in love with me. I cannot break her heart.
Prince.
Dear Prince,
At 37, you definitely know what is right for you. And since you and this girl have found the right rhythm to your hearts and the music of your lives, don’t let go.
Irrespective of whatever may have informed the decision of your mother and sister to source for another woman for you, listen to the voice of your heart because you are the one who has to stay with the choice you make today. Your mother and sister are living with the choices they made hence you should be left to make your own choice, else your marriage may not be able to withstand the attendant problems that may come with two different people staying together.
The truth is, there is no way you can make your mother or your sister understand that whatever may be the shortcomings of your girl-friend. Maybe, your mind is fixed on marrying her and not the complete stranger they want you to spend the rest of your life with without coming back home.
This matter is too serious to be resolved through phoning. Besides, it would be such a cowardly thing on your part not to be physically present in making your opinion known to them.
Return home to begin the process of marrying her. It would resolve a lot of things especially for your girl at the centre of it all who understandably would be going through personal emotional turmoil. She needs you now more than she has ever needed you. She needs you to be present by her side so that she doesn’t make the mistake most people under this cloud of emotional uncertainty make. Don’t forget she cannot understand the reason for all these challenges, why your once supportive mother and sister have turned against her or what you told them to bring on this change.
Mind you, your mother and sister may not only stop at acting their rejection of her, but turn certain information you gave them to their advantage. Telling your mother her ignorance of what it entails to keep a relationship going could be interpreted by her that she would not make you a good wife.
Out of mischief, your mother could score a political point. Tell your woman your own version of what you told her. She because of the love, respect and trust she has in you may decide to ignore this but to a large extent would be affected by what is happening.
Coming back to be by her side and to fend off the support the other lady has, would give her and her family the confidence to go on. That your uncle and father are on your side isn’t enough. Being the central figure at the centre of this whole thing, you need to make your stance known to the other girl and her family. Seeing and hearing you decline to have anything to do with whatever arrangement your mother and sister came up with would make this woman and her family know the futility of continuing to wait for you.
It would also enable you listen to the reasons for your mother and sister’s stance on the matter as well as the opportunity of attending to their fears while soliciting for their support in helping you achieve your happiness with the lady after your heart.
There is no way your mother would be able to remain indifferent to your pleas for support if she sees you physically. Every mother is always supporting the interest of her child. Once you understand that despite your disagreement with her behaviour, she has your interest at heart, your problem is almost solved. Her reason is motivated by her quest for you to be happy.
You just have to lovingly explain to her that your happiness is with the choice you have made and that without her by your side, chances of you being happy in life are very slim.
Once you are able to win your mother’s support, your sister would have no choice but drop her ambition for you to marry the other girl.
If however, they refuse to listen, with the support of your father and uncle, begin your marriage rites with this lady. They would eventually come to accept her as your wife.
Importantly, trust God with your plans by praying and soliciting for His assistance in your quest to be happy.
Good luck.
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