How do I make him happy?

Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, Please, I want you to educate me on how to make my husband happy; that is, to stop him from having other women in his life. He is a driver and comes home late. Severally, I have seen strange numbers on his phone. Once he knows I have the correct information about a particular woman in his life, he leaves her for another one. Determined Wife. Dear Determined Wife, If you want to be happy in your marriage, learn to develop a very tough skin against some things in his life. The reality of the matter is, no matter how much we women want our men to be faithful to us, a lot of them will never be; they are polygamist in nature. Fighting them over a woman or making yourself unhappy over the presence of another woman in your man’s life is like pouring water on the back of a duck. It will not have any effect on him. You can only make him happy if you are determined to give yourself happiness and peace of mind. This is because what you don’t have, you can’t give. Happiness radiates from within. The truth is, he has always been like this so it isn’t exactly what you are doing wrong that is driving him into the arms of all the other women. Granted at times the behavior of a woman can drive the husband into the waiting arms of another woman; it won’t be a habit with him if he doesn’t have it in him. Such men usually stick to a particular woman outside their marriages, but in a situation where the women are many, it is a habit with the man. Frankly, this is where you should draw the strength to be happy from. His attitude shows none of these women has the stamina or qualities to hold him down for long. At the time he met you, you were probably one of the women but seeing the enduring qualities in you, decided to make you his wife. This is the advantage you have over all the other women he decorates his life with. Therefore for this reason, learn to be at peace with yourself and marriage by pretending not to notice all the others who flock around him. To complain about it now is to lie about your knowledge of this other side of him at the point you accepted his proposal. You like most women, probably thought you could change him. There is no way a man with his kind of passion for women would have been able to disguise this fact from you. One of the ways to be happy is to stop prying into his phone. Just make up your mind to address yourself to his needs when he is with you and the children. You are his wife despite everything; that should give you sufficient security in your marriage as well as relationship with him. As for the other women; regard them as non-issues, toys, he will soon get tired of. To make it easier for you to cope, see this habit of his as a fashion fad that will soon fade. There is no fashion trend that doesn’t expire. He is at that age and when it is time for him to come home fully to you; something will beat him back home. By the time he is unable to cope, attract the women the way he used to, get dumped repeatedly for more attractive and financially viable men, you won’t need to fight him before he comes back home. You will only be giving him a reason to stay out the more if you insist on going through his things or questioning him about the names on his phone or his messages. Adopt the confidence of a woman who knows no other woman can drive her away from her marriage; that none of these women is good enough for him. Develop the emotional well-being to make your nest very tempting for him to always want to come back to. Instead of making yourself unhappy about his lateness and his women, create a distraction for yourself by developing a hobby aimed at taking your mind off the obvious. It could be reading a book, learning to cook better or sew, make hair or anything you have always wanted to do. This is a kind of therapy that helps take the mind off pressing matters of the heart. The more you allow your dream to grow, the happier you are and able to cope with other things. Follow this by making up your mind to study him better; this way, you will discover certain things you didn’t know about him and yourself. For instance, how many times have you sat him down to question him about his views on your performance as a wife, woman and mother? In your years of marriage, how many times have you complimented his looks, praised his efforts as a husband, father and man? How many times have you deliberately carved out time for intimacy between the two of you or offered to take him out on a date? One thing I have found out about the other woman; is her sense of adventure and the boldness to do what the woman in the house will never dare to do. Furthermore, how many times have you done the unthinkable of playing the role of his girlfriend? Marriage isn’t a closed book. It is as dynamic as life itself. Often time, we get the much fun we invest in it. No doubt some men are difficult, almost impossible to please but a wise woman can use that one time he lets down his guard and emotion to make a quick conquest. There is no man resistant to the seduction of a determined woman especially if that woman is his wife. In the intimacy of your bedroom, give him a performance that will erase whatever he is getting outside. You are a woman and his wife, what are you protecting by pretending not to want or know the ways of a man and woman? The rhythm of the music of time, is one every woman honest with herself knows because it is wired into the gene from the Creator. You must be able to discuss without shame or reservation about the quality of your sex life with him. This is one of the secrets the woman outside employs to ensnare the married man. Her easy and deep understanding of the power of a woman makes her a very attractive option to the man who is forever looking for excitement. A lot of time, the inability of the woman at home to upgrade, encourages the man to continue to engage his mistress and at times confiding his innermost secrets in her. If a man gets good sex, good food, a clean and peaceful environment; his heart will never be far from that place. By getting him to grade your performances as a woman and wife, you would be giving the two of you the opportunity to come to a better understanding of the reason you are together; it will also help you create a culture of effective communication in your marriage. There is nothing as powerful and intimate as being able to discuss as a couple. It is a rare gift that helps couples overcome challenges as yours. No matter how tough the mien of a man is, he is always seeking for a special friend he can unburden himself to. It will do you a lot of good to seek help from the past, in those early days in your relationship when you couldn’t stop telling each other everything that happened. Try everything to bring back those days when you could practically talk about anything. There is no end to tolerance, patience, wisdom and open ability to flirt with him even in the presence of his friends and children. When he comes home, no matter the time, don’t nag; rather prepare yourself for him. Feed him, romance him and allow him to feel like the man he is. With prayers, there is nothing that cannot be achieved. Even when he doesn’t feel like talking, allow him the peace he desires but be near him. No matter how hurt you are by his reaction to you, don’t give in to anger. Remember he has a reason for marrying you in the first place but has forgotten as a result of the many challenges inherent in the process of keeping a marriage, home and earning a living. By refusing to be angry, you are helping him to recall that very reason. Also, a good wife prays her husband into success, happiness and peace. Don’t ever bother him; just continue to pray for him. Good luck.