Thursday, January 15, 2009

If Only To Please Her, How Can I Be More Bed Active?


Dear Agatha,

Please help me. My woman keeps complaining that I am unable to satisfy her even when I put in all my efforts. At the end of the day I am worn out but she still keeps complaining about my inability to make her happy. What do I do and what are the possible parts of a woman’s body that gives her the best pleasure. Please help us remedy our relationship.

Concerned Man.


 

Dear Concerned Man,

When did she begin to complain and what precisely are her grouses with your method of lovemaking? Beyond this, what have you both done to remedy the situation?

When issues like this come up in a relationship, it is important both parties take adequate steps at addressing the situation. It takes two to tangle and lovemaking can only be satisfying if two souls are involved in the act. More often than not when one party shifts the blame to the other, it means there is a more fundamental problem than the one the couple is playing up.

Outside the bedroom, what are the issues? Are both of you considerate and unconditional in your attitude of giving as well as appreciative of the other’s effort? There is no way you can have a rewarding love life if you have deficiencies in your relationship. This is because the act of lovemaking draws strength from the attitude we put up in our everyday interactions. There is no way an inconsiderate or a disrespectful or selfish partner can suddenly become selfless in the bedroom.

So what type of relationship exists between you and your woman generally? It is of essence you know because it is the only way you both can rise up to the challenge of improving on your love life. It is also the only way you can handle this issue with all the maturity it deserves without either of you feeling as if the other might have found someone else outside your relationship.

Begin from your own end. If you were to assess yourself, how would you score your behaviour to your woman? Are you the type of man who is domineering, insensitive to the feelings of your partner; who puts his interest far and above the well being of his partner?

Chances are if you are, you may have transferred this attitude to the bedroom. Are you simply interested in the act of sex, getting your satisfaction without bothering to know how she too can get to the plateau?

Don’t be shy to ask her questions on what she wants and how she wants it done. Like the pure work of art a woman is our bodies though look alike physically are not similarly wired. What works for one woman may not work for another. So it is more than the issue of telling you about the erotic zones of a woman’s body. While one woman may get aroused kneading her palms or her ears, it would require extra effort to get another one excited.

If you don’t discuss with her you would never know what makes her happy or gets her excited irrespective of the number of hours you spend on her. Unless she is involved in the entire process your labour would amount to nothing because after a while, the whole process becomes irritating and a routine to her.

And unless you both understand what is at stake or involved, you may never be able to suck this woman into your world of fantasy.

To do this well, bury the natural male pride or arrogance. Don’t assume you know everything there is to know about the woman. To be very frank, no matter how much of an expert a man is on women or their bodies, each woman comes with her own mystery hence no man can ever claim to know everything about a woman and her body. Even the woman herself doesn’t know everything about her. It takes a very imaginative mind as well as one willing to learn to help her discover several of the mysteries she carries in her body.

You and your partner would be very surprised at what mountains of pleasures you have stocked away if only you are both honest and trusting enough to help each other discover them.

Since she is the one complaining, ask her what the real issues are. Let her know you are not bothered about her experiences if she came with some but how to make her happy with you. More often than not, women are scared of talking to their partners about what they want or how they want to be made love to. This is because they don’t want the man to have the wrong idea about them or think them promiscuous.

When a woman and man cross the borderline or come of age, such issues should not matter. The moment a couple decides to become intimate, pretences should be dropped because at that point, pleasure and satisfaction takes over. The reason two consenting adults make love is to tap from the limitless pleasure of their joint bodies and knowledge of the act. Even where two virgins are making love for the first time, basic instincts always come to their aid. The knowledge of sex is down there; natural to all living thing. Like suckling is natural to a baby so also is the act of lovemaking to us all.

The difference between man and animal is the imagination man puts into it. This makes sex different from lovemaking. What fantasy does your wife come with? What are your own fantasies too?

To get around your problem, it is important you go back to the elementary stage of lovemaking. The ABC of it is to begin all over again especially if she also lacks knowledge of what she wants. Sometimes we complain about things but lack the knowledge of how to get at the solution. If she is adamant about talking of her past, don’t despair or throw your hands up in defeat. Rather, make up your mind to make it work at all cost. The ABC is trying to find out her erotic zones by having a mental timetable of how to go about it. It could be a one-week mental task. For instance, on the first day, concentrate only on her head area, which includes her scalp, lips, ears, eyes, nose, and neck. Because you are on a sensual voyage, pay attention to her moods when you touch a particular zone on her body; you will get your answers from her breath, the trust of her body and her cry of excitement, take mental note of all these, for future use. Once you know what area of her body responds differently to your touch, then you would know how to give her all the satisfactions in the world.

Your woman too must be ready to contribute her quota to the process. Nothing much would be accomplished if she refuses to do anything beyond complaining at all times. Without her help, there is nothing you can do but throw in the towel after a while. This is the point your must emphasis when discussing the subject with her. It is of importance she understands why she should also contribute her quota because it takes two to tangle just as it take more than your effort to destroy this relationship.

Another way is to make her take the lead. This entails switching positions, allowing her do it her way. It is all part of learning and evolving the marriage. The best marriages are the ones that can absorb new ideas, exciting as well as constructive innovations.

It is only by being honest, trusting and with a heart of sincerity you and your woman would pull this relationship through.

Good luck.