Dear Agatha,
Thanks a lot for your succour to many lives. I will be 21 in May this year. I’m currently in a six-month old relationship with a man, who is now exhibiting lack of interest in me.
If I call him on phone he sometimes refuses to pick the call. The only time he does is when he wants to have sex with me. It is so painful because we did not start that way. I love him so much.
Worried Girlfriend.
Dear Worried Girlfriend,
Isn’t it obvious to you that he has had his fill of your body and that from the beginning you both never had the same ideas about your relationship?
He wanted sex, you wanted something else, perhaps a more permanent arrangement. From the beginning, your relationship was flawed and jaundiced by your different dreams and desires.
Because of what you wanted, you failed to look the mask. You took on face value everything he told you, ignoring obvious signs of his true intentions until he adopted his present style of coldness.
An astute woman would always know if she were honest with herself, when a man’s interest in her doesn’t go beyond the bedroom. If in six months he has seen all he has to see about you, done everything a man does with a woman, what other excitement would keep him interested in you that he has not experienced in the less than six months he has been with you?
Much as the current gospel of men centres on premarital sex, a lot of them still appreciate a woman who still knows the mystery of holding on to her moral values.
Sexual liberty or not, a lot of men still prefer a woman they can teach, whose experience isn’t as wide in scale. If at 21, you have the experience of an old woman, no young man would want to have you for keeps.
Most often, the same men who plunder a woman turn around to run away from her after having their fill for another woman. Calling you or answering your phone calls only when he desires your body only underscores this point. To him, you are nothing but a good pleasure object. It may sound cruel and very unfair to you but that is the message this man is communicating in clear signs.
You would only get hurt the more if you insist on hanging-on because of the love you have for him. Your love is not enough to sustain this relationship or get it back on track. So many moral questions have come up between the two of you to make him especially change his mind about you. This man will neither love you the way you want to be loved nor demonstrate any respect for your person.
Sincerely, you need to put a lot of distance between the two of you, a measure that will give you the opportunity to reappraise yourself as well as the values that you projected in the relationship.
Men don’t get to the point of making it obvious to a woman that their only interest in her is her body unless she herself has projected the image to them. Even when that is their objective, a lot of men still have the decency to conceal it in fine words. To make it so apparent to you means you must have thrown caution to the winds.
This is one area you must watch and work on in your next relationship. Re-branding means, acknowledging one’s areas of fault, weakness as well as strength hence must apply honesty to get to the right point. Accept first that his attitude has something to do with your own presentation of yourself and that whatever mistakes this relationship has become is your own fault. Men take their cue from the image a woman presents of herself hence a woman must be very careful about what she says of herself.
Life is generally about new opportunities as well as gaining back lost ones for those who are smart enough to know what they have lost. Your joy would come from genuine acknowledgment as well as acceptance of your mistakes, excesses and all the other things you did wrong.
With such acceptance comes a determination to do things differently as well as nurture new dreams. You may have done everything wrong in the past, but your current experience offer you a new opportunity to do something worthwhile, to give yourself a new and positive image as well as another chance to be happy.
If you have learnt nothing from this whole experience, at least, you know that sleeping with a man regularly would never make a man who isn’t interested in you stay glued to your side. There are so many other factors involved in the growth of a relationship. No matter how generous a woman is with her body to her boyfriend, if she lacks the moral values, attitude and character to make him a good wife, the man would still leave her for another woman. It is an important lesson you must never forget in your next relationship. Don’t do things that you would at the end impute on your reputation as a woman else the very man you seek to please may abandon you for the same reason. Being principled is part of growing a viable relationship.
The best way to recover from the pains of this relationship is to accept the fact that there was no relationship in the first place. Don’t bother to call him again and when his urge pushes him to crave for your company, tell him you are no longer available to him or any other man for that purpose until you marry.
It might hurt for a short time but being principled would make you happier as well as better focused in life. To do otherwise is to continue to sell yourself cheap or worthless to a man who rates you at the bottom of his scale.
Granted, it might not be easy at first to drop some old habits, but if those habits you are dropping are ones that cause you pains and disappointments, it is best you do. It is a small price to pay for happiness and huge sacrifice to earn your respect at the end of it all.
If you tell God about it, He would give you the strength to do what is right.
Good luck.
Thanks a lot for your succour to many lives. I will be 21 in May this year. I’m currently in a six-month old relationship with a man, who is now exhibiting lack of interest in me.
If I call him on phone he sometimes refuses to pick the call. The only time he does is when he wants to have sex with me. It is so painful because we did not start that way. I love him so much.
Worried Girlfriend.
Dear Worried Girlfriend,
Isn’t it obvious to you that he has had his fill of your body and that from the beginning you both never had the same ideas about your relationship?
He wanted sex, you wanted something else, perhaps a more permanent arrangement. From the beginning, your relationship was flawed and jaundiced by your different dreams and desires.
Because of what you wanted, you failed to look the mask. You took on face value everything he told you, ignoring obvious signs of his true intentions until he adopted his present style of coldness.
An astute woman would always know if she were honest with herself, when a man’s interest in her doesn’t go beyond the bedroom. If in six months he has seen all he has to see about you, done everything a man does with a woman, what other excitement would keep him interested in you that he has not experienced in the less than six months he has been with you?
Much as the current gospel of men centres on premarital sex, a lot of them still appreciate a woman who still knows the mystery of holding on to her moral values.
Sexual liberty or not, a lot of men still prefer a woman they can teach, whose experience isn’t as wide in scale. If at 21, you have the experience of an old woman, no young man would want to have you for keeps.
Most often, the same men who plunder a woman turn around to run away from her after having their fill for another woman. Calling you or answering your phone calls only when he desires your body only underscores this point. To him, you are nothing but a good pleasure object. It may sound cruel and very unfair to you but that is the message this man is communicating in clear signs.
You would only get hurt the more if you insist on hanging-on because of the love you have for him. Your love is not enough to sustain this relationship or get it back on track. So many moral questions have come up between the two of you to make him especially change his mind about you. This man will neither love you the way you want to be loved nor demonstrate any respect for your person.
Sincerely, you need to put a lot of distance between the two of you, a measure that will give you the opportunity to reappraise yourself as well as the values that you projected in the relationship.
Men don’t get to the point of making it obvious to a woman that their only interest in her is her body unless she herself has projected the image to them. Even when that is their objective, a lot of men still have the decency to conceal it in fine words. To make it so apparent to you means you must have thrown caution to the winds.
This is one area you must watch and work on in your next relationship. Re-branding means, acknowledging one’s areas of fault, weakness as well as strength hence must apply honesty to get to the right point. Accept first that his attitude has something to do with your own presentation of yourself and that whatever mistakes this relationship has become is your own fault. Men take their cue from the image a woman presents of herself hence a woman must be very careful about what she says of herself.
Life is generally about new opportunities as well as gaining back lost ones for those who are smart enough to know what they have lost. Your joy would come from genuine acknowledgment as well as acceptance of your mistakes, excesses and all the other things you did wrong.
With such acceptance comes a determination to do things differently as well as nurture new dreams. You may have done everything wrong in the past, but your current experience offer you a new opportunity to do something worthwhile, to give yourself a new and positive image as well as another chance to be happy.
If you have learnt nothing from this whole experience, at least, you know that sleeping with a man regularly would never make a man who isn’t interested in you stay glued to your side. There are so many other factors involved in the growth of a relationship. No matter how generous a woman is with her body to her boyfriend, if she lacks the moral values, attitude and character to make him a good wife, the man would still leave her for another woman. It is an important lesson you must never forget in your next relationship. Don’t do things that you would at the end impute on your reputation as a woman else the very man you seek to please may abandon you for the same reason. Being principled is part of growing a viable relationship.
The best way to recover from the pains of this relationship is to accept the fact that there was no relationship in the first place. Don’t bother to call him again and when his urge pushes him to crave for your company, tell him you are no longer available to him or any other man for that purpose until you marry.
It might hurt for a short time but being principled would make you happier as well as better focused in life. To do otherwise is to continue to sell yourself cheap or worthless to a man who rates you at the bottom of his scale.
Granted, it might not be easy at first to drop some old habits, but if those habits you are dropping are ones that cause you pains and disappointments, it is best you do. It is a small price to pay for happiness and huge sacrifice to earn your respect at the end of it all.
If you tell God about it, He would give you the strength to do what is right.
Good luck.
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