Dear Agatha,
Please help me. How do I regain my elasticity and keep him from straying? I am desperate.
Desperate wife.
Dear Desperate Wife,
Do not allow yourself to be put down by what your husband has said. Refuse to develop complex or anxiety over his observation because it would make solution very difficult. When a situation as tricky as this rears itself in a marriage; the ideal thing to do is to look at its merits and demerits.
That he has mentioned it doesn’t mean he is about to have an affair so bury this line of thought because it would only complicate things between you. In the first place, it would make it difficult for you to listen to the real plea behind his complaint.
Second, it would make you suspicious of every move he makes, including suspecting him of being with another woman when he is not with you.
This is one danger you must avoid. He has not accused you of not being good enough for him as a wife or not good in bed. Rather, he thinks you need help to improve on your love life. He must care and love you to have taken the risk of telling you this. Not many men would tell a wife this.
Like you, his body is also going through changes. As we grow older, we lose some of the elasticity of our youth. But this is not to say you should ignore what he has to say.
Unlike the male anatomy, which isn’t affected by the wear of childbirth, the woman’s body as well as anatomy goes through dramatic changes as she starts to give birth. Her body, due to all the pressures of birth as well as complications like tears, episiotomy as well as Cesarean, goes through constant wear and tear. Not all women can snap back into shape after childbirth.
Again, the elasticity level of one woman to the other varies. It is an individual thing. While some women remain ‘tight’ even after several childbirths, others, including some who haven’t even experienced childbirth, are not that lucky.
Since he is the one who has noticed, enlist his help by insisting he tells you precisely how bad your condition is. The essence of this is to help you both arrive at a solution that would work for both of you.
Having mentioned it to you; it means he feels seriously about it. Discussing it with him means you are taking his complaints seriously.
It would also give him the confidence to come up with positive suggestions. Don’t be ashamed or angry at him. Your body is his property and he has the right of an opinion.
In addition to whatever you come up with, there are one or two things you can do to help yourself. One of the most effective in tightening the pelvic muscles is to stop urine at top flow; after a while, release it for the urine to flow again. Do this repeatedly, even when you are not urinating. This simple exercise of voluntarily tightening up the pelvic muscles at intervals helps tone up the muscles as well as improves the quality of sex.
Another way is to go for a simple surgery to tighten both the inner muscles as well as the outer muscles of the vagina.
Whatever you both decide ensure that it is a solution you both agree on to avoid future complications that border on trust.
Good luck.
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