Dear Agatha,
I am a lady of 28 years of age who just got married.
I don't enjoy sex, though I hear people discuss their sexual escapades and I try to satisfy my husband despite my feelings.
Every time we want to make love, I feel so wet and ready but when the real show starts I get bored because he ejaculates quickly and off when I am just starting to enjoy him. This annoys me. If I ask for more he’ll tell me it is okay or call me a prostitute that will never get enough of sex.
Please what can I do? I can't discuss this with anybody and I can't complain since he may think I am being unfaithful to him.
I need your advice because I crave to enjoy sex like everybody does.
Frustrated Wife.
Dear Frustrated Wife,
If he is failing to do what is right what efforts have you made to help the marriage overcome this issue outside complaining of his inability?
Granted, sexual harmony and happiness remains one of marriage’s greatest challenges. No doubt, a lot of the time, women are forced to endure sexual unhappiness in their marriages to avoid the very problem you touched on.
Because sex remains a powerful tool of communication and bonding in a relationship, you and your partner must find a way to discuss it as peacefully as possible if your union is to last. This is against the background that a lot of things unintended may happen when a man or woman isn’t getting the type of fulfillment he or she craves for the partner. This is why you must get past the complain compartment to the action mode to prevent regrettable actions. Many extra marital affairs didn’t begin because those who find themselves in it wanted to. Unresolved sexual problems in some marriages pushed some couples into it. This is in recognition of the role and importance of sex to the adult person whether male or female.
As a woman, you must find a way outside the bedroom to tell your husband what you feel. Let him know before starting the discussion that it is in the interest of your marriage he listens to you. Look for a soft landing, the time he is at his most relaxed, when his mood can endure and envelop all irritations without getting angry. If you know your man well, this should not be a difficult thing to do. Once you sense him listening to you, open up to him not by criticising him but by presenting the issue as romantic suggestions of how to improve your love life.
Most men find the issue of their sexual prowess very sensitive mainly due to the typical male ego. Everyman is under the illusion that when it comes to sexual performance, he is the best and any woman who does as much as hint at the flip side of this notion gets crucified by the man and called names just to hit back at her.
The idea is to stop her from making demands of him because he doesn’t have any answer to the issues she is bringing up. It also makes him shaky and less confidence of himself. This is one thing you must never do to your man else, in his bid to restore his confidence in his ability as a man, he would fight you like a wounded lion. For this reason be careful on how you handle this because it has the capacity of capsising your marital boat. Believe me, the entire blame of the problem will be placed at your door step since it has become an ego issue for him and when a man’s self-esteem is involved he is capable of saying or doing anything to come out smelling roses.
The woman is always the loser in the game of sex more so when the person pointing the accusing fingers is her husband.
But if yours is the kind of man that gets really uppity about issues like this, there are other ways to get him to listen to you. And it is definitely not by fighting him or nagging him on the issue. A woman who finds herself in this type of situation should use her imagination. She should without shame create the mood for massive romance. This entails spending money to woo him into the right frame of mind for the seduction plan.
It also entails a thorough research of adult books and adult films that teach the woman how to take the initiative. A woman who finds herself in this situation must discard fear and be bold to do what she has to do to both save and protect her marriage while still treating the man as king. Even if stealing the initiative from him, always give him the impression he is firmly in charge. This way you are able to get your way and change the tempo of things between the two of you without resistance from him.
What does he like the most? Give him a present of what he loves, including well research books and films aimed at putting him in the right mood.
Soften the mood further by getting yourself a sinfully designed nightgown, for his eyes only. Top it up with a sweet smelling perfume that would forever plant the memory of the moment you are trying to create in his mind forever.
Electric light should give way to perfumed candlelight to make the whole thing irresistible for him. With a good wine, food and the right atmosphere, put to practical use all the knowledge you gathered from reading the books while the adult film is on to give him visuals of how you want it done. In selecting the visuals, make sure it is the one that has the one on the lead role.
At that point, he would readily agree to being used by you as an experiment tool.
The lesson here is to give him another side of lovemaking; something new and different from what he is used to. Chances are if he really enjoyed it and you are good at the game of optimum seduction, he would gladly allow you to lead the game the next time you do it.
Fighting for your happiness with your man isn’t done by nagging or physical quarrel. It is by using tact and wisdom. A woman with plenty of wisdom can win any battle at home provided she remains humble, unassuming but with plenty of imagination.
This is because majority of men don’t admit to their faults or limitations. It is the duty of the woman to find a way around the problem for them while at the same time taking care to give them the credit for it.
As a matter of fact, learn to compliment him when he goes out of his way to allow you take the lead role. Such compliments and the smile of satisfaction he gets from you would make him want to do more because in the actual sense of it, he is the one who is most happy at the new things and sense of well-being your ideas have brought into your love life.
This is why you are his wife, the woman of the home. Your role isn’t just to receive but to give as well. This way you put in all your best to eradicate this problem now.
Being married, you have the licence to approach God for help in getting your man to be receptive to your ideas and you to his too.
Good luck.
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