Dear Agatha,
Please help me resolve this crisis. I unwittingly got myself involved in with a lady I met in my office. This is my fifth year of marriage. I am bold to say in all those years that I have never been unfaithful to my wife. I hold our marriage precious and scared.
Prettier women than my wife have tempted me, but I just made a vow not to do what I wouldn’t want my wife do to me.
You see Agatha, my wife isn’t your average beautiful woman physically but on the inside, has one of the most beautiful souls. She is every man’s dream woman once you get to know her. To be very frank the beauty inside of her makes her the most beautiful woman on earth. While other couples around and close to us, daily wad through crises, we have such a perfect understanding that when differences occur, we manage them effortlessly without stress.
Till date, my friends and family are all of the opinion that she is the best thing that has happened to me. Deep down I know and have never stopped thanking God for giving me such a priceless gift despite my past life.
We are blessed with two beautiful children who took after her sweet nature. My wife has taught me to manage my vanities and pride. Unlike before when I relied and used my good looks to my advantage, now it seems not to exist at all.
However, this lady who is determined to have me at all cost is threatening this peace. Last year, I gave her lift home when it was raining. It would have been very rude and against social etiquette when I found her waiting by the office gate as I drove out. Incidentally, she lived not too far away from us so it wasn’t such a big deal to drop her. The next day, she came to my office to thank me and to invite me for lunch. I declined but she insisted and since I was hungry I accepted but on the condition that I pay for the lunch.
Unknown to me I was walking into a trap. A week after that, she invited me to her birthday party and every other person in the office would be attending after work, I agreed since it was a Friday. I told my wife about the party to explain why I may come home late.
When it was time to cut the cake, she invited me to help cut her birthday cake. I obliged her not knowing it was also part of her hidden plans.
During Christmas, she sent me some very expensive gifts of a leather belt, boxers and designer perfume. I showed them to my wife who was very uncomfortable about the gifts especially the boxers.
I wasn’t also too comfortable anymore around her because I could tell her interests in me were going beyond the normal. Having played the field extensively before, I don’t need anyone to tell me when I am being pressured by a woman.
I therefore decided to stay away from her but that has turned out to be my undoing as she has taken to calling me at odd hours of the night, sending very suggestive messages to my phone and going as far as giving the impression that she and I have something going. The picture of she and I cutting her birthday cake is conspicuously displayed on her office table as well as another of us at lunch.
On Valentine’s Day, she not only took a shout out for me in one of the radio stations, which incidentally my wife listens to but brought me gifts also. Although I threw them in the dustbin right in front of her, but the damage has been done.
My home is no longer peaceful. For the first time, my wife doubts me, more so as the picture of me helping her to cut her cake was also sent to my wife.
My wife is particularly angry that I didn’t tell her about the pictures as well as the identity of my night caller until she pressured me into telling her due to my moods after such calls.
I don’t know how to handle this anymore. The last time I tried to reprimand her, when she came into my office, she threatened to remove the flimsy top she wore underneath her suit and tell everyone that cares to listen that she and I were making love in the office.
My job is a well-paying one and I don’t want to lose it on account of this woman. Because of my past reputation with women, I am scared that if she carries out her threat, nobody would believe I didn’t start it. Only my close friends who are in the know would know the truth.
Because of this, she has kept on harassing me. Some of my friends have gone to her to plead she leaves me alone but she insists until I oblige her request to spend the night at her place she would not.
I don’t know how to disentangle myself from something that doesn’t even exist between the two of us.
Please help me before I lose my sanity, home and job.
Bode.
Dear Bode,
If nothing happened, there is nothing to fear. This is a temptation you must stand up to fight with all the seriousness and strength you have.
The most important thing is the trust and support of your wife. She is angry and suspicious on account of you not giving her the bit-by-bit information concerning this lady. Yes, you were deceived into taking the pictures with her but you should have told your wife all about it the moment you realised her game plan. You should have immediately taken a copy of the picture to your wife before she did. With such women, you should have known from your experience that the motive was blackmail and that it won’t end with her displaying the picture on her office table but that the picture would be used to forcefully coax you into doing her bidding.
Had you told her everything including preparing her mind for any possibility that might arise from your innocent association with this girl, she would have been able to trust you implicitly.
Even though you didn’t have any relationship with this girl, you acted like one who is guilty of really having a relationship. The secret answering of her calls didn’t help your case at all. Taking those calls outside the presence of your wife makes the whole scenario very suspicious.
Had you taken all the calls in the presence of your wife, you would have taken the sail off the winds of her blackmail drive. If your wife doesn’t seem to trust you anymore, it is only because you gave room for her to doubt you. In her shoes what would think if she suddenly begins to answer secret calls, deliberately tells you half-truths? There was no need to protect her from something that didn’t happen at all. To the point that she knew about the girl, her gifts and her birthday, you should have given her all the other details of what transpired.
It would have been better if she didn’t know anything about this girl in the first place than knowing a part of it only to be confronted with the vivid details of the other half. For instance, if you had told her about the picture, hearing about her request to you on the radio as well as seeing those pictures wouldn’t have bothered her at all. She would have been able to trust you enough to tell whosoever brought the pictures to throw them into the dustbin.
You should have given her a chance to respond to those calls herself. Being a woman, she would have known how to deal effectively with the other woman. She would have warned her to keep off her man as well as making it clear how ready she was to protect her territory.
The other lady sensed your reluctance to involve your wife hence took advantage of it to nail you.
The best thing you can do now is to beg your wife to forgive you as well as enlist her help in securing your peace from this woman. It is obvious this isn’t one of those women who have scruples, who respect the sanctity of marriage. This one is vicious, selfish and dangerous. She is prepared to lose her reputation, job if need be to get you or drag you into the mud if you refuse to play her game.
Sincerely, you don’t stand any chance with a woman like that because she has made up her mind to face whatever consequences come from her obsession to have you. Reporting her to the boss would not do the trick because with a woman like this there is no telling what length she can go. If you are strong enough to resist her charms, your boss may not and no management would tolerate the attendant embarrassment that comes from office romance gone sour.
This is a battle for your wife, for the woman who has higher stakes. If she reports her to your boss, he would listen. If she tells your boss that her home, her husband’s life is under threat by a female staff who is obsessed with him, who has taken to calling him despite knowing he is married at odd hours of the night, he would be forced to act to prevent your wife from turning the office into a boxing ring. If your wife claims knowledge of those photographs, tell the story of why you gave her a lift to her house, how the photographs thing happened, the expensive gifts she sent your husband at Christmas, those he threw away at Valentine as well as all the other details including the one of stripping in the office to give the impression to the management that they were making love in the office should he try to report her harassment to the authority, the boss would believe you and be forced to take actions against her to protect the image of the company.
The law is on the side of your wife, the sympathy is hers to use to her advantage hence has all the weapons to put this lady in her place effectively. The next time she calls you, pass the phone on to your wife. She has the right kind of words to send fears into her, fears that would make her think twice before issuing threats to you.
But she would only agree to help you get out of the mess if you tell her all the truths you may have kept away from her. It would be most embarrassing if after agreeing to help, she discovers new things she didn’t know happened.
You also have to promise her complete transparency from now on.
Don’t worry, since your hands are clean, you will overcome. Your marriage will emerge stronger from this episode with the help and grace of God.
Good luck.
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