Won’t campus life alter her love for me?

Dear Agatha,   

I am 24, a final year student of a Nigerian university from the Middle Belt area of the country. There is this girl I am in love with. We have been dating for three years now. She is 19 years of age. Last year January, I went to see her parents and they accepted me with open hands. They love me as much as they love their daughter. 

The problem is that we hardly see each other because I’m always in school. Secondly, we no longer live in the same town for two years now. Honestly, I love her with all my heart and she loves me too. She even promised never to leave me no matter what happens. 
Don’t have any girlfriend on campus because to me nobody is like her
and will never be. We plan to marry in another four years from now. My worry is that she is just entering university. The problem is whether she will change
her feelings for me while in school? I just can’t love another girl apart from her let alone marrying another one. Please help
me.                    

Tiyi.

Dear Tiyi,

No form of relationship can exist without trust. This is basic and fundamental to the success of a relationship.

You must learn to trust her if your relationship is to survive the test of time. The worth of a relationship is measured by its ability to survive very difficult times. It must be elastic enough to be stretched to its limit and at the same time strong enough to absorb the effect of these daily wears. It is one thing to declare love, while it is another thing on act it. Love and trust are like identical twins.

Give her a chance to either disappoint or appreciate your love. At 24 and in your final year in school do not make you also ready for instant marriage. You have to pass your examinations first, go for the youth service, get a job, and settle down in the job before thinking of paying the bride price of any woman.

 By the time you are ready, she would have graduated or in her final year. If she hasn’t disappointed you so far, then what makes you think she would when she gets into school? In the two years you have lived in different towns, has she given you any reason to doubt her love for you, given you cause to think she is deceiving you? Trust begins from the little things we do for the one we love to the sacrifices we are willing to make.

You have to learn to personalise your relationship by learning to be her best friend, at all times, you should be there for her irrespective of how busy you get. This way you not only make it impossible for anyone to replace you but also to provide her with the support to succeed.

The worst kind of mistake you can make is to let her see or feel your lack of interest in her. Once this impression is created in her mind, it might be difficult for you to erase the pains of it from her memory. The ideal thing is not to even allow the doubts to grow in the first place in any relationship.

What you should do is to call her aside and share your fears with her as well as give her every assurance too that you would always be there for her. She too may have fears of her own regarding your sincerity to always love her. Sharing your ideas would bring up all the hidden issues that need tackling in your relationship. Unless both of you make the attempt to take your relationship with you everyday, weeding and nourishing it daily, giving it the manure of attention as often as you can everyday, it would die a natural death. Your key is in giving your woman your attention and ensuring that there is no gap in your communication. Living in different towns for now is a necessity since both of you have dreams to pursue, and a future to clothe. 

Let her know that she remains the centre of your world.  This includes giving her the freedom to be happy and grow into a secured young woman. Show her you have confidence in her to earn her natural respect. At 19, she is bound to thirst for freedom from time to time. Understand this has nothing to do with her feelings for you but a desire that comes with her age. 

As the more matured and older one, learn to show more understanding; where you have to be tough, don’t hesitate to do it and where she needs encouragement give it to her generously. The investment isn’t just for today but for the future you both plan to have together.

In addition give it all up to God.

Good luck.