He has a terrible temper

Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, There is this man who is interested in marrying me but who has a terrible temper. Sometime ago, he man-handled and threatened to beat me up. When I asked him later what happened to make him behave like that, he said something came over him. Should I marry him? Doris. Dear Doris, Marriage is a journey of a lifetime. It is more than a man and woman coming together to share each other’s space. Love alone cannot keep a marriage together; it takes much more than one reason for a couple to be happy together. A couple may be in love but if something isn’t right about their union or one of the partners is lacking in the etiquette of living with another person in addition to lacking in respect for the feelings of the other party, love soon vacates the relationship as a result of being taken for granted. One of the greatest causes of broken homes is a bad temper. It breaks not just the physical bond but also the spiritual. This is because the spirit of anger destroys everything that makes marriage successful; like an erupting volcano, its lava burns deep into the skin. Often than not, the scare of a bad temper never heals. If at this stage of your relationship he is unable to control his temper, has already started showing his dangerous fangs what would it be like when the relationship is older? The reason we get married is to share companionship and to have a friend in one’s life, especially when one is old and grey. There is no companionship in a violent heart or place. Besides a bad temper is also self destructive; makes it impossible for the affected person after a while to attract sympathy or help from friends and people. Being a woman, your mind and body need peace to function in its full capacity. The woman’s body cannot fulfill its optimum function of procreation if the atmosphere isn’t right for it. A lot of women suffer miscarriages or have problems getting pregnant as a result of the kinds of pressures they are facing from their ill-tempered husbands. Sizeable numbers of women too have died as a result of injuries sustained during domestic violence in their homes. An angry man is an irrational person; being stronger, the anger of some men has prompted them to kill their wives unknowingly. Severally, these men attribute their behaviors to unknown forces: forces beyond their comprehension and control. This is because anger is a spirit that needs the spirit of awareness and determination to conquer. The person with the temper must first be aware of the danger it presents to him and those around him as well as grow the concomitant determination to overcome it. Often than not, the children are the ones who suffer the most. Apart from being daily witnesses to their father and mother fighting, they end up becoming damaged emotionally as well as psychologically; unable to love or appreciate one when given. This is also the danger of them becoming clones of their parents in their own marriages. In some cases, the children become so cynical that they loathe the institution called marriage. The girls either decide to play the field or become single mothers in their bid to escape becoming punch bags of any man. In certain instances, such children, have been known to develop strange sexual habits, like lesbianism or gay to insulate themselves from having marriages like the ones of their parents. These are social fall outs of domestic violence. For these reasons you must be careful who you partner with in life; not just for her sake but that of your children too. Therefore, you should ask yourself the reason you want to marry generally and this man in particular? Is it for the fun of it? That your friends are all getting married or to have a fulfilling life, one in which you are treated like a queen? The tragedy of marrying for the fun of is the dismay that comes after the wedding ceremony. Gladly, this man hasn’t been able to mask his weakness, which gives you a clear picture of the kind of life you will be living with him should you marry him. Ignoring this aspect of him is to mortgage your happiness since there is no telling when that thing will make him go very violent. It also gives you time to plan and review so many things you never once thought were important to your choice of a man. To settle for this man is to marry without plans and for the reason of pleasing others. This aspect of him should make you go further into his person, life as well as those of his family. It is also a call up time for you to look into your own life. What kind of man and marriage do you want? What kinds of challenges do you have the stamina to cope with? And what kinds will you run away from? I ask these because some women think violence is macho and appealing. They actually go out of their ways to find a man who has the tendency to violate them. While the rest of the world, think they are psycho, these category of women cannot have it any other way. To ask these women not to marry this kind of a man would be doing a disservice to them despite the disadvantages I outlined earlier. If you are in this category, notwithstanding what the rest of the world thinks, you are at liberty to go ahead but be clear that you have to work extra hard to make it work between the two of you. It will take lots of prayers, ability to ignore as well as avoid his temper to make it work. It is also a journey of wisdom for you to channel his temper to where it will be useful to you. Some women prefer such displays in an intimate setting. It is also important you know from this early beginning what brings on his temper; is it from something that you do or say? Are you the kind of woman who makes him feel less than the man he is? Sometimes, something in the way a woman behaves brings out the temper in a man who isn’t as secured with the world. Actually some men have found themselves becoming wife beaters by accident often instigated by the domineering attitude of the women they have found themselves with or as a result of her inability to culture her mouth. Although not an excuse for any man to lay his finger on his wife, it will help you discover and prepare yourself for your next relationship if you are very honest with who you are. Even a saint can be provoked into violence when the situation isn’t right. Whatever you eventually decide to do with your existing relationship, use the opportunity provided by his attitude towards you to manage your future relationship. This is because life is a learning process. Everything that happens is meant to teach us a lesson, which unfortunately many people are ignorant of. This man may just have chanced into your life to help you get your acts together, warn you at the inherent dangers embossed in some of the decisions you are taking now or have taken. Honestly, the decision is yours to make. But be sure you are very explicit in your vision to avoid regrets you will never stop having in future. Don’t delude yourself over your ability to cope or otherwise. Be very honest with yourself. Once you able to sort this out within yourself, you will know without being told what steps you should take in this matter. This kind of decision isn’t one anybody can make for you because it bothers on something very precious to you. Besides, you are the one who wears the shoes, made the decision in the first place to date him and still dating him despite this huge flaw in his person. The truth of the matter is when situation like this occurs and our minds are made up, we often don’t ask the opinion of others before doing what we want to do. Asking for advice on it, means you still care. The real question is, can you cope with him or not? Once you are able to answer this question will all certainty, you will know what to do. Good luck