Monday, June 1, 2009

No Message Six Years After He Jetted Abroad…


Dear Agatha,

I thank God that we have somebody like you in the country, who daily invests time on finding solutions to people's problems. One more time, big thanks for that.

I have a guy I dated for two years before he travelled abroad we love each other. We were engaged before he travelled. But my problem now is that since he left six years ago he hasn't bothered to call or send me e-mail but he calls his siblings and sends them money. I got this information from his younger brother.

When I asked his brother why his elder brother doesn't call me he keeps giving me excuses.

Please I need your advice.

Oge.

Dear Oge,

You don't need me or anyone to tell you what is very obvious to you, this boy isn't interested in you. Why would a man who claims to love you not get in touch with you for six years? Six years is a long time to hope that he would ever call you or send for you. For all you know, he may be married with children of his own. If this man never had any feelings for you, those feelings died on the day he bade you farewell.

Move on with your life. He has forgotten everything about you and through his actions given you the freedom to do likewise.

Sincerely, it is rather shocking that you are hoping for some sort of miracles from someone who hasn't called or bothered about you for as long as six years. He would be surprised too that you are still hanging on to a promise he as forgotten everything about.

Asking his brother about him after all these years portrays you as being desperate.

Give yourself some self-respect and stop acting as if this man is the only man on earth. Any man who can ignore you for the number of years that he has done isn't worthy of you. It also shows that your two years together meant nothing to him beyond the pleasure of the intimacy you shared together.

I appreciate you could still be suffering from the pains of his seeming betrayal but given the situation, there is nothing you can do to make him come back to you. If he has the time to call him family and send them money, he simply doesn't care about you.

It would therefore be foolhardy for you to wait for a man who has since consigned memories of you to history. You also have to realise that six years out of a woman's life is more like a lifetime. Unless you are not telling the truth, you too would have realised long ago of the futility of waiting.

Engagement isn't the same thing like marriage. There isn't anything legal between you two beyond your desires at that time to be together. It was only an expression of a desire to be together nothing more, nothing less. Your reason for waiting would have been understood if both of you were married but this is incomprehensible. No matter how deep your love for him is there is no sense in this waiting, which has no end in sight or an anchor for it to berth.

This wait has assumed a morbid mien and unless you enjoy torturing yourself forget everything about this man and give yourself the chance to be happy again. If the task of letting go is difficult, turn to God. You won't be betraying him if this is what you are worried about because he betrayed you first. It takes two to tangle. You cannot executive a relationship on your own, you need a man to and this man from all indices has found someone else to tangle with. There is one man out there waiting to fall in love with you if only you allow him get close to you.

Even though you didn't tell me your age, six years out of a woman's life is a lot of time, a whole lifetime to waste trying to hold on to the wind.

Once you made up your mind to let go, you would be surprised at the beauty of the outside world you have shut out for six years.

If the task of letting go is difficult, turn to God for help. His help would make it easy for you to forget.

Good luck

Does True Love Really Exist?


Dear Agatha,


The prayers of your readers would always make you excel in your undertakings.

In what ways can love be defined in respect to relationship between man and woman? How does one detect true love? Does true love really exist?

Worried Man.


Dear Worried Man,

Love is the special feelings a man or woman feel for a member of the opposite sex. The potency of the feeling is such it cannot be controlled. It is also unique because in its true and raw form transcends creed, colour, tribe, age, social and educational status. True love selects a partner for the person and not the person selecting whom he or she would fall in love with.

It is a beautiful mix of friendship, respect, tolerance, endurance and selflessness. It transcends human understanding and often time blind to the reason of others. It is accepting something you or others don't see but feel deep inside where nobody can see it.

True love doesn't question, rationalise or scrutinise the reason for its being, instead it simply accepts what it cannot change.

When a man or woman finds true love, he or she taps into God's secret key to happiness and peace since it doesn't take stock of any wrong.

However before one can give and recognise love, the person has to know what love is else may not be able to give or accept it without doubts.

So love begins from self-love because what you don't have, you can't give. Love flows from within to the outside. When love begins from the outside to the inside, it isn't real and doesn't survive difficult times because the foundation is premised on wrong values and reasons; unlike the one that places all its emphasis on what the person has inside. This is why relationships are falling like packs of card and true love does exist but has been given different interpretations by those who prize it in terms of how much it can command in terms of materialism and money.

True love comes with patience, understanding and unconditional trust in a seemingly impossible situations.

Good luck.