tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-442513293462594852024-01-01T20:31:56.393+01:00Auntie AgathaA blog of articles by Agatha Edo on a variety of issues related to relationships, family life and marriage. Feel free to read and also ask your own questions. All questions are kept confidential.
KEYWORDS: Aunty Agatha, Auntie Agatha, Agatha Edo, Agatha's ,Blog, Agartha Edo, gataedo, relationships, marriage clinic, independentngonline, independent newspaper online, share a problem,sex,Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.comBlogger1654125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-32743082865336138592017-01-29T10:04:00.003+01:002017-01-29T10:04:19.796+01:00<div class="row" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #444444; font-family: georgia, "times new roman", times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-left: -15px; margin-right: -15px;">
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Her Actions Are Confusing</h1>
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<span class="gabfire_meta gabfiremeta_bydate" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: inline;">By <span class="author vcard" itemprop="author" itemscope="itemscope" itemtype="http://schema.org/Person" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><a class="fn" href="http://www.thepost-ng.com/author/admin/" itemprop="name" rel="author" style="background-color: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #cd1713; outline: 0px; text-decoration: none;">thepost</a></span> on <time class="published updated" datetime="January 23, 2017T11:43" itemprop="datePublished" style="box-sizing: border-box;">January 23, 2017</time></span><span class="gabfire_meta gabfiremeta_comment" style="box-sizing: border-box; display: inline;"><a data-disqus-identifier="30873 http://www.thepost-ng.com/?p=30873" href="http://www.thepost-ng.com/her-actions-are-confusing/#disqus_thread" style="background-color: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #cd1713; outline: 0px; text-decoration: none;">0 Comments</a></span></div>
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<div class="yiv8638135656MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1485165622517_10710" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Dear Agatha,</div>
<div class="yiv8638135656MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1485165622517_10677" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
I’m a dedicated reader of your column. Please, kindly help me out as I tend to fall in love easily.</div>
<div class="yiv8638135656MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1485165622517_10726" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Unfortunately, this habit of mine has caused me severe emotional problems.</div>
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There is this lady I met in my place of work. We started out as friends because of the issues she was having with her education and family. While in her second year at the University, she couldn’t continue with her education due to the divorce of her parents.</div>
<div class="yiv8638135656MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1485165622517_10728" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
I decided to take her to see my Rev. Father when I saw how affected she was by her experience, particularly her failure to complete her education.</div>
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The idea was to get the Rev. Father to speak with her parents on how she can complete her education. Unfortunately, the parents were so caught up in their own bitterness that they didn’t even consider her interest. Expectedly, she went further into depression, making it impossible for me to ignore her.</div>
<div class="yiv8638135656MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1485165622517_10777" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
This set the stage for our relationship to develop as we became very close. No day passes by without us either talking on the phone or exchanging visits.</div>
<div class="yiv8638135656MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1485165622517_10729" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
It wasn’t too difficult for her boyfriend to become aware of our fondness for each other. He eventually called me to terminate my association with his girlfriend. Frankly, his warnings didn’t frighten or deter me from pursuing my interest in her. All he succeeded in doing; was to make me bolder to express my feelings for her. After listening to me, she pleaded for time to consider my offer. More than a year now, she hasn’t given me a clear answer, but from her body language and disposition, we could be said to be in a relationship.</div>
<div class="yiv8638135656MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1485165622517_10730" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Last year, she traveled out of my locality because her boyfriend was really apprehensive over losing her to me. She said she took the decision to leave, because she didn’t want to lose either of us. She went further to say she was already in love with both of us but since none of us appears ready to let go of her, she wants to stay away for the time being.</div>
<div class="yiv8638135656MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1485165622517_10731" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Although I’m trying to let go of her but I simply can’t. I love her. I tried to know what was so special about the guy, what he has that I don’t have, her answer floored me. According to her, he deflowered her. Please, what do I do, since she is my last hope?</div>
<div class="yiv8638135656MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1485165622517_10732" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Worried Man.</div>
<div class="yiv8638135656MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1485165622517_10733" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
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<div class="yiv8638135656MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1485165622517_10734" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Dear Worried Man,</div>
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What makes her your last hope? You may really love her but she is in an existing relationship with another man! Deep down in your soul, do you think it fair to put all these pressures on her, given the challenges you know she is going through with her parents and education?</div>
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What she needs is a friend who will help her manage this difficult time in her life, not one that will further aggravate her stress level.</div>
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Besides, she is in a relationship already. Why are you determined to make her end the relationship she has with the other man? In the man’s shoes, would you be happy at what you are trying to do to him? What you are trying to do to him is very wrong. He doesn’t deserve it at all. You came into this girl’s life as a friend and if somewhere along the line you developed feelings for her, you should have behaved like a gentleman by keeping your distance from her to protect her against emotional complications. One of the hallmarks of being an adult is the ability to exercise restraint at all times.</div>
<div class="yiv8638135656MsoNormal" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Being in love with her doesn’t give you the right to hurt this other man or destroy their relationship. You may argue that she is still free game considering they aren’t married. But, the truth is, she has a boyfriend and their relationship might graduate into marriage. If you love her, don’t do anything that will make her unhappy or further pressurize her.</div>
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As you can deduce from her reactions, she is already under pressure from you and is actually confused right now. Yes, she may have feelings for you; it does happen when a man and woman are in constant company of each other but this feeling may not be enough reasons for her to exit her current relationship.</div>
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Allow her the space she is asking for by her decision to relocate to a place she can be alone. She actually needs to clear her head and think of her options. Also, don’t forget the issue of her interrupted education is still unresolved. She may also want to think of how she can re-engineer her dream of completing her education.</div>
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If you really love her, respect her decision by offering her your support through prayers. If your relationship is meant to be, God shall make a way for both of you. The truth is, you risk destroying whatever chance you may have with her if you keep pestering her to submit to your love. Soon she may become very irritated by your presence and would make it impossible for you to remain her friend.</div>
<div class="yiv8638135656MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1485165622517_10785" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
I think what you should really concentrate more on now, is to find ways of remaining the good friend she currently needs the most.</div>
<div class="yiv8638135656MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1485165622517_10783" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Good luck.</div>
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</article></section>Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-85756251617686166912017-01-16T11:49:00.002+01:002017-01-16T11:49:41.990+01:00<div class="row" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #444444; font-family: georgia, "times new roman", times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-left: -15px; margin-right: -15px;">
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He Wants Me To Play The Sex Siren</h1>
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Dear Agatha<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I recently read one of your answers to a questions. I really need your help. My relationship is three years old. My boyfriend has been very good to me. He has made a lot of sacrifices for me just as I have also done for him.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I would have classified our relationship as being perfect but for his sexual fantasies. Ever since we started dating, he has been in the habit of gazing at the bodies of sex swingers online. He would stare at them and imagine himself with them. To please him, I have tried on some occasions to play along with him by playing the role of his object of fantasy. Sometimes I succeed in doing a good job but most of the time; I fail to live up to his particular fantasy. There are other times I absolutely refuse to play along with these ladies.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />On such occasions, he gets angry and says things like he doing me a favour by not going the whole way with these ladies. That he is asking me to stand in because he doesn’t want to have online sex with the women. He also favours us having an audience when we make love as well as swapping of partners. We always quarrel over this.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />He would go ahead to call me boring because I refuse to play his little sex games. Severally I have told him I’m not promiscuous and don’t relish doing the things he wants me to do.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />It is one thing to talk about one’s fantasies but another thing to be hooked on it anytime we want to have sex. I don’t like having an audience when intimate with my man or being made love to by another man simply to satisfy my boyfriend’s ecstasy. I also cannot stand watching him make love to another woman. I want to be myself just as I expect him to be himself when we are alone.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Since meeting him, he remains the only man I want in my life. We have been arguing over this habit of his since we started dating. Due to the frequency of our arguments these days, he appears to be avoiding me. We haven’t had sex in the last two months. I’m scared he is having sex with other women.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />He keeps accusing me of cheating on him when it is actually the other way round. I love him with my whole being and don’t know where he keeps getting the idea that I’m cheating on him from. He appears incapable of trusting me.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />I don’t know what to do anymore. Right now, I’m confused on whether to continue in the relationship or end it as I can never be the kind of woman he wants me to be. Given his current attitude, do you think he is in another relationship?<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Worried Lover.</div>
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Dear Worried Lover,<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />What is your definition of being good to you? What about respect for your person and sensitivity to your emotional needs? Why would a man who claims to love his woman subject her to the emotional trauma of seeing him in another woman’s company, or agree to have another man mount her in the name of satisfying his sexual fantasies? What manner of logic or attitude is that? How come he makes you appear incapable of pleasing him?<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />What manner of imagination would make a man turn his woman into a sex toy or strip her of that essential ingredient- respect? Do you think if he has any respect for you, he would insist you emulate all those detailed sex scenes every time he wants to make love to you?<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />A good relationship is an embodiment of every aspect of human emotions. Sacrifice is when one person lives in the body of the other person. It isn’t only about money but also avoiding those things that will cause the other person to feel less of him or herself. Making you do things you don’t feel comfortable with, is wrong and demeaning to your self-esteem as a woman.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />You may love him dearly, but does he love you for who you are or for the sexual experiments he is forcing on you? When a man loves a woman he protects her from every appearance of things that would devalue her in the eyes of people. Insisting you witness his sexual escapades is degrading to your person.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />The fact that you resent everything that has to do with his sexuality means you are not compatible in that department, which happens to be one of the major areas of a successful relationship as well as marriage. If he thinks you boring because you refuse to play his sex games, what chance do you think your relationship has against this background?<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Deep down, is this the kind of love life you want or better still, the kind of life you plan for yourself? Do you enjoy being with him? Is his kind of behaviour alright with you? Are you proud of the feelings he generates inside of you after you two have made love? Do you see yourself enduring that feeling for a long time to come? Do you think you are and will always be sufficient to please him? These are questions you should answer truthfully to get a clear picture of what you really want from life.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Unless you are pretending not to like what he does to you, the time is now for you to really scale this relationship. Your ultimate happiness should be your bench mark. Sex is a very private thing between human adults. Only animals lack inhibitions about the place they mate. Even commercial sex workers, who make their living from sex, shroud it in secrecy.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />When a seemingly responsible man exposes his woman to such show of shame simply to satisfy his fantasies, then something isn’t right about him.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Except you are happy with the situation between the two of you, the time to properly appraise exactly how you feel about this man is now. To allow it linger is to shortchange yourself of the opportunity to allow someone who actually appreciates your kind of person, into your life.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />On the issue of whether he is seeing someone else, I wouldn’t know. However, I think you should first learn to love yourself more because without this, you will never be able to determine your self-worth or know the kind of man who will make you happy. It isn’t every man that comes your way who has that special ability to make you happy.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />You are in this situation because you have failed to properly appraise yourself. When a woman is confident of herself, there are things she will not allow in her life. A man has to first love a woman for whom she is, before anything else. For this relationship to be meaningful to you, this man has to learn how to love you for yourself and not because you are a willing sex toy in his hands.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />This is what should concern you more than the issue of whether he is having affairs with other women.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Good luck.</div>
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</article></section>Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-86869866830778908592017-01-08T11:44:00.003+01:002017-01-08T11:44:26.208+01:00<div class="row" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #444444; font-family: georgia, "times new roman", times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-left: -15px; margin-right: -15px;">
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MARRIAGE CLINIC: My wife is exchanging sex videos with another man</h1>
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<span id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483786727324_18135" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Dear Agatha,</span></div>
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<span id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483786727324_18130" style="box-sizing: border-box;">May the Good Lord continue to enrich your wealth of wisdom and knowledge.</span></div>
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<span id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483786727324_18057" style="box-sizing: border-box;">My marriage of about seven years is at the brink of break-up. I recently discovered my wife could be having an affair with a friend of hers who stays in Kano while his family is in Ibadan, Oyo State, Nigeria.</span></div>
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I actually made the discovery when I needed to urgently check something in my email box. Since I didn’t have a subscription, I decided to use her phone. After I finished with my mail, I decided to check her WhatsApp chats and that is where I got this shocker of my life. From the chats she and this friend of hers have exchanged, I discovered they use endearments like ‘my love’ and ‘dear’. Some of their chats were not only romantic; they also exchange porn movies. Most painful is the knowledge she chats with this man till midnight but hardly chats with me up to 10p.m.</div>
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In fairness to my wife, she has been a very virtuous and supportive woman right from our courtship days. We courted for five years before we got married.</div>
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Back then things were very rough for me but she didn’t mind and gave me all the support I needed to succeed. She is not only beautiful but has the kind of heart that cares, which makes her the favorite wife in my family.</div>
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She and our two children live in Lagos while I work outside the State. I however make it a point of duty to visit them every two to three weeks.</div>
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It hurts because I have come to trust her so much. Not even on occasions when my colleagues do a generalisation about women being untrustworthy, have I ever doubted her.</div>
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What surprises me the most is that I deflowered her and she is very conservative. I also introduced her to her trendy fashion sense. I can’t imagine her addressing any other man by the endearments I read in her phone.</div>
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Since meeting her, I have not dated another woman despite pressures from women I come across in my line of duty as a medical doctor. I also haven’t kept this fact from her.</div>
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But with what I saw in her phone, I not only intend to have an affair but to end the marriage and care for only my children.</div>
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I’m confused and really don’t know what to do which is why I am appealing to you to help me, given your wealth of experience. Deep down, I still love her very much but cannot help myself after the chats I saw. I can’t think straight and my colleagues are beginning to suspect something is wrong between my wife and I.</div>
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I don’t want to tell them anything as I don’t want to discredit my wife in anyway before my friends. Please help me.</div>
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Felix.</div>
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Dear Felix,</div>
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It is obvious, despite everything you think your wife has done; you still love her sufficiently as to shield her from the negative opinions of your friends.</div>
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This is a positive sign that you are very much willing to engage in discussion on the matter. As a matter of fact, it is wrong despite all the evidences you think you have to assume her guilty of having an extra marital affair with this friend of hers without first confronting her with the facts you have.</div>
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Sometimes things aren’t what they appear to be. Yes, the chat you read is condemnable and damning, but given what you know about your wife, do you think it is enough evidence she is cheating on you?</div>
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And why didn’t you call her attention to the chat when you first discovered it? Don’t you think she deserves her day in court even if you think the chat is a conclusive evidence of her infidelity to you? Isn’t this the rationale behind giving even confirmed criminals the opportunity of defending themselves in courts of law?</div>
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It is only fair you give your wife the chance to either deny or defend herself against your proof by bringing the issue to her knowledge. It is wrong for you to come to a conclusion without informing her of what you read on her phone. You wouldn’t be fair to her and the children if you refuse to bring the issue to her knowledge. If you must end the marriage, at least give her the reason for your decision. This way you would not look like a fool when you find out the truth behind that exchange between the two of them.</div>
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Have you considered that they may just be fooling around as friends without anything to the chat? Do you think if she had anything to hide, she would surrender her phone to you when she knows it contains evidences of her infidelity to you and her marriage? Do you presuppose she would intentionally put her marriage to you in danger by allowing you access to issues that would endanger the union?</div>
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Depending on how close they are as friends, inappropriate as the conversation between the two of them maybe, that chat you saw might be very harmless. But you won’t know until you confront her head-on. You need to exercise caution because this issue, if not carefully handled by you could destroy a happy marriage.</div>
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In giving her the chance, it is also advisable you have an open mind to enable you come to a clearer picture of what the situation really is. In other words, give her the benefit of the doubt. If the man is in Kano and she is in Lagos, how easy do you think it would be for them to meet and have an affair in spite of what you have read from their chat thread?</div>
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In making your decisions, how possible is it for her to leave two young kids behind to be with a man who doesn’t reside in the same town with her?</div>
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In addition, If you say she is a woman of virtue, what do you think could have been responsible for her sudden change in behavior? Could it be there is something lacking in your marriage? Why aren’t you two staying together? Why is she in Lagos and you in your current State of assignment? Don’t you think this arrangement is doing more harm than good to your union?</div>
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The existence of such a chat is evidence that there is a salient issue with your marriage which you must tackle before anything else. Loneliness is a trap that ensnares and eventually destroys a marriage, no matter how solid the foundation of that marriage is.</div>
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There are moments in a woman’s life when she cannot help herself, when she wants the full compliments of her man. It takes the extra grace of God for her not to be tempted by another man who makes an appearance or calls her at her most vulnerable time. If your marriage is just seven years old, she is still too young to manage on her own emotionally. The first seven years are the most challenging of any marriage. No matter how many years you spent having a courtship, the make or mar period of a marriage is the first seven years.</div>
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Perhaps this is a clarion call for you to consider having your family with you at your station. If you are around her, she won’t have the time or boldness to share such images and chats with another man. The man too, won’t have such effrontery to engage another man’s wife till late in the night. They are both free to trade chats because you have unwittingly left your farm fallow most of the time.</div>
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<span id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483786727324_18152" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Your solution should not be to start an affair but to relocate your family to where you are as soon as possible. Distance is like a cancer that eats away the essential parts of a marriage. Once she is close to you, you would have succeeded in solving all extraneous issues. Your staying apart as a couple is brewing trouble in your marriage.</span></div>
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<span id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483786727324_18143" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Take it from me, the major issue in your marriage isn’t that of her suspected infidelity, but that of you two staying apart. Once that is resolved, you will discover that you are both happier and much more in love.</span></div>
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Good luck</div>
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</article></section>Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-64178728917012405142016-12-30T14:01:00.003+01:002016-12-30T14:01:22.203+01:00<div class="row" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #444444; font-family: georgia, "times new roman", times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-left: -15px; margin-right: -15px;">
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My Man Is Stingy</h1>
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Dear Agatha,</div>
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I have been in love with this man for over two years. I actually enjoyed being in a relationship with him for a while until I discovered his true nature.</div>
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Before this, we had gone through the process of visiting each other’s family.</div>
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Just when I was really settling into the relationship, I discovered aspects of him that will definitely become a huge problem for me in the future. For instance, when it comes to money he is absolutely miserly. Since we started dating, he has never given me a dime. It isn’t just me he is stingy to. He does the same thing to his family members.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483078342255_7033" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
His ‘tightfistedness’ extends to the way home appliances are used. He doesn’t allow us to put on the fan, no matter how hot the weather is. He also puts off the fridge when nobody is at home.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
He stops any visitor from visiting unless the person makes a commitment to him to pay his or her way to and from our house.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483078342255_7135" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Some few weeks ago, I had to undergo an operation. Despite earning more than 300,000 Francs a month, he was unable to send money for my treatment. He gave his usual excuse of not having money. I’m hurt at the way he is treating me. Though I resolved to henceforth regard him as a room-mate, but it still doesn’t lessen the pains I feel in my heart at his callousness towards me.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483078342255_7136" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Agatha, I’m tired.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Grace.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483078342255_7137" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483078342255_7138" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Dear Grace,</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
If it’s any consolation, you are not alone in this kind of relationship. We are all not wired alike. While some people are generous to a fault some are also parsimonious to a fault. It is in their nature. Any attempt to change who they are always complicate things between them and their partners, especially if such persons are too much in a hurry to make them do things against their nature.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Consider yourself lucky that you are finding out about his true nature before marriage. At least, you still have the choice of whether to continue with him or end the relationship.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Also the definition of stinginess is subjective. What you consider frugal may just be an application of common sense. He may also consider you too extravagant and unreasonable. For instance the issue of switching off the fridge when nobody is at home isn’t a function of being stingy but more of common sense since an electric spark or malfunction can occur anytime. It is best to err on the side of caution than to be sorry. It would have been a different thing altogether if he insists on the fridge being off even when people are in the house.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Yes, the issue of him disallowing anyone from operating the fan may be a little odd, but rather than take it as a crime against him, why not enquire of him why he doesn’t like the idea of you putting on the fan even when the weather is extremely uncomfortable. You can through superior argument make him change his mind. By nicely explaining to him that his attitude negates his decision to equip his home with a fan would make him realize his foolishness, or at least offer an explanation.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483078342255_7142" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
On the issue of insisting that intending visitors take responsibility of paying their transport to and fro isn’t really out of place. You don’t know the different experiences he has had with people who just pick their bags to visit without considering whether their host/hostess is in a position to fund their desires, while still expecting enough money to cover their transport cost. Opening his doors to who can pay his/her way, doesn’t present him as one who is as tight-fisted as you make him appear to be.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483078342255_7143" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
What I think he is out to achieve is weeding unnecessary visitors and distractions from his home. This way, only persons who have genuine reasons to visit him will come. Again, it will be good to ask him reasons for his decisions.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Being his woman, you have the right to ask him why he appears always broke when he earns a reasonable salary. He could be involved in projects you don’t know of. Rather than come to the conclusions that he doesn’t care about you or is deliberately withholding his money from you, let him know what you feel and how pained you are at his attitude towards money.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483078342255_7144" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
It is important in the interest of fair play that you tell him you didn’t like what he did when you went through an operation. Make it clear you weren’t expecting him to pick the entire bill for your operation but you expected him to at least demonstrate some financial commitment to it.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483078342255_7145" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
There is a fine line between obnoxious and reason. Understanding the other person entails setting our personal outlook on neutral. This way, we are able to see and reason without sentiments. To you, he is stingy because he fails to live up to your expectations of what you think is right. This could be why you are unnecessarily being judgmental of his person and getting all hurt.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483078342255_7146" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Oftentimes, the hurt, resentment and disappointment we feel towards our partners come from our own inability to be broad-minded about our perception of life. Just like you have the right to do things your way, so does your boyfriend.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483078342255_7147" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
A perfect relationship isn’t defined by the number of years a couple has been together, but by their ability to bridge individual differences.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483078342255_7148" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
There must be concomitant will on your part as well as your boyfriend’s to find a common ground for the sake of your relationship.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483078342255_7149" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
But this is all about you and what you want to happen in your life. If you feel you cannot cope with him, no need continuing in the relationship. End it before you hurt yourself any longer but if you think there is a chance for both of you to make things better, initiate a dialogue aimed at finetuning all the grey areas in your relationship.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483078342255_7141" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Always have this at the back of your mind, nobody has it all. It is from the ashes of our imperfection; that our perfection is given life.</div>
<div class="yiv2413900901MsoNormal" id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1483078342255_7140" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: georgia, "palatino linotype", palatino, "times new roman", times, serif; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Good luck.</div>
</div>
</article></section>Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-43990503960841420542016-12-29T12:16:00.003+01:002016-12-29T12:16:37.799+01:00<div class="row" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #444444; font-family: georgia, "times new roman", times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-left: -15px; margin-right: -15px;">
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She is pregnant with another man’s child</h1>
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<div id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1482938251667_72163" style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Dear Agatha,</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1482938251667_72159" style="box-sizing: border-box;">
<img alt="" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-30171" height="2550" sizes="(max-width: 3300px) 100vw, 3300px" src="https://www.thepost-ng.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/3-shes-pregnant.-1.jpg" srcset="http://www.thepost-ng.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/3-shes-pregnant.-1.jpg 3300w, http://www.thepost-ng.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/3-shes-pregnant.-1-300x232.jpg 300w, http://www.thepost-ng.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/3-shes-pregnant.-1-768x593.jpg 768w, http://www.thepost-ng.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/3-shes-pregnant.-1-518x400.jpg 518w, http://www.thepost-ng.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/3-shes-pregnant.-1-570x440.jpg 570w, http://www.thepost-ng.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/3-shes-pregnant.-1-701x542.jpg 701w, http://www.thepost-ng.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/3-shes-pregnant.-1-1067x825.jpg 1067w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; height: auto !important; margin-bottom: 15px; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle;" width="3300" /></div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1482938251667_72161" style="box-sizing: border-box;">
I’m in a very messy situation and need urgent answers from you before I do something stupid.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
I have a girlfriend, I love very much and whom I plan to spend the rest of my life with.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Sometime ago, I accommodated her in my apartment because the apartment she paid for was undergoing construction. I have known her since her first year in school. I happen to work in the same university she is schooling.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
About three weeks ago, I had reasons to travel and told her to look for a place to stay pending when I would return. I didn’t want to leave her alone at home for security reasons.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
We have never had unprotected sex, despite promptings from her at times that she doesn’t mind not having protection.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
I was therefore shocked when she told me she missed her period. I immediately knew I wasn’t responsible for her condition.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
When I demanded to know how that was possible since I always used condom; it was then she told me that when I traveled and told her to find a place to stay, she was raped by the guy whose room she slept that night.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Agatha, is this girl telling the truth? Don’t you think they are in a relationship? Why would she sleep in a guy’s room?</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
I blame her for this ugly development because for over three weeks after I came back from the trip, she didn’t tell me anything. It is now that she is pregnant that she is telling me about the rape incident. I have since taken her to the hospital for proper medical checkup.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Agatha, I’m shattered because it took me years to find her. What should I do please?</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
EJ</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Dear EJ,</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
These are questions you should be asking the girl, not me. She is the only one that can say why she elected to sleep in a man’s room when she could easily have put up with a female friend. The simple truth is; no woman would have the confidence to sleep in a guy’s room without the two of them having an affair. Yes, she can go to him for help but a decent guy would leave his room for his female friend to be comfortable as well as protect her moral values.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
That the two of them slept together in the same room without any scruples, indicates she consented to whatever may happen afterwards. To insist she was raped in that situation she willingly walked into would be difficult to prove. She is being stingy with the truth, especially as she didn’t tell you about the incident for all of three weeks, or about whose place she slept when you were out of town.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Even if the guy is guilty of rape, your girlfriend exposed herself to such abuse by consenting to that kind of arrangement in the first place. If she knew she didn’t have a place to stay while you were out of town, why didn’t she tell you so? Besides, before you offered her accommodation, where was she staying? Why couldn’t she have gone back to the friends she was staying with before she moved in with you.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
No one can prove a case against this man, because your woman for reasons best known to her sought his assistance for temporary accommodation; walked into his room of her own freewill; and didn’t protest the two of them sharing a room for the night. She couldn’t have been that gullible to think the guy would allow her share his room without anything happening between the two of them. At the point he locked the door against them that night, they had become two consenting adults.</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1482938251667_72195" style="box-sizing: border-box;">
But you aren’t altogether without some sort of blame. Though, you claim security concerns necessitated your asking her to find an alternative accommodation while you were away, did you bother to find out where she had in mind or who she finally went to? Do you even know who her friends are? If you did, you would have suggested the friend you wanted her to stay with.</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1482938251667_72193" style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Your attitude to the whole issue of where and who she stayed with during the period of your trip, questions your true feelings for her. A man who loves his woman would not be so uncaring as not to be inquisitive to know who his woman stayed with while he was away. You should have made the effort to find out the identity of the friend with a view to offering your gratitude for allowing the woman you love and plan to spend the rest of your life with, stay for the period you were away. This is the ideal, irrespective of the two of them being friends. That you failed to be concerned indicates a red alert in your relationship. You might want to ask yourself some very soul searching questions only you can answer. Just be very honest with yourself to get the right riposte. In any case, was it too much to consider getting a friend of hers or even your brother stay in your house to keep her company while you were away?</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1482938251667_72191" style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Undoubtedly, she is penny-pinching with the truth. But this is solely your call. If you love her enough to overlook this slip, do the needful by adopting the unborn child as yours as it would be impossible to pin the baby on the man she claimed raped her. Besides, since you both have been cohabiting, you would automatically be assumed to be responsible for her condition. If you aren’t wise and absolutely diplomatic in dealing with this situation, it could turn very messy; the kind that could cost you your job.</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1482938251667_72189" style="box-sizing: border-box;">
But to do this, is to be sure you trust her story and love her enough to forget this misadventure of hers. It is the only way you can accept and treat the baby as yours. I say this because if there is any shadow of doubt within you, it would affect your behaviour towards the innocent child.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
But if the real issue here is the time it took you to find her, please let her go. This issue will always be a problem between the two of you.</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1482938251667_72187" style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Only an unconditional kind of love has the capacity and ability to eclipse the doubt this situation has created in your relationship.</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1482938251667_72185" style="box-sizing: border-box;">
it is imperative she tells you the real truth not just about this pregnancy but also about herself. It is crystal clear from this episode that you really do not know the woman you have been living with.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
However, hear what plans she has for herself and her unborn child before explaining your position to her.</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1482938251667_72177" style="box-sizing: border-box;">
But for the records, a man may use condom and his woman can still get pregnant if there is a leak in the condom. This is just to inform you that the use of condom is not absolute in preventing pregnancy.</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1482938251667_72179" style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Ask God for help in prayer.</div>
<div id="yui_3_16_0_ym19_1_1482938251667_72176" style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Good luck</div>
</div>
</article></section>Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-76629836702472869062016-12-29T12:13:00.002+01:002016-12-29T12:13:53.752+01:00<div class="row" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #444444; font-family: georgia, "times new roman", times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-left: -15px; margin-right: -15px;">
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She Is Being Unreasonable</h1>
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<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Dear Agatha,</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Thank you for the words of wisdom you normally pass on to those who ask from you.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
I’m 45 years of age and was doing well, until I got involved with the mother of my six children, years ago. Immediately, she came into my life, things became difficult but I assumed it was a passing phase; that my economy would pick up again.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Due to the exorbitant nature of marriage rites in her home town, we agreed to put the ceremony on hold but started cohabiting as man and wife. The children came in quick succession. During the course of our stay, I discovered we never agreed on anything. For instance, we couldn’t resolve the simple issue of how many children we wanted.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Since I didn’t want as many children as she did, she reported me to my family that I was denying her the right to have as many children as she wanted. My father who is late now and the entire family supported her position to have more children.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Today, my father is no more and it has become extremely difficult for me to provide for them. She is not doing anything. Any business she ventures into, folds up <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_2053198794" style="box-sizing: border-box;" tabindex="0">within two weeks</span>. At a time, principalities physically locked her shop.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Subsequently her behaviour changed towards me so much so, she decided to end the marriage. I waited for her for five months but she remained adamant.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Confused at the trend of things happening in my life, I went to several men of God who all confirmed that she and my mother were responsible for my series of misfortunes through witchcraft. I was told to avoid her completely to be delivered.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
I started dating another lady. Within a year we got married according to Native Law and Custom. We were progressing. I told her that I had a lady who bore me a child. I was told by the men of God not to mention I had six children with the woman.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
But she found out and told her family. Her mother and her siblings came to attack me with a gun in my house. I was injured, my valuables stolen, including my car and I was chased out of my house by them.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
For four months, I lived in the church and returned to the house only after my pastor conducted deliverance for me.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
A month after I returned, my wife started nagging me to complete the marriage rites before we can live in peace. In addition to denying me sex, she forbade me from seeing my children; that I should be sending them money only. She also demanded for security for herself and our only child together.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
We argue often over little things because according to her, I have not agreed to her request to marry her properly.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Much as I love her, I was told by my prophet that she was dedicated to their family’s deity when she was eight years of age and that she has a marine husband- meaning she is not to marry a physical man. Members of both families, including my mother are all attacking me for breaking their covenant with her. Every attempt I have made for her to be serious with the things of God have proved abortive. It is either she refuses to attend church or leaves before the close of service.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
The funny thing is, she was the one who was always dragging me to church during our courtship.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Whenever I confront her after she misbehaved to me, she would claim not to know what came over her. Please I don’t know what to do as I wouldn’t want my first set of children to lose out of my property. Also, I don’t want to continue moving from one woman to another. This isn’t the kind of life I want for myself. I’m a quiet and peace loving person.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Confused Man.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Dear Confused Man,</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Your story is a very complicated one but not beyond what God can do. This is what you must have at the back of your mind always. To attempt to do anything on your own without putting God first in this situation you are in, is to endanger your life as well as your children’s.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Candidly, the women in your life are not your problem. From your story, the major hindrance is your mother. Without her releasing you from the spiritual bondage she has placed on you, you will never have the spiritual freedom to prosper.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Therefore, you must begin the quest for your spiritual freedom from the doorstep of your mother. It is essential you know what your problem with your mother is. When I say problem, it doesn’t necessarily mean you offended her but there are certain things about our births, only our mothers are aware of. She has to explain the spiritual issues surrounding your being.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
The fact that the two women you brought into your life have strong spiritual influences and connections which your mother is aware of, can only mean one thing, she too is in league with whatever powers these women are involved with. That puts her therefore in the best position to explain the things you don’t understand about your relationships with women as well as proffer a solution.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Also, according to you, she was fingered by the various men of God you went to, as being behind your misfortune. In addition, if she is saying you breached the agreement she and your second woman had by your refusal to complete every marriage rites on her, then she sure knows a lot of things about the issues confronting you more than anyone else.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
But you have to enlist the help of God through prayers and fasting before speaking with your mother on this issue. Without God’s invention, you may not get any useful information from her.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
It is only when your mother releases you that you can confront your wife. If she is truly forbidden to marry spiritually, there is no way she would have given birth to a child for you. Besides, if you have gone through native laws and customs, why are you hesitating doing as she says, marrying her in church and registry? Something is clearly not right about that story.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Much as I agree you have to defend the interest of your first set of children, you have to be alive to do that. You must have the courage to tackle all your problems from the root. In talking to your mother, don’t be confrontational. All you have to do is appeal to the mother in her. Ask her to help you stay alive to take care of her and your children.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
One weakness I noticed in your letter is your inability to pray on your own. In the first instance, you shouldn’t have lied to your second woman on the number of children you had in your first attempt at marriage. The number of children you have isn’t something that can be hidden from her for too long. Had you prayed personally, God would have told you what to do. There is no way He would cause a greater problem than the one you were contending with by telling you to lie.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
If your wife is misbehaving, it is because you lied about such a fundamental thing to her. She naturally feels if you can lie about such an obvious thing as the number of children you had before meeting her, then you can lie about other things that are not so obvious hence her insistence that you marry her properly.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Also, not telling the truth sent a wrong signal about your lack of trust in her. Trust is of prime essence in every relationship; without which it becomes an empty shell that cannot be salvaged. That single lie destroyed whatever chance your relationship had to grow. For that reason, you owe your wife apologies. Explain to her why you didn’t tell her the whole truth from the beginning.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
If you don’t want this marriage to end, you have to meet her half way. You simply have to make the efforts not just for your sake, but for the sake of your children.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
As for the welfare of your first set of children, set up a trust fund for them until they are old enough to manage the funds by themselves. You can invest in Federal Government treasury bills or bonds using their names. There are more secured ways than landed property to bequeath to children. This way there would be no ambiguity or needless legal cases after you are gone.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Like I said, there is no power greater than God’s. If you are determined, you can pray your wife out of any stronghold and lead her into the presence of God. Establish a link between you and God. It is important.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Good luck.</div>
</div>
</article></section>Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-71759019491433835052016-12-29T12:11:00.003+01:002016-12-29T12:11:24.745+01:00<div class="row" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #444444; font-family: georgia, "times new roman", times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-left: -15px; margin-right: -15px;">
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I’m Fed Up With Life</h1>
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<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Dear Agatha,</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
At 43 years of age, I’m fed up with life. In the last three years, life has been so difficult for me. My wife left me during the last presidential election and is now living with another man.</div>
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When I could no longer endure the shame I had to relocate from Abuja where I lived with my wife to a remote village, in Bauchi State.</div>
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But my mother has been pressuring me to return home and start afresh, that my life shouldn’t end because a woman left me.</div>
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Please, I need your advice</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Okonkwo</div>
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Dear Okonkwo,</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Something tells me that your problem has nothing to do with your location but your person.</div>
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At 43, your life should have gone beyond the stage of your mother telling you where to stay or live your life.</div>
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That she is still insisting you come back home underscores an inherent problem somewhere in your life.</div>
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Are you willing to face the truth? Without a genuine desire on your part to effectively tackle this problem, you will just be dancing on a sport until too late to do anything about your situation.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Your problem didn’t begin with your wife leaving you.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
No, it is deeper than that.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Although you failed to mention for how long you both stayed together as a couple before she left you, or if there was a proper marriage for that matter. Although, the fact that she left your house to live with another man while you relocated to Bauchi, tells a story of things not done right from the onset.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
If you both had a proper marriage, your families would have been involved in either settling the dispute or dissolving the marriage. The fact that nobody from your families appeared to settle the rift between you both underscores an inherent problem with your life.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Though you made allusion to the past three years as being the most frustrating, the question is, have you always had an easy life? If so, why is your mother urging you to come to the village and why did you opt for a remote area when there are towns you could have stayed, if the purpose is indeed to escape the shame of your woman abandoning you for another man?</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
So, what is the real problem? Has it to do with your foundation and family, or is it just you, having problem in the family? If you are the only one; what kind of choices did you make in life that might have brought you to this pitiable level?</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
At times, the mistakes and choices we make during those years of youthful exuberance do stalk us into our adult life, making it difficult for us to make progress. It could come in the form of a life-time opportunity missed physically, academically, emotionally or spiritually.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Such rare chances don’t come twice in a lifetime, hence when missed, they are never recovered, unless through the mercy of God.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Your ill-fated marriage may just be a result of that opportunity you lost earlier in life or part of a foundational problem you inherited from your fore-fathers.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
To properly situate where your problem is coming from, first undertake a careful study of your family history roots.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Then ask yourself the following question which must seek true answer to: Are your problems peculiar to you or are there antecedents? If you aren’t the only one, then it is from your family tree. Look around you again to find out how others were able to overcome these challenges and if none has been able to get out of it, act fast by digging deeper into your origin with a view to mapping out ways of how to effectively tackle them from the root.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Be mindful, finding out is one thing, freeing yourself is another thing. You must be ready to fast and pray to get respite from the situation.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
The presence of serious spiritual problem in one’s life could actually make family and friends become hostile without meaning to. While not in any way supporting what your woman did to you, she might not even understand what informed her decision.</div>
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This is why, even if you are the only one going through these challenges in your family, you must pray to God for intervention in your matter.</div>
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It is only after you have freed yourself from any spiritual constraints that you can focus on the other aspects of your life. Without spiritual harmony in our lives, every effort put in making a difference ends up a nullity. This explains why seemingly average people end up doing so well, while exceptionally brilliant persons end up as failures.</div>
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Giving up on life generally is defeatist. This is one weapon the devil employs in discouraging people from developing the will to fight for their freedom in life.</div>
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Frankly, if you don’t end your self-pity and anger at the world, you will never show that woman who left you for another man that she made the biggest mistake of her life. Going to a remote area to escape the scorn isn’t the solution. Without a well thought out plan of action, you will end up more miserable.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Like I said earlier, the location isn’t the main problem with you. If God says your current location is where He is set to bless you, there is nothing you can do about that. There are so many people who should be in the village doing very well but who are in the city suffering. It is a simple matter of having the right connections to God.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
At your age, your mother isn’t the only one you should be listening to. Hear also and more importantly, from God who created you and has your master plan in His hands. Your mother can only pray for you at this stage but only God can tell you how best to recover your life. Once that happens, you will be surprised at how fast you will recover from your current travails, including having the right woman in your life.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Studying the words of God will certainly help you greatly in understanding life better and deeper. Every man comes with a destiny that has to be fought for before it can become manifest. For everyone who has a success story in life, one person in the family stood in the gap.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
You have to stand in gap for yourself and descendants to gain freedom from your kind of challenges.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Good luck.</div>
</div>
</article></section>Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-2712270381350354492016-12-13T11:59:00.000+01:002016-12-13T11:59:09.923+01:00<div class="row" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #444444; font-family: georgia, "times new roman", times, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-left: -15px; margin-right: -15px;">
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He Doesn’t Care About Me</h1>
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<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Dear Agatha,</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
I’m a 300 level law student while my boyfriend is a final year medical student. We have been dating for a year now. I met him through a cousin who is his best friend and classmate.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
From the inception of our relationship, he told me he may not always have time for me because of his studies. I didn’t mind, because he is the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
As a result of my resolve to ensure success of the relationship, I took it upon myself to always visit him at weekends and to call him everyday. He tries to call from time to time, but I do most of the calling. I really didn’t mind, not even when my friends started making fun of me as well as insinuating that I wanted the relationship more than him.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Unlike my friends whose boyfriends were always available for social outings, mine was always too busy to even visit me. I complained to my cousin who pleaded with me to be tolerant and not mind my friends.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
However something happened about three weeks ago. I took ill and couldn’t call or visit him. I had thought he would immediately contact me when I didn’t call or visit him that weekend. It took him two days to call me to find why he hadn’t heard from me. It took him another day for him to come and visit me in the hostel. By the time he showed up with the drugs I needed, my friends were so angry with him that they told him to go back with the drugs. He apologized but I was still very hurt and angry with him.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
My cousin again intervened on his behalf and berated me for allowing my friends get involved in my affairs. He explained that they had some important tests to write.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
We managed to make up, but I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing staying in this relationship. I look like a fool calling him everyday. He should be the one running after me not the other way round. Although he now calls me frequently to ask after my health and well-being, but like my roommates asked, for how long? Even when I have tests or exams to write, I still find time for him, why can’t he do same for me? I don’t know what to do anymore.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Lilly.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Dear Lilly,</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Being in final year in medical school requires utmost concentration to sail through the final hurdle. He needs every support from those close to him, especially his girlfriend so that the years he spent so far won’t go to waste. He cannot afford to fail at this critical stage. No matter what he has done, this is the stage for you to be very supportive of him.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
The fact that you are the one who appears to be driving the relationship now doesn’t mean it will remain like that or that he doesn’t care. Give him the benefit of doubt at least until after he writes his final examinations.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Your cousin won’t be seeking your understanding if he isn’t sure about his feelings for you. Being his friend, his assessment of him cannot be wrong.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Furthermore don’t forget that he told you at the onset of your relationship that he may not always be available. If you didn’t think it was a problem then, why are you now having second thoughts? It isn’t right to change the rules in the middle of a game at all. It would have been a different matter entirely if he didn’t explain his predicament to you from the beginning. Your anger and hurt would have been understandable.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
This is why you must learn to keep your friends out of this relationship for now. In their anger, they could unwittingly destroy your relationship even before it begins to take root. Don’t forget they don’t know anything about him or your feelings for him for that matter.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Besides, having being with him for a year, you should be able to say one or two things about his person and character. Relationship building isn’t just about intimacy but total observations of the nature and principle of the other person. Begin to observe those little things you think don’t matter but which, in fact, you need to learn about his person. These are the things that will help you to be happy, whatever your decisions are, today.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
The timing of this relationship may not be right but if you are willing to make the sacrifices now, you may come to enjoy him later. The fact that he came as fast as he could, and even brought drugs for you, underlines his concern and care for you. Don’t neglect that fact.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
I appreciate the hunger for his company but you cannot for now eat and still have your cake. Give him the freedom and presence of mind to study for his final examinations.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
It is only after this that you can correctly determine whether he likes you or not. If he continues to be cold towards you after he has finished with his examinations, then you can go ahead with your decision to end it. But for now, continue to offer him the basic support he needs to scale through this period of his life.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
Finally, telling him about your current disposition towards the relationship will also help both of you clear the fog of doubt beclouding your mind.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
In life, whatever will be will be. The worst case is that both of you go your separate ways.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
At least, that will help you stay focused on your studies too.</div>
</div>
</article></section>Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-27940419951911386032014-07-24T11:29:00.001+01:002014-07-24T11:29:38.802+01:00Is it right to demand for sex?<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<a href="http://cdn04.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/agatha3.jpg?cca022" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #cc0000; font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="agatha" class="alignleft size-full wp-image-182596" height="176" src="http://cdn04.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/agatha3.jpg?cca022" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-style: initial; border-top-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; display: block; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 0; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-top: 4px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="250" /></a></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>With</i><i><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Auntie<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></i><b><i>Agatha</i></b></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, </i><i>Tel: 08054500626</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>Dear Agatha,</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>I got married in October last year to a man whose view of sex is completely different from what I was taught by my mother.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>Also this may sound strange in our modern world, but my mother told me it isn’t right for a woman to demand for sex at all.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>Although I didn’t marry as a virgin but the man I was to marry and who deflowered me never made a big deal of being the one always asking me for sex. We didn’t marry because his mother said I was too prudish for his kind of person; that my outlook would make her son marry another woman. To prevent this from happening; she told him to get a woman who could equal him in everything so he won’t have an excuse like his father did for marrying another woman.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>She was kind enough to explain to me and beg for my forgiveness arguing that her intentions were premised on my own happiness. I didn’t know how to fight that hence we went our different ways.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>Fortunately, I met my husband about three months after that incident. Five months after, we got married.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>Since then, I always waited for him to make the first move. If he doesn’t, I would never ask even when I desired it.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>For about eight weeks now, he hasn’t come near me. I know he loves sex, the reason I got worried enough to ask his best friend who is also close to me if his friend was having an affair.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>It was through him I got to know that my husband’s grouse with me was; he said he would never ask me to have sex with him because of my attitude to it. According to this friend, my husband complained to him that even when I’m in the mood, I always wait for him to make the first move, an attitude he is getting tired of. He said staying off me was to force me to demand for his presence. The truth is, I don’t know how to because my mother told me that only morally bankrupt women demand for sex from their husbands.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>It is difficult for me to change but I also don’t want to lose my home. What do I do as I would feel cheap asking my husband to have sex with me?</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>Confused Wife.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
Dear Confused Wife,</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
It is your right to demand for sex from your husband any time you are in the mood for it.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
There is nothing cheap about a wife demanding her rights from her husband. If you don’t ask it of him, who will you go and demand it from; another woman’s husband? You are only short charging yourself because customs and religion expect you to remain faithful to your husband through thick and thin.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
While your husband can go outside his marriage to release tension, you cannot because of the moral repercussion that follows a woman who engages in the act of immorality.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
If your mother’s advice worked for her, don’t expect it to work for you because your father and your husband are two different individuals. There is no way your husband can ever accept the conditions under which your mother fared with your father.</div>
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Besides, you also have your life to live. It is unfair for your mother to think that you would escape with what she got away with in her marriage.</div>
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In addition, times are changing. While men of your mother’s era regarded women who demanded for sex from their husbands as being morally improper, today’s men have come to realize that a woman feels the same things they feel and that today’s women are not so frightened as women of yester years were, in expressing their desires.</div>
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So you see you and your mother are living in very different worlds. To expect your husband to act as if he is the only one always on heat isn’t doing your marriage any justice. He may not be complaining, but your attitude robs him of the pleasure of having his wife also crave for him.</div>
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Just like a woman desires her husband to show her love and attention; the average man also desires the attention of his woman too. He wants her to make him feel wanted, special and loved too. Though men don’t express what they want like women do, it doesn’t mean they are not desirous of every attention their wives can shower on them.</div>
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By refusing to make your demands of his attention, you are unwittingly telling him that you can live without him and that his attention on you isn’t something you like.</div>
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Although this isn’t your intention at least going by what you wrote but there is no way he would know how you feel if you continue to pretend that you don’t care if he sleeps with you or not.</div>
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One of the reasons a man and woman get married is to have sex as often as desired. It is God’s way of sanitizing the society of moral issues that come with having indiscriminate sex. Unlike what your mother thinks, sex isn’t just a tool for procreation purpose alone; it is also meant to create relaxation and a special bond between couples.</div>
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It is a natural stress reliever which helps to induce quality sleep after a hard day’s job. There is no limiting the value of sex in a marriage. It can be used by either party as a tool of apology, healing and mending broken hems in a marriage. It is also a good tool of communication that enables the couple tell each other certain things words cannot describe.</div>
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So in denying your husband the knowledge of knowing how you feel, you create not just doubts in his mind but leave him very confused about your interest in him as well as his ability to stimulate the right response from you.</div>
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You are lucky he isn’t in an affair; only giving you the chance to clear the confusion he has in his heart about your love and need of him.</div>
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You are also fortunate he told his friend who in turn has given you what can best be described as an ‘expo’ on what to do to bring your husband back into your bed.</div>
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Honestly, this isn’t time for you to debate or struggle with yourself on whether your mother is right or wrong about what she told you.</div>
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If she didn’t want a man sleeping with you, she shouldn’t have agreed to you getting married.</div>
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Sex is one of the pillars that hold a marriage together; a vital one at that.</div>
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If you are shy to say it directly to your husband; go the way of most women by acting it. There are several ways a woman can communicate her need for sex to her man without saying it. This is the secret strength of women. When a woman wants a man, there are several postures she can adopt to make her message clear.</div>
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One way is to dress it. Go for a nightgown cut to seduce even the most principled man. Besides, your man doesn’t need to be convinced; all he wants is for you to give the sign and he is by your side.</div>
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Go for mood music to relax him and make him all anxious to complete whatever you have started. Finally go for a perfume that would stimulate his mind to full action; the kind that would enhance your natural body scent. Finally sit carelessly in front of him and pretend your mind is too engaged in whatever task you are doing to make you remember to sit appropriately. If other women outside use this to entice married men into their web; there is nothing stopping married women from using it to get their men to notice them. This isn’t just any man; he is your husband, one that has been given full authority by the law to view your most essentials. By giving him a full view of his most precious asset, there would be nothing preventing him from taking it.</div>
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Sex and desires require a lot imagination to make them come alive.</div>
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Any woman or man who sits on the fence and expects to get the best out of it is only deceiving self. You cannot pretend not to mind when deep inside you want all the things that make you complete as a woman.</div>
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It is also important you explain your actions to your husband after you have captured him back into your arms. Let him know why you have been acting that way. It will help clear whatever doubts or worry your actions have generated in his mind.</div>
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Just as it takes two to fall in love; it takes two to make every aspect of marriage work. Your marriage is what you make of it especially as a woman.</div>
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Good luck.</div>
Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-264405691370805962014-07-24T11:27:00.003+01:002014-07-24T11:27:56.400+01:00How can I keep my home?<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<a href="http://cdn04.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/agatha2.jpg?cca022" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #cc0000; font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="agatha" class="alignleft size-full wp-image-182208" height="177" src="http://cdn04.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/agatha2.jpg?cca022" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-style: initial; border-top-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; display: block; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 0; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-top: 4px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="250" /></a></div>
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<i>With</i><i><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Auntie<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></i><b><i>Agatha</i></b></div>
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<i>gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626</i></div>
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<i>Dear Agatha,</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>I’m 42 and very lucky to have gotten a man who married me last year. His first wife died about three years ago in an accident. He is 55 and has two children who are undergraduates.</i></div>
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<i>I have lived a very careless life but meeting him changed so many things about my attitude to life.</i></div>
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<i>Although I still have some of my old friends but I’m careful since I got married of what I discuss with so many of them who ironically are married.</i></div>
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<i>This is because most of my friends treat their husbands in ways I don’t like. Apart from cheating on their husbands to earn promotion or as prove of their financial autonomy, many of them also use charms to turn their husbands’ attention away from their atrocities.</i></div>
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<i>Because I also did in the past, using such charms to arrest the attention of the men I dated; lure them away from their homes at ungodly hours of the night, get them to spend stupendously on me, I know what so many women out there are doing to men.</i></div>
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<i>I did a rethink when these charms could not make any of them men marry me. The more I tried, the more disappointed I got which eventually made me to confess my sins and change my ways.</i></div>
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<i>It was at that point, I met my husband who is such a wonderful and understanding man.</i></div>
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<i>But, something happened about three weeks ago that is making me apprehensive. To be truthful, I have never lived with any woman who has been supportive of her husband. My mother walked out on my father because he didn’t have the kind of money she wanted to live large. None of my aunties is a first wife. They have multiple husbands.</i></div>
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<i>The kinds of friends I have are also not the kind whose lives I want to emulate any longer.</i></div>
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<i>Although, my husband has severally complained about my attitude to cooking and house keeping, what he said last week really got me worried. He said apart from sex, there was nothing to make him aware he has a woman in the house; that his food is still being cooked by the house-help and the house is still being taken care of by the paid help.</i></div>
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<i>I didn’t realize that his underwears were all dirty. The house help went to see her ailing mother and had to stay an extra week because she couldn’t leave her mother in the condition she met her.</i></div>
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<i>Usually she scouts for his dirty clothes and wash them. Since I had never done such; I didn’t realize he had exhausted all his underwears until that day. I felt bad when he asked of what use a woman is to a man who doesn’t know how to care for her husband.</i></div>
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<i>If I hadn’t made her cook stew and soups for a month before she left, he would also have known I can’t cook.</i></div>
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<i>Agatha, please help me. I really want to be a good woman and wife to him. I just don’t know where to begin or how to go about it especially as I have a career to manage. I don’t have the time to work and still care for the home.</i></div>
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<i>Also, how do I get pregnant before it is too late? In truth he is not complaining but, I don’t want him to, before I get pregnant.</i></div>
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<i>Please help me because I have come to love him very much. If I confide in my mother or friends, I know what they would tell me to do and I sincerely don’t want to even consider their option of using charm to turn blind eyes to my weakness. I want to change also for me.</i></div>
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<i>Tolani</i></div>
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Dear Tolani,</div>
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There is no greater teacher like experience. Having lived on the two sides of life, you should by now know which side benefits you the most.</div>
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Also, at your age, you should have since realized that nothing in life can be achieved without one form of sacrifice. Your former life required you to part with money to charm men to do your bidding; it was a kind of sacrifice you willing made to keep you happy in that world.</div>
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Having made up your mind to change your ways positively, you also have to keep making so many kinds of sacrifices to keep you happy in your new life.</div>
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One of such sacrifice is making a choice of what makes you happy the most; your home or career? The life of a woman is in being able to balance all the roles she is expected to play in the life. Apart from being a career woman, you now have a home and husband to care for. At 42, you are in a position to know what works for you the most.</div>
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To grow a home isn’t a day’s job; it requires a lot of patience, willingness to adapt, honesty and a combination of prayers and the right attitude to make the home work smoothly.</div>
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No matter how busy a woman gets outside her home; her presence must be felt in the house when she is either at home or out by those who live with her. If after a year, the only thing that makes your husband know he has a woman in his house, is the regular sex; then he might as well pay a woman to supply him with that.</div>
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Sincerely, the house help has no business cooking his meals or washing his underwears. That is strictly within your jurisdiction. Don’t forget that the house-help has always performed these duties for him. If he were satisfied with that, do you think he would have had a need for you in his life?</div>
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The truth is, even if you don’t do it as good as the house-help the fact that you are even trying would give him confidence and peace in his decision to have you in his life. What this man is demanding from you is to try to justify his need of you in his life. Your presence is not just to keep his bed warm; it is also to make him relax and enjoy the comfort only a wife gives to a man.</div>
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If he is still eating the food of his house-help a year after he married you; then he really doesn’t have any use of you in his life. Whether you realize it or not; he knows you are not the one cooking his meals because he is accustomed to the taste of his house-help’s cooking. He is getting impatience because you are not even making any attempt to please him as a husband.</div>
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Another mistake you are making which unfortunately you don’t realize and which may become your undoing isn’t the fact that you don’t have a child for him but, your inability to water down the memory of his late wife from his sub-consciousness. He married you to give himself a reason to live; to enjoy matrimony and to forget the pains he feels anything he remembers her.</div>
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This is the void he has brought you to fill in his life. That you haven’t given him any reason to be happy as a man would make him go back to a time another woman looked after him, cooked his meals, took interest in his personal needs and hygiene.</div>
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If you don’t buckle up; you would soon give him all the reasons to be constantly comparing you with his late wife; when that happens, you can bet he would end the marriage as soon as he finds another woman who knows how to be a wife.</div>
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Once the house-help comes back, ask her to teach you how to cook. If that would be difficult for you to do; pay someone to come to your house to teach you.</div>
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It is better you are mocked now by one person than have the whole world laugh at your inability to sustain your marriage.</div>
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Unlike cooking, you don’t need anybody to teach you how to wash clothes. Thank goodness washing machines are not the luxury they were decades ago. Invest in buying one to enable you wash his clothes on demand. It would go a long way in making him happy.</div>
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No matter how busy a woman gets; once she makes up her mind on something, there is no stopping her. You can still create time for your home out of your busy schedule if you want to. It is a matter of you knowing what you want the most in life.</div>
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Good luck.</div>
Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-12838051550864067412014-07-24T11:26:00.001+01:002014-07-24T11:26:36.256+01:00I caught him with another woman two weeks to our wedding<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<a href="http://cdn04.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/agatha1.jpg?cca022" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #cc0000; font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="agatha" class="alignleft size-full wp-image-181871" height="176" src="http://cdn04.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/agatha1.jpg?cca022" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-style: initial; border-top-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; display: block; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 0; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-top: 4px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="250" /></a></div>
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<i>With</i><i><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Auntie<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></i><b><i>Agatha</i></b></div>
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<i>gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626</i></div>
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Dear Agatha,</div>
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<i>My wedding will take place on the 14<sup>th</sup><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>of June this year. I’m a month pregnant already.</i></div>
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<i>Last weekend I went to my fiancé’s house only to find him with another woman right inside his living room.</i></div>
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<i>They were making love. I was too shocked to say or do anything I remained rooted to the spot at the door. He was kind enough to be remorseful and beg me while the girl quickly put on her clothes and left. She too was all apologies.</i></div>
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<i>He hasn’t stopped begging since then; even told my mother to beg me; that he cannot explain what came over him.</i></div>
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<i>The truth is much as I love him, nothing would ever make me trust him again. I thought I knew him well enough to marry me; thought he was different from all the other men I have known before I met him three years ago at a friend’s birthday party.</i></div>
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<i>I feel pains because the promises he made never to look at another woman let alone sleep with one are just empty promises.</i></div>
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<i>Though he has been very supportive and expressive about his love for me since we started; has shown remarkable understanding for my poor background; going out of his way many times to make things easy for my folks and siblings, I cannot forgive this betrayal.</i></div>
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<i>He has scattered the dream I have of having my man only to myself. I want a perfect man, one who belongs to me and only me. I don’t know how to proceed with him now that I found him with this flaw.</i></div>
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<i>Please help me because I don’t have time and having second thoughts about getting married to him and keeping his baby. I’m also thinking of getting rid of this pregnancy.</i></div>
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<i>I’m 32 while my boyfriend is 37 years of age.</i></div>
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<i>Annie.</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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Dear Annie,</div>
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There is no such thing as perfect being. We all come with defects from the manufacturer’s table so to expect any person to be perfect is asking for the impossible.</div>
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Yes, what he did was very wrong, a betrayal of your trust and pending vows but it isn’t always the best reason for any woman to call off her relationship on the basis of what you witnessed unless it has become something of a habit with the man. I say this because men are prone to having affairs on the side. If you on account of what you witnessed call off the relationship and wedding; what assurances do you have that the next man that comes into your life will be faithful and stay perfect for you? Would you also call off that wedding or marriage if you find out that he has flaws in his character that you cannot deal with? How many relationships would you call off in your quest for the perfect man?</div>
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At 32, you are not getting younger. Every second that passes by makes you older than you started with in the morning. Every day we spend on earth is a march towards our transition. No doubt he has offended you but rather than find out why he did it, you are investing too much time on issues that are not so important.</div>
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With what you have said, it appears that you may be the real challenge in this relationship. Frankly, your standards will be very difficult for any man, even an Angel to cope with. Every man needs a woman who has a warm heart, personality and who knows how to enjoy life despite all the flaws of life. Look at the diamond, despite its brilliance and worth, it never comes in perfect shape. Its imperfection gives this precious stone its uniqueness and strength.</div>
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If we were all perfect, we won’t need God in our lives because we would be like him. God is the only perfection we need to be perfect.</div>
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This incident that happened may just be your awakening call to X-ray your character and attitude. A man can live with a perfect woman for some few minutes, but not a lifetime. You have to come down to the level of mere mortals to survive in our imperfect world. The danger of wanting your perfect world, is that you will never be able to appreciate the value in others or experiences the different facets of life. Our world has different hues of colours which no artist has been able or will ever be able to capture. If you look at the rains, it comes in so many colours, some bright, some dull, some beautiful, some ugly, some visible and others invisible. But they all combine well to give rain the strength of its beauty.</div>
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This is what you should be looking for in your man; the strength of his character, his uniqueness, the things that make him different from the rest of the men you have dated. He will never be perfect but he can be perfect for you if you look beyond the issues you are currently bothering yourself with.</div>
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The danger of insisting on perfection is, when you also need understanding with your inherent flaws, nobody would give it to you.</div>
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Condemn him for being so careless and disrespectful of your love for him but never ask for the impossible from him. Given what you witnessed, you have every right to be apprehensive; a reason you should sit him down for assurances on how much he loves you as well as a discussion on the future of your relationship. Let him assure you that it will never happen again. Beyond that, there is really nothing he can do to undo that which he has done. It is only when he hesitates to do it, picks a fight with you that you should worry.</div>
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Every step of marriage is laced with forgiveness and understanding. There is no way you can appreciate a person without first understanding the true essence of who that person is. Pure understanding gives birth to forgiveness.</div>
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It is also what gives love the special power to overcome terrible situations like you witnessed in the living room of your boyfriend.</div>
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The fact that you are even contemplating hurting that innocent child growing inside of you doesn’t tell a good story about your person. From where I sit, if you aren’t careful, you risk ruining your life and marriage by yourself. Begin to divest certain things you take so seriously so that you can be happy in life.</div>
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Being wife and mother require a certain sense of humour and relaxation to make the job enjoyable else, you may become too overbearing and a monster to those who should love you.</div>
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There is no demanding perfection from a child whose curious mind wants to explore, love and get approval for a job well done even that job is breaking one’s most valuable vase.</div>
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A crawling child isn’t bothered about dirt but about the fun of playing in the sand or hitting the remote control on the floor or hard surface. A young baby doesn’t care how expensive one’s phone is when he or she decides to drop it inside a bowl of water. To them, it is all in the spirit of play and discovering their world which an imperfect mother would understand but a perfect one would condemn and apply strict sanctions.</div>
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Give yourself a reason to live. Marriage is a journey of many temperaments, adjustments and sacrifices. It is journey of many ups and down; of falling and rising, of broken hearts and smiles. If your heart is too perfect, you may not survive it. It requires a heart that is flexible; that can get hurt, broken, bleed, squeezed, swell and heal all at once. It has to be imperfect to fit into all the modes required of it.</div>
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Sit down and ask yourself if you can grow such heart in place of the one you have now as it is the only way for you to be always be happy.</div>
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Also be mindful you don’t have too much of time because at 32, your biological clock is ticking away.</div>
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Go to God to ask for His help in sharing your life and space with another human being. This is very important because you will soon be a mother even if you don’t want to be a wife.</div>
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Learn to forgive and forget. Once you are able to do that, you will know what to do about your wedding day.</div>
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This is important; life is about forgiveness and forgetting an error.</div>
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Good luck.</div>
Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-66509521249608333862014-07-24T11:25:00.000+01:002014-07-24T11:25:05.657+01:00I don’t like his mother<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<b><i><a href="http://cdn03.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/life1.jpg?cca022" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #cc0000; font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="life" class="alignleft wp-image-181167" height="242" src="http://cdn03.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/life1.jpg?cca022" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-style: initial; border-top-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; display: block; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 0; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-top: 4px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="250" /></a>Dear Agatha,</i></b></div>
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<b><i>I plan to marry the man in my life in October this year. As a result, he took me home recently to meet officially with his parents just as I took him home to meet mine too.</i></b></div>
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<b><i>His parents stay in Abeokuta.</i></b></div>
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<b><i>Although the mother didn’t say or behaved in any way to me, but I can’t help not liking her, especially as she appears to be very close to my boyfriend.</i></b></div>
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<b><i>Rather than sit near me, my boyfriend sat beside her and they were just talking and laughing in small voices. My boyfriend was so relaxed in her company that he almost didn’t want to go when I gave him the sign I was ready to leave for Lagos.</i></b></div>
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<b><i>Knowing him, if I didn’t make the sign he would have suggested we stayed with them for the night. I wasn’t in the mood to do that.</i></b></div>
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<b><i>She even followed him to the car where they hugged and kissed each other bye on the cheeks.</i></b></div>
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<b><i>It made hate her the more. I have never liked to settle with a man whose mother is alive, but I can’t help falling in love with my boyfriend.</i></b></div>
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<b><i>Given all the unpleasantness and meddlesomeness of mothers-in-law, how do I discourage this closeness between my boyfriend and his mother? How do I make sure when I come in as his wife, she stays away from my home as his mother?</i></b></div>
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<b><i>Worried Girlfriend</i></b></div>
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Dear Worried Girlfriend,</div>
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Are you sure you desire to be married in life, have children and also see your children get married?</div>
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If you want all these things, you won’t begrudge the labours of a woman, wife and mother who put her everything into making her home and children the success you want to be part of.</div>
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If that woman didn’t put in all the efforts into the lives of her children, the son you want to marry, would you have looked his way if he was a miscreant? That woman you are already praying against her life and benefits of her labour, is instrumental to the composition, both spiritually and physically of your boyfriend.</div>
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Be careful what you wish this woman because life has a way of bringing back to our doorsteps what we wish for others. One day too, you will be a mother to a son who is old enough to marry. How would you like it if the girl turns out to be like you? How would you feel if you suspect her of praying against your success? Don’t go shopping for problems in a mall that has no such commodity.</div>
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This is the mistake many young girls make and when the trouble appears in capital letters, they begin to look for who to pin the label on.</div>
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If thinking that far into the future is too much to imagine; how would you feel if your brother’s girlfriend is praying against disharmony in your family? Doesn’t want your mother around your brother or alive for that matter?</div>
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Has it occurred to you that the children you would have would be part of this woman; her grandchildren and that whatever attitude you put up now would affect the lives of the children you would have in this family forever? If you brew hostility in this family, you won’t be the only that would be affected negatively; your children will also be affected on account of your conduct.</div>
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This woman hasn’t done anything wrong beyond opening her home, life and heart to you. Because she loves her son, she allowed you to come into her life and home. When did it become a capital offence to be close to one’s son? Is your mother not close to your brother?</div>
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Not every mother is like her. Another would have told you in explicit words and action to disengage from her son’s life. The fact that you were relaxed enough to observe how she and her son talked as well as their closeness, shows she didn’t do anything to make you uncomfortable.</div>
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Their friendship and closeness means she invested heavily into his life and that you should do everything to learn about the man you want to marry from her. There is nobody that knows a man like his mother. Don’t forget that this woman gave birth to him, nurtured and moulded him to be the man that he is today. There is nothing she doesn’t know about him because your boyfriend is her product.</div>
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You can safely call her your boyfriend’s manufacturer; which means she has his complete manual which she can either manipulate in your favour or use against you. She only can tell you about his different moods as well as what can clear those moods when they come. She knows the best way to his stomach as well as the kind of things he likes in a woman. Don’t forget that she heard him make his wishes about the kind of woman he would end up with as a child and she also saw the kinds of women he has romanced since he became old enough to date. No wife can wrestle a son from his mother.</div>
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She also witnessed his disappointments and regrets; has inkling into the kind of life he wants for himself and with the instinct of a mother, knows the kind of woman who would make her son very happy.</div>
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The fact that she hasn’t said anything negative about you to her son is the reason he is pushing ahead with whatever plans you are both making. If she had called her son to the bedroom to have a private discussion with him, you would have known from his mood that his relationship with you didn’t meet up with his mother’s approval.</div>
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Even if she is impossibility itself, as a good woman; one brought up to cherish family values, you should be thinking of how to make things better between you and her so that the man you both have in common would be happy.</div>
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Even if she has reservations about your suitability for her son; you can change her mind by going on your own to visit her and ask for her help on how to make her son one of the happiest men on earth.</div>
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Win her heart by asking how to please her son; that you desire to be a good wife to him hence your decision to come to her as the only woman who knows the man you are about to marry the best. By asking for her assistance to make her son happy, you would allaying whatever drawbacks she may be having about you as well as give her the opportunity of getting to know you better.</div>
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Only a woman with wisdom and good heart can please her in-laws. You must at this early stage begin the process of learning how to balance the politics of living with your in-laws without headache.</div>
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Take it from me; you will always need her support in the days ahead; when the cloud of reality takes over your home and the challenges of adjusting into each other descends. It will not always be a bed of roses. You will need this woman you don’t want today to be on your side in the battles of making your marriage to her son work.</div>
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A good woman builds her home with the right attitude while a bad one destroys it with the wrong attitude. The choice is yours.</div>
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Good luck.</div>
Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-37807019452380114152014-07-24T11:21:00.001+01:002014-07-24T11:21:57.232+01:00My husband is complaining about my inefficiency<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>Dear Agatha,</i></div>
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<i>I recently got married. And my husband is already complaining about my sexual performance he says I don’t get wet. I don’t know what to do. Please help me as I’m disturbed.</i></div>
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<i>Chinyere.</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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Dear Chinyere,</div>
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Sex is strategic to the survival of a marriage. Without quality sex, the man has every excuse to become unfaithful.</div>
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If your husband is complaining, then ask for his help with whatever limitations you have. If he is saying you are not getting wet enough for him to have easy access into your body, then he has every reason to complain because in the process of forcing himself in, both of you would get bruised. When a woman is not lubricated enough it makes sex appear like rape for the couple. If you aren’t getting wet enough, it also means you aren’t enjoying sex as you should. It is as much his right and yours too to enjoy this God given package to couples.</div>
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So the business of getting you wet must also be important to you because it is your right as a married woman to benefit from the experience.</div>
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This is why it is important for a woman to be wet before welcoming her husband into her body.</div>
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Naturally, the woman’s body is designed to produce her lubrications if properly stimulated but not every woman has it in her to produce the quality of fluid to accommodate her husband effortlessly.</div>
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So many factors conspire to make a woman unable to produce enough fluid to appease her husband. First, which is often the major challenge women in Africa has, is circumcision. A woman who has been circumcised will never be able to completely enjoy sex because the sensitive part of her woman-head has been chopped off. This kind of woman requires extra effort, understanding, patience and help from her man to prime.</div>
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If you have been circumcised, then you must explain your situation to your husband so he knows what your circumstantial situation is. Although he should know by looking at your anatomy; but not all men bother to study the bodies of their wives.</div>
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If your husband is the kind that isn’t interested in looking at every part of your body; just concerned about his mission, let him know. If you too don’t know, ask your mother if you were circumcised; that is, if you are too shy to explore and study your body.</div>
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This way, he will know what to do and how to offer you his assistance to make you perform better.</div>
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Again, not all men have the understanding and tolerance to make it work well for the woman whose clitoris has been chopped off by the circumcisers<i>.</i></div>
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He should have the patience to help bring her close through his hands and tongue to her peak before going into her. There is no woman who cannot give pleasure if she has a willingly, tolerant and adventurous man as her partner.</div>
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This you have to explain to your husband. One thing is for him to expect exceptional performance from you; another thing is for him to assist you in the quest of giving you both satisfaction.</div>
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Fortunately, God wired our sexual pangs the way all basic human functions were structured by him-primeval Nobody sits anybody down to teach sex; what we can only learn are the various techniques that can enhance our performances.</div>
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Encourage your husband and you to flow along with your natural instincts. Doing this will make it easier to add your own initiatives. By not depending on your husband alone to do all the work, you open the doors for both of you to explore your natural predispositions and find a common ground to navigate a special path to a foundation that binds every couple need to stay connected.</div>
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Sometimes too, it has to do with the kind of background one was given as a child. If your parents hammed into you that sex is dirty and should not be enjoyed; there is no way it will not affect your attitude. If this is the kind of background you had; you must perish such inhibitions because you are now married and able to enjoy sex to the fullest. The man in question is your husband so you are not breaking any rule by throwing caution to the wind. The naked truth is, if don’t grow out of whatever prudish lessons you were given as a child on sex; you will never see sex as a tool of adventure in marriage. Beyond its procreation purpose it is also recreation.</div>
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Once your husband gets tired of complaining, he might want to try something different outside the home. And if his exploration gives him satisfaction, you will be the one to suffer from the consequences. This is why you must never give another woman the chance to better you in anything that has to do with your home and husband.</div>
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Even if you don’t like sex because of what they told you about it, you should make the effort to enjoy it for the sake of your husband and marriage.</div>
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Because of this, make the effort to give your body a good study to make it easy for you to discover where your erotic zones are. Once you know, you will know where to place the hands of your husband to make the moment suitable for both of you.</div>
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No two women are the same. While some have their erotic zones wired to their nipples others have it in other places of their bodies.</div>
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Without you knowing where yours are; how can you help your husband make you happy? Like the whole relationship and marriage thing; sex is a symbiotic thing; one that requires the man and woman to bring together their knowledge and efforts to make it whole.</div>
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You cannot leave all the work to your husband just as he cannot leave all the responsibility for his enjoyment to you.</div>
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That you are not getting wet means he is also not doing his part very well. Both of you just have to sit and dialogue about it. This isn’t time for you to be afraid of talking; to sit back and accept all the responsibility will make it difficult for both of you to really bond and find the way forward together. He has to help you come to your full self as a woman. You also have to find a way of making him come into his full enjoyment as a man.</div>
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Another thing is for you to relax. There is never any need for you to be anxious when it comes to intimacy with your man. When a woman is relaxed and has her mind on the business at hand, there is no height she and her husband cannot achieve.</div>
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Also reading well-structured books on sex can also be of great help. Such books are inspired to help couples become happier in the bedroom.</div>
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In addition the position the couple adopt when making love can either help increase the urge, keep it down or completely destroy the mood. By urging your husband to experiment with different positions, it will increase your excitement.</div>
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One mistake a lot of women make is pretending they are happy with whatever posture or attitude of their husbands in bed. In your case, it could be a minor matter of him adopting a different approach that will fire your desire. Sex is not just about the couple sleeping together and parting; it takes more than the act to make it work well for both parties.</div>
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The thing is for you not to be limited by your fears; this is the point you begin to define your marriage and your needs too in the marriage; one, you must make your husband realize that you both have roles to play in the sustenance of this union.</div>
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Don’t be afraid to flaunt your sexuality to your husband because if you don’t do it, one of the many unscrupulous women outside shall. That will signal the beginning of problems in your home.</div>
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By subtly learning from and teaching your husband the thrills of sex; you would be stabilizing your home and giving yourself the peace of mind to build your marriage.</div>
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For now until you are able to get it right, you could use Vaseline or gels designed to help the body of the woman stay moist for her husband.</div>
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But remember, it isn’t something you can use often because the fun of being together is the surprise factor. Sex should be able to happen anywhere if the couple is gamed which is why you must work at finding your footing.</div>
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Good luck.</div>
Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-25294172049173254562014-07-24T11:20:00.002+01:002014-07-24T11:20:25.942+01:00My husband has two children outside our home<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<b>Share a problem </b><strong><i>With</i><i><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Auntie<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></i><i>Agatha, </i><i>gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, </i><i>Tel: 08054500626</i></strong></div>
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<i>Dear Agatha,</i></div>
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<i>My marriage is nine years old. I have been very lucky with my career. While a lot of my colleagues in the banks had their careers terminated; mine kept flourishing so much so I am now a branch manager in out of the A-list banks.</i></div>
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<i>The money I make is enough to feed my family and keep the children in one of the best schools in town. Though my husband works, but his salary as a top civil servant is nothing to write home about. Therefore, I have to provide most of the things at home.</i></div>
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<i>Also the demands of my job give me very little time with my family; a fact my husband understands. There is no way I can be a manager and still have time to prepare my children for school, cook and clean the house. Since his job isn’t as demanding as mine, we agreed he should assist with ensuring the children are ready by the time the school bus comes for them.</i></div>
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<i>It isn’t as if he baths them; there are two house-helps in the house I pay to cover up my lapses.</i></div>
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<i>Although I go to work on Saturdays, I try to come home early when I don’t have a social function.</i></div>
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<i>For a long time my husband kept complaining about my unavailability at home and in his life as my husband.</i></div>
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<i>No matter how hard I tried to explain to him that my job left me exhausted and unable to make love when he desired it; he would always complain.</i></div>
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<i>At a time, I stopped trying to make him understand and actually packed to our guest room to give me peace at home.</i></div>
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<i>To be honest, I can’t remember when he stopped complaining about my job or not having enough of my company. Also the fact that I have been busy trying to keep my job in the face of threats presented by the ailing economy and competition presented by the retrenchment of very good hands in other banks, I lost account of the last time we made love.</i></div>
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<i>Honestly Agatha, I love my husband and prayed ours would be a happy home. But I have evidence that my husband has another woman who recently gave him a set of twins. She is also a civil servant. I went there to confirm and found it to be true. What pains me the most is the role of my mother-in-law in the development. She was there at the naming ceremony of the babies, despite everything I do for her.</i></div>
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<i>When my husband learnt I went to see the other woman; he warned me never to attempt it again. He actually threatened to end our marriage if I ever do that again.</i></div>
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<i>Now he hardly comes home or talks to me. I love him and want my husband back home. I’m trying to change; come home early and stay at home on weekends but he is never around. What do I do? Or do I just divorce him since he now has another woman in his life?</i></div>
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<i>Ireti.</i></div>
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Dear Ireti,</div>
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In his shoes, what would you have done? Continue to endure the deprivation, neglect and humiliation of your spouse?</div>
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What kind of money and career were you looking for that made you so neglectful of your home? Are those house-helps you employed for your home his wife or mother of his children? Were you also expecting them to share his bed, tender to all his emotional needs in addition to the jobs you specified for them? How come you now have the time to stay at home when you never did; when your job appeared to be the only thing that drove your passion as a woman?</div>
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Now that you have realized his usefulness to your life; you want him back? As what? A hen-pecked husband? The kind you bring out of the cupboard at your convenience? What manner of love does this to a man?</div>
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It doesn’t work like that. Life gives you back what you invest into it. There is no amount of money that will ever be enough to buy happiness and peace of mind.</div>
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You were too busy to notice your importance in your home; the advantage of being married and having your man to yourself. The excuse that you were busy building your career doesn’t work because women before you who occupied that position, you prided above your home; managed to balance their acts.</div>
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Being a career woman doesn’t mean a woman must have a broken home or unable to subject herself to the governorship of her husband.</div>
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The reason God gave women the special gift of being able to multi task is in realization of our importance to our homes.</div>
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Unless you want to completely lose your husband to this other woman; you have to stop nagging and create time for everything that makes your man happy. You also have to make up your mind about those things that are of importance to you now that you have another woman to deal with in his life.</div>
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If you think it is going to be easy to get him back, you are wrong because in your nine years as his wife, you have given him no pleasant reason or memory to want to make him remain with you. So, it is going to take a huge miracle to make him come back to you fully.</div>
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Your mistake was making it appear that, because of the money you were making from your job; you were only enduring the marriage. In addition you also made it clear to him that you went below your level by marrying a poor civil servant. No matter the position of a man; he remains the head of his home; to treat him otherwise is to cause a dislocation in the home.</div>
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The impudence with which you conducted yourself throughout this marriage has become your albatross now that you want him back. What were you expecting him to do when you left him in the cold? If you cannot even remember the last time you and your husband made love all because of your so called career, then it tells of the kind of wife you have been to him.</div>
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What woman packs from the master bedroom into the guestroom and also makes it difficult for her husband to gain access to her body? A woman may earn all the money in the world but she will never be the man; the reason he can get away with having children outside his home and you, struggling to awake the embers of a fire you thoughtlessly poured water into.</div>
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You are lucky he had the discipline not to have slept and impregnated your house-helps. Another man with less discipline would have and dared you to make noise about it.</div>
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If you want him back, you have to first ask yourself what is important to you as a woman and mother. If he agrees to come back, what are you willing to offer him? Are you prepared to give up your career for him and the children? Also you have to factor the presence of the other woman and her children into all these. If the other woman has the support of the mother, she has come to stay; a situation you unfortunately helped to create.</div>
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This isn’t just about you and your husband anymore; your efforts must incorporate the other woman who whether you like it or not has become your mate. Do you have that special grace to share your husband with another woman? This isn’t time for idealistic solutions; you have to be very realistic about this.</div>
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If you don’t have the stomach to share him at all, be honest with yourself so you don’t complicate things for your children in the long run because they are the ones that would forever remain in the family.</div>
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Besides, it isn’t always wise for a woman to be the one to end the marriage, because it is one decision she will forever carry the blame.</div>
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Since your husband hasn’t said anything about ending the marriage, I suggest, you continue to make the efforts of making the marriage work; at least if not for yourself but, for your children who will not be able to enjoy the presence of their father as they used to.</div>
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By now, it should be clear to you that they remain your most priceless gifts.</div>
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Go around his family members, including his mother and friends to bring both of you to the discussion table. Cry, apologise and beg him for everything you have done wrong. It may not give you instant result but if you persist and patient, things will work out between the two of you eventually. No matter what your options are, it is important you both talk about the future of your marriage.</div>
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Also, resist the urge to go to the other woman’s domain again. She had nothing to do with the situation that drove your husband out of your arms and home. You did that all by yourself so don’t complicate things by looking for a scapegoat.</div>
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Finally, go on your knees for a humble spirit. Your pride went before your fall.</div>
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Good luck.</div>
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Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-48828255085200522362014-07-24T11:19:00.000+01:002014-07-24T11:19:04.103+01:00She is into lesbianism<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<strong>Share a problem <i>With</i><i><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Auntie<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></i><i>Agatha, EMAIL: </i><i>gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626</i></strong></div>
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<strong><i> </i></strong><i>Dear Agatha,</i></div>
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<i>I like the quality of advice you give and feel that you might also help me with my situation.</i></div>
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<i>I have been married to a woman I thought I deeply loved.</i></div>
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<i>I’m a graduate with a master degree in business administration and self employed.</i></div>
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<i>We have a very beautiful home and two cars. We are also blessed with three boys and whenever resources permit, we travel overseas for holidays.</i></div>
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<i>I have suddenly discovered that my wife doesn’t listen to my advice or take me serious. She is never at home and I have become the most lonely married man. She prefers to hang out with her friends and if possible, remain with them at the slightest opportunity. I have tried to stop this but to no avail.</i></div>
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<i>I have become both father and mother to our children; taking them to school and church. She only comes to church when she makes a new dress.</i></div>
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<i>To be frank no member of my family has any affinity with her. None of them comes for visit because of my wife’s attitude. I have protested, even sending her friends out of the house but nothing has changed.</i></div>
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<i>She owes a boutique where all manner of people come to. I sent her to the university but she came back without a certificate to show for it.</i></div>
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<i>I recently met with a pastor who told me that my wife was into lesbian relationships and would need divine intervention to come out of. When I spoke with her about it she admitted being into it when she was in secondary school and that she has stopped.</i></div>
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<i>I’m worried because all her friends appear to be her lovers.</i></div>
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<i>I don’t have peace of mind any more. Recently one of her brothers told me his sister has always been a lesbian and that one friend she said she would visit during her planned visit to the United States is one of her lovers.</i></div>
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<i>I’m fed up. We are Catholics and divorce is forbidden.</i></div>
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<i>In this circumstance, what do I do? I get easily irritated by her and want to keep my distance. I don’t trust her one bit.</i></div>
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<i>Please give me your sincere advice.</i></div>
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<i>Worried Husband.</i></div>
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Dear Worried Husband,</div>
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One of the greatest challenges facing modern marriages is the issue of homosexuality, painfully being helped by the permissiveness of the Western world.</div>
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Our penchant here to wholesomely copy western values without questions isn’t also helping matters especially as they relate to our traditional value system. Agonizingly, the marriage institution is the one suffering the most.</div>
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Situation as you have described, takes absolute caution and wisdom to overcome. Your solution is in the strength of your love for your family. If you peg it only on what you currently feels for your wife, you will never have that extra determination to make it work at all cost.</div>
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You have to extend your solutions to the welfare and feelings of your sons who from the age of your marriage still need the presence of their mother. Also, you have to consider the psychological complications on your children should your marriage break up at a time you are clearly ill-equipped emotionally to fathom why she is the way she is.</div>
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This is what you should market to her. You have to have very strong shock absorbers to wrestle your home from the abyss it is headed to.</div>
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This is the time in your marriage when you have to face the truth about certain signs you ignored in the past, accept your faults in the prevailing situation in your home with a view of sourcing for solutions around her habit.</div>
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If her family member confirmed her membership of the homosexual club; then she didn’t develop the habit in your house. This means the problem has always been in your relationship but you just didn’t know because you either were naïve in detecting the signs or ignored them because you thought whatever the budding challenge was then, you could deal with it.</div>
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The truth is, a problem such as the one you described usually presents itself very early in the life of a relationship. You should have known or seen some of the signs when you were dating.</div>
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Back then, who were her closest friends; how did she and these friends conduct themselves? If truly she has been a lesbian from school, then her lovers would still be around her. Who among these friends has been in her life since you married her and who appears to be jealous of you; who for no explicable reasons, simply doesn’t agree with you in everything and who despite her hostility to you, has remained firm in her life?</div>
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If she has a friend like that; one who appears so close to her; one whose reason for their being friendship, you cannot define, you might need to call that friend for discussion. This isn’t time for you to be expressive about your dislike for these kinds of friends; rather, it is the time to play your wisdom card by appearing to be solicitous and needing of their help.</div>
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Although they are women, don’t forget they are your rivals for the heart of the woman who is your wife and the mother of your children.</div>
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The fact that you are worried about her, concerned about the company she keeps tells a story of a man who despite everything, is still in love with his wife. Deny it all you like but the truth is, you do. So, in seeking audience with this woman, be careful you don’t hurt her with your attitude of condemnation because she has the power to make things more difficult between you and your wife.</div>
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By deliberately engaging her company when they know she should be at home with you and her children, is to inform you of the hold they have over her. This is in reaction to your hostility towards them. It was a very big error because women lovers can be very vicious and domineering when it comes to protecting their territory.</div>
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By offering her main woman; the olive branch, you open the path for negotiation between you and them. But first, you have to know if your wife is the male or female in their relationship. This would inform the kinds of things to say to this friend of hers. If she is the female, be prepared to for some scratches and visible claws.</div>
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But she would eventually thaw enough to listen to you and listen to what your offers are. You may have to promise her some monetary settlement to water down her influence over your wife. If she is still single; it means she is a chronic lesbian in which case, you may have to part with some hefty money to relocate her and a combination of threats and pleas to let your woman be.</div>
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If she is the male; it is going to be a battle of egoism and the traditional male desire to stamp authority of ownership. This means, money won’t work with her because to be the male, she must have the means to sustain such relationship. You therefore have to rely so much on your skill as a business administrator to negotiate the freedom of your wife and home from her.</div>
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In all, you must find ways of getting close to your wife again. If possible, devote more time to her; going to be with her in the shop; taking her out on impromptu outings, becoming more loving; finding out new ways she wants to be loved; this means giving her the freedom to explore in the bedroom and organizing family outings to show her the other side of life.</div>
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It is also a period for both of you to sit down and discuss your early lives before you met; sometimes, habits like this develop when the adults in our lives become so unreasonable and hostile. Usually it is to escape notice from overbearing adults that habits like this evolve. By taking her to her past; that is if you can find the pleasantness of mind to overcome your current irritations at her way of life, you maybe able to help wean of this habit.</div>
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At times, it is a very simple matter of making them see reason as well as the quality of love waiting for them when they come out of their mindless quest to destroy themselves.</div>
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This is the time to also enlist your children; let them suffocate her with their presence, ask her questions like why she is not always around them like the mothers of their friends, why she appears to prefer the company of her friends to them and how she would be all alone when all these friends leave her one day; will help her begin to consider issues she never thought were important. Hearing you confess your love and her children reminding her of the most important things in life, will eventually make her see reasons. Just learn to be patient and tolerant.</div>
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If you know there is nothing God cannot do, stand in gap for your woman. Pray for her deliverance so you can enjoy your marriage.</div>
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Also acknowledge that the fault may also have come from you during the years you were trying to build your business.</div>
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Good luck.</div>
Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-11553389074930463452014-07-24T11:16:00.001+01:002014-07-24T11:16:44.915+01:00Why do bad girls get good men?<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<a href="http://cdn.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/agatha.jpg?cca022" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #cc0000; font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="agatha" class="alignleft size-full wp-image-179355" height="175" src="http://cdn.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/agatha.jpg?cca022" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-style: initial; border-top-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; display: block; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 0; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-top: 4px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="250" /></a></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>With</i><i><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Auntie<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></i><b><i>Agatha</i></b></div>
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<i>gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626</i></div>
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<i>Dear Agatha,</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>Please help me. I don’t know what else to do. I grew up in a Christian home and made up my mind from an early age to avoid the many temptations girls my age enter when young.</i></div>
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<i>Because of this decision, I was labeled anti-social by many of my school and classmates in both secondary school and the university.</i></div>
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<i>While my mates rollicked and frolicked with different kinds of men, I kept my virginity for my future husband. </i></div>
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<i>I thought it would save me and my home from the different social vices destroying homes. After the euphoria of meeting me a virgin worse off, my husband started to complain about my inability to satisfy him in bed. </i></div>
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<i>From complaining about that he moved to my inexperience when it comes to social life. For instance, I don’t drink anything that has alcohol in it; for him it is a problem when we go out hence he has stopped taking me out because he is tired of explaining to his friends that I don’t drink.</i></div>
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<i>The result is my marriage of less than 18 months is headed for the rocks. I was lucky to have gotten pregnant in the first few weeks of our marriage. Since putting to bed over six months ago, he has refused to come near me. When I pointed his attention to his neglect, he said, he doesn’t have the time to be my teacher.</i></div>
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<i>Funny enough, the marriage of one of my school mates, notorious for her escapades is doing very well. She and her husband are always seen together. When I called her to complain of what I’m going through, she laughed and told me that her husband cannot do with her because of what he is getting from her. She said she acquired enough experiences as a single lady to keep her man tied to her side forever. </i></div>
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<i>I’m writing to you because of the information I have that my husband has gone back to his ex, one of the bad girls in our school in those days. For the first time, he beat me up and dared me to do my worst. He said, she was more of a woman than I would ever be.</i></div>
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<i>The sad thing is, I don’t even know how to handle this. </i></div>
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<i>I love my husband and don’t want to lose him to any woman.</i></div>
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<i>Please help me with useful tips on how to make him want me because I can’t discuss it with my mother who will only add to my problems by calling me different names and proceed to give me lectures on why a woman must never hunger after sex. She simply won’t understand my reasons. I cannot also go to my friends because they will only laugh at me. Why do good girls have all the problems in their marriages while the notorious bad ones have all the good luck? It isn’t fair because I worked hard to keep myself for my husband.</i></div>
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<i>Jummy.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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Dear Jummy,</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
Life has never been known to be fair on anyone. It is a journey of struggles, choices and good luck.</div>
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Those girls you tag as being notorious and bad are also not without a vision for their lives. Many of them learnt vital lessons from their wild days. Good girls, too can be very happy in their homes once they accept one vital fact; a woman’s place in her husband’s house is to make him happy both inside and outside the bedroom. Virginity is a precious gift to any man but the woman, once she gets married must be ready to learn and accept that sex is useful to the sustainability of any marriage. Often than not, the problem comes when the woman wants to continue to live as if sex is a just a necessity to an end and not a tool of enhancement and satisfaction in a marriage.</div>
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Truthfully, it isn’t the virginity that is the problem but the attitude that the particular woman brings into her marriage. If she is coming with the attitude that the man has to thank her for giving him something so precious and sex for her should be treated with a kind of sacredness, then she risks running into trouble but, if after giving up her virginity to her husband, she signals her readiness to explore all the excitements that accomplish sex in marriage, she opens herself to be taught by her husband.</div>
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Once a woman is married, there is no more mystery to sex. She must fully embrace it, take it and also give it, to enable her and her husband come to full appreciation for this special gift.</div>
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But by continuing to live as if a virgin after the wedding night, can really be boring for a man who is used to sex or has the mind of an explorer.</div>
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The mind of a man is excited by the things he sees. Being in love has never stopped a man from being tempted. It becomes very difficult for the man to be sensible if he isn’t get quality sex at home. For some men it can be very frustrating. Since your husband has told what the issue is in your marriage, then you have something to work on.</div>
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You may have married as a virgin but I’m sure your days in the university left you with some sense of fashion and a broadness of mind.</div>
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By now you should be able to tell with pin point accuracy how your husband wants you to act in bed. If you don’t know by now, then you have a lot of work ahead of you. It means you haven’t done anything at all to ameliorate and diffuse the sexual tension brewing in your home; the reason your husband has found solace in the arms of another woman.</div>
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There are so many ways to win back a promiscuous husband. One of such ways is to take a look at your rival with a view of knowing the advantage she has over you.</div>
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Since your husband has already strayed, it will take more than sex to bring him back. You have to first engage his interest in you as a woman before you can show him your new found confidence in the bedroom.</div>
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This means dressing to please him. You have to deploy every method you know as a woman to attract his interest in you. The essence of this is quite simple; once he senses a shift in your dress sense to something more attractive and sexy, he becomes not just interested but frightened that another man may find you beautiful enough to approach you for a relationship.</div>
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To forestall that, he would begin to pay you attention all over again. Once this happens, ensure you utilize your license as his wife to trap him forever by cooking his favorite food; something you should get from your mother-in-law. Tell her you want to impress her son hence needs her help in teaching you how to make his favorite. For the first time, buy the ingredients and take them to her while you watch how she makes it.</div>
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Follow this up by reading books on how to achieve the sex of your dreams. Sex is as natural as the air we take in. it is a matter of allowing your natural instincts take over. Don’t debate anything; just move with the tide inside of you. Forget about the boundaries you once erected; they are no longer necessary; scale that invisible wall to the other side and see what life has to offer. Most of the time, we are the stumbling blocks to our breakthroughs in life.</div>
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There is nothing your husband is looking for in another woman that you don’t have. It is just that you are yet to discover your strength as a woman.</div>
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Men like your husband can only help you only after you have done your bit. It is only then you can keep your husband to yourself. There is no teacher like experience.</div>
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Also learn to pray for the peace of your home.</div>
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Good luck.</div>
Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-30379406724447151262014-07-24T11:13:00.001+01:002014-07-24T11:13:24.523+01:00How do I know when I’m ready for love?<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<a href="http://cdn03.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Agatha5.jpg?cca022" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #cc0000; font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="Agatha" class="alignleft size-full wp-image-178906" height="302" src="http://cdn03.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Agatha5.jpg?cca022" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-style: initial; border-top-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; border-width: initial; display: block; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-size: 14px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 0; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-top: 4px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="250" /></a></div>
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<b><i>Dear Agatha,</i></b></div>
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<b><i>I was 13 early this month. I started experiencing my monthly flow when I was 10. Although I’m still a virgin, a lot of my classmates aren’t. My best friend, whose boyfriend is in SS1 and who just got rid of her big V, says it is wonderful to be in love. I’m currently in JSS 2.</i></b></div>
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<b><i>Despite having a boyfriend too who is also in SS1, I don’t know the signs to look out for that will tell me if I’m in love.</i></b></div>
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<b><i>Yes, I like the company of my boyfriend very much and have even allowed him to fondle my breasts. His touch does something to me. My friend says this is love, but I don’t know if it is really the real thing.</i></b></div>
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<b><i>We have fixed a date to go to the movies for the end of this month after which I would give up my big V; I want to know what to look out for to make sure I’m truly in love with him.</i></b></div>
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<b><i>Again, is it right to watch sex movies and use vibrators? My friends say they add fun to sex. What do you think?</i></b></div>
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<b><i>I want you to reply my mail privately because I don’t want my parents finding out about this.</i></b></div>
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<b><i>Confused School Girl.</i></b></div>
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<b>Dear Confused School Girl,</b></div>
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<b>I deliberately ignored your request for a private mail and didn’t ask for your permission before publishing this because of the shocking content of your mail.</b></div>
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<b>If at just 13, you and your friends are already this far gone and entrenched in sex related matters; I shudder with trepidation and profound sorrow at what the future holds for the girls who would be wives and mothers someday.</b></div>
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<b>Not even the shock absorbers I have developed over the years since I started handling this column are equipped to handle the kinds of things that went through my brain when I first read this mail.</b></div>
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<b>Even though I toyed with the idea of publishing your name so that your parents can help you out of this situation modern technology and permissiveness has put you, being a mother, I decided to offer you some protection with the hope that you would do the right thing after reading my response. </b></div>
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<b>Also check your mail for the personal letter I wrote to you as a friend and mother who wants the best for you.</b></div>
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<b>Like I mentioned in my letter to you, I won’t beat about the bush because you have lost the innocence associated with your age.</b></div>
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<b>At 13, you have no business with boyfriends and sex at all. Apart from the social implications to your future, health wise, your body may not have matured enough to handle the consequences of having sex. This is because we all mature differently.</b></div>
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<b>While your friends may not suffer any complication from their adventure, you may not be that lucky if your womb and pelvic are still tender and very premature to withstand the rigors of sexual activities. If mature women experience leaks from being handled roughly by their partners, what do you think would be your fate, if you are subjected to such treatment by your so-called boyfriend?</b></div>
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<b>Have you heard about Vesico Vaginal Fistula (VVF) or Recto Vaginal Fistula (RVF). These are holes between either the rectum or vaginal walls and the large intestine or bladder.</b></div>
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<b>These can occur as a result of premature sexual activities or when a young girl gets pregnant and has to go through the process of childbirth. When this condition occurs, the woman leaks urine or human waste uncontrollably. Although it can be repaired medically, but between the process of repair and the situation, she is forced to use diapers. Is this the kind of life you want?</b></div>
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<b>Unfortunately, the woman is the one left to carry the shame of a venture that involved her and a man. This is why young girls like you should stay away from premature sex. Apart from the many medical conditions that could occur, there is also the angle of you damaging your womb in your bid to prevent pregnancy. Once a woman becomes sexually active, she has to keep worrying about not getting pregnant.</b></div>
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<b>And because the age you are in is one that requires you to prevent pregnancy at all cost, you shall be exposing yourself to every manner of medication mostly brash and acidic means of birth control, children your age have developed to keep pregnancy at bay. Painfully the boy at the centre of it, walks away without any repercussions while the foolish young girl either dies in the process or gets her womb damaged for life.</b></div>
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<b>Is giving this boy your virginity worth you destroying your future ability to be a mother? Is this boy worth you sacrificing your life for? What if it results into pregnancy? Do you think he would also stop schooling like you would be forced by your condition to do?</b></div>
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<b>He won’t, my dear child. He will continue schooling while you drop out of school to nurse the child. You would be the one at home, who has the tag of ‘an after one’ and whose friends would all leave behind in their academic pursuits. You know the funny thing my dear; your friends may not have any of your challenges. Often than not, it is children like you, who get pressured by friends to be naughty that get damaged for life. The friends urging you to try their way of life often escape without any emotional or physical injuries.</b></div>
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<b>Therefore, don’t be fooled into doing what they are doing. Tell that young man of yours that you are not going anywhere with him and cut those friends of yours off. They are not good for you at all. If you continue to stay around them, chances are you may not finish your education.</b></div>
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<b>At 13, you are nothing but a child. Nothing in your physical and emotional make up is ready for anything sex. Your age is to read and pass your examinations. This is your foundational stage in life; the time a wise and focused young girl uses in fetching plenty of good water to prosper her field in life. Your grass of progress can only remain permanently green if you know how to section your life well now.</b></div>
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<b>Tell your friends, that sex can wait, but not your education and quest to be the best in your generation. Every young girl has it in her to make it in life; the only barrier is you.</b></div>
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<b>Nothing stops you from aiming to be the president of this country if you so wish; but it won’t happen if your records are with blemishes like the one you are currently shopping for. A woman who wants to occupy very important positions in life must be one with clean records since she would be a role model for youths. You cannot rank among such women if you get pregnant at 13, no matter how brilliant you become.</b></div>
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<b>Love and sex, my dear child can never be out of fashion. When you are of the right age, they give respect and honour to a woman.</b></div>
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<b>Tell your friends that you want to be different from them all by refusing to follow the band wagon. Do you know you can positively influence them to change their ways? You can do that by resisting their wayward choice. Make it clear, you will stop following in their company because your reason for being in school is to make it in life and not to end up becoming a sex tool to any boy or man.</b></div>
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<b>It is wrong to watch, engage in anything sexual at your age. What you need are determination and focus on the right things.</b></div>
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<b>You will know you are ready for love when you are all grown up and matured enough to resist the sweet-coated tongues of men. You will also know a man is the right one when he doesn’t insist on sex before marriage.</b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Good luck.</b></div>
Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-66267486530563326952014-07-24T11:12:00.001+01:002014-07-24T11:12:27.616+01:00She is refusing to consider IVF<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>Dear Agatha,</i></div>
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<i>I must first commend you for all your advice and counseling you give to people in your column. I never miss reading your section everyday.</i></div>
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<i>I was born with one ascended testicle which was later removed through surgery leaving me with one which was certified healthy and functional. Several laboratory tests before I got married confirmed my sperm count healthy and effective. </i></div>
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<i>This is why I didn’t bother to explain anything to my wife during our courtship days. I actually didn’t consider it an issue since I have been assured by doctors on the strength of all the tests I did, that I could get my wife pregnant.</i></div>
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<i>But after four years in marriage, I still haven’t been able to get my wife pregnant despite being certified fit by the various medical tests my wife and I have gone through.</i></div>
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<i>When my wife became aware of my single testicle issue, she was very unhappy and accused me of deliberately keeping the information away from her. She also charged me of luring her into marrying me when I knew a man with a single testicle cannot impregnate a woman.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>Although our different doctors have tried to explain to her that contrary to her thinking, a man with a single testicle can impregnate a woman, she finds it difficult to understand and believe.</i></div>
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<i>Now the major challenge is her refusal to go with a medical option opened to us. One of the doctors advised us to consider IVF; a process where my healthy sperm cell would be used to fertilize her egg and then implanted in her womb.</i></div>
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<i>She has refused this option insisting she wants to be a mother through the natural way; me impregnating her and not through any artificial means. Meanwhile she has threatened that, if after another one year with me, she can’t get pregnant, she will leave and abandon the marriage.</i></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<i>Even our pastor also advised we explore the IVF option. He said since the knowledge was given to man by God as with other medical solutions to other aliments, we should consider it. My wife remains adamant. </i></div>
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<i>My problem is; how do I convince her to accept this IVF option? We love each other. Our only issue is this childlessness which is coming between us.</i></div>
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<i>I urgently need your advice and assistance. I’m anticipating your response.</i></div>
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<i>Oscar .</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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Dear Oscar,</div>
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You cannot convince her to go ahead with your plans unless you resolve the first major problem of why you failed to tell her about your testicle before you married her. What you are trying to do now is like sweeping dirt under the carpet. You must first tackle the matter of why you didn’t tell her about your testicle before the issue of what methods both of you should employ to become parents.</div>
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Until you are able to make her understand that you didn’t deliberately keep the information from her; tricked her into marrying you, she will never cooperate with you on this issue of IVF.</div>
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She still feels bad and used by you. Her stance you can be rest assured, has nothing to do with her love for you but the trust to go on with you in a marriage she feels she was deceived into.</div>
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In her shoes, I’m sure you would also feel bad and very uncooperative. Honestly, asking her to cooperative with you on this issue so soon after she discovered you have just one testicle is very insensitive on your part.</div>
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It has nothing to do with whether or not you are capable of impregnating a woman but that of trust. In the first place, you didn’t give her a choice in the matter of marrying you or to make up her mind if she would marry a man with one testicle.</div>
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It is the choice you didn’t give her in the matter; that is making her bitter and resisting helping you out of a situation she knew nothing about when she married you.</div>
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If she were the one with one ovary and didn’t tell you about it and a problem now occurs as is the present situation in your marriage; would you have the confidence to stand by her especially as she concealed such major information from you? If you understand this, you will know what she is going through; why she feels bad and unwilling to be dragged into an issue you didn’t trust her enough with.</div>
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Deep inside her, apart from betraying her trust, your actions also presented her as being a shallow person; one whose love for you is shrouded in doubts. What she is angry about isn’t the fact that you are unable to get her pregnant but that, you lied to her and are going about this current issue as if it doesn’t matter that you lied to her. Your attitude is the issue here, not the fact that you cannot get her pregnant.</div>
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You must first apologise to her, tell her why you didn’t tell her and plead with her to understand your reasons. You must find ways around this problem you caused for yourself.</div>
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It is only after you have appeased her that you can ask her to support you on this IVF issue because she didn’t plan this when she married you.</div>
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The way it is, just like you railroaded her into marrying you; you are also pressurizing her to accept your option without giving her a choice to make up her mind. This can be very annoying and make a woman very stubborn about the option you are offering her.</div>
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Because she loves you, she will listen to you if you beg her to forgive you for taking her for granted.</div>
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A woman in love is the easiest to manipulate by the man in her life. There is no offence she won’t forgive if her man comes to beg for her pardon.</div>
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Asking her to accept your IVF option is like putting the cart before the horse; it won’t work.</div>
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She is your wife and after staying with her for four years, you must know the right key to press to unlock her sentimental mode. Do what you have to do to melt away her bitterness and make her thaw towards you. Beg her in the one language she understands; tell her you didn’t mean to deceive her into marrying you and that you didn’t consider the one testicle a problem because of all the medical assurances you were given.</div>
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Tell her it was because of these medical results that, you didn’t think it was so much of a problem.</div>
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Also be careful she doesn’t think you are apologizing because you want her to agree to your plans.</div>
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If you can, don’t discuss the issue of IVF with her. Just concentrate on making her fall in love with you all over again.</div>
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Sincerely, if you do it right, she will be the one to bring up the subject of IVF.</div>
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Threatening to leave you if you are unable to get her pregnant naturally is, to hurt you for what she considers betrayal of her trust. She simply wants you to know that the issue of your inability to have a child is yours and not hers.</div>
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However, if what my doctor friend says about the viability of one testicle is right, there is no reason you both cannot have babies naturally. Your case may be just one of those new inexplicable infertility cases the medical world is battling with.</div>
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Like I said, her bitterness at your not telling her before you married is why she is paying deaf ears to whatever the doctors are saying.</div>
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If she remains adamant, open up to your pastor about your mistake and ask him to beg her on your behalf.</div>
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The major lesson here is for you to never to lie to your spouse about any issue.</div>
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Good luck.</div>
Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-38318682733407064912014-05-29T11:36:00.002+01:002014-05-29T11:36:41.699+01:00I don’t understand my parents in-law<br />
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<i>Dear Agatha, </i></div>
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<i>I’m in my mid 50s and have been married for 22 years. Despite the challenges I have had in my marriage, I decided to put up with it because divorce is something I hate with a passion.</i></div>
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<i>In our years together, I have never enjoyed the respect, support and appreciation of my wife and her parents.</i></div>
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<i> My father in-law treats my home as an extension of his home, giving orders and insisting they must be carried out at his own convenience irrespective of how busy one is. My mother in law on the other hand comes and goes as she likes. Sometimes, she would call on me to come and drive her to a party. Because I run my business, I keep tolerating this infringement on my time.</i></div>
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<i>The funny thing is that I am comfortable and have never taken anything from them. But my offence is in marrying their first and only daughter. </i></div>
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<i>My wife on the other hand, at the slightest excuse, packs her things and goes back to her parents’ who on the other hand never bother to ask me what the problem between us is. They not only welcome her back home but take side with whatever story she tells them about me or whatever happened transpired.</i></div>
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<i>My mother who is a victim of my father’s polygamy nature has severally had to beg me to keep accommodating my wife’s excesses because of the children. Actually, my mother’s experiences taught me the virtue of patience. I’m the only child left of the four children my mother gave birth to. Her mate killed all my siblings. I just escaped by divine intervention.</i></div>
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<i>Because of this, I vowed against divorce and anything that would make me have a broken home.</i></div>
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<i>But the one she did this last time has really broken the camel’s back. Unlike in the past when I would rush to apologise and endure the insults of her parents, I have made up my mind not to go begging her this time.</i></div>
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<i>Before l left for work three weeks ago, she demanded I give her N200,000.00 to buyaso-ebi for a party her mother was organizing. Since I had just paid school fees, I pleaded with her that I don’t have such an amount of money and that she should give me time.</i></div>
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<i>That was all. By the time I got home, she had left. Her parents as usual called to insult me. This time, I didn’t bother to go.</i></div>
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<i>The worst thing is that she came back and took our last child who is 11. She also sent a text that I should bother to come for her.</i></div>
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<i>I didn’t mind so much. But the treatment her parents gave me at the party is the reason I’m writing to you. Right in the presence of other guests, her mother and father walked me out with my friends. The mother said, since I couldn’t pay for the aso-ebi for her daughter, what was I doing at the party.</i></div>
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<i>The painful thing is that my wife was there, witnessed everything and didn’t say anything. Instead she was laughing at my disgrace with some of her friends.</i></div>
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<i>I’m fed up. What do you think? Even my mother is asking me to let go of her. </i></div>
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<i>The real issue for me is how to recover my son with her. My eldest daughters are in the university and have vowed never to have anything to do with their mother or her parents.</i></div>
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<i>As a matter of fact, my eldest daughter has for long urged me to allow her mother go and stop holding on to a marriage that is practically none existent.</i></div>
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<i>I don’t want my son with her. I know she is purposely holding on to my son for selfish reasons. She doesn’t have time for any child. Already my son is complaining that he wants to come back home; that he doesn’t want to stay with her or the grandparents.</i></div>
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<i>What do I do? How do I get my child back?</i></div>
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<i>Dayo.</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>Dear Dayo,</i></div>
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<i>For now, both of you are still married. So you do have the right to go over there and demand that your son returns home so he can resume school. And if his school has been changed, demand to know why his school was changed without your permission.</i></div>
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<i>Neither your wife nor her parents have exclusive rights over the boy. Make it clear to your parents-in-law that while they have exclusive rights over their daughter, the boy remains your son hence they cannot take any decision concerning him without your permission.</i></div>
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<i>If your wife insists, she is the mother hence has the right to do as she pleases with him, make it clear to her that while you have no intentions of allowing the issues between the two of you affect the children; you will however resist any attempts by her, her parents or anybody for that matter use any of your children as prawns for selfish reasons.</i></div>
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<i>Tell her while she is free to divorce you, she cannot come between you and your children just as you don’t have any cause </i>to prevent her from seeing her children if she so wishes.</div>
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Even though your son at 11 may need his mother, that doesn’t give her sole right to decide on what she feels is good for the child.</div>
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The only time she can do that is when a case has been established by the courts that you are irresponsible or lacks interest in the welfare of the child.</div>
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Besides, there is no case against you that requires the issue of keeping the child away from you.</div>
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According to my lawyer friend, you can establish a case against them if they refuse you to see your son. But you have to go first before lodging any complaints against your wife or her parents.</div>
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Besides, you must in the interest of the children, explore extra judicial means of resolving whatever the issues your wife has against you before making up your mind on what to do about the marriage.</div>
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From your account, her parents are really the problem in your marriage. this is because if she isn’t getting support and encouragement from them, she would have since changed and settled down fully to the responsibilities of married life.</div>
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To completely exonerate yourself from any future blame for the collapse of the marriage, call your eldest children to explain the situation between you and their mother. Also tell them why caused this latest problem and how you are worried about their brother and the future of the marriage.</div>
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Encourage them to see their mother and demand she returns home. Something tells me that the two of you can resolve your problems if you stop bowing to the commands of her parents and learn to be your own man by spelling your dos and don’ts to your wife.</div>
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Through your behavior of ready acceptance to every caprice and command of your in-laws since you married their daughter gave them the boldness to treat you the way they are doing. Had you resisted them long ago, they would since have known their limits and your wife, how to behave as a wife and mother.</div>
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Honestly, your docility gave your wife the impetus to become irresponsible and disrespectful to you. Yes, your mother kept appealing to you against having a broken home but allowing your parents the complete freedom to overrun your home isn’t a solution either.</div>
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With your kind of parents-in-law patience isn’t a virtue. It allowed them to turn you into a hen-pecked husband; who lacks the freedom to exercise his will as the man.</div>
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This is really the time for you to stand your grounds. No matter how much you desire it, don’t discuss the issue of your wife coming back to the house. Let her know through your actions that you no longer care and that you are fed up with her attitude towards the marriage. Beyond putting up a front, also make it a little bit difficult for her to come back when she wants to.</div>
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Insist, her coming back is dependent on certain factors you must spell out to her. One of them is packing out of the house whenever you both have any issue. Tell her in clear terms the next time it happens, she might as well not come back to your house.</div>
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Taking such a stance will not only come as a shock to them but communicate your tiredness at her and her family’s treatment of you. It will make them begin to consider you as man enough for their daughter and prompt them to be cautious of her they precede with you henceforth.</div>
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The truth is, you maybe making money to fend for your family but you haven’t been able to take the role of the head of your home. Through your behavior, you unknowingly submitted your home to your in-laws hence their effrontery to treat and talk to you anyhow they deem fit.</div>
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The only way you can fix the problem in your marriage is to take effective charge of your home.</div>
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Good luck.</div>
Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-81437898816947606882014-05-29T11:33:00.002+01:002014-05-29T11:33:25.998+01:00How do I solve this problem with my husband and daughter?<br />
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<i>Dear Agatha,</i></div>
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<i>I’m in my early 50s and have been married for close to 18 years without a child. About 10 years ago, I noticed certain changes in my husband’s behavior. From his staunch support of me, he became lukewarm and started making statements I couldn’t understand.</i></div>
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<i>Since I have been unable to give him a child, I naturally thought his bitterness had to do with that, hence I didn’t say anything to further aggravate the situation in my home.</i></div>
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<i>About two weeks ago, he called me for a heart to heart discussion in one of the restaurants he and I usesoccasionally when we didn’t feel like eating at home. I thought it was to confirm my worst fear of him having a child outside our home. </i></div>
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<i>When I got there, he was in the company of a younger lady who from her appearance is very successful. The lady also brought with her three children, all very cute.</i></div>
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<i>My heart sunk at the sight of this lady and her children. It meant only one thing; this was his other wife and children. I almost didn’t want to confront him and his family but he sighted me and beckoned me to come.</i></div>
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<i>Against my will, I sat down and completely ignored the other lady and her children. I didn’t even bother to be nice to the baby who at sighting me wanted me to carry her and play with her.</i></div>
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<i>My husband and the woman noticed my hostility but kept quiet.</i></div>
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<i>After introducing me to the woman as his wife, he asked, if I can recognise the young lady before me. I asked him; if I should. He didn’t respond but shook his head in what appears to be annoyance.</i></div>
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<i> The lady too became so hostile and gathered her children to her bosom. After an uncomfortable spell of silence in which we ordered and eat our meals, he again instructed I take a good look at the lady before answering the question of whether I know the lady or not. </i></div>
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<i>At that point, I became furious and told both of them to go to hell. I stormed out on both of them. He didn’t bother to stop me and didn’t make any reference to that scene when he got home even though I was ready to fight him.</i></div>
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<i>The following day was a Saturday. As early as 7 in the morning, members of my family, his’ and the lady and her children all assembled in my house. Not even the presence of my family stopped me from ordering the lady out of my house but my aunty, who after the death of my mother, now represents my mother, overruled me.</i></div>
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<i>To cut the long story short; the woman turned out to be the daughter I had when I was in secondary school. I was in form 3 when I became pregnant with her. The head-boy who was responsible for the pregnancy didn’t deny the baby; his mother took over the child from me and despite attempts by both families to make me yield to seeing the child, I never did.</i></div>
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<i>Instead I ran away from home; they didn’t know my whereabouts until a decade later when I came back home. Fortunately for me, I made something out of my life and by the time I came back, my mother out of depression at my behavior had died.</i></div>
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<i>Since I didn’t bother to bring up the issue of the child, no member of my family did. In my heart she was dead which is why I never discussed her with my husband or the fact that I had a child before.</i></div>
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<i>Now she was in my sitting room with my grandchildren-what an irony.</i></div>
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<i>My aunty was the one who called my husband a decade ago to tell him of the child. Unknown to me, he traced her and made contacts with her and was even there on her wedding day. </i></div>
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<i>Since her father had died, he stepped into her life as her father.</i></div>
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<i>Her children actually call him grandpa. Everybody in his family and mine are in the know. </i></div>
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<i>I haven’t been myself since that meeting. My daughter has refused to talk to me. My husband too is keeping his distance.</i></div>
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<i>Agatha, please help me. I don’t know how to begin the process of thanking my husband for his love or making up with my daughter and grandchildren. </i></div>
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<i>Folakemi</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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Dear Folakemi,</div>
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You are confused on how to go about the process of thanking your husband because you married one of the best men in the world.</div>
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Had he behaved like the typical average male, you would have known how to beg and plead for pardon from a man you lied to about your past.</div>
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If he had gathered your family to ask them to take you away from his home, it wouldn’t have been so confusing for you to go on your knees to beg him for forgiveness.</div>
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You are confused because he has gone ahead of you to make peace with your daughter and buy you back happiness?</div>
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What you enjoy is a very special grace from God; a very rare kind you must not continue to take for granted if your past mistake is to be buried permanently.</div>
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The fact that your husband isn’t complaining about your conduct or isn’t angry over your concealment of this vital information doesn’t mean you shouldn’t explain your past to him.</div>
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He deserves your truth and explanations. It is a simple matter of waking him up at the dead of the night and telling him everything he needs to know about your past. What transpired between you and the father of your child, how you felt and what you did in the 10 years that nobody in your family could account for you.</div>
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Let him know precisely why you never wanted to have anything to do with the child as well as why you didn’t tell him.</div>
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Although you may not realize it yet, but guilt may have made you more determined to erase the past especially as you have been unable to have another children.</div>
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Give him the benefit to know how much you appreciate him and how you would understand if after what happened he elects to marry another woman. He has to understand that you are also willingly to make the kind of unusual sacrifice he made to reconcile you with your daughter and grandchildren.</div>
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In making this offer, make sure it comes from your mind. Bear in mind the kind of rare thing this man did for you. Frankly, you may not realize how much sacrifice your man has made for you but would when you begin to enjoy the company of your grandchildren and daughter.</div>
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It takes a different kind of love to make a man do what your husband did for you. The truth is, he has since forgiven you but is just waiting for you to explain so many things about your past to him. The fact that he didn’t ask for annulment of the marriage, didn’t come back home to fight and make life difficult for you or bring home another woman makes it absolutely important you answer all the questions agitating his mind. This is because you cannot ask for forgiveness without first clearing the webs of the past.</div>
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Afterwards, go on your knees and ask for forgiveness. Although it has taken him 10 years to build up his forgiveness, hearing you ask for it will wipe clean whatever doubts remains in his system.</div>
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As for your daughter, it is easy to get her to speak with you once you make peace with your husband. Having built a relationship with her, established his love for her as well as earn her trust and respect, getting her to come over to your place won’t be any problem to your husband.</div>
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But, you have to beg your daughter on your own. You hurt that woman who is today your only child. You have to really plead with her to forgive what you did to her when she was a baby and all the years you denied her existence even to yourself.</div>
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Humble yourself before her because if the truth be told, you are the one who needs her now; not her because if she has lived the critical stages of her life without you, she might as well pretend you are dead. Unlike her, you need her and your grandchildren to give light to your life, make you feel complete and happy as a woman.</div>
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The fact that your husband has in a way adopted her as his own makes it imperative for you to reach out and hold on to her. Though your biological child, she has become more of your husband’s than yours. When issues of life becomes this complicated and extremely complex, it becomes useless trying to explain one’s reasons for an action taken. You don’t have any excuse but to really beg your daughter to forgive you.</div>
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Agreeing to meet with you at that restaurant and coming to your house afterwards means she isn’t bitter anymore. Disappointed at you maybe, but the role your husband has assumed in her life has made it possible for her to understand your person.</div>
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She is only waiting for you to accept and love her as her mother.</div>
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Apologizing to her would make it possible for you to assume that role.</div>
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Good luck.</div>
Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-83204176384858115002014-05-29T11:31:00.002+01:002014-05-29T11:31:49.176+01:00How do I tell her she isn’t the one for me?<br />
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<a href="http://cdn02.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/agatha2.jpg?9349d8" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #cc0000; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="agatha" class="alignleft size-full wp-image-177060" height="180" src="http://cdn02.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/agatha2.jpg?9349d8" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-bottom-style: solid; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-left-style: solid; border-right-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-right-style: solid; border-style: initial; border-top-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-top-style: solid; border-width: initial; display: block; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; line-height: 0; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-top: 4px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="250" /></a></div>
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<i>With</i><i> Auntie </i><b><i>Agatha</i></b></div>
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<i>gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626</i></div>
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<i>Dear Agatha,</i></div>
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<i>There is this good friend of mine, I have known since I was a child. She lived opposite our apartment with her parents.</i></div>
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<i>I went to a boys’ secondary school where I gave my life to Christ while she attended an all girls’ secondary school but didn’t give her life to Christ.</i></div>
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<i>Because we had nothing in common, we weren’t close. I come from a strong principled Christian home and the nature of my secondary school education didn’t give me much time to mingle with girls. By the time I entered the university, I could count the number of times I talked to members of the opposite sex outside my family members.</i></div>
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<i>It was in the university my attitude towards women changed and I started to relate with women normally.</i></div>
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<i>This opened a new chapter in our relationship. I was able to talk to her and with the help of God, she too gave her life to Christ. She started loving Jesus more than anything in the world; she didn’t need to tell me as I could see it all over her. Her born again experience was so drastic.</i></div>
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<i>But something happened one day that is making me worried about the future. She told me about the prophesy she received in the programme she went for. She was told that she would marry a man of God.</i></div>
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<i>After some months, she came back to tell me of a dream she had where I was anointed with olive oil after fighting a battle with some people.</i></div>
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<i>She said, immediately the oil touched me, I received the strength and gift of healing and that anyone I touched shall be healed. She said in the dream, a voice told me that the two of us would end up forever.</i></div>
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<i>Unfortunately for her, two days or thereabout before she came, God had already described the woman I was to marry. From what God told me, it wasn’t her.</i></div>
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<i>She concluded that she and I would marry because I told her of my desire to be a pastor. Since I became born again, I know how God works with me.</i></div>
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<i>After one near fatal experience where I disobeyed God and almost died, I have made a vow never to go outside His will for me.</i></div>
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<i>This lady has a good character and the gift of wise counsel. Besides, she is zealous for God and ready to do anything for God. She is like that woman in Proverb 31.</i></div>
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<i>The truth is that I cannot marry her but she has been demanding I pray about it. I haven’t told her she isn’t the woman for me because am afraid if I do, she will run away from me and I don’t want to lose her friendship in my life. She is such a wonderful woman.</i></div>
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<i>Should I tell her she isn’t the right woman for me? But the doctrine of my church stipulates that no marriage discussion should take place between a man and a woman until they are ready to marry; that is, a brother should not discuss marriage with any sister until the church permits him. As a matter of fact, the lady should not be aware of the intentions of the man at all. I don’t want to violate this rule. But in her church, it is different; they are free to say it.</i></div>
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<i>Should I tell her now or later?</i></div>
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<i>Uwadiegwu.</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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Dear Uwadiegwu,</div>
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It depends on your definition of friendship and the trust you attach to the word.</div>
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To whom much is given, much is expected. This lady has come to trust you with her life. She hasn’t hidden anything from you about what she feels and what she thinks she has heard from God.</div>
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By insisting you pray about it means she wants you to have a clear vision of what she thinks she has heard and giving you the chance to verify her message.</div>
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She is asking you for a second opinion to the message she has convinced herself she heard. By keeping quiet, you are in a way confirming her interpretations to the message she was given. This will make it impossible for her to look outside you to any other man whereas, if you come out with the truth you know, she will be opened to other offers.</div>
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By keeping quiet, you make it impossible for her to move on with her life. For a person who has a relationship with God; it is selfish especially as she is holding on because of the message she received.</div>
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If your friendship is divinely arranged, nothing will make her stay away from you now or in the future. Some people meet for a lifetime commitment to each other. Besides, her message maybe that both of you would work together in the vineyard of God; not necessarily marry. If she is gifted in counseling, surely as one aspiring to be a pastor, you would need her gift to ensure the stability of homes and lives of your members. In a way, you both would be together forever working for the purpose; God brought you into this world and His ministry.</div>
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If you fail to handle this delicate issue of her misinterpretations with the kind of maturity and wisdom it deserves, you risk destroying whatever working relationship God has in plan for both of you.</div>
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That your church doesn’t support such discussions is a doctrine; far removed from the ways of God. Therefore, you have to bow to the cardinal mandate of God on honesty and transparency at all times. This is a universal principle of God which no doctrine can override.</div>
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The truth here is, you have no intentions of marrying her because God has revealed your partner to you. So, keeping quiet about it whenever this lady brings up the issue of you and her getting married is deceptive; a spirit that can destroy all you have labored to build in the house of God.</div>
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Silence means consent. By not correcting her opinion you are giving her hope and fueling her dreams of becoming your wife in the future. Surely, the doctrine of your church cannot support this kind of deceit. If you aren’t careful your attitude may derail her beliefs as well as confidence in the words of the God she serves.</div>
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Have you also considered the fact too that she may have by passed the man meant for her because of the false hope you are giving to her?</div>
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Don’t ignore the fact that just as you find her so wonderful and worthy; so also do other men but are frightened to come near her because of her observed closeness to you.</div>
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For the sake of her happiness and value to God, call her and tell her the reason you don’t think both of you are meant to spend the rest of your lives together as man and wife. Explain to her the conversation between you and the spirit of God.</div>
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From what I know of God, He isn’t in the business of lying. His spirit is the same. What He tells you is what He shall tell another person. If she truly knows the awesomeness of the God she serves, she will go back to Him for clarification and confirmation of what you are saying.</div>
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Chances are she may have misinterpreted the message because of her human weakness and desires to become your wife.</div>
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There is nothing objectionable and undesirably about her wish to become your wife. It is human so, don’t make her feel otherwise by refusing to come clean with her.</div>
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In a way too, you would have wished she was the one but since God’s ways are usually not the way we want things in life, she won’t feel offended by the truth. But she may never be able to forgive you for a long time if you refuse to come clean with her. Friendship is a certificate of trust; ensure you do everything to protect it from being damaged by being truthful and sincere always. Trust must always be unconditional and selfless.</div>
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Also pray for the wisdom of God in the handling of this matter.</div>
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Good luck.</div>
Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-56570883411791144172014-05-29T11:30:00.002+01:002014-05-29T11:30:53.446+01:00I have a crush on him<br />
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<a href="http://cdn03.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Agatha1.jpg?9349d8" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #cc0000; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="Agatha" class="alignleft size-full wp-image-172161" height="335" src="http://cdn03.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Agatha1.jpg?9349d8" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-bottom-style: solid; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-left-style: solid; border-right-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-right-style: solid; border-style: initial; border-top-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-top-style: solid; border-width: initial; display: block; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; line-height: 0; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-top: 4px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><i>Dear Agatha,</i></b></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><i>I am 16 and almost done with my high school. I’m a tomboy with lots of male friends, but I’m having my first crush on my best friend and it is disturbing me a lot as I cannot concentrate on anything, including my studies. </i></b></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><i>The thing is that some people say he loves me, but he hasn’t said anything to me. Although, I also suspect he loves me and isn’t saying anything because his ex-girlfriend just decided she wants him back.</i></b></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><i>What do I do now?</i></b></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><i>Confused Girl</i></b></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Dear Confused Girl,</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">At age 16, you are very susceptible and confused about what you feel. Every strange feeling comes out as love to you. For this reason, you have to be extra careful you don’t fall victim of your own foolishness.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">This is because you are yet to develop the concomitant self-control required to decipher when to apply the break that would help you retain control of your feelings and whatever situation you find yourself in.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Men don’t have the kind of challenges and issues women have with their bodies and future. While a man can get several women pregnant at the same time without having his life disrupted, a woman who g</span><span class="s2" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">ets pregnant at your age not only brings shame unto herself but, puts on hold her entire future.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s2" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">No young girl purposely sets out to get pregnant. It just happens and she finds herself nursing a pregnancy and child she is ill equipped to care for. And it usually begins with a crush like the one you are having towards your best friend.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s2" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Many girls your age have gotten pregnant and their education terminated as a result of having a crush on the wrong man. At 16, you can easily become a prey for a man who has no scruples. Therefore, be careful and concentrate on your education because this is your best season to read and acquire all the necessary qualifications that will help situate you in life.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s2" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The best thing to do for now is to avoid being in his company alone. If possible, stay away from him because you cannot be trusted to maintain decorum within and around him given your present feelings towards him.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s2" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Fortunately, your examinations are around the corner; use that as a reason for wanting to be serious for now. Nobody can begrudge your wanting to excel in your examinations.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If he persists on wanting to continue the friendship, insist you are not very satisfied with your current grades and wouldn’t want to disappoint your parents who are expecting you to come out with excellent grades.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s2" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Fortunately, his ex-girlfriend is back in the picture; encourage him to make up with her. This will water down his attention on you and give you the opportunity to kill whatever feelings you are brewing in your heart for him.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s2" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The other thing is to indeed concentrate on your studies. At 16, you are just sprouting like the beautiful young butterfly. For a long time, you won’t be lacking in male attention. Therefore, you have plenty of time to fall in love, get your heart broken and mended.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s2" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">But for now, concentrate on your studies. Don’t make it just an excuse; ensure you have a wonderful result to show your parents at the end of your secondary school days.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s2" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">To help you appreciate the precarious position of a woman, let me use the orange as an example of the worth of a young girl who refuses to get her priorities right. Once the juice of an orange is sucked, it becomes useless. So also is a young girl who refuses to preserve herself.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s2" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Once you mess up yourself, it would be almost impossible for you to earn back your place in the society.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s2" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Again, because of the overwhelming power of the hormones surge in your system, it may not exactly be in your interest to always be in the company of too many boys. Like you, your male friends are also experiencing these massive changes in their bodies and may not be able to control their emotions when exposed to a female company. At your ages, you are all going through life changing experiences that require maturity to control. For now, you all lack that experience hence the need to avoid temptations.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s2" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Most of the misadventures teenagers get into are mostly not </span><span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">pre-planned. They just happen even before they have the chances to think of the consequences.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Many of you are just beginning to experience all the reactions of the adult world and sex, being the underlining factor can happen with anybody and at any moment.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Besides, you cannot tell what these boys you surround yourself with have in mind. One or two of them may not be on the same page with you. You need time to mature and root your future firmly in the ways of God.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">In addition, as you have found out, emotional relationship between members of the opposite sex can be engaging and time consuming. If you are not careful, it could consume all of your time; precious time you would have invested on your studies would be wasted on a venture that is valueless to you now.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">This is why this important period of your life must be devoted to your education only. Being a child yourself, you cannot afford to make mistakes that will make you inferior to your classmates and age group in future. How would you feel if a mistake happens and you are forced to do nappies and baby food while your mates are going to school?</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Boys don’t have any kind of responsibility that Mother Nature has bestowed on women.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">For your own good and progress in life, kill that crush you have for this young man now. It isn’t worth your time, attention and energy. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing out of place in what you feel, but the timing is wrong.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Trust me, there will always be other men by the time you are old and mature enough to handle.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Good luck.</span></div>
Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-2150694638905316342014-05-29T11:28:00.004+01:002014-05-29T11:28:28.580+01:00What is expected of a woman in marriage bound relationship?<br />
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="background-color: transparent;"><span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> w</span>ith Agatha Edo, Email: <i>womaneditor@independentngonline.com, </i><i>gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel:</i><i>08054500626</i></strong><i> </i></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i>Agatha,</i></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i>I wish to know more about a quote you used; ‘A woman who doesn’t know what is expected of her as a woman or wife” and what is expected of a woman in a relationship that will lead to marriage.</i></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i>What are the dos and don’ts of a relationship? Please I really need help.</i></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i>Lynda</i></span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Dear Lynda,</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Relationship is a chain of exquisite threads; each strand, embedded with its peculiar complications that must however be harmonized, if the chain is to stay appealing and firm.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">For it to be in perfect shape, every member of each strand must first grow the determination to remain within the family fold.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s2" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">As with every organization; one party has to learn to work extra hard for its unity and sustainability. Usually, it is this selfless member of the group that holds the chain together. Without a hook, no matter how beautiful a chain is, it remains un-wearable.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">This is the role of a woman in a relationship; whether dating or married. She is the one who has been equipped by Mother Nature to play the role of the cement in a relationship. Apart from being the woman, wife and mother of the relationship; she is the public relations officer, the politician, the front desk person, the ambassador, minister of home affairs, the teacher, the moral barometer of her family, the trouble shooter between all parties that make up her family, the prayer warrior and intercessor between God and her family. She is also the shocker absorber, the think tank of the family. So the role of the woman goes beyond cooking and house keeping.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Therefore, if a woman isn’t proactive, her family suffers because she has to think for everybody to make the wheels of the home rotate very well. So as a girlfriend, you have to go beyond frivolities to reality. While every woman would be a girlfriend to a man at one time or the other in her life; not every woman will be a wife or remain married because of the qualities required to keep a home.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">A woman in a relationship, no matter her marital status, must be patient, selfless, tolerant, understanding, supportive even when she doesn’t completely agree, be funny to encourage every member of the family to relax and build wonderful memories they will take away into their own homes, be firm when the need arises and still have time to be a woman by being romantic to remain relevant in the life of her man.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">She must know without sentiments, who comes first in her scale of preference always. Most women, once married often make the costly mistake of neglecting their husbands once they begin to have children by transferring all their affection, attention and care to them leaving their husbands in the cold. This is why most men find solace in the cocoon of another woman’s bosom. Unfortunately, once a woman makes the mistake of sweeping her husband into the waiting hands of another woman more desperate to have him than his wife, it becomes difficult to wean the man of the warmth of this other woman because she is giving him the attention and services the woman at home is neglecting to do.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Every wise woman must know that without the husband, there will be no children or home for that matter. Therefore, she must keep the husband as her focal point of attention because if the man decides to stray; the entire family goes into crisis. Besides, the children will one day leave the home to begin families of their own. If she failed to carry her husband along when she was nursing the children, she will have problems integrating with him after the children go away.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">This is why so many women, advanced in age are unhappy and grouchy at that important time in their lives when they should be enjoying the company and companionship of their husbands. Too late, most women who forgot to prioritize their affection while growing their children wake up one morning to find out, they have lost their husbands to other things like women, drinks, friends and social outings.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">A wise woman must never forget the reason she left her family to become a member of another family: her man on whose authority and influence she became a wife and mother. No matter how busy she gets, she must make out time to be wife and friend to her husband. She must learn to prepare her home for the second honeymoon-when all the children would have left her nest to begin lives of their own.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">No matter how busy she gets with the children and task of sustaining her family, she must always celebrate her man with everything that makes her first a woman and then a wife. She must constantly upgrade her looks to remind the man of the woman she was when they met thereby keeping alive the flame of their passion as well as give him her unconditional respect as his wife. A woman who makes the habit of disrespecting her man or has mastered the habit of nagging him at the slightest opportunity leaves the man with no choice but to find other sources of happiness.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">A woman must make her home, a wonderful oasis for her man to come to anytime. Her role as wife doesn’t begin and end in the kitchen or bedroom. It is all encompassing. When she is not around for a day; the whole family must miss something actual about the woman of the house. When a mother leaves home and nobody misses her absence, she has completely lost it.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s3" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Many career women have developed the habit of using money to buy the affection of their children and husbands. Money is good in a marriage but isn’t the essential ingredient that oils its wheel of progress. As the homemaker, cradle builder and bridge between father and children, a woman must give all of herself to her family without reserve. She must be the one both the children and husband come to when they have issues. Wisdom demands she must put herself in the position to be a problem solver to all of them else friends of her family members will take over her position and destroy her home through wrong advices and influences.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Taking into cognizance that nobody is perfect; that we are all defect from the manufacturer’s table, a woman who wants to remain a wife must never do or say anything that will make anybody disrespect her husband. Even when she has reasons to be extremely upset with him, she should refrain from engaging her man in a war of words when there is an audience; the children inclusive. Every matter between the two of them should be argued and resolved in the bedroom; where she has the right to say whatever she likes to him without reservations.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">A good woman and wife is also the one who knows how to project positively the image of her husband among his friends and family. She is also the kind of woman who knows how to wiggle her way out of issues involving her in-laws. The truth is, every wife will become a mother-in-law and sister-in-law one day. what she wouldn’t want the wife of her son or brother do to her, she shouldn’t dish it to her own in-laws either. As long as humans exist, there will always be issues. Once the daughter-in-law recognizes the fact that she too isn’t perfect, the easier it becomes to gloss over the many faults of her in-laws.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If a woman can accommodate the imperfection of her own mother and other females in her own family; there is no reason why she should not understand the defects in other people. This is because without the efforts of the mother-in-law on the man she came to marry, she won’t have a home and the children she loves so much. Difficult as it is to love certain people, every woman must make the effort to love her in-laws for both the peace of her mind and the well being of her husband as well as the children whose family the in-laws she is fighting are.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">A wise wife and mother must make whatever sacrifice is required to insure the future of her own immediate family through prayers. Sometimes, it isn’t always convenient to wake up at certain hours of the night to pray but most marital battles are fought and won on bent knees and not through fighting or nagging.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Therefore, to be make a marriage work, takes the quintessence of the woman; it is either that or nothing. The magic of marriage; is for a woman to stay in relationship with her man at all times, no matter the weather of the day.</span></div>
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Good luck.</span></div>
Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-34429652467365909482014-05-29T11:25:00.004+01:002014-05-29T11:25:35.604+01:00How do I tell my wife about my son<br />
<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #555555; font-family: georgia, 'palatino linotype', palatino, 'times new roman', times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 15px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<strong><span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i>With</i></span><span class="s2" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i> Auntie </i><i>Agatha, </i></span><i>gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com</i></strong></div>
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<i style="font-family: inherit;">Tel: 08054500626</i></div>
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<i>Dear Agatha,</i></div>
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<i>There is this problem I didn’t envisage but which may terminate my marriage because of the precarious position my wife is in. I have been married for close to 13 years without a child. The problem appears to challenge modern medicine. </i></div>
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<i>Although my wife is getting despondent and extremely paranoid that I may source for a child from another woman; I have kept assuring her of my commitment to the marriage.</i></div>
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<i>I have told anybody that cares to listen in my family and among my friends that I married the best woman for me. I mean every word of it because she gives me peace.</i></div>
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<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i>However, two weeks ago, an old girlfriend of mine I dated concurrently with my wife when she was still my girlfriend walked into my office with a young man I cannot deny is mine. He takes after my father in looks and even mannerism.</i></span></div>
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<i>I didn’t know she was even pregnant let alone knowing that I have a child outside my home. She said, she didn’t tell me because I was already married by the time she found out. She said she decided to keep the pregnancy and baby as consolation for her loss and that she wouldn’t have brought the child if not for his insistence he wanted to know his father because of the unkind words by his classmates.</i></div>
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<i>In fairness to her, she didn’t come with the intent of dropping the child with me but to satisfy the curiosity of the boy. I was still in the process of getting to know my son when my elder brother walked into my office and the matter was taken out of my hands.</i></div>
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<i>The uncanny semblance of the boy to our father gave me away. He didn’t give me the chance to think before making a call to our parents, accompanying it with the pictures of the boy despite protests from his mother that she didn’t come to make trouble for anybody or to leave without her child.</i></div>
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<i>To cut the long story short, the whole family converged almost immediately on my office to see my son and persuade his mother to leave him.</i></div>
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<i>The mother was curt in her refusal. She said, he was all she has; that she cannot live without him. my family too stood their ground that they cannot abandon their child now that they know of his existence.</i></div>
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<i>Despite my feelings for my wife, I wanted the child too. Agatha, it is a very good feeling to hold my child in my arms and to be called a dad by my own flesh and blood.</i></div>
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<i>What do I do? Do I join the family in negotiating with the mother to release my son to me or sit on the fence and allow my family do the job of convincing her to release my son to us? How do I handle the issue of my wife who will definitely think I had always known about the existence of this child and only seeking a way of bringing him home because she hasn’t been able to give me a child?</i></div>
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<i>I will never be able to live my life as before knowing I have a son somewhere. Even as I write this letter, I crave to him by my side but I’m cautious so as not to hurt my wife.</i></div>
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<i>Jide </i></div>
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Dear Jide,</div>
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She will be extremely hurt if she gets the information from a third party, especially if the person telling her the story is given to exaggeration. You may not be able to control her reactions or her decisions in such a situation.</div>
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This is because nothing you tell her then would make sense to her as she would have come up with conclusions of her own regarding your decision to keep the existence of a son as well as his presence from her.</div>
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No matter how unpalatable or discomforting you may find this whole experience, tell your wife about it. She has the right to know because if you eventually talk the mother into releasing her child, she would be the one to care for the child. In addition, if you don’t do it now, chances are your family members may decide to tell her by themselves and that will not be good for the health of your relationship with your wife.</div>
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You need her trust and support to get over this. If she finds out from another source, she will not only feel betrayed but unable to ever trust you again.</div>
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In addition, it would make it almost impossible for you to bring the child home because of the strained relationship between the two of you.</div>
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In a marriage, no matter how unpleasant a situation is, it is always best for the couple to be as transparent as possible to each other. Also if the shoes were on her feet, how would you feel if you get to find out something as serious and sensitive as this about her from a third party? No matter what she does afterwards, you may never be able to trust her completely again. This is the more reason for you to tell her as soon as possible.</div>
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Frankly, you erred by not addressing it immediately on the very day you found out. Had you told her as soon as you got home, telling her would not appear this difficult. The more days that go by, the more complex it would be; so do what you have to do now.</div>
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Given her situation, she will not be pleased at the idea of another woman being able to give you a child; honestly, no woman, no matter how nice will ever welcome the knowledge of another woman having a child for her husband but she still has to know.</div>
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<span class="s1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">A lot would depend on how you handle the situation. One thing you must never do is make promises to her concerning this child that you know deep down you won’t be able to sustain. Don’t feel guilty about a situation you never knew existed. What you can give her now is assurance that you will not leave her or marry the mother of the child. Really, this would be her major fear. Explain to her what happened between the three of you back then and that if you had any intentions of ending up with the mother of your child as life partner, you wouldn’t have settled for her as your wife and life partner.</span></div>
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She needs your assurances that the presence of a child by this woman hasn’t changed the way you feel about her. It is also imperative she understands that temptation is best avoided if she allows the child come to stay with you by the time the mother releases him to lessen the number of times you and your ex get to see.</div>
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At this stage, it is important to be fair to everyone concerned. You have to make her understand despite your love and respect for her that you now owe that child some attention and responsibility which would be easier on both of you if she supports you by allowing you to bring the child home.</div>
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As a result of the suddenness of the situation as well as its permanent nature, give her time to come to terms with the knowledge of her having a stepchild as well as made up her mind on how to proceed.</div>
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<span class="s2" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">While she chews on the piece of information; work something out with the mother of your child so as to be relevant in the development and welfare of your son. Although you didn’t plan for this, but now that you know you have a son, it behooves you to discharge all your duties to this child as well as create the vital time of both of you growing a sound father and son relationship. Don’t do the weak thing of abandoning your wife for your son or your son for your wife. You must be firm on how to manage the two of them because they both belong to you. This has nothing to do with your wife not having children. This is immaterial. Even if she has children, your duties to your son remain important.</span></div>
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As a husband and father, you must learn to be fair to both your wife and son.</div>
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If your relationship is built on trust, it will come out stronger and better from this experience.</div>
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Good luck.</div>
Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44251329346259485.post-8683061221077280052014-05-29T11:24:00.002+01:002014-05-29T11:24:38.398+01:00She already has a son<br />
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<i><a href="http://cdn02.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/life.jpg?9349d8" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #cc0000; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="life" class="alignleft size-full wp-image-171176" height="315" src="http://cdn02.dailyindependentnig.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/life.jpg?9349d8" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-bottom-style: solid; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-left-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-left-style: solid; border-right-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-right-style: solid; border-style: initial; border-top-color: rgb(34, 34, 34); border-top-style: solid; border-width: initial; display: block; float: left; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; line-height: 0; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-top: 4px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="320" /></a>Dear Agatha,</i></div>
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<i>I’m a man of 36 years of age and desirous to settle down. October last year, I met this lady in a church function. I liked her and immediately gave her my complimentary card so she can get back to me, as there was no time for me to explain myself to her. </i></div>
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<i>Few days after, she called and from there, we started communications. We both reside in different cities. In December, I travelled to meet her so we could meet and talk things over physically rather than through the telephone. During our discussions, she opened up to me that she has a child-a boy for that matter. </i></div>
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<i>According to her, it happened during her secondary school days and the boy is now seven years old. </i></div>
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<i>She will be 30 years of age by December and is currently a 200 level student in the university. I was shocked and disappointed when she told me about her child. According to her, the guy responsible denied ownership of the pregnancy prompting her family to take responsibility for the welfare of the child.</i></div>
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<i> Agatha, I have never contemplated marrying a woman with a child. Despite the fact that she has all the qualities I admire in a woman and for fact too that I love her, the issue of her child is however giving me a lot of concern. She loves me with passion, and cannot hide anything from me. She also respects and honours me sincerely. And I would have loved to marry her as a result of her rare qualities. </i></div>
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<i> I haven’t told my people that the lady I found and who has the qualities I want in a woman, has a child.<br />Again, another worry is that, she is in 200 level. </i></div>
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<i>Once I decide to go ahead with the marriage, will her people not transfer the burden of payment of her school fees to me? Won’t they expect me to take over everything that has to do with her education? I ask these questions because I lack the financial wherewithal to take on such responsibility for now.</i></div>
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<i>Please I need your candid and sincere advice before I take a final decision.<br />Godwin</i></div>
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Dear Godwin,</div>
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Sincerely, if you are not at peace with the thoughts of her having had a child, don’t go ahead with any marriage proposal. I say this because the child will eventually come and stay with his mother.</div>
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If you have any misgivings and discomfort concerning the child, you will never be able to love that child as you should as his new father. That child is part of the woman you have come to love therefore, you must see him as part of the total package else, you will be putting your girlfriend in the difficult position of choosing between her love for you and child.</div>
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Also don’t forget that this child has been rejected once; long before he was born. It would hurt both mother and child terribly if your actions portray you as being uncomfortable around the child. There is no way she would ever be able to give you her all if she suspects you of not liking her child.</div>
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It is either you learn to live with the evidence of her mistake or allow her find herself a man who has the maturity and understanding to deal with her past.</div>
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The fact that she chose to have the baby while others are busy aborting theirs doesn’t make her morally bankrupt at all. From how you described her, she must have learnt some very priceless lessons from her experiences and for which you would be the major beneficiary.</div>
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Her experiences have taught her to be all those things you find appealing about her. At 36, you aren’t young anymore. You are old enough to know what you want and to stand by it. Unless you are dependent on your family for means of livelihood; there is nothing out of the ordinary in what she has done. It is a matter of knowing the kind of woman that gives you the most happiness.</div>
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However, to help you make up your mind, get to know the nature of the little boy. It’s important you especially create the opportunity for both of you to get to know each other. See how both of you get on as well as how much of yourself you can give this child. Also don’t forget that this child has been rejected once by his biological father even before he was born; it would definitely create major psychological problem for him if you too make it impossible for him and his mother to have a normal mother and child relationship. He is a young child who will never be able to understand why he is being rejected all over again. You will simply be sending him on a road that would damage him if you don’t deal with the issue you have with his existence in his mother’s life.</div>
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Particularly for the sake of this innocent child, don’t pretend about what you feel about his mother having him. If you cannot deal with it, best you let the mother know since this child will always be a part of his mother’s life; the reason she told you in the first place. If she is sensible, she will come to appreciate your honesty.</div>
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The fact too that she told you at the very beginning should tell you that she isn’t about to hide the fact of her being a mother from anybody. Telling you is to give you the chance to know what you are getting into. It is also her way of informing you that her child is part of the package and that if you are not ready to accept the child as part of her, you are free to go.</div>
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A woman desperate to marry at all cost won’t do that. She would wait until it is too late for you to do anything about the relationship before telling you. At least, she has given you the choice to make up your mind about her and her child before even entering the relationship. Therefore, it would be unpardonable if at the end of the day; after appearing to accept the condition she has given you to continue to bear a grudge against the fact that she has had a child.</div>
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Nobody plans to begin his or her life with either a woman or man who has had a child but life always doesn’t come in the package we want. Most times, the things we want desperately come with situations we must learn to accept first before having what we want.</div>
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In addition life is also about making sacrifices for someone we love so much. If true, you really like this woman and convinced she has the qualities that would make you happy as a man; accepting her son shouldn’t be too much of a sacrifice to enjoy the bliss of matrimony.</div>
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On the issue of her family abandoning her for you to complete her education; it is a simple matter of you and your woman sitting down to discuss as honestly as possible. You have to be able to open up to her about your financial status. Often than not, women escape with the wrong impression about their men’s finances because, the men refuse to tell their women the truth about their financial position.</div>
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Yes, her family might abandon her education completely to you but if you and the woman have the understanding that you cannot afford it; not because you don’t want to butthat you don’t have the means for now. Understanding between a couple is what drives a relationship to success. Your motive must be very clear to her; this way she would be able to correctly measure the worth of your feelings for her and defend you against suspicions from her family and friends.</div>
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No matter what it would cost you, learn to tell her the truth always.</div>
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Good luck.</div>
Auntie Agathahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02129197293647467610noreply@blogger.com0