Dear Agatha,
Before I left Nigeria, my girlfriend and I promised to marry. Because it wasn’t possible for me to come abroad with her, she promised to wait for me. That was just six months ago.
Despite sending money to her and her family to augment her school fees and other sundry expenses, I learnt she has started dating my best friend’s brother. Although she is begging me to forgive her, I find the whole development disappointing and uncalled for, making it impossible for me to continue the relationship with her.
Meanwhile, there is this old friend from secondary school I reconnected with on the Facebook. We have been communicating regularly. She promised to visit my family even though I have officially told them about her on phone. Known to my sister, she has promised to be faithful to me. I am confused. Hence need your help on the right step to take.
Gentle Boy.
Dear Gentle Boy,
Follow the dictates of your heart. But be careful you are not replacing one form of disappointment with another one. The challenge of long distance and Internet related relationships is that couples tend to put their best foot forward, concealing the troubled aspects of their character from their partners.
Granted you and this lady went to the same secondary school, but certain things may not be the same about her like you remember them to be.
It would be so disappointing if after waiting, you both discover that the two of you cannot be an item. Therefore, there is the need for both of you to keep the line of communication very open, not promising each other anything but very good foundation of friendship to see how things go before contemplating something serious.
Besides, you are just quitting a relationship. going into a new one almost immediately will not only call to question your real reason for the action you took but would deny you of the essential opportunity of healing from the disappointment of the previous one.
For now, it is in your best interest to take stock of the mistakes you made both obvious and otherwise in your previous relationship. You may think the fault is entirely hers, but if you care to look deeper, you too would have unwittingly contributed to it. I say this so you don’t keep repeating the same mistake in your successive relationships.
By taking your time to study her, you insure the future properly for whatever you are to make out of this relationship. This is not to say she cannot go and visit your family as your friend, but until you both meet to discuss the important things about yourselves, the past and the now of your persons, continue with her as a friend. Any discussion that has to do with one’s choice of a partner has to be treated with all the seriousness than you are giving this issue. Sometimes we fall in love with the wrong image only to discover too late that a major mistake has been made. If both of you are meant to be, no matter how long it takes, you will end up as an item and if not, no matter how much you desire it, crave for her, it will never happen. So learn to depend more on God than your own wisdom.
Good luck.
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