Friends say I’m worse off being a virgin till wedding night

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, Thanks for the positive changes you are making in the lives of people. I am a 21 years old girl and still a virgin, although determined to be a virgin until my wedding night, but I cannot cope any longer with the pressures from every man that indicates interest in having a relationship with me. They all want sex from me. Once I decline, they move on. Consequently, I am very lonely and rejected. The last relationship I had broke up as the guy started asking money from me all because I made my stand on premarital sex known to him. Secondly, my friends are frightening me with tales they tell whenever I tell them about my decision to remain a virgin until my wedding night. They say all sorts of things like: a woman has to date several men to know the right man for her. They also claim that such a woman may develop cancer of pelvis and unable to enjoy sex. They are also of the views that if I don’t engage in sex now, I will be unable to satisfy my husband in bed since I won’t know the kinds of sexual positions to adopt that will give him good pleasures. All they are saying are beginning to sound like the truth, because I really don’t have any kind of experience when it comes to sex. Please Agatha help me I’m confused. Confused Lady. Dear Confused Lady, First there is no iota of truth in all your friends are saying. Sex isn’t what points a discerning minded woman to the inherent qualities of a man. Rather, a lot depends on her focus in life. A woman without her own dream, her own plans can never be able to identify the kind of man that will help her nurture to maturity her own dreams. Therefore, you have to begin your search for your Mr. Right from your own standpoint of the kind of life you want for yourself. As a young woman, where do you want to be in the next decade? What kinds of things do you want for your children as well as marriage? What kind of man do you want? Out there are different kinds of men; some are strong willed, determined to pocket their wives, giving no room for the wife to be anything else but to their own needs and wants. These are the ones that want to be in charge completely; don’t want their women to compete with them at home. They like the old order of the man being in charge absolutely. They provide everything for the family. There are some who aren’t intimidated by the successes of their women, are comfortable allowing their women pursue their own careers or dreams. They actually go out to help their women attain good results in whatever they want to do. Yet, out there are some men who are violent, selfish, irresponsible and lacking in respect for their women. To these men the world begins and ends with them. There are some who are very caring, protective and understanding. Some are natural playboys while there are those who are strict about family values. Unless you are absolutely clear about what you want, you won’t know what to look out for in any of the men that come to ask for your hand in a relationship. Besides, sex is one way to obstruct the vision of a woman determined to make the right choice of a life partner. Sex has a way of robbing a woman of her sense of objectivity. In a way, premarital sex affects women more negatively than men. This is because women are very sentimental; once a man is able to touch the right buttons, a woman’s natural ability to thoroughly think out her options becomes blurred by the memories of their moments together. This is where a lot of women get it wrong, ending up with the wrong men and the beginning of insurmountable challenges in their homes and lives. This is why you should not be ashamed of the path you have chosen. You have the rare chance of making the right choice, looking deeper than a man’s looks, sexual ability to who the man really is. No matter how inexperienced you are, when the time comes for you to become a guru in sexual matters, you will gain the knowledge from your husband. The act of lovemaking is natural; something God has infused into our minds right from the moment we were born. It is like asking how a newborn baby acquires the knowledge of where to look for breast milk. It is primeval; nobody teaches these things. Once you have a natural sense of adventure, isn’t afraid to exploit and exercise your femininity with your husband, you and your husband will have a very fulfilling time together as couple. Besides, if a woman doesn’t measure up in the bedroom, it means that her man is a bad lover. No matter how frigid a woman is, if she finds a man who is considerate, thorough, exciting and knowledgeable of what is expected of him as the leader of the team, she will come to full bloom. Therefore, don’t worry too much about your lack of experience for now. When the time is right, your experience will come through the hands of your husband. He will bring you up to his standard. Cancer? What has it got to do with being a virgin? Sex or lack of it doesn’t cause cancer. Don’t mind them. As for the men leaving you because you refuse to sleep with them, don’t worry about them. It only shows they are after your body and not your mind. A man who is yours will first be interested in knowing whom you are, how your mind works before expressing a wish to sleep with you. The right men always have the patience to wait because they desire to spend the rest of their lives with such women. The right man will understand your reason for wanting to wait until your wedding night. Sincerely, you don’t need these kinds of friends in your life if you are really serious about wanting to keep your virginity until your wedding night. Instead you need friends, who would encourage you in your quest. The fact that they have decided on the path to follow doesn’t mean you should go with them. Insist on your way of doing things rather than allow them to influence you. At 21, learn to be strong and very determined. You still have a very long way to go. While you are not too young to have a boyfriend, don’t be ashamed to let the man know what you stand for from the beginning. Contrary to what your friends think, men respect women who know where they are headed. Telling him what you stand for from the onset gives him the choice of either to stay or go. This in turn prevents you from unnecessary heartaches associated with going into a relationship with the wrong man. How many men would a woman sleep with before she meets the right man? If at the end of giving in to the pleasures of these men and they end up not staying, what would have become of you? Women suffer more from the wear and tear of frequent and roaming sex. Being faithful to a man helps to preserve a woman’s body and dignity, whereas going through different men make her body ages quicker since all these men are bound to handle her differently. Men have this attitude of manhandling the body of a woman they have no plans to marry. So, be wise and determined in your decision. Sex isn’t the only way available for a young couple to be happy together. By abstaining from sex, you give whatever relationship you will enter into the chance to survive the odds many couples go through. This is because you will both be depending on friendship, trust, and loyalty to overcome whatever challenges your relationship will eventually be passing through. To be a virgin isn’t a curse but a pride to womanhood, Be proud of who you are at all times. Good luck.

I’ve low sperm count

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I have a problem of low sperm count. I have done all kinds of medical tests as well as taken all the medications prescribed for me. Unfortunately, I am yet to find a cure. Can you help me? Worried Man. Dear Worried Man, Painfully, low sperm count is one of the major causes of infertility in men. It can be caused both by ecological as well as biological factors. Since you have done series of medical examinations without recording an improvement, perhaps, you should try the alternative therapy. From my investigation, I found out it can be genetic. If you have done all there is medically to find a cure to no avail, go back to your family. If your father is still alive, go and discuss the issue with him. This isn’t time for you to be modest or keep quiet about your medical condition. More often than not, our cures escape us when we refuse to cry out about the situation we are. Unless you seek help from those ahead of you in your family, you won’t know if those before you also went through the situation and what they did to cure themselves of it. It would have been a different case, if you hadn’t gone for medical help. In some families, a trend runs through either the men or women. Unless you ask, nobody would volunteer this information because no family wants to expose its challenges to its younger members without need. The conspiracy of silence adults deploy in such instances by wise adults at not placing on the younger members of the family a burden beyond their years. Therefore, having gotten to this junction in your life where medical help appears helpless, go back to your root for the cause. It is only then you will be able to determine your next cause of action. I also found out that diet deficiencies could be a factor. Lack of nutrients like Zinc, Selenium and Vitamin C can results in low sperm count. Also the kinds of underwear a man wears can also affect the quality of the sperm he produces. Avoid tight trousers or nylon pants. This is because extreme heat in the lower region of the man can decrease the quality of the sperm he produces. Wear pure cotton and loose trousers or pants that allow air to circulate through your body. Testicles must be maintained in ambient temperature. To help you improve on the quality of your sperm, avoid smoking or drinking, if you are in the habit of doing any of these, because they are a factor. Have three days gap between ejaculations or longer to improve fertility and sperm count. Be mindful of the kinds of drugs you take, improve your blood circulation by going for exercises. Follow with plenty doses of prayers because there is nothing prayer cannot do. Good luck.

I’m a teenager in love, how do I survive long dating?

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I am a teenager, about to finish secondary school. I have a boyfriend, a year older than I am, in a boarding school. I know you might think I’m too young to be in a relationship, but I have been able to balance my relationship and my schoolwork. We are both very brilliant and it was actually his brilliance that got me attracted to him. He wants to become a doctor and I want to study International Relations. I am ready to do anything for him, even give up my dream of studying at the University of Lagos to follow him to any university he intends to study. Now, my problem is how I am going to make our relationship last because I know it won’t be easy. Please advise me on what to do. We have spoken severally about our future and being married. Cynthia. Dear Cynthia, The teenage years are the most dreamy and idealist years of a woman’s life. This is because the teenage years form love from the perspective of romance writers. Everything is still, for you, rose coloured. The happy ever ending rhythm that runs through all the romance books pre-supposes love to mean, a woman will always end up with her first love. As a result many teenagers unwittingly interpret love to be bright, beautiful and a panorama of nature’s finest and most radiant of colours. Unfortunately, by the time many teenagers get to the reality zone of their lives, when the hormones stop playing tricks with their emotions, some would have made the most hideous mistakes of their lives. The kinds of missteps, which are irrevocable. Which is what you are about to do by putting your dream on the hold to follow that of your boyfriend. Nobody is saying both of you cannot be together forever but there are many processes to go through before you get to that point of being definite about what you both want in life. What if you are unable to get admission into his choice: wait, while he goes ahead with his life? What makes you so sure he wants what you want is ready to allow you tag along with him? Have you considered the fact that deep down he isn’t ready for the kind of commitment you want to foist on him? The restrain you want to be put on his freedom as a young man who is eager to fly the nest of his home and seek freedom before life becomes too serious? Chances are your relationship may not even survive the first few months if you insist on tagging along with him. If care isn’t taken by you, he may turn around to hate you for making his life miserable. Besides it brings up the matter of trust. Is it that you don’t trust him to behave or that you are very insecure as a young woman to instigate this kind of wishes for you to put your dream on hold for him? My dear, things don’t work like that. You have to have a dream of your own to be relevant to any man. The world is changing every second; you need your career and education to be useful to your home as woman and to be a good mother to your children. Besides, your reproductive years as a woman, is well defined for you by nature. It takes almost an eternity for a woman to recover any lost year, whereas the man has even Mother Nature bending backwards to make things easier for him. While a man of 100 years of age can still get a woman pregnant, not so for a woman half his age. So any rash and irrational decision you make now would in later years come to haunt you especially when you see all the friends you should have graduated with doing so well in their fields of endeavour while you are still struggling to give meaning to your life. By the time you recognise the implication of your decision, your boyfriend you made the sacrifice for would have long gone. Nobody wants to be associated with a failed project. Even if he doesn’t mean to treat you that way, his new friends, family and situation would all conspire to make him keep his distance from you. As he gets older, there will always be a cocktail of different kinds of women for him. Besides, his choice, ideas as well as desires would eventually change once he has a broader place to operate. If by the time he is ready to move on, you are still struggling with the challenge of gaining admission, you will be hurt more than you should. Besides, you could also meet another man and fall in love with him. But if you have sacrificed your own dream for another man, this other man may not even look your way because you would be lacking in one of the things he requires from his woman – good education. You only think he is your world now because you haven’t even seen all the vast potentials the world has to offer. You are limited not only by your age but also by the environments you operate. As you get older, when you begin to see all that life has to offer, chances are you will ask yourself when the right man comes along what you ever saw in your current image of Mr. Right. And even if both of you are destined to end up as an item, the kind of sacrifice you are contemplating is dangerous for your happiness in life. The wise thing is for you to hold on to your dream. If both of you are meant to be together you will find away out of it. But, for now, the choice before you is to pursue your dream. It is the key to your happiness in life as a woman. Good luck.