Dear Agatha,
I stumbled on your column while surfing for some materials at work and decided to confide my problems to someone with your understanding.
It is an impulsive action I feel would bring a sort of relief to me. I am in my 30s and married, so it isn’t as if I am not well positioned. However, there is this personal thing I’m unable to have due to the primary reason that Nigerians generally hide in the shadow of culture and the likes to shy away from the reality of their environment.
How do you explain my situation? I love my wife dearly and willing to do anything to make her happy but I have a very high libido she alone cannot satisfy. I am more romantic than she is, and Agatha, you know men like to be pampered especially in the bedroom. Unfortunately, Nigerian ladies are very shy and pretentious about issues like this.
Forget all the marriage sentiments for now. What I need is an equally matured woman in my shoes as a very good friend to help douse each other’s tension. So why are Nigerian ladies so pretentious, always pretending about what they really want?
Unsatisfied Husband.
Dear Unsatisfied Husband,
If you really love your wife as you claim, why haven’t you taught her to make love all the ways that make you happy? The essence of two people coming together under the platform of marriage is to help each other improve on whatever areas they are deficient.
A good man would give unconditionally to his wife so also is a good woman. That your wife is unable to satisfy you means you are a selfish and lousy lover, one who is more concerned about his needs than the need of the two of you. Like you, she may be feeling very unsatisfied with the quality of sex you are both having but due to respect for
your person and sense of responsibility to the marriage decided to endure the situation despite her personal displeasures. How would you feel if this woman goes outside your home to have a piece of the action elsewhere? How will it sound if the person from whom she seeks the fun is another married man?
Sincerely, whether you want to hear it or not, you are the one with the problem here. A good man, whose feelings and concern for his wife are genuine, would first discuss his feelings and thoughts with the wife and thereafter seek ways within the marriage on how to resolve the issue.
No matter how pretentious a woman is that would be ready to lose her home to another woman on account of her inability to satisfy her man in bed. Love goes with respect and responsibility. There is no way you can claim to love your wife without the concomitant respect or responsibility that go with it.
What you should do is to sit her down and talk to her. Let her tell you about her sexual inhibitions and the areas of deficiency you noticed. Between the two of you, you can establish a patent for your sex life, one that would give your marriage a pep and constant freshness.
The woman you are looking for may end up not better than your wife but because she is a fresh face, you think her better than your wife. Just as another man may consider your wife better than his. Nobody is ever satisfied with what he or she has until it is too late in the day.
Rather than embark on a mission guaranteed to destroy your definition of happiness with your wife, help yourself make your marriage happier and more fulfilling. Knowing what you think of her sexual performance will energise her into accepting whatever suggestions you make in that direction. It will stop any argument if she has been doing so whenever you make a suggestion.
If women are pretentious, it is only because the men encourage them to be. Chances are your wife may have more ideas about this game than you do but is scared about what you would think of her if she goes full scale. Some men prefer to think their wives inexperienced in the bedroom than have her display all her acts. This way they convince themselves she has not slept with all the men in the world to acquire that experience whereas her experience may not come from sleeping around but paying attentions to details of the game.
Women would be more honest about their past history if men learn not to play the ostrich and also jettison their inhibitions about women who have no qualms expressing themselves. A lot of the time, the attitude of men pushes women into pretending to be novice in the bedrooms simply to massage the man’s ego and make him believe he is charge.
Rather than source for fulfillment in the hands of another woman, pull your wife out of her reserve. Give her the room to be the woman she has always wanted to be in the bedroom. Make her your prostitute you both have the licence to do as you please.
A lot of the time, the difference between failure and success lies in our imagination and determination to give life to what we want. All the cravings and lustful fantasies that are driving you to seek the company of another woman, invest them all in your wife.
The truth is that when men complain about the participation of women in the bedroom, it paints a picture of an unsure and unimaginative lover. There is no woman an imaginative lover cannot lure out of her shell. What you should do is to investigate the exotic spots of your woman. Begin from her scalp to her sole. When you touch a very sensitive spot, you would know by her cry of excitement. There is no controlling these things they are natural reactions. All you need is patience to help her know even her body.
Admittedly, not many women have intimate relationships with their bodies. This is mainly due to the fact that our culture wraps sex and all issues that have to do with it in very dark blanket just as any attempt by any young man or woman to peep, to have information, to know why certain things happen to them is met with very strong moral sanctions.
The implication is that many young women especially grown-up with little or no knowledge of how to please a man sexually beyond having sex with him. This has contributed to the collapse of many marriages as men whose sexual organs are placed outside their bodies are ably assisted by their sights and imagination to get quick arousal at very short notices whereas a woman’s arousal is dependent on how much stimulations she gets from her man which in turn makes the difference in her sexual performance.
But, like I earlier pointed out, it takes a patient and understanding man to turn things around for a woman in the bedroom. If you go into whatever relationship you are looking for with the same docile attitude, it is the same frustrating results you would get.
Besides, what is most important to you? A peaceful home or good but illegal sex that will destroy the peace you now have in the house? Sex is important but not the only basis people marry. You can have a woman scores 101 percent in sex but minus zero in all the important features that make a happy home. No marriage is ever complete, but the ability of couples to work on the differences that matters.
There are some men who would give the world to have your kind of wife, one, they have confidence in, who gives them a peaceful environment to grow and realise their potentials as men and heads of home.
And if you don’t want another man to sleep with your wife, don’t do it with another man’s wife. Nemesis is a painful word and experience.
Good luck.
I stumbled on your column while surfing for some materials at work and decided to confide my problems to someone with your understanding.
It is an impulsive action I feel would bring a sort of relief to me. I am in my 30s and married, so it isn’t as if I am not well positioned. However, there is this personal thing I’m unable to have due to the primary reason that Nigerians generally hide in the shadow of culture and the likes to shy away from the reality of their environment.
How do you explain my situation? I love my wife dearly and willing to do anything to make her happy but I have a very high libido she alone cannot satisfy. I am more romantic than she is, and Agatha, you know men like to be pampered especially in the bedroom. Unfortunately, Nigerian ladies are very shy and pretentious about issues like this.
Forget all the marriage sentiments for now. What I need is an equally matured woman in my shoes as a very good friend to help douse each other’s tension. So why are Nigerian ladies so pretentious, always pretending about what they really want?
Unsatisfied Husband.
Dear Unsatisfied Husband,
If you really love your wife as you claim, why haven’t you taught her to make love all the ways that make you happy? The essence of two people coming together under the platform of marriage is to help each other improve on whatever areas they are deficient.
A good man would give unconditionally to his wife so also is a good woman. That your wife is unable to satisfy you means you are a selfish and lousy lover, one who is more concerned about his needs than the need of the two of you. Like you, she may be feeling very unsatisfied with the quality of sex you are both having but due to respect for
your person and sense of responsibility to the marriage decided to endure the situation despite her personal displeasures. How would you feel if this woman goes outside your home to have a piece of the action elsewhere? How will it sound if the person from whom she seeks the fun is another married man?
Sincerely, whether you want to hear it or not, you are the one with the problem here. A good man, whose feelings and concern for his wife are genuine, would first discuss his feelings and thoughts with the wife and thereafter seek ways within the marriage on how to resolve the issue.
No matter how pretentious a woman is that would be ready to lose her home to another woman on account of her inability to satisfy her man in bed. Love goes with respect and responsibility. There is no way you can claim to love your wife without the concomitant respect or responsibility that go with it.
What you should do is to sit her down and talk to her. Let her tell you about her sexual inhibitions and the areas of deficiency you noticed. Between the two of you, you can establish a patent for your sex life, one that would give your marriage a pep and constant freshness.
The woman you are looking for may end up not better than your wife but because she is a fresh face, you think her better than your wife. Just as another man may consider your wife better than his. Nobody is ever satisfied with what he or she has until it is too late in the day.
Rather than embark on a mission guaranteed to destroy your definition of happiness with your wife, help yourself make your marriage happier and more fulfilling. Knowing what you think of her sexual performance will energise her into accepting whatever suggestions you make in that direction. It will stop any argument if she has been doing so whenever you make a suggestion.
If women are pretentious, it is only because the men encourage them to be. Chances are your wife may have more ideas about this game than you do but is scared about what you would think of her if she goes full scale. Some men prefer to think their wives inexperienced in the bedroom than have her display all her acts. This way they convince themselves she has not slept with all the men in the world to acquire that experience whereas her experience may not come from sleeping around but paying attentions to details of the game.
Women would be more honest about their past history if men learn not to play the ostrich and also jettison their inhibitions about women who have no qualms expressing themselves. A lot of the time, the attitude of men pushes women into pretending to be novice in the bedrooms simply to massage the man’s ego and make him believe he is charge.
Rather than source for fulfillment in the hands of another woman, pull your wife out of her reserve. Give her the room to be the woman she has always wanted to be in the bedroom. Make her your prostitute you both have the licence to do as you please.
A lot of the time, the difference between failure and success lies in our imagination and determination to give life to what we want. All the cravings and lustful fantasies that are driving you to seek the company of another woman, invest them all in your wife.
The truth is that when men complain about the participation of women in the bedroom, it paints a picture of an unsure and unimaginative lover. There is no woman an imaginative lover cannot lure out of her shell. What you should do is to investigate the exotic spots of your woman. Begin from her scalp to her sole. When you touch a very sensitive spot, you would know by her cry of excitement. There is no controlling these things they are natural reactions. All you need is patience to help her know even her body.
Admittedly, not many women have intimate relationships with their bodies. This is mainly due to the fact that our culture wraps sex and all issues that have to do with it in very dark blanket just as any attempt by any young man or woman to peep, to have information, to know why certain things happen to them is met with very strong moral sanctions.
The implication is that many young women especially grown-up with little or no knowledge of how to please a man sexually beyond having sex with him. This has contributed to the collapse of many marriages as men whose sexual organs are placed outside their bodies are ably assisted by their sights and imagination to get quick arousal at very short notices whereas a woman’s arousal is dependent on how much stimulations she gets from her man which in turn makes the difference in her sexual performance.
But, like I earlier pointed out, it takes a patient and understanding man to turn things around for a woman in the bedroom. If you go into whatever relationship you are looking for with the same docile attitude, it is the same frustrating results you would get.
Besides, what is most important to you? A peaceful home or good but illegal sex that will destroy the peace you now have in the house? Sex is important but not the only basis people marry. You can have a woman scores 101 percent in sex but minus zero in all the important features that make a happy home. No marriage is ever complete, but the ability of couples to work on the differences that matters.
There are some men who would give the world to have your kind of wife, one, they have confidence in, who gives them a peaceful environment to grow and realise their potentials as men and heads of home.
And if you don’t want another man to sleep with your wife, don’t do it with another man’s wife. Nemesis is a painful word and experience.
Good luck.
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