Dear Agatha,
I pray God satisfies you with long life and more wisdom!
I'm in a dilemma. There is this lady I met in 2005 in the north and after a while, I proposed marriage to her. She agreed but kept postponing the date until she travelled abroad and we eventually lost contact.
I relocated to Abuja and met another lady I equally fall in love with and proposed marriage to. When we went to her village in the north for introduction, alas, she turned out to be the younger sister of my first girlfriend.
She said since she came back that she has been trying to get in contact too but all to no avail. Now, I love the two of them equally. What should I do?
Confused Man.
Dear Confused Man,
Before I start, let me ask you this question, what do you understand by love? What do you feel for this other lady in particular?
There is no way you can move forward, if you don’t appreciate that with each kind of love come responsibilities. A relationship that has nothing attached to it other than the chemistry that brought a couple together is doomed from the beginning.
Also every relationship comes with a divine purpose. You may indeed feel something special for the elder sister but if it was strong enough do you think she would have placed her interest above the chance of spending the rest of her life with you or kept postponing the date until she eventually travelled out? Have you ever considered the fact that she deliberately didn’t want to get in touch with you? That in this modern age, it isn’t as difficult for anyone especially her to have gotten your contact through your phone or that of a close friend irrespective of you moving away from the location you both were based?
What reason did she give for her travelling abroad and what arrangement did you both put into place before she travelled out? At least you both had agreed until the point she travelled to spend the rest of your lives together. Was her travelling something you both agreed on, arranged together? These are important issues you must take into account because every stage in life has its peculiar challenges. Once a wrong decision is taken it affects the other stages in such a way that makes recovery difficult.
If you both had planned the trip together, there is no way contact would have been lost which means she did it on her own.
Would she have considered you if her trip was successful or had met someone who wanted her for keep? Frankly, you have to be careful else you end up with the wrong bride because any person who puts his or her interest above the common goal would never make a good partner.
Furthermore, it would be unfair to jettison your relationship with the younger lady simply on account of the re-appearance on the scene of her elder sister.
For you to have gone the length of asking her hand in marriage and travelling to her village to formalise things with her means you feel something very special for her. What excuse would you give her and your both families? That the woman you have told them you want to marry is no longer in view because of your earlier relationship with her sister who left you to travel abroad?
On the other hand, how would you feel if this girl meets an ex and decides to walk away from it all at this vital stage of the relationship?
Again consider the character of her elder sister. Do you think it is proper for her to want to deprive her younger sister of her chance of happiness or her penchant of always placing her own happiness above others? First, it was you she left unceremoniously and now she doesn’t mind replacing her sister in your heart in the name of knowing you first.
Be careful. Carefully examine the values of each of these women who though may be sisters would definitely have very dissimilar attitudes towards life. Which of them in your hearts of heart do you think has more respect for you and your feelings? Has the more care and understanding of your person? Who shares your dream in life and has what it takes to support you to succeed?
Who among them do you have the most confident in, sure of her loyalty when things aren’t exactly right for you? Then ask yourself if this other woman who lacked confidence in your dreams way back then would have looked your way twice if there were no improvement in your life?
The best things usually don’t come in attractive packages, often than not, they come concealed in unattractive wrappers like raw gold.
Ask God to help you look beyond the excitement of meeting an old flame to the treasures within the bride you have chosen for yourself.
But to make sure you are on the right path, in addition to going to God, explain everything to your current woman and ask for sometime to clear your head. But be sure you don’t delay it too long to avoid regrets because the special features that attracted you to this woman are there for other men to see too.
Good luck.
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