Her promiscuity ended our affair, yet can’t stop thinking of her…

Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I have a problem with the girl I hope to marry in the nearest future. About 18 months ago I noticed she was having an affair with another guy while she kept denying the existence of such a thing between them. Sometime ago, I went to her hostel outside the school campus to spend the night with her. I noticed however that around 12 midnight, she received a call from someone. Thinking I have slept, she told the person at the other end of the phone that she would see him the next day. When she came back inside the room and I asked her whom it was she was speaking with, she didn’t answer me. When I took the key to the car and made to leave that night, she locked me in, insisting I could not leave at that time of the night. I however shoved her aside and left her room that night. I have come to her to beg in the company of some elders, but she won’t listen to what I have to say. However, in the last three months, despite having another girl in my life, I can’t stop thinking of my former girlfriend. Please what can I do to eliminate that girl from my thoughts? Please Agatha, help me out. Temitope. Dear Temitope, Emotional disappointments are normal in every relationship. They actually help us to refocus on the things that are most important in life. There is no man or woman alive who doesn’t have your kind of story to tell. These kinds of experiences are what give us character, history, and stories to tell when we get older in life. If you consider the fact that we would only end up marrying one person out of the many people we date or are interested in, it will help give new perspective and understanding to what is happening to you now. The fact is, if this lady was meant to last forever in your life, no other man would have been able to take her away from you. She may have come into your life for the purpose of helping you grow beyond the level you were when you two first started dating. No matter what you are currently feeling, the truth is that every relationship is unique, has a reason it happened as well as the lesson it has come to impact. Unfortunately, more often than not, we choose to mourn a failed relationship more than concentrating on the inherent lessons, every little experience packed into it, it teaches us. The chances of her ever coming back to you are very slim considering the fact that she turned down the pleas of the elders you brought to prevail on her. Frankly speaking, the time has come for you to devote more time to your current relationship so you don’t lose perhaps the most important woman that would ever grace your life. Close the last chapter of your life with your ex with determination. It is finished; to continue to hold on to it will be to destroy whatever kind of future that exists between you and your current girlfriend. Try putting yourself in the shoes of your new girlfriend. How would you feel if she is just using you to get over a bad relationship in her life? You have made the costly mistake of approaching her for a relationship when you were least prepared for another woman in your life. The least you can do now is to concentrate on making this relationship work. We all get to a point in our adult life when we make the knotty decision of damning all consequences and jumping head on into stormy water. This is that point in your life. It is either you elect to stay on, holding on to figments of a dream gone bad or plunge into this new relationship without thinking of the past. There are no two ways to make this work for you. Your heritage is all the things that happened in your previous relationship. Doubtless, you made some kinds of mistake. You must strive to avoid those mistakes in your current relationship. Only a wise student after failing an examination knows the things to avoid when rewriting the paper. That one is brilliant doesn’t make that person the wisest. If you really want to tap into the real lessons of your relationship with your ex, be truthful to yourself. Granted, she was dating you and another man concurrently, the fact that you still found it imperative to stay on shows that the fault wasn’t hers alone. Examine your own contributions to the final story. Accept where you went wrong with a view to avoiding the same mistakes in your current relationship and at the same time give attention to improving your strong points to make you an even better man. From your letter, I discerned two things. One, you appear weak as well as having temper. Every man, by virtue of the leadership position God has given him, should take charge. Although you didn’t say anything about what really led to the problem, but it appears that you were not in charge of that relationship because certain things simply didn’t add up. You knew she was having an affair and you still took elders to beg her. What was the motive of begging her, to continue to date you on the side or what? Then why did you take the unnecessary risk of leaving her hostel room at the ungodly hour you left even when she made attempts to stop you? One of the lessons you must learn, as a man, is to be firm and in full charge of your life and relationship at all times. No matter the provocation, control your temper. When a man is easily provoked into action, he becomes a victim of his own weakness. His temper can easily be used by a mischievous woman to justify her ulterior motives. The fact that you couldn’t control your temper enough to restrain yourself from leaving that night showcases you as a man not really in charge of his emotions. This is one area you should work on to make your next relationship enjoyable and profitable. Your ex may belong to the category of women that like strong willed men, not the kind they can control. This could be what your ex finds very objectionable about her relationship with you. To make this relationship work, you must do everything to stop your mind from drifting to this other lady. Regard her as a friend who has left your life for good. Besides, you will be robbing yourself of precious moments especially as your ex is moving on with her life. Therefore, devote time to finding out the uniqueness that is your new girlfriend. Look for her strong points; these will help you get to know her better. Follow this by creating special time for the two of you. Begin to build wonderful memories together; getting to know each other better will make it easier for you to begin to forget your ex. Another thing you should do is to make this new girl your best friend. Discuss and converse with her at all times. From the beginning, don’t make sex the most important thing in your current relationship; rather, let the emphasis be placed on friendship. This way you will not only be able to grow the relationship on values, a foundation that will help it overcome major crisis, you will also be giving it a special character it needs to flourish. But you have to be sure that you have some feelings for this lady; that you are not with her to fill your emptiness at the loss of your former girlfriend. Honestly, if you are using her as a rebound, you may never be able to rid yourself of the memories of the other woman or have the motivation to make this work. So before you go further and complicate the life of this innocent woman, be sure your feelings for her are right. If you are not so sure, it is best you let her be at this early stage because to continue would be to spoil her for any other man who will be interested in marrying her, thereby making her a victim of your own shortcomings. Stay on only if you are sure of what you feel for her. Good luck.

He womanises, but still my dream guy

With Agatha Edo, Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com, 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I am young, a Nigerian and in love with a Ghanaian. We are both in love with each other but I noticed he is always interested in having sex with me. Since I refused to have sex with him, he does elsewhere. He is a footballer and travels to many places. He also likes flirting with different girls. I don’t want to lose him because he is everything I want in a guy. Please help me before I lose my mind. Worried Girl. Dear Worried Girl, Unless you are ready to sleep with him, be prepared to lose him. This is because any man who cares about a woman doesn’t force her to do anything against her will especially if it has to do with sex. That he is sleeping with another woman while still in a relationship with you is enough evidence that capitulating to his demands will not stop him from flirting and having other affairs. At the end of the day, you will be the final loser because. after sleeping with you, you become like all the other women that have graced his bed, a mere statistic to add to his trophies of conquests. Given the kind of picture you have painted of him, such a man cannot be held down by sex because he still regards it as a form of recreation, fun as well as something he has a right to wherever he goes. In his current state of mind, every girl he sees is a good spot. He may like you in his own way but love? I doubt. This is because love goes hand in hand with respect and plenty of sacrifices. A man who is truly in love will understand why you are insisting on time to be ready and willing to endure the attendant restraints that go within the territory. That he isn’t afraid to advertise his interest in other women and the extent of his relationship with them tells a story of his own; one any sensible girl desirous of preserving her future must guard against. Should you allow yourself to be blackmailed into agreeing to what he wants and pregnancy occurs in the process, this kind of man will demand you abort the pregnancy. This is because he is having too much fun to want to be tied down to the apron strings of any woman or child for that matter. Until he begins to attach some responsibility, respect and value to the act of intimacy and you, be careful. One way you can help yourself become relevant to him is to be different from all the girls around him. Apart from insisting on not having sex, set your targets in life. Focus on growing and empowering yourself. If you are still in school, make education your priority. Become the best in your set. This way, you will not only show him that you have what it takes to excel but a material any man with senses should hold on to. By the time you make the right choices, he would be the one running after you, craving for your attention, afraid of losing you instead of you lapping after him. Make yourself a woman most men would want to have for life. It is the one of the most effective ways a woman can attract and keep the attention of a man. In addition to securing your position in life, it will help you give new meaning to your life, dreams and aspiration. Sex is cheap, when done without value, plans and for the fun of it. As with everything, when your season comes, you will wonder at the concern you put into something that isn’t worth it. There is no time you go to shop for sex that you won’t get it, but if you don’t devote time for improving your life, giving new meanings and challenges to it at its time, you will end up with more regrets than you can manage. Let this man know that your body and mind growth are more important to you than what he is offering you. Leave him. Don’t worry too much about his attitude towards you. See it as a way of helping you grow in responsibility. Next time he comes, tell him he is free to go since you will never submit to him until your season comes. If he is yours, he will wait for you but if he isn’t, you allow him go before you make the worst kind of mistake in your life. Good luck.

My father-in-law raped me

With Agatha Edo, Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com, 08054500626 Dear Agatha, Two months ago, my husband of 18 months travelled for a six-month course abroad. Since I was with a little baby and nobody to stay with me, his mother told him to allow me come stay with them pending the time he would come back from his training. My mother-in-law was the second wife and was hardly at home due to the nature of her business. The first wife too also had a business to run so I was left on my own most of the time. But it was better than staying in our flat all by myself. The first time it happened, I was all alone with my father-in-law at home when he raped me right on my mother-in-law’s bed. There was nobody to talk to and besides who would believe me? It became a pattern for him to force his attention on me anytime he so desires. I didn’t even know I had become pregnant because I was still breast-feeding my baby. It was my mother-in-law who discovered my state and demanded for an explanation. It was then I opened up to her about what has been happening behind her. To my surprise, she believed my story just as my father-in-law didn’t bother to deny being responsible for my pregnancy. It was at that point I discovered that he is the father of his first daughter’s child; a reason why the first wife and her children hate him with so much passion. I am so confused and don’t know what to do. Though I have aborted the pregnancy, I am not so sure about my stay in the house and family anymore. Despite the fact that my mother-in-law has begged me not to tell my husband, there is no way I would feel comfortable anymore knowing what I have been through in the hands of my father-in-law. I haven’t told my family and don’t know if I should inform my husband about the incident. In my part of the country, what the father did to me is considered a taboo. I am afraid for my child. What if I allow my husband get close to me and he dies or my son for that matter? I really love my husband and would have loved to spend the rest of my life with him but given this shameful act, how can I allow my husband get intimate with me when I now hate all men? He is due back any moment from now and I still don’t have a clue as to what to do. What should I do? Do I tell my husband the whole story of what his father did to me? Distressed Wife. Dear Distressed Wife, Honestly, your story is very pathetic. But you acted childish by not telling your mother-in-law the first time he raped you. By not saying anything, you gave the impression that you liked it hence his nerve in coming back to rape you whenever he felt the urge to sleep with you. Had you fought him, threatened to tell the whole world, he might not have continued till he got you pregnant. In a way, by your silence you gave him the confidence to. Even if you couldn’t tell your mother-in-law, you could have reported the incident to your husband or insisted on going to stay with a friend or your family pending the time your husband comes back. Since his father has the record of having raped his daughter, without you even telling your husband the entire story of what transpired, he would have guessed your reasons through your action. Also, your mother-in-law and husband share in the blame. Since your husband knew his father has the problem of sleeping indiscriminately with women, including his daughter, he should never have agreed to his mother’s suggestion that you come to stay in the same house as his father while he was away. Any man who can father a child through his daughter, is capable of sleeping with any woman. Your husband should have either insisted you stayed alone in the house or with your own people if he didn’t want to tell you the nature of his father. By allowing you stay without putting you on the alert, he indirectly helped the situation you are now in. No matter how hard a leopard tries, he can never change its spots. Your mother-in-law as an elderly woman, should have devoted more time to protecting you from her husband. Knowing the nature of her husband, she should have pended her business since she was the one that invited you to come and stay. As it is, it is only a matter of time before your husband hears the full story. If he doesn’t hear it from his parents, he would definitely hear it from one of his siblings especially from his stepsiblings who would joyfully give him all the details since the shame isn’t only on their side of the family anymore. Since his course is nearing completion, move out of that home immediately. You can go to your parents’. For now, don’t tell them anything, just give them an excuse as to why you want to come and stay with them until your husband comes back. Once he gets back, tell him everything. He deserves to know. If you decide to leave him after telling him, at least he would know why. After that, you can tell your parents if you so desire but be sure that you are convinced that you are through with the marriage because no sane parents would want their daughter to continue in such a family. Frankly a lot depends on your husband. Even though you are the victim, some men would have this habit of making the woman feel like the offender when it comes to rape cases. The simple fact that you didn’t speak out when it first happened is enough reason for him to adjudge you guilty but like I said, the direction your home heads would depend greatly on how much he loves you as well as his level of maturity. The fact that you got pregnant in the process and had to abort is another high point of worry. But at this delicate stage, commit everything to the hands of God. As for your customs and tradition, let your husband worry about that. Since he isn’t oblivious of it, he will certainly know the steps to take. And if he isn’t, point it out to him of the consequences of both of you not intimating elders in your side of the family of the spiritual implications of what his father did to you later in life. Even if you don’t have such cultural norms, it isn’t right for both father and son to have sexual relationship with the same woman. The fact that you got pregnant in the process of it is enough reasons for you and your husband to seek spiritual help from a pastor. Go before an ordained man of God who is in a position to intercede on your behalf to ward off any spiritual consequences of the abomination your father-in-law committed with you. Whatever happens, be rest assured that God is a fair judge and would at His time and season wipe away the pains, humiliations and abuse of this moment. And one of the ways you can rise above this challenge is to refuse to take the blame of being responsible for it. God is your strength and reason for being alive. Good luck.

I’m in blood oath with three girls…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I have been following a lot of your advice. I am one of your great fans. I am currently in a very deep mess. At first I didn’t know the gravity of the problem or the situation I was getting myself into. I took blood oaths with three different ladies, and I want to do away with all these oaths. The promise was that I would always love them, no matter the circumstances. My questions are, won’t these oaths have negative effects on my life and how can I break them. Please assist me. Lynx, Uganda Dear Lynx, Blood promise with one person is bad enough. What were you thinking in taking blood oath with three different women, all promising to love them no matter the situation? There is no contesting the fact that these covenants would have negative effects on you later in life, because blood itself involves life. It represents the spirit of life in everything that is living. Therefore when one goes into blood oaths, it goes beyond the physical. It becomes an exchange between the spirits of life. Each of these women come with their spiritual beings, their destinies, their challenges, and all the attendants things we do on earth. To have gone into promises that require the exchange of blood, you receive their challenges along with yours. They too are with some of your own fortune, because you are the one who make the greater promise of loving them through thick and thin. As the one who is unfaithful, you are the one most likely to end up with the physical and spiritual liabilities of each of these women. Because they are three in number, it means you will, unless God intervenes swim from one problem to the other because blood covenant is the only kind of oath God recognises and accepts. This is because blood is the only substance in our bodies that cocoons the secret of life. This is why scientists, though have the knowledge of its composition, have not been able to find a surrogate for blood. The substance of life has to come from another human being for one life in need of blood to be saved. There is no other way to it. Blood represents the spirit of God in humans especially. It is a highly spiritual import, which is why it took the atonement of the blood of Jesus Christ to set us free from the stronghold of the devil. This is why the toughest sacrifices and fetish demands are often blood related. In the eyes of God, you are spiritually married to these women. Even if you marry another woman, no matter how exceptional she is, without you doing something about breaking these multiple oaths you entered into, your chances of finding happiness in life are very slim. What others are getting with ease will become so much of a struggle for you. Without meaning to frighten you, if any of these women is vicious enough to resist your attempts at pacifying her, you will forever remain under her spiritual authority until she lets go. This is because God recognises the first covenant you entered into especially as it involved the exchange of blood. Unfortunately, breaking them isn’t always as easy as the process of entering into such high level oaths. This is because it is impossible to separate the blood each of you sucked on that day of the oath. First you have to seek the face of God in prayers and fasting for mercy. Don’t forget He is a covenant keeping God, one that operates on the principle of life for a life. Only His mercy and help can undo that which you foolishly did to yourself especially as your motive was based on deceit and greed to have each of these women in your life at all cost. One thing is do something based on the goodness of heart another is to do it based on falsehood. You thought entering into these covenants was the only way to get these women to trust sufficiently in your quest to have them. Sadly, you have become the prisoner of your greed. This is why your case goes beyond the ordinary breaking of vows to first seeking the forgiveness of God. It has to come from a heart that is really repentant and seeking of true mercy. If possible, go and meet with your pastor to pray along with you. It isn’t just the now but about your entire future. The sad thing about blood covenants especially if it involves a woman who is spiritually unforgiving, the man risks involving all his entire descendants in a battle they know nothing of. This is because the scorned woman will stop at nothing, including going through higher powers to seek revenge. Only the mercy of God can help ward off situations like this. Follow this up with visits to each of these women to explain your reasons for entering into the oath with them and why you are now backing out. It is important you don’t complicate an already bad situation with lies. At this junction you are now, only the truth can set you free. It has gone beyond questing for their forgiveness to revealing your real reason for going into such oaths from the beginning. Once you are able to secure the pardon of these women, return to your source with all the women for special deliverance. As long as you trust in God and are determined to stay put in His way, He will help you but you have to be truthful to yourself. Good luck.

My father-in-law raped me

With Agatha Edo, Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com, 08054500626 Dear Agatha, Two months ago, my husband of 18 months travelled for a six-month course abroad. Since I was with a little baby and nobody to stay with me, his mother told him to allow me come stay with them pending the time he would come back from his training. My mother-in-law was the second wife and was hardly at home due to the nature of her business. The first wife too also had a business to run so I was left on my own most of the time. But it was better than staying in our flat all by myself. The first time it happened, I was all alone with my father-in-law at home when he raped me right on my mother-in-law’s bed. There was nobody to talk to and besides who would believe me? It became a pattern for him to force his attention on me anytime he so desires. I didn’t even know I had become pregnant because I was still breast-feeding my baby. It was my mother-in-law who discovered my state and demanded for an explanation. It was then I opened up to her about what has been happening behind her. To my surprise, she believed my story just as my father-in-law didn’t bother to deny being responsible for my pregnancy. It was at that point I discovered that he is the father of his first daughter’s child; a reason why the first wife and her children hate him with so much passion. I am so confused and don’t know what to do. Though I have aborted the pregnancy, I am not so sure about my stay in the house and family anymore. Despite the fact that my mother-in-law has begged me not to tell my husband, there is no way I would feel comfortable anymore knowing what I have been through in the hands of my father-in-law. I haven’t told my family and don’t know if I should inform my husband about the incident. In my part of the country, what the father did to me is considered a taboo. I am afraid for my child. What if I allow my husband get close to me and he dies or my son for that matter? I really love my husband and would have loved to spend the rest of my life with him but given this shameful act, how can I allow my husband get intimate with me when I now hate all men? He is due back any moment from now and I still don’t have a clue as to what to do. What should I do? Do I tell my husband the whole story of what his father did to me? Distressed Wife. Dear Distressed Wife, Honestly, your story is very pathetic. But you acted childish by not telling your mother-in-law the first time he raped you. By not saying anything, you gave the impression that you liked it hence his nerve in coming back to rape you whenever he felt the urge to sleep with you. Had you fought him, threatened to tell the whole world, he might not have continued till he got you pregnant. In a way, by your silence you gave him the confidence to. Even if you couldn’t tell your mother-in-law, you could have reported the incident to your husband or insisted on going to stay with a friend or your family pending the time your husband comes back. Since his father has the record of having raped his daughter, without you even telling your husband the entire story of what transpired, he would have guessed your reasons through your action. Also, your mother-in-law and husband share in the blame. Since your husband knew his father has the problem of sleeping indiscriminately with women, including his daughter, he should never have agreed to his mother’s suggestion that you come to stay in the same house as his father while he was away. Any man who can father a child through his daughter, is capable of sleeping with any woman. Your husband should have either insisted you stayed alone in the house or with your own people if he didn’t want to tell you the nature of his father. By allowing you stay without putting you on the alert, he indirectly helped the situation you are now in. No matter how hard a leopard tries, he can never change its spots. Your mother-in-law as an elderly woman, should have devoted more time to protecting you from her husband. Knowing the nature of her husband, she should have pended her business since she was the one that invited you to come and stay. As it is, it is only a matter of time before your husband hears the full story. If he doesn’t hear it from his parents, he would definitely hear it from one of his siblings especially from his stepsiblings who would joyfully give him all the details since the shame isn’t only on their side of the family anymore. Since his course is nearing completion, move out of that home immediately. You can go to your parents’. For now, don’t tell them anything, just give them an excuse as to why you want to come and stay with them until your husband comes back. Once he gets back, tell him everything. He deserves to know. If you decide to leave him after telling him, at least he would know why. After that, you can tell your parents if you so desire but be sure that you are convinced that you are through with the marriage because no sane parents would want their daughter to continue in such a family. Frankly a lot depends on your husband. Even though you are the victim, some men would have this habit of making the woman feel like the offender when it comes to rape cases. The simple fact that you didn’t speak out when it first happened is enough reason for him to adjudge you guilty but like I said, the direction your home heads would depend greatly on how much he loves you as well as his level of maturity. The fact that you got pregnant in the process and had to abort is another high point of worry. But at this delicate stage, commit everything to the hands of God. As for your customs and tradition, let your husband worry about that. Since he isn’t oblivious of it, he will certainly know the steps to take. And if he isn’t, point it out to him of the consequences of both of you not intimating elders in your side of the family of the spiritual implications of what his father did to you later in life. Even if you don’t have such cultural norms, it isn’t right for both father and son to have sexual relationship with the same woman. The fact that you got pregnant in the process of it is enough reasons for you and your husband to seek spiritual help from a pastor. Go before an ordained man of God who is in a position to intercede on your behalf to ward off any spiritual consequences of the abomination your father-in-law committed with you. Whatever happens, be rest assured that God is a fair judge and would at His time and season wipe away the pains, humiliations and abuse of this moment. And one of the ways you can rise above this challenge is to refuse to take the blame of being responsible for it. God is your strength and reason for being alive. Good luck.

I’m in blood oath with three girls…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I have been following a lot of your advice. I am one of your great fans. I am currently in a very deep mess. At first I didn’t know the gravity of the problem or the situation I was getting myself into. I took blood oaths with three different ladies, and I want to do away with all these oaths. The promise was that I would always love them, no matter the circumstances. My questions are, won’t these oaths have negative effects on my life and how can I break them. Please assist me. Lynx, Uganda Dear Lynx, Blood promise with one person is bad enough. What were you thinking in taking blood oath with three different women, all promising to love them no matter the situation? There is no contesting the fact that these covenants would have negative effects on you later in life, because blood itself involves life. It represents the spirit of life in everything that is living. Therefore when one goes into blood oaths, it goes beyond the physical. It becomes an exchange between the spirits of life. Each of these women come with their spiritual beings, their destinies, their challenges, and all the attendants things we do on earth. To have gone into promises that require the exchange of blood, you receive their challenges along with yours. They too are with some of your own fortune, because you are the one who make the greater promise of loving them through thick and thin. As the one who is unfaithful, you are the one most likely to end up with the physical and spiritual liabilities of each of these women. Because they are three in number, it means you will, unless God intervenes swim from one problem to the other because blood covenant is the only kind of oath God recognises and accepts. This is because blood is the only substance in our bodies that cocoons the secret of life. This is why scientists, though have the knowledge of its composition, have not been able to find a surrogate for blood. The substance of life has to come from another human being for one life in need of blood to be saved. There is no other way to it. Blood represents the spirit of God in humans especially. It is a highly spiritual import, which is why it took the atonement of the blood of Jesus Christ to set us free from the stronghold of the devil. This is why the toughest sacrifices and fetish demands are often blood related. In the eyes of God, you are spiritually married to these women. Even if you marry another woman, no matter how exceptional she is, without you doing something about breaking these multiple oaths you entered into, your chances of finding happiness in life are very slim. What others are getting with ease will become so much of a struggle for you. Without meaning to frighten you, if any of these women is vicious enough to resist your attempts at pacifying her, you will forever remain under her spiritual authority until she lets go. This is because God recognises the first covenant you entered into especially as it involved the exchange of blood. Unfortunately, breaking them isn’t always as easy as the process of entering into such high level oaths. This is because it is impossible to separate the blood each of you sucked on that day of the oath. First you have to seek the face of God in prayers and fasting for mercy. Don’t forget He is a covenant keeping God, one that operates on the principle of life for a life. Only His mercy and help can undo that which you foolishly did to yourself especially as your motive was based on deceit and greed to have each of these women in your life at all cost. One thing is do something based on the goodness of heart another is to do it based on falsehood. You thought entering into these covenants was the only way to get these women to trust sufficiently in your quest to have them. Sadly, you have become the prisoner of your greed. This is why your case goes beyond the ordinary breaking of vows to first seeking the forgiveness of God. It has to come from a heart that is really repentant and seeking of true mercy. If possible, go and meet with your pastor to pray along with you. It isn’t just the now but about your entire future. The sad thing about blood covenants especially if it involves a woman who is spiritually unforgiving, the man risks involving all his entire descendants in a battle they know nothing of. This is because the scorned woman will stop at nothing, including going through higher powers to seek revenge. Only the mercy of God can help ward off situations like this. Follow this up with visits to each of these women to explain your reasons for entering into the oath with them and why you are now backing out. It is important you don’t complicate an already bad situation with lies. At this junction you are now, only the truth can set you free. It has gone beyond questing for their forgiveness to revealing your real reason for going into such oaths from the beginning. Once you are able to secure the pardon of these women, return to your source with all the women for special deliverance. As long as you trust in God and are determined to stay put in His way, He will help you but you have to be truthful to yourself. Good luck.

She’s older than me?

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, First, I want to use this medium to comment on the good work you are doing. Keep it up. I am a man of 30 years of age, dating a woman, 33, and a single mother. Despite the age differences, she is very respectful. We have been dating for four months now and things are very perfect between us. She has contributed positively to my life as well as that of my family. The only draw back is our age differences. I don’t know what people will say about me. I am shy to work with her publicly. Please advise me on what to do. Shy Man. Dear Shy Man, There is nothing I say here that would help you if you don’t have the guts to align with your love. You must have confidence in your choice of a woman to be able to convince those around you that she is the only one for you. If you, who is supposed to be her support base, is shy, don’t want people to associate you with her, then there is no future for your relationship. If there is anybody making obvious the age differences between the two of you, it is you. If you don’t allow it to bother you, nobody would know about the age differences. More often than not people pick their reactions to issues from the signals we emit. As long as you make it clear to everybody that you don’t care if she is older or younger than you are, she remains your source of joy. And if the truth must be told, three years aren’t such phenomenal difference to make you very uncomfortable unless of course you don’t understand the dynamism of true love or there is something you are not comfortable with about her general appearance. If that is the case, it has nothing to per se to do with her age but that aspect of her you have problem with. By isolating that spot and dealing with it individually, you are able to resolve it without compromising the essence of the relationship. It might simply be a case of changing her dress sense. Removing one colour and replacing it with another or substituting one kind of cut for another that will give her the younger look. It could also be replacing one favourite hairstyle with another for that younger and promising look. Both of you can manage the information between both of you if you so desire and are truthful to your conscience. It is a matter of you both sitting down to discuss as truthfully as possible. As long as the issues in your relationship aren’t fundamental, trust me, this age thing can be tackled. And if the fear is how you would present a woman who already has a child to your family and friends, be definite and very honest about it as it will help clear a lot of clouds your attitude is generating. It is a matter of knowing what you want and going after it. Don’t forget that something about her disposition attracted you to her; give that thing a deeper thought and attention. It will help you focus on the true value of your relationship at all times. Do it urgently before it destroys the relationship beyond repairs. The evidence of her child shows, she has suffered disappointment in the past. Your attitude, if not properly refocused, would only open old wounds she has since buried. Only the truth can resolve this. Good luck.