She Mounts Malice Over Her Lover’s Zeal For Me

Dear Agatha,

Please I want to use this opportunity to tell you that I like the way you handle issues and solve other people’s problem. I pray for God’s strength and blessings for you.

I have this problem currently disturbing me. It has to do with a colleague in the office I share sitting space with. This has naturally made us close to the extent that we share intimate information about our lives.

Our closeness also made me close to her boyfriend who comes to the office regularly. I was surprise however when he called me on my phone, on the night my friend told me she was going to his house to spend the night, to chat me up. In the first instance, I can’t remember giving him my number, hence the surprise at how he got my number which soon cleared out as he got it from my friend’s phone.

He told me he has started falling in love with me and when I asked him about his girlfriend and how he proposes to go about it, he told me not to worry about my colleague that she was a big girl.

The next day in the office, I could not hold back on what her boyfriend did. So, I called my friend to warn her to be very careful, explaining what her boyfriend told me. My concern was for her not to get hurt.

At the end of the day, I observed that she and the man were no longer dating. I also noticed she became very cold towards me, but what shocked me the most was her telling me to go ahead and date the man if I so desire. After that she kept her distance from me.

So worried am I about the whole episode that I told other people about it. They said she would one day get over it and we would become friends again.

Agatha, I am so worried, I want you to help me because I don’t know how to keep malice with someone.

Olivia.

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Dear Olivia,

The mistake you made was to have divulged such information to someone who is just an office friend. That you share intimate secrets on account of your sitting arrangement doesn’t make both of you that kind of friends. A friendship must be well founded on trust and confidence to be able to withstand the kind of information you gave her concerning the suitability of her boyfriend.

Yes, you meant well and did what a good friend should ordinarily do, but when it comes to matters as sensitive as this, not everybody has the maturity to handle it.

What this has simply shown is that beyond the office friendship you have, both of you lack the bridge of understanding a friendship needs to withstand storms. Friendship goes beyond sharing intimate information. It is loyalty, selflessness and trust. On your part, you have actually succeeded in building loyalty, but she is yet to move away from seeing you just as an office friend.

But as a friend, you must understand her reactions come from hurt for the embarrassment caused her by a boyfriend she probably thought was the ideal man until this ugly incident.

Your coming to her to give her that type of information threw up many questions in her hearts. The first is how did he get your number and for how long have both of you been communicating without her knowledge of it? Another point that would be agitating her mind now is when it all started, precisely when you two got to the stage of him falling in love with you. Because she doesn’t know you enough, she can’t trust your motive for telling her hence her reactions to you.

For now, let her be, don’t force her to be your friend or join her in the malice game either. Her reactions may not be against you directly, but at the betrayal of a man she obviously loved and trusted.

If you cannot cope without talking to your office neighbour, ask someone to change places with you. And if that is impossible without you getting the approval of your boss, confide in your boss your predicament and why you would appreciate getting another sitting space.

This way the tension of seeing her everyday and not being able to share confidential notes like you once did would resolved to enable you concentrate more on your work.

I agree that overtime, when her pains, anger and disappointment are over, she would come to appreciate what you did for her. But until then, try to avoid her.

Good luck.

Four Men At My Skirt, Three Seek Sex As Collateral

Dear Agatha,

I am in love with four men. Three of them are always demanding for sex from me before they can help me.

Please tell me what to do.

Confused Lady.

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Dear Confused Lady,

Do you even understand the ABC of the word love? If you do, there is no way you can say you are concurrently in love with four men. Love is something serious, special and exquisite. It cannot be duplicated on demand. What you feel for these men is lust and greed for what you can get from them, not anything special, hence your ability to invest your emotions in all the four of them with the ease with which you breath.

If they are demanding sex from you before they can assist you, it is because you have also not presented yourself as a woman who is responsible at all. What man would take a woman whose hobby seems to be acquiring men serious? They know what your agenda is, hence they want you to pay in kind before parting with what you demand of them.

You are making the mistake a lot of young girls are making on numbers (of men) as security. The only guarantee to a successful relationship is a heart of sacrifice, which a lot of young girls like you are not willing to do.

It would be so unfortunate if through your own carelessness, you throw away the one man God specially designed for you. No man, who is interested enough in keeping you for a wife, would have the tolerance to stay around you for long going by your current lifestyle.

Whatever your reasons are, it is in your interest to do away with these numbers of men and learn to live within the means of your income. The danger of you continuing in your present lifestyle goes beyond your immediate wants into your far future, the time when you can’t do anything to reverse the consequences of your current trend of living. What do you think would happen if you get pregnant now? What certainty and confidence would you have to name any of these men as being responsible? At any rate do you think any of them would come forward to accept a pregnancy from you knowing there are other men too in your life? You may think none of these men know you aren’t faithful to them, but these are things that never stay under the carpet, because there are always interested eyes and itching mouths to spill the beans.

There is no way any of these men would give you what you want, because as a person you don’t even know what it is you are looking for in a man. In your current state of mind, you would be unable to recognise love if you see one, thereby increasing the danger of you helping to destroy your future.

For you to recognise the agenda of any man who crosses your path, you must first have a clear focus of what you want and the qualities to look out for in them.

If you had, you would not have said yes to four men concurrently in your life.

To help yourself get out of this confusion, please do away with all these men first to enable you reflect properly on precisely what you want from life, have a dream as well as the drive to achieve the dream. Do this first before saying yes to any man. It will resolve the issue of the confusion that drove you into the arms of all these men as well as build up the all-important issue of your dignity.

Importantly learn to pray to prevent the greater calamity of allowing greed to destroy your life.

Good luck.