With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
Thanks a lot for all you have been doing. I have a problem I cannot solve alone. It started when I was in primary school, about 16 years ago. I somehow developed likeness for masturbation. From that moment I lost the ability to concentrate on anything I’m doing because of the enjoyment I get from doing it and the anger that comes after the incident.
I have lost so many things I am supposed to have gained in life. Agatha, when is it going to stop? What is the cause of this?
Do you believe at 30, I have no girlfriend? Have never had sex with a girl in my life?
I am a successful businessman who lives alone in Lagos in my own apartment. I have all it takes to get any girl I want but I have not seen the qualities I want in a woman. Yet is that enough reason for me to continue in my habit of masturbating at my age? I have tried all the things you normally tell the people that are into this habit, but none has worked for me.
I am a devoted Christian who likes the things of God especially praising God always.
This is the major sin I indulge in and it is giving me sleepless nights. Whenever I am loaded with semen in my body system, I become reckless and sick. I don’t get better until I masturbate. It is only after then that I will behave normally. What do I do?
My question is, am I still a virgin because I am planning to marry a virgin? Is this act going to cause a problem for me in future? Am I in any way endangering my life? Is there any harm this may cause to my wife-to-be or me in future?
Donald.
Dear Donald,
If you hope to beat this habit of yours, you simply just have to marry as urgently as possible. Masturbation has become an addiction to you and like every addiction; it requires determination and practical solution to bury it.
You are finding it impossible to stop because it is always there on your mind. You can only defeat it through the mind but from what you have said, you don’t have the concomitant will to fight it.
You have become too comfortable with it; to the extent it has replaced your natural desire to be with a woman. It is the reason you are not interested in any woman, the cause of your solitary life. It isn’t natural. As it is, it would make it difficult for any woman to please you in bed. If you delay your redemption from the claws of masturbation, you may never be able to find any woman emotionally attractive enough for you.
God created man and woman to procreate and give companionship to each other. Though some medical schools of thought say there is nothing wrong in male and female adults occasionally exploring their bodies, the fact remains that when it becomes a way of life of an individual, it becomes destructive to the overall well being of the person.
Like cancer unattended to; it has eaten deep not just into your emotional but also your spiritual life. You cannot do without it even though you get angry with yourself for doing something you know is out of place. No amount of pleasure it gives you would make you identify with it in public. If you are ashamed to be associated with it despite the pleasure you get from it, how much more God? A habit you have nurtured since primary to your current age of 30 is one that has developed a very tough skin.
That you praise God and have His fear in your heart isn’t enough to help you beat this habit. It would take more than that for you to beat the habit.
You must not only know God, but also fear His wrath to be able to break bad habits. Singing His praises isn’t enough in this situation. You must first be sorry for your sole dependence on masturbation to grow the necessary determination to beat the habit.
This is why nothing seems to be working for you. It has taken the place of everything emotionally natural in your life; it has totally eclipsed your need for a woman in your life. This is the danger of your situation.
Prayer alone isn’t going to help you. You need the presence of a woman in your life urgently whose presence in your life would help to lessen the heat and dependence on yourself.
It is the natural process God has created for all living things. If lesser animals in the wild and at home follow the natural order of intimacy, why should man, the most intelligent do otherwise?
Surely there must be one or two women that have caught your attention. Ask God to lead you to the one who would make you a very good companion. Her presence would solve at least 80 percent of your emotional challenges.
Though you would from time to time have the urge to do it with yourself, but the frequency would be far apart until you totally beat it.
It would also help you a great deal if you teach the woman how to do it the way you get satisfaction from it. This is very important to your complete healing.
Good luck.
Monday, March 21, 2011
My wife is frigid
Marriage Clinic With Agatha Edo Email:gataedo@yahoo.com oragatha.edo@gmail.com08054500626
Dear Agatha,
I went through your response to a piece last week. It had to do with the man whose wife is frigid. Reading through your response, it was as if you were talking to me.
Whatever my marriage is today, my wife’s attitude to sex caused it. Right from the very first day, I met her, I didn’t hide my love for quality sex. Although we didn’t pre-empt our marital vows because I had just become born again and didn’t want to compromise on new found relationship with God, I didn’t hide the fact that I came with a lot of experience.
She too wasn’t a virgin. I didn’t mind that too. I wasn’t looking for a virgin at any rate. I desired a woman who knew her onion too. I knew myself too well that without quality sex in my marriage, no matter my will power, I would eventually capitulate to temptations. I agree totally with your submission that there are things prayers alone cannot resolve.
You can therefore imagine my helplessness when I discovered her to be so cold in bed and so beyond redemption. I have done every thing imaginable; every trick I know to make her come to life in my arms. She is forever complaining about my insensitivity to her mood.
Making love to her is a tug of war. I always feel like a rapist each time we make love.
After 18 months of trying to help her change, including buying adult films, I gave up. She said I have a perverted mind. I had to let her be especially after the birth of our only child.
For a whole year, she didn’t allow me come close to her, giving me excuses of breast-feeding the baby and her body not strong enough.
Eventually, I was forced to seek for fun outside the home; against my better judgment.
The lady happens to be an old friend. Since my plan wasn’t to bring in another woman, I told her from the beginning that I wasn’t out to marry a second wife. That I just wanted someone whom I can talk to and enjoy the essence of my adulthood with.
One thing led to another, she became pregnant. I didn’t want her to have an abortion. It is something I have never supported so I gave her the permission to have the baby if she wanted to. I knew the consequences especially if my wife gets to find out but at that moment I didn’t know what else to do. But I warned my girlfriend not to get ideas that the presence of a child changed anything between us.
She too wasn’t keen on marrying me. She actually left the country after the baby was born. She currently resides in Kenya and seems to be happy with the choice she made.
But my situation has only become worse in the home. My wife at 38, seems to have gone into menopause. I say this because she has since moved out of our room on the grounds of not wanting me to punish her with undue sexual demands. She calls me so many unprintable names simply because I want to be intimate with her. I don’t want an unwilling woman in my bed but I cannot stay without having a woman in my arms.
Agatha, for goodness sake, I am just 43. I am very virile and in need of the warmth of my wife. Her attitude has completely derailed my plans in life. I didn’t plan to have a child outside wedlock at all.
I am so disorganised and in need of counsel to help me make sense of my current situation. I don’t think I can continue like this. I married to enjoy the privilege of a married man. I am not getting it from my wife. Agatha, what do I do? Help me before I do something very stupid.
I discussed it with my pastor who says I should continue to endure the situation; that there is nothing much to sex. That once I remove my mind from it, I would go on to enjoy the other benefits of being married. If as a young woman she is unwilling to sleep with me, is it when she gets old?
I haven’t told her about my love child but sincerely, this is the least of my worry. I want a woman who is warm and loving, who knows that marriage is more than making babies but a place for a couple to be happy spiritually, physically, emotionally and materially. We don’t even communicate as a couple.
What is wrong Agatha? I need your help urgently.
Phil.
Dear Phil,
First you need to relax your nerves and emotions to avoid making more mistakes. I appreciate the emotional pains, frustration and loneliness. If it’s of any help, all these are natural. When a matured man or woman who has been used to having regular sex and who hasn’t schooled himself or herself on self-constraints, is denied sex, it could be emotionally frustrating.
Your frustration is not only that you are not getting the kind of quality sex you want but is now being denied even the crumbs you were getting. Doubtless, the situation could make you wander into the arms of not just one woman but several women. But would that really solve the problem at hand? No it won’t. Rather, it would cause many complications for you and a reputation from people who don’t appreciate what you are going through in your marriage.
Sex, is a very delicate issue. If not handled with all the maturity and openness it deserves, it can mar a lot of things in one’s life.
You are at the road where you must be strong and very prayerful to discern where the real problem is. No matter what her attitude is, make the extra effort to get her to listen to you. She is your wife, you know her more than most people. For now, don’t pressure her into making love with you for now.
Learn to draw her out of whatever shell she has moved in. Expose her to the side of you she hasn’t experienced since marrying you. Quality sex doesn’t happen from the blues. It has a natural trend - friendship. You have to train yourself to be her friend, companion and partner. It takes more than marital vows to make the magic of sex happen. It is more of trust. Both of you have to be friends first to experience intimacy, acquire the understanding of each other’s body as well as interpret the moods of the other person.
She may have gone completely cold on you because you advertised your need of sex more than your need of her as a woman, wife, friend and mother. Try to get her to understand you better. In your quest for quality sex, you may have unwittingly given her the wrong impression of what exactly you need in this marriage.
There is no way you can expect her to be happy with you when she has the impression the only reason you married her is to have unlimited access to sex. She has to be appreciated first for her to give her body to you unconditionally.
This is what you have to communicate to her. She has to grow to respect and love you as dearly as possible more than your need of her body. Anger may have made her decide to ignore you, make things emotionally difficult for you to draw your attention to her anger.
Unfortunately, you failed to decode this. Your solution has only created another problem that of explaining to your wife the presence of a child outside wedlock.
Having packed out of your matrimonial room, you need to take her out of the house, to a place where romance can be created, friendship can be established and trust planted; stop bringing home adult films or introducing your expertise on sex to your wife. She doesn’t need this now.
Taking her out is to ensure she gives you time, relax and listen to what you have to say. By the time she sees a conscious effort on your part to get into her mind rather than into her body as her husband, she would change. No woman would marry and deliberately close her body and mind to the overtures of her husband unless she has been hurt beyond measure. She isn’t a sex machine but a human being with feelings and senses. Beyond sex, what can you say about your wife, her character, attitude and disposition to life? All these are as important a part of marriage like the sex you have chosen to amplify.
By listening to her, you give her and yourself another shot at making this marriage happy. Show her you are in love with her and not in lust.
There is more to marriage. I guess this is the message your pastor is trying to pass across. Sex is very important but not when you make it the sole reason for being happy in a marriage.
By showing her you care, she would become more of a willing student. All your marriage needs is a complete change of focus by you.
And while you are trying to pick and rearrange the broken pieces, let her know about the child, best she hears from you than from another person.
Pray to God to allow you focus on your marriage properly. No one segment should be more important than the other segments. Every aspect of marriage must be delicately balanced for a couple to be happy.
Good luck
Dear Agatha,
I went through your response to a piece last week. It had to do with the man whose wife is frigid. Reading through your response, it was as if you were talking to me.
Whatever my marriage is today, my wife’s attitude to sex caused it. Right from the very first day, I met her, I didn’t hide my love for quality sex. Although we didn’t pre-empt our marital vows because I had just become born again and didn’t want to compromise on new found relationship with God, I didn’t hide the fact that I came with a lot of experience.
She too wasn’t a virgin. I didn’t mind that too. I wasn’t looking for a virgin at any rate. I desired a woman who knew her onion too. I knew myself too well that without quality sex in my marriage, no matter my will power, I would eventually capitulate to temptations. I agree totally with your submission that there are things prayers alone cannot resolve.
You can therefore imagine my helplessness when I discovered her to be so cold in bed and so beyond redemption. I have done every thing imaginable; every trick I know to make her come to life in my arms. She is forever complaining about my insensitivity to her mood.
Making love to her is a tug of war. I always feel like a rapist each time we make love.
After 18 months of trying to help her change, including buying adult films, I gave up. She said I have a perverted mind. I had to let her be especially after the birth of our only child.
For a whole year, she didn’t allow me come close to her, giving me excuses of breast-feeding the baby and her body not strong enough.
Eventually, I was forced to seek for fun outside the home; against my better judgment.
The lady happens to be an old friend. Since my plan wasn’t to bring in another woman, I told her from the beginning that I wasn’t out to marry a second wife. That I just wanted someone whom I can talk to and enjoy the essence of my adulthood with.
One thing led to another, she became pregnant. I didn’t want her to have an abortion. It is something I have never supported so I gave her the permission to have the baby if she wanted to. I knew the consequences especially if my wife gets to find out but at that moment I didn’t know what else to do. But I warned my girlfriend not to get ideas that the presence of a child changed anything between us.
She too wasn’t keen on marrying me. She actually left the country after the baby was born. She currently resides in Kenya and seems to be happy with the choice she made.
But my situation has only become worse in the home. My wife at 38, seems to have gone into menopause. I say this because she has since moved out of our room on the grounds of not wanting me to punish her with undue sexual demands. She calls me so many unprintable names simply because I want to be intimate with her. I don’t want an unwilling woman in my bed but I cannot stay without having a woman in my arms.
Agatha, for goodness sake, I am just 43. I am very virile and in need of the warmth of my wife. Her attitude has completely derailed my plans in life. I didn’t plan to have a child outside wedlock at all.
I am so disorganised and in need of counsel to help me make sense of my current situation. I don’t think I can continue like this. I married to enjoy the privilege of a married man. I am not getting it from my wife. Agatha, what do I do? Help me before I do something very stupid.
I discussed it with my pastor who says I should continue to endure the situation; that there is nothing much to sex. That once I remove my mind from it, I would go on to enjoy the other benefits of being married. If as a young woman she is unwilling to sleep with me, is it when she gets old?
I haven’t told her about my love child but sincerely, this is the least of my worry. I want a woman who is warm and loving, who knows that marriage is more than making babies but a place for a couple to be happy spiritually, physically, emotionally and materially. We don’t even communicate as a couple.
What is wrong Agatha? I need your help urgently.
Phil.
Dear Phil,
First you need to relax your nerves and emotions to avoid making more mistakes. I appreciate the emotional pains, frustration and loneliness. If it’s of any help, all these are natural. When a matured man or woman who has been used to having regular sex and who hasn’t schooled himself or herself on self-constraints, is denied sex, it could be emotionally frustrating.
Your frustration is not only that you are not getting the kind of quality sex you want but is now being denied even the crumbs you were getting. Doubtless, the situation could make you wander into the arms of not just one woman but several women. But would that really solve the problem at hand? No it won’t. Rather, it would cause many complications for you and a reputation from people who don’t appreciate what you are going through in your marriage.
Sex, is a very delicate issue. If not handled with all the maturity and openness it deserves, it can mar a lot of things in one’s life.
You are at the road where you must be strong and very prayerful to discern where the real problem is. No matter what her attitude is, make the extra effort to get her to listen to you. She is your wife, you know her more than most people. For now, don’t pressure her into making love with you for now.
Learn to draw her out of whatever shell she has moved in. Expose her to the side of you she hasn’t experienced since marrying you. Quality sex doesn’t happen from the blues. It has a natural trend - friendship. You have to train yourself to be her friend, companion and partner. It takes more than marital vows to make the magic of sex happen. It is more of trust. Both of you have to be friends first to experience intimacy, acquire the understanding of each other’s body as well as interpret the moods of the other person.
She may have gone completely cold on you because you advertised your need of sex more than your need of her as a woman, wife, friend and mother. Try to get her to understand you better. In your quest for quality sex, you may have unwittingly given her the wrong impression of what exactly you need in this marriage.
There is no way you can expect her to be happy with you when she has the impression the only reason you married her is to have unlimited access to sex. She has to be appreciated first for her to give her body to you unconditionally.
This is what you have to communicate to her. She has to grow to respect and love you as dearly as possible more than your need of her body. Anger may have made her decide to ignore you, make things emotionally difficult for you to draw your attention to her anger.
Unfortunately, you failed to decode this. Your solution has only created another problem that of explaining to your wife the presence of a child outside wedlock.
Having packed out of your matrimonial room, you need to take her out of the house, to a place where romance can be created, friendship can be established and trust planted; stop bringing home adult films or introducing your expertise on sex to your wife. She doesn’t need this now.
Taking her out is to ensure she gives you time, relax and listen to what you have to say. By the time she sees a conscious effort on your part to get into her mind rather than into her body as her husband, she would change. No woman would marry and deliberately close her body and mind to the overtures of her husband unless she has been hurt beyond measure. She isn’t a sex machine but a human being with feelings and senses. Beyond sex, what can you say about your wife, her character, attitude and disposition to life? All these are as important a part of marriage like the sex you have chosen to amplify.
By listening to her, you give her and yourself another shot at making this marriage happy. Show her you are in love with her and not in lust.
There is more to marriage. I guess this is the message your pastor is trying to pass across. Sex is very important but not when you make it the sole reason for being happy in a marriage.
By showing her you care, she would become more of a willing student. All your marriage needs is a complete change of focus by you.
And while you are trying to pick and rearrange the broken pieces, let her know about the child, best she hears from you than from another person.
Pray to God to allow you focus on your marriage properly. No one segment should be more important than the other segments. Every aspect of marriage must be delicately balanced for a couple to be happy.
Good luck
Her coming heralds era of doom in my life…
Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
God’s blessing be upon you for your immensely inspired practical solutions to the many questions that come your way on wide ranging issues on relationships.
I am in a big fix about the lady I planned to marry. We have been in relationship since March 2009 or thereabout.
Two things happened in the course of our relationship and because of my previous experiences with ladies I have decided to use material prosperity at the reign of the woman in my life at any given time as the barometer in measuring the viability of the relationship.
During the course of my current relationship, I narrowly escaped being affected in a recent restructuring that took place at my office, but I lost my ID and other valuable access to allow entrance into my company’s resources.
This wasn’t enough alarm to me but I began to get worried when I asked her to accompany me to an interview venue on a Saturday. To say the least, it was the worst interview I had attended in my life despite being given two opportunities on the same day by the panel to make the right impression. I was as shocked as members of the panel at my inability to deliver. It was all so confusing to me.
Although I didn’t immediately give her the outcome of the interview, but a few days later I did. I confessed to her it was one very bad interview, the first for me. She quipped that it could have been because she went with me. I didn’t understand why she would blame herself for my poor performance. I didn’t count her statement as important then but with time I began to.
Agatha, do you think there is more to this than meets the eye? I have distanced myself from her since she also asked questions and particular dates about when other interview invites would hold including exam dates for recently enrolled postgraduate programme.
Is this lady up to something? Does she know what I do not know? We attend same church where I met her and considered her a wife material. I have decided to keep our relationship in the cooler until I am sure what I am up against. I want a woman who would add value and luck to my progress and not one that would drain my luck.
Agatha, given what I have told you, do you think this lady has a good aura or not? Help me unravel the experience behind accompanying me to an interview and my woeful performance.
Uhe
Dear Uhe,
As human beings, we have our off days; the days when nothing would work according to our expectations; when we would wonder at why a task that we know so well become almost impossible for us to do without helpful hints from people; the kind of days when it is almost impossible for us to remember correctly the alphabets that make up our names.
If one has the misfortune of attending an interview on this kind of day, there is no price for guessing what the outcome of such an interview would be. It is the day mother luck decides to take a break from everything to rest. This explains why an exceptionally bright student would fail an examination, a world acclaimed orator would make a very bad speech, an accomplished chef would cook a meal even a dog would refuse to eat or a writer would never get the first sentence right all day and night.
This has nothing to do with the aura of those around but the way life works generally.
The only thing that works on such days is to rest. Take time off to recover oneself go let off the steams, untangle the muscles tied up by stress and pressures of everyday living.
The wise thing to do is to accept the coded message of the body that it is heading towards nervous breakdown if not given time to rest. It is nature’s way of enforcing the human mind to slow down and take a well-deserved rest.
Unfortunately, not everyone can afford the luxury of resting like mother luck on those days when one doesn’t feel like doing anything. A lot of us are forced by the circumstances we find ourselves to forge ahead in spite of the signs and alarms our bodies are giving us. I am sure if you take time out to think and reflect on your state of mind, you would find out that you were far from relaxed, as you would have loved to for the interview. It could be more of the aura of your mood than the woman who accompanied you for the interview.
The fact that the interview is coming at the time you seem to be in some sorts of emotional crisis resulting from the loss of your vital documents that give you access to the company’s resources, the reality of your near retrenchment, it is only natural that you may not be at your best for this particular interview.
Sometimes too over confidence at our ability contribute to failure. A question that should have been given proper attention more often than not, is given superficial treatment because one didn’t really prepare for due to overestimations of one’s ability.
The fact that you also went for an important interview with your girlfriend underscores the seriousness you attached to the interview. You probably thought it was a work over, something you can just go to grab without much ado. No serious minded man goes into a battlefield with his woman. There is no way you would have asked her to accompany you for this interview if you actually attached a level of seriousness to it. Chances are you messed up due to overconfidence and not because this particular woman didn’t have the right kind of aura to help you. So many times, we are our own worst enemies.
For some panels, the fact that you came with a woman to an interview is enough to score you low because it points at lack of seriousness on your part. What you went for wasn’t a social function or a campaign venue; it was an important official meeting with your prospective employers and should have been treated as such. For some companies, it isn’t the formal interview that matters but the informal things that take place outside the interview room.
More often than not we translate our nature into the persons of other people around us. Granted that we must develop the spiritual alertness to survive life but we must be imbibed by spiritual maturity to know where to look for the source of our problems as well as solutions.
What is your own spiritual burden in life? If your foundational problem is the kind that is stubborn and one that wastes success or opportunities, unless a stronger force and power is applied to neutralise its potency, you will swim in and out of success.
Therefore rather than cry wolf where there is none, begin your x-ray from your family history. Check for clues in the lives of men in your family. Is there a familiar pattern when compared to what is happening to you now?
If there is, ask God for help in overcoming it and freeing yourself from the curse of your lineage.
If peculiar to you, can you remember when it started or the same mistake you seem to be making? Pay more attention to your own mistakes more than the aura of the woman in your life.
Granted, a woman can affect her man positively or negatively, but a man too has to be careful the amount of spiritual corruptions and physical mistakes he allows into his space. Mostly when a man hurts the woman in his life, especially one who is loyal and committed to him, he suffers certain repercussions. It is the way God has made things.
Besides, you wouldn’t be thinking along this line if you took time out to pray about this lady before commencing a relationship with her. The fact that you both attend the same church isn’t enough reason not to pray about your union before going into it.
Had you premised the relationship on God’s words, you won’t have any reason to doubt her or question her suitability for you as a supportive partner. However, it isn’t too late to do things right. If really things are not working for you the way it should be since she came into your life, it may be God’s way of announcing your spiritual incompatibility to each other.
You can only get to know if you really devote yourself to praying to God for His help and direction.
Good luck.
Dear Agatha,
God’s blessing be upon you for your immensely inspired practical solutions to the many questions that come your way on wide ranging issues on relationships.
I am in a big fix about the lady I planned to marry. We have been in relationship since March 2009 or thereabout.
Two things happened in the course of our relationship and because of my previous experiences with ladies I have decided to use material prosperity at the reign of the woman in my life at any given time as the barometer in measuring the viability of the relationship.
During the course of my current relationship, I narrowly escaped being affected in a recent restructuring that took place at my office, but I lost my ID and other valuable access to allow entrance into my company’s resources.
This wasn’t enough alarm to me but I began to get worried when I asked her to accompany me to an interview venue on a Saturday. To say the least, it was the worst interview I had attended in my life despite being given two opportunities on the same day by the panel to make the right impression. I was as shocked as members of the panel at my inability to deliver. It was all so confusing to me.
Although I didn’t immediately give her the outcome of the interview, but a few days later I did. I confessed to her it was one very bad interview, the first for me. She quipped that it could have been because she went with me. I didn’t understand why she would blame herself for my poor performance. I didn’t count her statement as important then but with time I began to.
Agatha, do you think there is more to this than meets the eye? I have distanced myself from her since she also asked questions and particular dates about when other interview invites would hold including exam dates for recently enrolled postgraduate programme.
Is this lady up to something? Does she know what I do not know? We attend same church where I met her and considered her a wife material. I have decided to keep our relationship in the cooler until I am sure what I am up against. I want a woman who would add value and luck to my progress and not one that would drain my luck.
Agatha, given what I have told you, do you think this lady has a good aura or not? Help me unravel the experience behind accompanying me to an interview and my woeful performance.
Uhe
Dear Uhe,
As human beings, we have our off days; the days when nothing would work according to our expectations; when we would wonder at why a task that we know so well become almost impossible for us to do without helpful hints from people; the kind of days when it is almost impossible for us to remember correctly the alphabets that make up our names.
If one has the misfortune of attending an interview on this kind of day, there is no price for guessing what the outcome of such an interview would be. It is the day mother luck decides to take a break from everything to rest. This explains why an exceptionally bright student would fail an examination, a world acclaimed orator would make a very bad speech, an accomplished chef would cook a meal even a dog would refuse to eat or a writer would never get the first sentence right all day and night.
This has nothing to do with the aura of those around but the way life works generally.
The only thing that works on such days is to rest. Take time off to recover oneself go let off the steams, untangle the muscles tied up by stress and pressures of everyday living.
The wise thing to do is to accept the coded message of the body that it is heading towards nervous breakdown if not given time to rest. It is nature’s way of enforcing the human mind to slow down and take a well-deserved rest.
Unfortunately, not everyone can afford the luxury of resting like mother luck on those days when one doesn’t feel like doing anything. A lot of us are forced by the circumstances we find ourselves to forge ahead in spite of the signs and alarms our bodies are giving us. I am sure if you take time out to think and reflect on your state of mind, you would find out that you were far from relaxed, as you would have loved to for the interview. It could be more of the aura of your mood than the woman who accompanied you for the interview.
The fact that the interview is coming at the time you seem to be in some sorts of emotional crisis resulting from the loss of your vital documents that give you access to the company’s resources, the reality of your near retrenchment, it is only natural that you may not be at your best for this particular interview.
Sometimes too over confidence at our ability contribute to failure. A question that should have been given proper attention more often than not, is given superficial treatment because one didn’t really prepare for due to overestimations of one’s ability.
The fact that you also went for an important interview with your girlfriend underscores the seriousness you attached to the interview. You probably thought it was a work over, something you can just go to grab without much ado. No serious minded man goes into a battlefield with his woman. There is no way you would have asked her to accompany you for this interview if you actually attached a level of seriousness to it. Chances are you messed up due to overconfidence and not because this particular woman didn’t have the right kind of aura to help you. So many times, we are our own worst enemies.
For some panels, the fact that you came with a woman to an interview is enough to score you low because it points at lack of seriousness on your part. What you went for wasn’t a social function or a campaign venue; it was an important official meeting with your prospective employers and should have been treated as such. For some companies, it isn’t the formal interview that matters but the informal things that take place outside the interview room.
More often than not we translate our nature into the persons of other people around us. Granted that we must develop the spiritual alertness to survive life but we must be imbibed by spiritual maturity to know where to look for the source of our problems as well as solutions.
What is your own spiritual burden in life? If your foundational problem is the kind that is stubborn and one that wastes success or opportunities, unless a stronger force and power is applied to neutralise its potency, you will swim in and out of success.
Therefore rather than cry wolf where there is none, begin your x-ray from your family history. Check for clues in the lives of men in your family. Is there a familiar pattern when compared to what is happening to you now?
If there is, ask God for help in overcoming it and freeing yourself from the curse of your lineage.
If peculiar to you, can you remember when it started or the same mistake you seem to be making? Pay more attention to your own mistakes more than the aura of the woman in your life.
Granted, a woman can affect her man positively or negatively, but a man too has to be careful the amount of spiritual corruptions and physical mistakes he allows into his space. Mostly when a man hurts the woman in his life, especially one who is loyal and committed to him, he suffers certain repercussions. It is the way God has made things.
Besides, you wouldn’t be thinking along this line if you took time out to pray about this lady before commencing a relationship with her. The fact that you both attend the same church isn’t enough reason not to pray about your union before going into it.
Had you premised the relationship on God’s words, you won’t have any reason to doubt her or question her suitability for you as a supportive partner. However, it isn’t too late to do things right. If really things are not working for you the way it should be since she came into your life, it may be God’s way of announcing your spiritual incompatibility to each other.
You can only get to know if you really devote yourself to praying to God for His help and direction.
Good luck.
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