They want my son after all these years

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, While in secondary school, I got pregnant for a classmate of mine. He didn’t deny the pregnancy even though his mother did everything humanly possible to make him deny paternity of the child. He stood by me; telling everyone that cared to listen that he deflowered me and that I wasn’t the kind of girl his mother was trying to make me out to be. His father, a politician didn’t waste time ferrying him out of the country. None of the parents bothered to find out how I was or the baby when I had him. Despite the distance, he kept writing and sending me his pocket money through his elder sister who showered me with love and attention. On the day of the child’s naming; my parents didn’t know what to do on that day, whether to be happy or sad; she came with her friends, brought food and clothes. She stood as the only representative of the father of my son. Not once did she leave me alone. Every month she sent money to us and came whenever she could find the time from her bank job. When the baby was old enough, she insisted I further my education and took over the payment of the crèche I usually leave my baby. She gave my mother money to begin a trade to make things easier for her so she could continue to help me with the child. Between her and the father of my child, they built a three bedroom bungalow for me and the baby at Akute. My parents moved in with me; that is where I stay till today. My son, when he was 10, accompanied his aunty and her children to London where my son met with his father. Thereafter, his would send for him every long vacation to spend the summer holidays with him. For reasons best known to him, he refused to come back to the country. To cut the long story short, he died last year leaving his son and I well provided for. The last mail he sent to me before he died; he apologized for everything I went through, commending me for being a good mother to his son. He talked about his practice in England and how I should encourage his son to take over from him. He told me that his greatest regret in life is not being with me and that if there is another world, he would begin and end it with me. He ended by telling me how much he loved me and his wish that things were different. He died in an accident but I sometimes wonder if it was really an accident. The reason I am writing is that his parents want to see my son after 17 years. the last time I saw them was when his mother drove my mother and I out of their house in Ikoyi on the day we went to inform them of my pregnancy; when she called my mother and I wretched souls who wanted to reap where they didn’t sow. My parents died six and four years ago. Apart from my younger brother, my son is all I have. No man wanted to marry me because of my son; the last one that came wanted me to send my son away to his father’s family. Although he is now an undergraduate he remains my baby. They have sent the only person they know I will listen to, their daughter to plead with me to allow them see their grandson but, whenever I recall how they humiliated my mother and I, something inside of me just refuse to listen. Their daughter has been so nice to me; I know I am hurting her but it is difficult to let go of my pains. Agatha, please help me. I am sure they wouldn’t have come if their son didn’t die or had other children. Violet. Dear Violet, To err is human, to forgive is divine. Forgiveness is a gift from God; through it, we become one with Him. If you look back at the ways God has helped you to survive, surrounded you and your son with people who love you; you will realize that holding back on your forgiveness would be unfair to the God of mercy. These people are old; humbled by time and no longer the same people who arrogantly walked your mother and you out of their home. It can’t have been easy asking your permission to see the grandchild they denied years ago. If for nothing, consider the selfless love of the father of your child and his sister who stood by you through thick and thin; who against all odds at his tender age was sending you money for your upkeep. Both he and his sister could easily have abandoned you as other young men and even older ones have been known to do in the past and even now. This boy must have loved you from the depth of his heart and obviously made his sister promise to always be by your side. Have you ever paused to think of why his sister didn’t for one second turn her back on you, was always around you? The father of your child must have put her to it. Building you a house to stay, giving your mother money to upgrade her business shows a man whose heart never left you. That you were able to go back to school came from the benevolence of this lady who is today begging you for a favor. Don’t forget that she has never asked you for one, was always the one giving to you. You could argue that she was doing it for her brother but how many women will be this devoted if she didn’t want to? She showed you love where her parents reviled you, offered you respect and dignity when you needed it the most. Coming to represent the family of the father of your son at the naming was a way of announcing to the world that you may have made a mistake but you aren’t wayward. It must have taken guts for her to do what she did. Besides, don’t you think your son deserves to be integrated with his father’s family? Surely you know how much sacrifice his father made for you and his son. the best you can do for him is to allow his son enjoy the comfort and presence of the family he forfeited for your sake. It couldn’t have been easy for him all those years in a lonely country without the warmth of his family. Whether you like it or not, your son must have his own dreams: that of meeting his father’s entire family. He is a man and would one day bear the burden of his heritage. This you cannot take away from him. He is his father’s child; his only child and one he sacrificed so much for in life. Allow him to meet his grandparents. It is only right. How would you feel if they die before you think it right for all parties to meet? You will never be able to face yourself or forgive your inability to forget the past or pardon them for trying to protect their son from what the hands of one they perceive to be a gold digger. Sometimes, it is easier to point the accusing finger when we are in a different side of the field but wait until we find our self on the other side before we know the worth of our true character. In her position, you may behave in like manner. The human nature is very unpredictable. Besides, you have grown older and more experienced in life, so forgiveness should come to you naturally. Don’t wait for anyone to take your son to them, take him there by yourself; show them that you are a better person than they were at your age. It will make you feel better at the end of the day as well as worthy of the support and love given you all these years by the sister of your son’s father. Trust me; there is so much joy and peace in forgiveness. One day, your son will thank you for it. Good luck