Dear Agatha,
There is this challenge that has been giving me concern for quite sometimes now. The challenge is, when alone, I get the urge to have sex with a female and I actually experience the usual male sign, but whenever a girl comes along, my body always fails to respond. And when it does once I get to the point of action, it becomes very weak. What do I have to do?
Helpless Boy.
Dear Helpless Boy,
How old are you? Have you ever had sex before? Is this problem a latest development or one you have been struggling with for sometime now? If you are young, it could be a function of anxiety and excitement at finally having the girl of your dreams right in your arms. A lot of time, the desire to impress a woman does make some men lose their libido. This is especially true of men that are so boastful about their prowess in the bedroom.
If you fall into this category, learn to relax and act naturally. It could be a psychological and unless you take the step of helping your recovery nobody can do it for you because it is an issue of your mind accepting to change from what it has come to accept and what is real.
You just must help yourself change the orientation you currently have of sex and women. Contrary to what most men think, a woman doesn’t need a man to impress her. All she wants is a man who is natural and appreciates her person in the bedroom. Even if a man thinks he is God’s gift to women in the bedroom, he should allow his performance speak for him rather than his mouth.
There is also nothing to ask a woman for help in the bedroom. Most times quintessence performance comes from maturity and level of partnership a couple put into the act.
It could also come from acute disappointment. Your imagination of the woman may not be the same with what you see. At every point in time, you must be able to marry imagination with reality.
In addition you must see the process of lovemaking as a wholesome package and not one you just jump into. You would be helping yourself a great deal if you begin from the basis. This way you help to prepare yourself too for the actual act.
As a man, you must at all times learn to control yourself when you are with a woman. It is also a matter of concentration. Where does your imagination go to while you are with a woman? Is it that you are too much into the idea of making love with a woman than the act itself? Are you ashamed of the size of your manhood? This could come from something someone said to you. You may not think it is a problem at the time, but right in your sub-consciousness, the remark pops on to unsettle you. At the times you are unable to work yourself up to full performance: can you think of what you are thinking? Are you afraid she may fault your performance or that you may not be able to perform up to her expectations? Honest answers to these questions would help you find out where the actual problem is. Sexual accomplishment comes from honesty.
There is also the need for you to isolate the genesis of this problem especially if you have had some fulfilling moments before now. If this is the case, can you recollect how all these started? Is there something in particular you did or failed to do? Did you suffer an injury at any point in time?
However, if none of this is the case, you may have to consider the spiritual aspect of it. Although, this is always a problem for some people, there is the need for you to seek spiritual help from a pastor. But you must help the pastor zero in on where the problem is coming from. For instance, it could come from a challenge you had with a woman. It could also come from the way you treated a woman or something that has to do with your father. It isn’t normal for a man to exhibit all the features of a full-grown normal man when alone and finds himself wanting when it matters the most.
A deliverance from whatever power is at play in your life is the only way you can have a normal life, marry and have children. If you have never had it with a woman, because of this issue, please draw the attention of your parents to it in addition to praying for God’s intervention on the matter.
Good luck.
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