With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
I‘m a young man of 30 years old and planning to settle down very soon. I have this confusing issue I would like you to help clear. My friends tell me that to get a woman highly aroused and ready for intercourse, the man has to make use of his mouth and tongue to stimulate her womanhood.
And in some of your responses, you also mentioned the same thing. Now I imagined the thought and acted on it. And it seems to me dirty and irritating, considering the taste of the place and hygiene of taking such liquid into one’s stomach. Please brief me and as well clear my mind on the issue if it is a normal thing to do, especially in helping the woman to be ready. I want to be educated. And would not want my natural attitude to affect my married life later.
Inexperienced Boy.
Dear Inexperienced Boy,
There is nothing dirty or poisonous in being intimate with one’s spouse. Except the woman is naturally unhygienic, the actual scent of a woman is pure and enticing. It gives her a uniqueness that helps remind her man, wherever he may, of his woman.
Oral sex is part of the package in matrimony. When done in love, friendship and appreciation, it is a beautiful binding substance that acts as a shield, protection, and foundation during crises period in a marriage.
It enables the couple to build a well of emotional and communication reservoir that sets them apart from the crowd.
Whether we admit it or not, sex is a powerful tool in any marriage and every couple must device a means of using it to zeal any crack even before it begins to manifest. The essence of oral sex is underscored by the sensitive nature of the human body. Without the use of our fingers, tongue and imagination, the human emotion will remain at the its most primary level.
If lesser animals as shown by the various documentaries are in tune with the power of touch during their own mating period, human being the most intelligent animal on earth should therefore celebrate its importance at all times.
The entire skin area is an erotic canvass. However, it takes a careful exploration of the fingers to discover the high and low points of the skin as well as the individuality of one’s partner. The fingers are what remove fact from fiction. A lot of time, many couples assume to know the sensitive zones of their partners when in fact they lack knowledge of even the most basic. The fact that it is generally assumed that a particular area of a woman’s or a man’s body is very sensitive doesn’t mean it works for every man or woman. As a matter of fact some may find such areas very offensive. But only oral sex can give a clear clue into what works for a particular couple at all times.
This is because it is a more comprehensive way of integrating the mind and body.
Whatever your misgivings are now, it would go a long way in helping your marriage grow if you maintain an opened mind concerning the issue of sex.
Oral sex helps a woman to be ready to please her man. Without help from their men, most women would never be able to give their men satisfactory performance in the bedroom. The external organs of the man make it easier for him to attain arousal faster than the woman whose organs are within.
Good luck
Monday, April 11, 2011
Long distant marriage and its inherent issues
Marriage Clinic With Agatha Edo
Email: gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
Thank you so much for the way you handle issues that relate to relationships. I must confess God blessed you with this gift. Actually, I would be happy if you can help me with my own problem.
I live in Europe while my wife lives in Nigeria with her mother and my only son. The problem is that each time I have issues with her (my wife), she shouts at me and I’ve told her severally that I don’t like the way she shouts over the phone. Her mother is always supporting her and blaming me for everything. Consequently my wife has refused to change her ways.
The last time I visited Nigeria, we had a little problem at home, instead of finding a solution to the problem, my wife called her mother and her sister on the phone. When her mother arrived early in the morning, rather than find out what the problem is, she grabbed my shirt and slapped me the minute I opened the door for her.
Because of the problem it would cause in my marriage, I didn’t tell my family members about this incident.
Agatha, I love her so much but the love I have for her has been replaced with hate and revenge.
An issue came up while we were talking on the phone recently and she said she is fed up with the marriage. I don’t know if she said it out of anger but I am taking it seriously as I want to end the marriage as soon as possible.
Confused Hubby
Dear Confused Hubby,
Bad as the picture of your marriage appears to be, what is the other side? Are you sure you are not a problem too in this marriage? Why are you staying in Europe while your wife and son are in Nigeria? Are you living up to your responsibility as a father and a husband? What are her complains? Deep down, do you think they are valid or not serious enough to be given attention to? Why is she staying with her people and not your people? For how long did both of you date and how long have you been married? Has she always been like this or a recent development?
Marriage is a complex issue; one that requires utmost caution and wisdom to manage successfully. There is no way a marriage can degenerate to the level you have painted yours without an input from both of you. Granted, the fault maybe more on her side but you cannot exonerate yourself from what is happening in your marriage.
Although you didn’t say exactly what the issue is, chances are that your being away from each other is a major reason. Every woman wants to be by her husband especially a young woman. She is bound to be frustrated by your lack of presence in her life when she needs you or when your son starts acting funny. Being the one at home, your separation would affect her the more because she is the one that has to answer to malicious and embarrassing questions from people who would naturally wonder aloud when she is going to join you or the malicious kind from jealous friends who would ask her if sure you are not hiding something from her by her prolonged delay in joining you.
Being young and vulnerable to the various stories of what men and women who travel abroad are up to, she is bound to feel frustrated and edgy whenever you speak to each other on the phone. Don’t forget that while the permissiveness of the society favours you to engage in extra marital affairs, she dare not. So her anger and dissatisfaction with the current arrangement is transferred to you on the phone. Granted she maybe handling it wrongly but the fact remains that you should also consider her feelings and reasons. Ignore whatever her actions are telling you and listen to the message within.
Her mother is having all the advantage in the world to encourage her to misbehave because you unwittingly gave her the opportunity to do so. Once a woman gets married, she leaves her family nest to begin one of her own in her husband’s house. Her being away from you has made her more dependent on her mother and siblings especially as they are the ones accommodating her and your baby.
Frankly, there is no way these people will not continue to influence your marriage as long as she lives with them. There is no way you can claim authority over her because she doesn’t live under an accommodation of her own. You have to either ask her to go to your family or get her an accommodation of her own to wean her from the excessive control of her mother.
In the house you pay for, you can read out your rules, moderate the kind of interference you want in your marriage. Until you are ready to take full charge of your marriage, you will continue to experience the insolence and abuse of your mother-in-law.
Leaving your wife with them has exposed your vulnerability and weakness as a man to them. A little bit of distance between friends and family gives birth to premium respect. In a way, you exposed yourself to this. It is either a man is married or not. If you had taken charge of your marriage, she wouldn’t have been exposed fully to the challenge you are having in your marriage at all. And there is no way she would have dared come into your house to slap you; having been exposed to the measure of your ability by the reason of her housing your wife and son, she has figured you out hence the audacity of her action.
Now is the time for you to stamp your authority in this marriage. One of the ways to do this is to try to get the loyalty and respect of your wife. If you haven’t told her precisely what the situation is with you in your host country, please confide whatever challenges you are facing there. Let her know why she is still living in Nigeria and you living in Europe. If you have done it before, do it again. Don’t pretend life is rosy when it is not. Give her the choice to make up her mind by laying bare the facts concerning your well-being in your host country.
One of the reasons for her mother’s behaviour may not be unconnected with failed aspirations. To the average person in Nigeria, people who stay abroad are considered very comfortable. If you are therefore not meeting with the demands and expectations of your in-laws, chances are they would regret your association with their daughter and do everything to make you leave her so that someone who has enough money can come into her life.
If her mother was getting enough money from you, she won’t be rude and nasty to you. There is the need for you to correct the impression they have of your stay abroad. Let your wife know the financial challenges you are going through. I sense you are not being very truthful to them concerning your prospect in your host country. Let them know you are struggling and may not be in the position to meet all their financial challenges. Once your wife is aware that you don’t pick money on the streets of London, there is the tendency for her to cut down on some expectations from you.
Like I mentioned earlier, get an apartment for your wife. Tell her you want her and your son to move into a place you paid for; you would feel better knowing that she has the independence as a married woman to make her decisions. If anyone must stay with her, let it be someone from your own side of the family. In doing this, ensure she understands your limitation and what you hope to achieve for now.
Until she has the opportunity of living outside her family, she would never develop the maturity of handling her affairs without rushing to her mother or sister for solution.
As for her mother, your only business with her is respect because she is the mother of the woman you married; nothing more. The next time you have a disagreement with your wife and your mother-in-law tries to intervene, politely remind her that you and your wife are having a domestic problem and would appreciate if you are both left alone to resolve whatever the issue is.
Whatever your reasons for living apart from your wife, ensure it is resolved as soon as possible. Your marriage is still too young for both of you to live apart. This is the time your marriage needs bonding and stability. There is no way you can bond or be stable if you are living millions of miles away from her.
Your marriage and son are the unfortunate victims of this arrangement. If she says she is fed up, it may not be of you but of the situation that is forcing the two of you from living together.
Even if you divorce her and marry another woman, if the circumstances persist, you will face the same challenges from her.
The time has come for you to put your marriage into serious considerations. You must act before it is too late to save your marriage from collapse. There is a limit to what a marriage can tolerate.
Good luck.
Email: gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
Thank you so much for the way you handle issues that relate to relationships. I must confess God blessed you with this gift. Actually, I would be happy if you can help me with my own problem.
I live in Europe while my wife lives in Nigeria with her mother and my only son. The problem is that each time I have issues with her (my wife), she shouts at me and I’ve told her severally that I don’t like the way she shouts over the phone. Her mother is always supporting her and blaming me for everything. Consequently my wife has refused to change her ways.
The last time I visited Nigeria, we had a little problem at home, instead of finding a solution to the problem, my wife called her mother and her sister on the phone. When her mother arrived early in the morning, rather than find out what the problem is, she grabbed my shirt and slapped me the minute I opened the door for her.
Because of the problem it would cause in my marriage, I didn’t tell my family members about this incident.
Agatha, I love her so much but the love I have for her has been replaced with hate and revenge.
An issue came up while we were talking on the phone recently and she said she is fed up with the marriage. I don’t know if she said it out of anger but I am taking it seriously as I want to end the marriage as soon as possible.
Confused Hubby
Dear Confused Hubby,
Bad as the picture of your marriage appears to be, what is the other side? Are you sure you are not a problem too in this marriage? Why are you staying in Europe while your wife and son are in Nigeria? Are you living up to your responsibility as a father and a husband? What are her complains? Deep down, do you think they are valid or not serious enough to be given attention to? Why is she staying with her people and not your people? For how long did both of you date and how long have you been married? Has she always been like this or a recent development?
Marriage is a complex issue; one that requires utmost caution and wisdom to manage successfully. There is no way a marriage can degenerate to the level you have painted yours without an input from both of you. Granted, the fault maybe more on her side but you cannot exonerate yourself from what is happening in your marriage.
Although you didn’t say exactly what the issue is, chances are that your being away from each other is a major reason. Every woman wants to be by her husband especially a young woman. She is bound to be frustrated by your lack of presence in her life when she needs you or when your son starts acting funny. Being the one at home, your separation would affect her the more because she is the one that has to answer to malicious and embarrassing questions from people who would naturally wonder aloud when she is going to join you or the malicious kind from jealous friends who would ask her if sure you are not hiding something from her by her prolonged delay in joining you.
Being young and vulnerable to the various stories of what men and women who travel abroad are up to, she is bound to feel frustrated and edgy whenever you speak to each other on the phone. Don’t forget that while the permissiveness of the society favours you to engage in extra marital affairs, she dare not. So her anger and dissatisfaction with the current arrangement is transferred to you on the phone. Granted she maybe handling it wrongly but the fact remains that you should also consider her feelings and reasons. Ignore whatever her actions are telling you and listen to the message within.
Her mother is having all the advantage in the world to encourage her to misbehave because you unwittingly gave her the opportunity to do so. Once a woman gets married, she leaves her family nest to begin one of her own in her husband’s house. Her being away from you has made her more dependent on her mother and siblings especially as they are the ones accommodating her and your baby.
Frankly, there is no way these people will not continue to influence your marriage as long as she lives with them. There is no way you can claim authority over her because she doesn’t live under an accommodation of her own. You have to either ask her to go to your family or get her an accommodation of her own to wean her from the excessive control of her mother.
In the house you pay for, you can read out your rules, moderate the kind of interference you want in your marriage. Until you are ready to take full charge of your marriage, you will continue to experience the insolence and abuse of your mother-in-law.
Leaving your wife with them has exposed your vulnerability and weakness as a man to them. A little bit of distance between friends and family gives birth to premium respect. In a way, you exposed yourself to this. It is either a man is married or not. If you had taken charge of your marriage, she wouldn’t have been exposed fully to the challenge you are having in your marriage at all. And there is no way she would have dared come into your house to slap you; having been exposed to the measure of your ability by the reason of her housing your wife and son, she has figured you out hence the audacity of her action.
Now is the time for you to stamp your authority in this marriage. One of the ways to do this is to try to get the loyalty and respect of your wife. If you haven’t told her precisely what the situation is with you in your host country, please confide whatever challenges you are facing there. Let her know why she is still living in Nigeria and you living in Europe. If you have done it before, do it again. Don’t pretend life is rosy when it is not. Give her the choice to make up her mind by laying bare the facts concerning your well-being in your host country.
One of the reasons for her mother’s behaviour may not be unconnected with failed aspirations. To the average person in Nigeria, people who stay abroad are considered very comfortable. If you are therefore not meeting with the demands and expectations of your in-laws, chances are they would regret your association with their daughter and do everything to make you leave her so that someone who has enough money can come into her life.
If her mother was getting enough money from you, she won’t be rude and nasty to you. There is the need for you to correct the impression they have of your stay abroad. Let your wife know the financial challenges you are going through. I sense you are not being very truthful to them concerning your prospect in your host country. Let them know you are struggling and may not be in the position to meet all their financial challenges. Once your wife is aware that you don’t pick money on the streets of London, there is the tendency for her to cut down on some expectations from you.
Like I mentioned earlier, get an apartment for your wife. Tell her you want her and your son to move into a place you paid for; you would feel better knowing that she has the independence as a married woman to make her decisions. If anyone must stay with her, let it be someone from your own side of the family. In doing this, ensure she understands your limitation and what you hope to achieve for now.
Until she has the opportunity of living outside her family, she would never develop the maturity of handling her affairs without rushing to her mother or sister for solution.
As for her mother, your only business with her is respect because she is the mother of the woman you married; nothing more. The next time you have a disagreement with your wife and your mother-in-law tries to intervene, politely remind her that you and your wife are having a domestic problem and would appreciate if you are both left alone to resolve whatever the issue is.
Whatever your reasons for living apart from your wife, ensure it is resolved as soon as possible. Your marriage is still too young for both of you to live apart. This is the time your marriage needs bonding and stability. There is no way you can bond or be stable if you are living millions of miles away from her.
Your marriage and son are the unfortunate victims of this arrangement. If she says she is fed up, it may not be of you but of the situation that is forcing the two of you from living together.
Even if you divorce her and marry another woman, if the circumstances persist, you will face the same challenges from her.
The time has come for you to put your marriage into serious considerations. You must act before it is too late to save your marriage from collapse. There is a limit to what a marriage can tolerate.
Good luck.
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