With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
Thanks for being there for us everyday of the week. May God bless you and also solve your problems.
I got married last year and since then my husband’s three brothers have been living with us. Not once have I been allowed to enjoy my marriage.
Although we live in a 3-bedroom en-suite flat, I lack the freedom to do as I please in my home. For instance, I cannot dress the way I like around the house. I cannot embrace my husband intimately the way I want because of the presence of these people.
I have complained severally but my husband insists that they are his responsibility since they no longer have parents.
In fairness they have always lived with him but I didn’t envisage they would become nuisance in my home or marriage.
I am fed up and want them out of my house. Although they help with all the housework and have never been rude to me in any way, I want my husband to myself.
Besides this is the amount of money he spends on their education. They all attend expensive private schools. And they still have very far to go because the last one is just entering his first year in senior secondary school. He seems not to be thinking about his future at all beyond making life easy for his siblings. When I pointed this out to him, he told me not to interfere but I can’t help worrying about it. He should be planning for our children, not investing all his money on his brothers who may turn against him tomorrow.
I don’t know what to do to make my husband understand me. He thinks I am simply being selfish and unreasonable on this matter.
Agatha, help me.
Tope.
Dear Tope,
Happiness is measured by the amount of happiness we are also willing to invest in the lives of people around us. You cannot be talking about your own happiness without thinking of all those whose happiness and lives are dependent on the decisions you make.
How do you think your husband would remain happy with you if the brothers he had cared for before meeting you, all whom you knew depend on him before you married him are suddenly made to leave the only security of the home they know all because you have refused to tailor your happiness to accommodate the allowances of sharing it with others?
In his shoes, how would you feel if he is making you to make the same choice you are now forcing him to make? Sincerely you are not being fair to these young men who have given you no reason to complain about their attitude towards you.
If they gladly do the house chores what else do you want? A 3-bedroom en-suite flat gives you all the freedom to do as you like with your husband since nobody is sharing your bathroom with you.
You can effectively indulge all your romance inclinations right inside your bedroom. Your case would have been understandable if the place were a one-room affair where nobody even has the privacy to dress. Your reasons for wanting them out of the house in such a situation would have been understood against the background that a man and woman need private time to bond as a couple.
But definitely not in your case where once the bedroom door is closed, you both have all the privacy in the world to do what you want.
The consequences of the decision you want your husband to take against his brothers may not manifest today but in later years when your husband or you may be in desperate need of the help of these young men.
Even if they desire to help, if they have wives like you, the women may also prevent them from doing what is right. The dynamism and unpredictability of life makes your decision very unwise and uncalled for.
Don’t forget, the boys are orphans. As the wife of their brother, you occupy a vital position to help them translate their lives positively in the way their mother would have done had she lived. Being the first woman in their small family since the passing of their parents, you stand the chance of making positive history by investing selflessly in the advancement and future of these young men.
Frankly, if his brothers turn against him in the future, it won’t be a lack of appreciation of your husband’s positive role in their lives, but of your own negative influences. Their protest would be against you for coming to spoil something so precious and rare. Your husband is a responsible man; don’t discourage him because when you would need this aspect of him, you may not be able to bring it back to him if you encourage him to deviate from what he is doing now.
Ensuring they get the best education is the best way of insuring the happiness and future of your own children. This is in the sense that with quality education, they would grow up to be monumental successes in their areas of academic pursuits, leaving your husband free of the attendant pressures that come with ill-equipped foundations. With good jobs, your husband would not suffer the undue financial strain that would most likely come if he fails to give them solid educational heritage now.
Also he is trying to prevent the bitter resentment and acrimony that come with the feeling of being used and dumped. There is no way these boys would feel happy if after cleaning him and you, they are also made to clean after your children while they have nothing to show for all their investment of care in the growth of your family.
Yes, his children are important but so also are his brothers whose lack of parents makes them very special to your husband. Today, he is the only father and mother they no longer have. And don’t forget that whatever intimacy you may have with him, his relationship with his brothers predates yours. There are some very vital family secrets which when they begin to discuss would make you a complete stranger in their circle.
If you were wise, you would play your role as their mother with joy even if you feel regrets over your lack of intimacy. Being grown children, they know when the mood calls for them to give you both the privacy when the occasion demands at any particular time. And once you are able to gain their respect and trust, they would come to value you more than their brother because you would be like the mother nature denied them of having for long.
Wisdom calls for caution and reason. Give to them your heart, commitment and love. If you love your husband you would learn to support his dream of having to cater for his brothers. You would also respect his wishes as well as motherly compassion for these orphans who from all indications still desperately need motherly love.
You swore to stand by your husband through thick and thin. This is the time he needs you the most to help him achieve his dream of maintaining a fair balance between his responsibility to his siblings as the eldest child and to you as his wife.
If romance is what you desire, turn your bedroom décor around. A few delicate touches and splashes of soft furniture and decorative items could turn an ordinary décor to an exotic setting, potent enough to induce intimacy between you and your man anytime he steps into the room.
And who says you cannot appeal for help from these young minds in your quest to win further his heart. Remember they have lived with him all their lives hence have one or two information about him, which you don’t have. For instance they know precisely the type of food or thing to keep him happy. Encourage them to teach you everything you need to know about him. You can only get them to help you improve on the quality of your marriage by giving them all the freedom to be part of your lives and remain wanted in their brother’s home.
Marriage is an unpredictable journey. Help is always required from every source to make it work especially as the years grow older and circumstances change. Today, you may feel on top of things necessitating you to demand that he quits his brothers from your home but a time would come when you would desperately need the comforting presence and support of these same people to make him listen to you or stop him from calling off the entire partnership between the two of you.
Believe me, nobody has the panacea to a completely trouble free marriage, no matter how deeply in love two people are, there is always a bad day, a day when everything doesn’t make sense when all those feelings of love vanishes, leaving in its wake only bitterness and resentment.
It is on a day like this, you need the love and help of other members of the family to put sanity back into your life.
For a day like this, give these boys the freedom to be happy and have pleasant memories of their time in your home.
What you need is determination to make them happy.
Good luck.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
My hubby’s siblings turn my home to hell
With Auntie Agatha,gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com,Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
As I write you this mail, my home is boiling. Seven years out of my eight years of marriage, my home has known no peace.
I am from Abia, while my husband is from Anambra.
We had cause to live with five of my husband’s siblings at once and it had been hell living with them and witnessing several characters. A situation, where they will like to dictate what happens in my home, what to cook, who goes to which school and all that. To worsen it, the young man among them has a recurring mental illness, and each time it happens, accusing fingers are pointed at me as the cause of his problem; for causing irritation in the home when I am actually reacting to their suppression in my home. They often hold meetings on how to deal with me.
All these years have been that of tears, with my husband focusing on his siblings while I struggle to give my children the best I can afford. None of his siblings appreciate the cost of footing the medical bill of the young man, while still struggling to put food on the table.
The recent trouble started with my husband’s niece fighting me and my husband’s insistence that she goes to visit her father for a week as punishment for her misdemeanour. Rather than going to my husband to discuss and plead, they (the brother and sister) resorted to verbal abuse on my person. This did not go down with me and I had to give it to the young man, word for word, due to the fact that he had earlier poured invectives on me without any response from me. My offence was that I phoned some close relatives when I overheard him talking in the night thinking that he was mentally sick again, going by his history.
I only wept my heart out because he said some unbelievable words, which tallied with what some prayer warriors said that the stagnancy in my life has to do with my husband’s siblings. I have tried to improve my relationship with him and the other siblings but have failed because if you offend one, you offend all and the younger ones are careless with chores.
He was bitter after the battle of words as he took every word to heart while I disregarded his insults, abuses and name callings.
A month after this incident, his mental problems started all over again. As usual, his sisters started their accusations all over again. Ironically, when he recovers, they still bring him back to my house.
Agatha, I admit, I feel threatened by the presence of this man in our lives. My children are all girls and if his attitude of trying to be in control of everything is anything to go by, I fear for my children. He is always in the habit of taking things without asking for permission.
Granted, I have a temper, but I am trying my best to work on it as well as accommodate them in my life as their presence in my home is inevitable. I have resigned myself to prayers and consolations that one day they would all leave my home for theirs so that I can reap the joy of matrimony which other women enjoy.
I encouraged my husband to raise funds to establish businesses for the older ones while I take charge of the home front and it has been years of spending every bit of my earnings to sustain our large family.
I have had enough of their problems and insolence. I desire peace. I don’t think they should dictate what happens in my home. They see nothing good in me, even the one I got a job for. Every little thing in my home is amplified when relating it to their elder sister in the north who in turn gives them all her support. For how long, can I continue with this battle or have peace in my home?
Worried Wife.
Dear Worried Wife,
You are all to blame for what is happening in your home.
Much as I totally agree with you that your home should be left to you to run, one salient fact that you must recognise in your home is the lack of support from your husband.
For a woman to be in charge in her home, she must have an appreciable support of her husband to do a good job. From what you have said, your husband is indifferent to your plight, making your position in that house very vulnerable.
Going by his attitude, your choice is very narrow; continue to endure and pray for the time when they would have no choice but to leave your home. If you attempt to hurry the process, you risk fighting more bitter battles. So the best thing for you now is to accept it as one of the sacrifices that come with being married to the man you love.
At one point or the other, we all go through some sacrifices for the sake of love. If our Lord, Jesus Christ, paid the supreme price of a disgraceful death because of the love He has for you and I, it follows that true and enduring love cannot be built without some painful choices.
Your mistake began in the early days. If you are honest, you never liked their presence in your home and didn’t mask this fact from them. Being newly married and young, you wanted your husband all to yourself hence saw them as massive intruders. Because nothing in your experience prepared you for the politics of living successfully in a husband’s house as well as the management of his family, you allowed your temper and tongue too much freedom, forgetting that words when wrongly used can cause permanent damage.
Before you all got to this point of them abusing and fighting you right in the presence of your husband, what has been your attitude? Have you at any time attempted to make them feel at home or treated like your siblings despite the inconveniences of their presence in your home?
Life gives back to us what we give to it. Even though in-laws can be huge pains in the neck, if you had handled them well from the beginning at least one of them would have been on your side; telling your in-laws that you are not as bad as the others paint you.
Contrary to popular opinion, in-laws are very vital to the success or otherwise of a marriage. They draw their strength and placement from the fact they have known one’s spouse before the couple met. For a woman in particular to succeed in her new family, she must factor the interest of her in-laws into her marriage plans.
She must learn from her own family the politics of marriage, the technique of blending her interest for her husband with that of the original owners of her husband.
You should have known that in a game from the heart of the man, you cannot win in a home that has all the people he grew up with present. He shares knowledge and special moments with each of them, memories you are not part of. Even though you are his wife, they have a very strong hold over your husband because of this history.
You would understand this bound more if you have siblings of your own and children whom you will never wish to be separated by their husbands or wives in future.
This is the sentiments in-laws use to beat their children into line, to remind them of who made them before they became husbands or wives to other persons.
As a woman, these people are your new family, siblings and identity because not only do you now bear their names but the family which your children would forever draw their strength and glory.
For this reason, you must be careful how you treat them for the sake of your children whose family members these people are.
A wise woman would have studied the weakest but the most influential of the clan for her own advantage. To take on the whole of them in one full swoop was foolish and unwise. More often than not, the most influential in a group is often the weakest of the links in terms of being most receptive to reasons.
Since you know the sick young man is the most influential and likely to become your children’s nightmare, what efforts have you made to win him over when he is not having his mental problem?
Frankly, there is no way you can win them over if you continue to fight them. It would only continue to degenerate with your husband unable to effect discipline in your favour.
When next they begin their gang up, ignore them. Pretend they aren’t doing anything wrong. Don’t even answer them when they are spoiling for a fight, walk away. Doing so doesn’t make you a coward but more matured than them. Being their brother’s wife, let your attitude towards them be tolerating as well as long suffering. There is no way any of them would assault you if you refuse to answer them.
Let your bedroom become your haven. When your joint places become too uncomfortable for you to endure, retreat to your room which you must re-arrange to suit your purpose.
It may be your home but for now learn to treat it as their homes as well, if that is what would bring peace to your home. Learn to tailor your peace to conform with the situation in your home. The secret of marital success is not to tailor your marriage along the experiences of others. Just like you are unique, your own experiences too are.
The truth of the situation is that you have five other children outside your own children. Therefore you must learn to be a mother to them despite their disdain and disrespect for your person.
It is only after you begin to play your role as their mother that you can justifiably demand them to treat you as one.
If you continue to respond to their insults at the slightest provocation, you reduce yourself to their level, opening yourself up to receiving insults as well as justifying their accusation of you being a witch. Your reactions to their behaviour may be why they think you are responsible for the condition of their brothers. Things we say out of uncontrolled anger more often than not paint us in colours that don’t really tell who we really are.
Don’t allow it to happen again. In that house, you are the woman of the house but it is not by forcing the knowledge on them you would earn any respect from them. It is only by working for it.
Although your husband has the blame of not being able to effect discipline in his home, but the task of procuring the elusive peace lies in your hands squarely.
Bury your pains and learn to be patient with them if you really love your husband and children. Very soon they would all be out of your home for good.
Be more devoted to your prayers and relationship with God because you need Him each day to make the difference in your life and marriage. Quality peace comes only if God is your strength.
Good luck.
Dear Agatha,
As I write you this mail, my home is boiling. Seven years out of my eight years of marriage, my home has known no peace.
I am from Abia, while my husband is from Anambra.
We had cause to live with five of my husband’s siblings at once and it had been hell living with them and witnessing several characters. A situation, where they will like to dictate what happens in my home, what to cook, who goes to which school and all that. To worsen it, the young man among them has a recurring mental illness, and each time it happens, accusing fingers are pointed at me as the cause of his problem; for causing irritation in the home when I am actually reacting to their suppression in my home. They often hold meetings on how to deal with me.
All these years have been that of tears, with my husband focusing on his siblings while I struggle to give my children the best I can afford. None of his siblings appreciate the cost of footing the medical bill of the young man, while still struggling to put food on the table.
The recent trouble started with my husband’s niece fighting me and my husband’s insistence that she goes to visit her father for a week as punishment for her misdemeanour. Rather than going to my husband to discuss and plead, they (the brother and sister) resorted to verbal abuse on my person. This did not go down with me and I had to give it to the young man, word for word, due to the fact that he had earlier poured invectives on me without any response from me. My offence was that I phoned some close relatives when I overheard him talking in the night thinking that he was mentally sick again, going by his history.
I only wept my heart out because he said some unbelievable words, which tallied with what some prayer warriors said that the stagnancy in my life has to do with my husband’s siblings. I have tried to improve my relationship with him and the other siblings but have failed because if you offend one, you offend all and the younger ones are careless with chores.
He was bitter after the battle of words as he took every word to heart while I disregarded his insults, abuses and name callings.
A month after this incident, his mental problems started all over again. As usual, his sisters started their accusations all over again. Ironically, when he recovers, they still bring him back to my house.
Agatha, I admit, I feel threatened by the presence of this man in our lives. My children are all girls and if his attitude of trying to be in control of everything is anything to go by, I fear for my children. He is always in the habit of taking things without asking for permission.
Granted, I have a temper, but I am trying my best to work on it as well as accommodate them in my life as their presence in my home is inevitable. I have resigned myself to prayers and consolations that one day they would all leave my home for theirs so that I can reap the joy of matrimony which other women enjoy.
I encouraged my husband to raise funds to establish businesses for the older ones while I take charge of the home front and it has been years of spending every bit of my earnings to sustain our large family.
I have had enough of their problems and insolence. I desire peace. I don’t think they should dictate what happens in my home. They see nothing good in me, even the one I got a job for. Every little thing in my home is amplified when relating it to their elder sister in the north who in turn gives them all her support. For how long, can I continue with this battle or have peace in my home?
Worried Wife.
Dear Worried Wife,
You are all to blame for what is happening in your home.
Much as I totally agree with you that your home should be left to you to run, one salient fact that you must recognise in your home is the lack of support from your husband.
For a woman to be in charge in her home, she must have an appreciable support of her husband to do a good job. From what you have said, your husband is indifferent to your plight, making your position in that house very vulnerable.
Going by his attitude, your choice is very narrow; continue to endure and pray for the time when they would have no choice but to leave your home. If you attempt to hurry the process, you risk fighting more bitter battles. So the best thing for you now is to accept it as one of the sacrifices that come with being married to the man you love.
At one point or the other, we all go through some sacrifices for the sake of love. If our Lord, Jesus Christ, paid the supreme price of a disgraceful death because of the love He has for you and I, it follows that true and enduring love cannot be built without some painful choices.
Your mistake began in the early days. If you are honest, you never liked their presence in your home and didn’t mask this fact from them. Being newly married and young, you wanted your husband all to yourself hence saw them as massive intruders. Because nothing in your experience prepared you for the politics of living successfully in a husband’s house as well as the management of his family, you allowed your temper and tongue too much freedom, forgetting that words when wrongly used can cause permanent damage.
Before you all got to this point of them abusing and fighting you right in the presence of your husband, what has been your attitude? Have you at any time attempted to make them feel at home or treated like your siblings despite the inconveniences of their presence in your home?
Life gives back to us what we give to it. Even though in-laws can be huge pains in the neck, if you had handled them well from the beginning at least one of them would have been on your side; telling your in-laws that you are not as bad as the others paint you.
Contrary to popular opinion, in-laws are very vital to the success or otherwise of a marriage. They draw their strength and placement from the fact they have known one’s spouse before the couple met. For a woman in particular to succeed in her new family, she must factor the interest of her in-laws into her marriage plans.
She must learn from her own family the politics of marriage, the technique of blending her interest for her husband with that of the original owners of her husband.
You should have known that in a game from the heart of the man, you cannot win in a home that has all the people he grew up with present. He shares knowledge and special moments with each of them, memories you are not part of. Even though you are his wife, they have a very strong hold over your husband because of this history.
You would understand this bound more if you have siblings of your own and children whom you will never wish to be separated by their husbands or wives in future.
This is the sentiments in-laws use to beat their children into line, to remind them of who made them before they became husbands or wives to other persons.
As a woman, these people are your new family, siblings and identity because not only do you now bear their names but the family which your children would forever draw their strength and glory.
For this reason, you must be careful how you treat them for the sake of your children whose family members these people are.
A wise woman would have studied the weakest but the most influential of the clan for her own advantage. To take on the whole of them in one full swoop was foolish and unwise. More often than not, the most influential in a group is often the weakest of the links in terms of being most receptive to reasons.
Since you know the sick young man is the most influential and likely to become your children’s nightmare, what efforts have you made to win him over when he is not having his mental problem?
Frankly, there is no way you can win them over if you continue to fight them. It would only continue to degenerate with your husband unable to effect discipline in your favour.
When next they begin their gang up, ignore them. Pretend they aren’t doing anything wrong. Don’t even answer them when they are spoiling for a fight, walk away. Doing so doesn’t make you a coward but more matured than them. Being their brother’s wife, let your attitude towards them be tolerating as well as long suffering. There is no way any of them would assault you if you refuse to answer them.
Let your bedroom become your haven. When your joint places become too uncomfortable for you to endure, retreat to your room which you must re-arrange to suit your purpose.
It may be your home but for now learn to treat it as their homes as well, if that is what would bring peace to your home. Learn to tailor your peace to conform with the situation in your home. The secret of marital success is not to tailor your marriage along the experiences of others. Just like you are unique, your own experiences too are.
The truth of the situation is that you have five other children outside your own children. Therefore you must learn to be a mother to them despite their disdain and disrespect for your person.
It is only after you begin to play your role as their mother that you can justifiably demand them to treat you as one.
If you continue to respond to their insults at the slightest provocation, you reduce yourself to their level, opening yourself up to receiving insults as well as justifying their accusation of you being a witch. Your reactions to their behaviour may be why they think you are responsible for the condition of their brothers. Things we say out of uncontrolled anger more often than not paint us in colours that don’t really tell who we really are.
Don’t allow it to happen again. In that house, you are the woman of the house but it is not by forcing the knowledge on them you would earn any respect from them. It is only by working for it.
Although your husband has the blame of not being able to effect discipline in his home, but the task of procuring the elusive peace lies in your hands squarely.
Bury your pains and learn to be patient with them if you really love your husband and children. Very soon they would all be out of your home for good.
Be more devoted to your prayers and relationship with God because you need Him each day to make the difference in your life and marriage. Quality peace comes only if God is your strength.
Good luck.
My wife complains of my tiny penis
Auntie Agatha , gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com , Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
I commend you for your effort in answering the so many questions to our problems.
I am a married man, but my wife is always complaining about the smallness of my manhood.
I don’t want to take drug due to its side effect in future; I want you to advise me on ways of enlarging my male organ. I would prefer a natural method. I would sincerely appreciate an urgent response.
S.Y.
Dear S.Y.,
It is amazing the way most men worry about the size of their manhood. One would have thought with the amount of information on sex, men would stop worry about the size and concentrate more on what can be achieved with what they have.
Sincerely, for most women, size may not matter as much as the effectiveness of the art, provided men are ready to break new grounds as well as do away with traditional stereotypes that insist sex is a forbidden thing, done only for procreation and should not be recreational. Within the bounds of marriage, such stereotypes only serve to dull excitement embedded in the marriage package. This is why men continue to think size is the same thing as efficiency and authority. Women respect the efficiency and the sense of responsibility of a man not the size of his manhood.
Therefore, there is nothing stopping a man with smaller manhood from sexually satisfying a woman. This is because only the first few inches of the virginal are sexually receptive. Hence once a man is able to have contact with the outer rim of the virginal, he can satisfy his woman sexually. Besides the clitoris is placed where any size can reach it. This is because God in his infinite wisdom designed the woman’s body in such a way to get satisfaction and give it to any man even if small sized.
Size is more psychological than biological. It only becomes an issue if couples allow it a place of pride in their relationships.
This is one issue that has continually come up which despite all attempts at resolving, keeps coming up.
In the first place, nobody can tell what the ideal size of a woman’s breasts or male organ should be but a recent survey puts the average size of an active male organ at between 5.5 to 6.3 inches. But the majority falls between 4.7 and 5.1 inches.
However the secret to complete happiness is for a man to be happy with what he has because that is what makes him unique. This is the point you must learn to accept yourself. Yes, your wife has an opinion but you must make her understand that your size has nothing to do with your ability to satisfy her. If she loves you, she would not leave you for another man no matter the challenge with your size. What you both need is a lot of imagination as well as the openness to experiment without reservations.
When it comes to the art of lovemaking, size and width do not matter as much as the imagination of a couple. Some men are excessively endowed, but find it extremely difficult to get any woman to stay with them because of the inability of most women to accommodate them.
To get a woman to stay with them, such men must learn, just like the less endowed men to rely more on their hands, tongues and mouth to get the female going. These are the art that makes one experience more different from the other.
Because love within a marriage is meant to be expressed beyond measure, a definite gift from God, you and your wife must first bury whatever prejudices you both grew up with. To get to the kernel, lot of works, perseverance, interest as well as determination must first be deployed towards cracking the shell. The same principle applies to the art of lovemaking especially where a couple hits a challenge like yours.
You, being the one with the perceived problem, must be willing to do everything within limits to ensure your partner doesn’t escape with the feeling of being cheated or anger at being deceived by you into a union she won’t get the maximum sexual satisfaction from.
To this end you must encourage her to speak out her mind at every point, listen to her suggestions on how to please her as well as follow with a clear mind her initiatives.
Like every other thing in life, lovemaking isn’t static. It must be continually upgraded and distilled to give a couple the right blends. This means a couple must not only strive to achieve excellence but must do everything to patent their own act to fit into their uniqueness. For example, the technique that works for your friend and his partner may not work for you, because they don’t have the challenge you and your partner have.
So you must first evaluate not only the urgent problems but all those that are hidden as well. For instance the issue is not only that of you not having the ideal length of manhood? Would having the ideal length solve the problem of your lack of sexual satisfaction once and for all? Remember that for most women, satisfaction and not the size of the male organ is what matters at the end of the day.
Make her talk and give her the concomitant freedom to really express herself on the matter. Don’t shut her up, feel bad or get suspicious when she is making her opinion on the matter known. Although your wife, she is an adult with an adult mind and desires hence must be given the same recognition as you to be happy with the choice she made to love you unconditionally.
The danger of not involving her in your quest for solutions is the possibility of losing her completely to another man. This is one salient fact you must not overlook. She has the right to discontinue if she feels she is not being given the right to her desires. This is why you must enlist her help. So tell your wife to stop complaining and think of productive ways of achieving sexual satisfaction with you. Tell her she has all the freedom in the world to use her imagination to help both of you become better lovers because you both are licensed by God and man to tap into sex unlimited nectar.
This is the only way to make her stop complaining as well as secure her only understanding and support to make her happy. You have to break away from the traditions that insist sexual satisfaction falls under the exclusive male list. This is the point man and the society creates problems within the marriage institution. When there is a sexual dissatisfaction within the marriage framework, irrespective of who is complaining, it behooves the couple to adopt a liberal and sincere attitude towards its solution. Frankly when it comes to the delicate issue of sex, it is neither a man or woman’s world. Rather, it is a world of happiness and satisfaction.
What you should do is to look for quality books that talk about positions and postures couples seeking ultimate joy in sex should adopt. There are some positions that seem to give more volume to the male organ. Google the Internet for information on such books or ask your book retailer. These books are not pornography materials, rather they are well researched quality books put together by highly educated individuals who from years of researches know that sex to man is as important as the air we all breathe. Once man is able to overcome the pretenses and admit to the essence of sex, solutions to sexual challenges become very easy.
As for your second question, yes there are ways to increase the size of a male organ but some of them are dubious which is why it is very important a couple works at finding its own rhythm, rather than concentrating efforts on getting a solution that might not be forthcoming or could lead to more emotional and psychological frustrations at the end of the day.
There are penile enhancement surgeries where penis can be lengthened to more than 10 inches. But the urgent question is how would you determine the depth of your woman’s body? The average for a woman is about four to eight inches, which means your woman might not be able to accommodate you if you are very huge. Do you really want to get into measuring your anatomy like a tailor measuring clothes? Would your wife in her quest to make you have the right size allow her depth to be measured so that you are done to fit her perfectly?
In addition, these operations cost real money because they fall within the category of plastic surgery. Do you have the money and at the end of the day, would the fee charged be worth the satisfaction?
There are also many herbal pills and exercises that claim to increase size but you may have to go to NAFDAC to get the list of such drugs cleared for human consumption. It would be interesting to know what animals these drugs, claiming this magic were first tested on before releasing them for human consumption.
Believe me, your imagination and willingness to experiment is your best bet.
Don’t forget that God that made both of you an item has already knows why and has given both of you the individual as well as collective strength to achieve the impossible together. There is subject or problem He is ignorant of. Asking Him for help and wisdom would also help you and your wife greatly.
Good luck.
Dear Agatha,
I commend you for your effort in answering the so many questions to our problems.
I am a married man, but my wife is always complaining about the smallness of my manhood.
I don’t want to take drug due to its side effect in future; I want you to advise me on ways of enlarging my male organ. I would prefer a natural method. I would sincerely appreciate an urgent response.
S.Y.
Dear S.Y.,
It is amazing the way most men worry about the size of their manhood. One would have thought with the amount of information on sex, men would stop worry about the size and concentrate more on what can be achieved with what they have.
Sincerely, for most women, size may not matter as much as the effectiveness of the art, provided men are ready to break new grounds as well as do away with traditional stereotypes that insist sex is a forbidden thing, done only for procreation and should not be recreational. Within the bounds of marriage, such stereotypes only serve to dull excitement embedded in the marriage package. This is why men continue to think size is the same thing as efficiency and authority. Women respect the efficiency and the sense of responsibility of a man not the size of his manhood.
Therefore, there is nothing stopping a man with smaller manhood from sexually satisfying a woman. This is because only the first few inches of the virginal are sexually receptive. Hence once a man is able to have contact with the outer rim of the virginal, he can satisfy his woman sexually. Besides the clitoris is placed where any size can reach it. This is because God in his infinite wisdom designed the woman’s body in such a way to get satisfaction and give it to any man even if small sized.
Size is more psychological than biological. It only becomes an issue if couples allow it a place of pride in their relationships.
This is one issue that has continually come up which despite all attempts at resolving, keeps coming up.
In the first place, nobody can tell what the ideal size of a woman’s breasts or male organ should be but a recent survey puts the average size of an active male organ at between 5.5 to 6.3 inches. But the majority falls between 4.7 and 5.1 inches.
However the secret to complete happiness is for a man to be happy with what he has because that is what makes him unique. This is the point you must learn to accept yourself. Yes, your wife has an opinion but you must make her understand that your size has nothing to do with your ability to satisfy her. If she loves you, she would not leave you for another man no matter the challenge with your size. What you both need is a lot of imagination as well as the openness to experiment without reservations.
When it comes to the art of lovemaking, size and width do not matter as much as the imagination of a couple. Some men are excessively endowed, but find it extremely difficult to get any woman to stay with them because of the inability of most women to accommodate them.
To get a woman to stay with them, such men must learn, just like the less endowed men to rely more on their hands, tongues and mouth to get the female going. These are the art that makes one experience more different from the other.
Because love within a marriage is meant to be expressed beyond measure, a definite gift from God, you and your wife must first bury whatever prejudices you both grew up with. To get to the kernel, lot of works, perseverance, interest as well as determination must first be deployed towards cracking the shell. The same principle applies to the art of lovemaking especially where a couple hits a challenge like yours.
You, being the one with the perceived problem, must be willing to do everything within limits to ensure your partner doesn’t escape with the feeling of being cheated or anger at being deceived by you into a union she won’t get the maximum sexual satisfaction from.
To this end you must encourage her to speak out her mind at every point, listen to her suggestions on how to please her as well as follow with a clear mind her initiatives.
Like every other thing in life, lovemaking isn’t static. It must be continually upgraded and distilled to give a couple the right blends. This means a couple must not only strive to achieve excellence but must do everything to patent their own act to fit into their uniqueness. For example, the technique that works for your friend and his partner may not work for you, because they don’t have the challenge you and your partner have.
So you must first evaluate not only the urgent problems but all those that are hidden as well. For instance the issue is not only that of you not having the ideal length of manhood? Would having the ideal length solve the problem of your lack of sexual satisfaction once and for all? Remember that for most women, satisfaction and not the size of the male organ is what matters at the end of the day.
Make her talk and give her the concomitant freedom to really express herself on the matter. Don’t shut her up, feel bad or get suspicious when she is making her opinion on the matter known. Although your wife, she is an adult with an adult mind and desires hence must be given the same recognition as you to be happy with the choice she made to love you unconditionally.
The danger of not involving her in your quest for solutions is the possibility of losing her completely to another man. This is one salient fact you must not overlook. She has the right to discontinue if she feels she is not being given the right to her desires. This is why you must enlist her help. So tell your wife to stop complaining and think of productive ways of achieving sexual satisfaction with you. Tell her she has all the freedom in the world to use her imagination to help both of you become better lovers because you both are licensed by God and man to tap into sex unlimited nectar.
This is the only way to make her stop complaining as well as secure her only understanding and support to make her happy. You have to break away from the traditions that insist sexual satisfaction falls under the exclusive male list. This is the point man and the society creates problems within the marriage institution. When there is a sexual dissatisfaction within the marriage framework, irrespective of who is complaining, it behooves the couple to adopt a liberal and sincere attitude towards its solution. Frankly when it comes to the delicate issue of sex, it is neither a man or woman’s world. Rather, it is a world of happiness and satisfaction.
What you should do is to look for quality books that talk about positions and postures couples seeking ultimate joy in sex should adopt. There are some positions that seem to give more volume to the male organ. Google the Internet for information on such books or ask your book retailer. These books are not pornography materials, rather they are well researched quality books put together by highly educated individuals who from years of researches know that sex to man is as important as the air we all breathe. Once man is able to overcome the pretenses and admit to the essence of sex, solutions to sexual challenges become very easy.
As for your second question, yes there are ways to increase the size of a male organ but some of them are dubious which is why it is very important a couple works at finding its own rhythm, rather than concentrating efforts on getting a solution that might not be forthcoming or could lead to more emotional and psychological frustrations at the end of the day.
There are penile enhancement surgeries where penis can be lengthened to more than 10 inches. But the urgent question is how would you determine the depth of your woman’s body? The average for a woman is about four to eight inches, which means your woman might not be able to accommodate you if you are very huge. Do you really want to get into measuring your anatomy like a tailor measuring clothes? Would your wife in her quest to make you have the right size allow her depth to be measured so that you are done to fit her perfectly?
In addition, these operations cost real money because they fall within the category of plastic surgery. Do you have the money and at the end of the day, would the fee charged be worth the satisfaction?
There are also many herbal pills and exercises that claim to increase size but you may have to go to NAFDAC to get the list of such drugs cleared for human consumption. It would be interesting to know what animals these drugs, claiming this magic were first tested on before releasing them for human consumption.
Believe me, your imagination and willingness to experiment is your best bet.
Don’t forget that God that made both of you an item has already knows why and has given both of you the individual as well as collective strength to achieve the impossible together. There is subject or problem He is ignorant of. Asking Him for help and wisdom would also help you and your wife greatly.
Good luck.
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