Dear Agatha,
I have a big problem with my fiancé. As a matter of fact I have tried all the tricks I know to make her see reasons, but she has remained adamant. I once wrote to you on a problem which I needed urgent advice on. I requested you reply through my email address, but till date I haven’t got a reply to that problem.
This incident happened recently. Two months ago I gave my woman a blank cheque since she stays far away from me. She is a student in one of the higher institutions of learning in one of the north central states and I reside in the North East. I am always on the move from one place to the other. I gave her the cheque so that when I am not within reach and she needs money urgently, she can phone me and we would agree on how much she should cash from the bank.
But to my greatest surprise when I went to the bank to deposit some amount of money and to confirm my balance, I noticed my balance did not correspond with what I thought I had in my account, and I was told somebody cashed some amount of money from my account. I confirmed who it was, and they gave me the name of the person, who turned out to be my woman.
When I called her to know why she went to the bank without informing me, she said she did it because I refused to give her a certain amount she asked for. I was shocked by her act and asked if I had ever refused her anything? She replied in the negative. Angrily I gave her an ultimatum to return the money to the bank or end the relationship.
Agatha, my fear now is, what happens after we get married and I either cannot give her the money or deny her of a request for some reasons or the other? Would she not go into prostitution or go about begging people? And what happens if she does something and I raise any eyebrows at her conduct would she not give me the same reason she gave me for withdrawing money from my account without telling me?
Agatha, this is a desperate call from a disturbed heart, please tell me what to do as soon as possible.
DOD.
Dear DOD,
I would start by apologising for not treating your first letter. The reason could be the request that I send the reply through your email. I try to discourage the practice since it is inimical to the objective of this page. All the same, I am sorry. You have every right to be apprehensive and disappointed at the conduct of your girlfriend. Doubtless, she betrayed your trust and love. What she did falls short of a decent behaviour.
The ideal thing would have been to wait or call you to explain the urgency attached to the money she requested for. To have gone to the bank to cash the money without telling you and allowing you to find out the way you did is not too tidy and certainly does not speak well of her.
She certainly betrayed the trust you have in her by giving her a blank cheque. Not many men would do what you did for her, not even for their wives.
I understand your disappointment and apprehension for the future. A lot of men would have terminated the relationship there and then. That you still gave her an option to return the money shows that she affects you positively in other ways. It also shows a man who is in love and responsible.
Since mistakes are fundamental and integral part of our learning processes, sit her down to explain your disappointment and how she has through her conduct cast doubts on her integrity and your planned future together. Be bold enough to tell her that it would be difficult for you to ever trust her with money or related matters again. That if in two months of entrusting her with your bank account, she did what she did, what would happen if you had travelled out of the country and given her same concession.
If you still desire a future with her, be brutally frank and open with her. Don’t try to pretend all is well when in actual fact you are more than hurt and pained at her conduct. It is important you trash this issue out before moving from this point because if you allow any remnant of it to linger in the relationship, it would grow to become a monster that would destroy whatever it is that you both are planning for the future.
To totally condemn her based on this one mistake may also not be right, no matter how despicable her behaviour is, if God gives us opportunities to reform and change when we fall short of His glory and expectations, it follows that we should demonstrate the same magnanimity towards our fellow human beings. Nobody can claim to be perfect. Besides, building a perfect relationship does not happen over night.
To convince yourself she is not after your money, withdraw the privilege for now and don’t honour all financial demands for now. If you feel her demands are genuine, ask her to open an account where you can transfer money to her from your bank. Her conduct there after should give you a good idea of your place in her life and tell you whether to continue with her or not.
Most importantly, commit your relationship to God through prayers. If she is yours, you both would overcome this but if she isn’t, God would in His mercy bring your way a woman who would make you happy.
Good luck.
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