Age is telling on my sex life…

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I will be 49 years old next month. I last saw my period six months ago. Before it stopped, my periods were so heavy; nothing was holding me longer than an hour. I was changing practically every 30 minutes. It was so bad, my husband had to take me to see the doctor, who said it was very normal with some women. Immediately after that I began to feel my womb popping. I was so scared that I had to rush off again to see the doctor. After examination, he said nothing was wrong that my reproductive system was simply shutting down. I didn’t like the word, shutting down because it meant as a woman I was no longer useful. I also started having hot flushes and losing weight. Initially I was happy because it meant looking trim and more fashionable. But in recent times, I have noticed the appearance of more wrinkles on my face, especially around my neck, mouth and eyes areas. But all these are not as worrisome as the impact of this phase on my sex life. I have become so dry, that making love is very painful. My husband and I have tried using Vaseline (a brand of petroleum jelly) to make it smoother for me but it ends up hurting me badly. And he isn’t finding all these funny. Severally, I have heard him grumbling, but when he senses I am watching him, he would pretend it is okay, a natural phase. As a result, I hate making love and the result is the challenge I now have. My husband, who is quite adventurous, has already started having an affair. I know because I have seen him with this lady about twice. I don’t want to lose him because this is the time I need my marriage the most. I have asked several friends on how they have been able to cope, gloss over it. All my friends pretend they don’t have any problem with it or haven’t hit the menopause mark. I really don’t know whom to turn to for help. Even my mother I tried to get help from terrified me the more. She actually told me it was a taboo for a woman who has reached menopause to have sex with her man again. She said I should turn a blind eye to whatever my husband was doing with another woman. That I should be contented with caring for him and the children. I have tried to read about menopause in the media, but it seems nobody wants to discuss it. I am really getting very frustrated because apart from my doctor who keeps assuring me that I will be fine, all I get are blank stare from friends and relatives. I want my husband back, but how do I make him come back when each time he comes near me, I become frigid. Worried Woman. Dear Worried Woman, There is nothing to be worried about or ashamed of. It is a phase of life every woman is expected to pass through. There is no escaping from it. Like the menstrual years, it comes with some discomfort, but these are things that can be managed. Menopause means the loss of estrogen, which more often than not leads to changes in a woman’s sexual drive and functioning. The reason for this is that with loss of estrogen, blood supply to the vaginal is reduced which affects vaginal lubrication. This naturally causes the area to be very dry making sex painful like the kind you are currently experiencing. Unfortunately, lower estrogen is not the only reason behind depreciating sexual performance in some middle-aged women. Other factors include, bladder control problems, some women experience increased bladder movement, sleep disturbances, stress, depression like you are experiencing. The more worried you are, the more complex the situation becomes. You have to let go of your worries and anxiety to improve your condition. Even if your husband decides to date all the women around him, learn to look the other way if you really want him back in your life. Although there are no guarantees for treating women with menopausal sexual challenges, estrogen replacement is an option; it makes intercourse less painful as it helps retain moisture in the vaginal area. Discuss with your gynecologist. Frankly, this isn’t time for you to be shy to converse with your doctor. For now, your doctor should be your best friend. Let him refer you to those trained to deal with middle-aged woman going through menopausal crisis. In the meantime, vaginal dryness can be treated with water-soluble lubricants like astroglide or K-Y Jelly. The use of Vaseline, a non-water soluble in addition to weakening the materials used in the manufacture of condom also encourage the growth of bacteria in the vaginal area. Using water-based lubricants will definitely help you maintain moisture, long enough for you and your husband to have a normal love life. Also you will need the help and support of your husband to scale this hurdle. You definitely need more foreplay and attention than before. To get your husband to help you, you must first accept the fact that certain things have to change from the way you have done them in the past. Your hitting the menopausal age hits him more like thunderbolt that he is already deep into his middle age. More than women, this knowledge affects men more and is enough to make some men panic sufficiently to want to test their virility with younger women. This is the time men get more vain; they are more afraid of losing their vibrancy than women. Therefore, you have to be very patient to bring him back home to you. Having lived with you till this moment, the chance of dumping you for a younger woman is slim. No man at this age wants to start nappies and crying babies. Like you, he is looking forward to being a grandfather, but it is just that the male ego wants some excitements to assure him that no matter the age of a man he remains productive. What has changed is that you can no longer make babies, but you can still look good, sexy and imaginative. My mother once told me it is called the wisdom years of a woman. In every true sense, you are wiser now, more mature and able to handle just about any challenge thrown at you. Besides, this phase takes away your monthly worries of applying caution. No matter how many times you do it now, there is no getting pregnant. It is one worry off your shoulders. The result is a more relaxed and matured approach to the whole concept of lovemaking. Nothing you do or say anymore is forbidden or seen as strange. Therefore to get him back, you must dig deep into your bag of experience and fantasies. He can no longer ask you questions about how you came about the knowledge. When he is at home, nothing stops both of you from watching an adult film. It would help relax you sufficiently for both of you to enjoy intimacy. Sometimes, visuals have a way of making it happen for the woman who lacks initiative of her own. Adult books too also give wonderful ideas to help the middle aged woman keep afloat. It will also help educate you on the positions that will help reduce the discomfort of deep penetration. For the sake of both of you, it is essential you control the depth of penetration. You also have to keep working on your appearance. That you are in your menopausal years shouldn’t stop you from looking good. Like an old wine, experienced women can actually look better than younger women. The trick is to carve your own fashion statement. Look for cuts that flatter without making you appear to be struggling to stay young. It is a simple matter of learning to wear your age like underwear. If you feel comfortable in pant trousers, look for the matured cut; compliment with blouses that cover up the body but are very feminine. Ensure when he is at home, he finds a friend in you; one who has the ability to help him grow, recover from whatever kind of stress he is going through. Make attempts to bring back those wonderful and early years, reminiscences over the early years when the children started coming and what you hope to do later. At every point, make it interesting, something to look forward to. Since all the children are now grow up, take your husband on a holiday. The magic is to learn how to fall in love again. With it comes a sense of excitement, the kind that gives sex a new meaning and helps you relax. Age is an attitude. Be determined that this isn’t the end of your life. Good luck.

I’m afraid she won’t love my son?

Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, I am desperate for a solution to my problem, which started 13 years ago. I had an affair with my friend’s younger sister in a moment of weakness. She has always been the wild type and that night, I came home tired. Her brother and I shared a flat. Till date, I don’t know how it all started but the fact remains that she and I ended up in bed that night. By morning, it was too late to change the hands of the clock. So I did the gentleman thing of telling my friend all about it and asking him to support my desire to marry her even though I was nothing near my goal in life. Knowing how wild his sister is he tried to discourage me from doing it but changed his mind when she came back a month later to announce her pregnancy. Unknown to me, she had always boasted to her family and friends that whether I liked it or not, she would end up having me all to herself. I, on the other hand, had always prided myself as principled. My friend, her brother, who knew all about her scheming wasn’t comfortable with the whole set up and kept telling me that if I changed my mind about marrying his sister that I could always count on his support. Since the flat was originally mine, my friend moved out to give us privacy. Being my friend’s sister, my family didn’t object too much. I was forced against my will to accept employment from my father’s company to enable me settle into the marriage. My elder sister whom I told of how it all happened and about my lack of love for her, counselled me to endure the few years that after a while, I would come to see her as a friend if nothing else. I ignored all her attitudes during her pregnancy ascribing them to her condition. She refused to cook my meals. All she did was to give commands to the house-help. Severally, her brother dragged the mother to come and talk sense into her head but she told them to mind their business. Her mother kept pleading with me for understanding and being naturally a patient person; it wasn’t difficult for me to endure. However, the birth of my son gave me something to be happy about. He was so cute and adorable. He made me forget my lukewarm feelings toward the mother. At that moment I was ready to love her unconditionally as well as do everything to make the marriage work. Unfortunately, she abandoned the child and me after six months on the excuse that motherhood and matrimony was inhibiting her freedom and choice to live her life the way she liked. No member of her family knew her whereabouts. Her mother offered to look after the child but my mother insisted on taking the child with her to California. My son is now 13 years of age. After that incident, I refused to have anything with a woman for a long time until I met my current girlfriend three years ago. At first, I didn’t tell her about my son since I wasn’t too sure of a future between us. I however made up my mind to marry her about three months ago. So I told her about my son. I was prepared for anger but not to the extent of telling me she wouldn’t want to live with my son under the same roof. But she is now back begging me to forgive her that she was now prepared to accept my son and me unconditionally. To be frank, I am very skeptical about all this. I don’t want to expose my son to a situation that might not augur well for his development. Neither do I want to open my heart to another woman capable of hurting me later in life. Please help me. I am 39 years old. Henry. Dear Henry, In a way, you are to blame for her reactions. Why did you wait until three years after your meeting to inform her about something so fundamental and which also involves her person? Frankly, your excuse is baseless. How would telling her have affected your decision to marry her or not? If she reacted violently, it is only for the reason that she didn’t know the man she has been dating for three years well enough. At that point, you came across to her as a complete stranger, somebody she was just seeing for the first time. In her shoes, what would have been your reactions? That a woman you have been with for three years, keeps such important information away from you! You didn’t have this child the day you told her. The child has been in your life for 13 years, long before you met her. So you can’t say, you didn’t remember to inform her about him all these while you were having and fine-tuning the relationship. Telling her just three months ago, is presenting her with little choice because she has invested time to get to the point of you finding her worthy of asking her to be your wife. If you didn’t tell her about your son, my guess is you also never mentioned the fact that you were once married to another woman. So not only is she faced with the reality of a stepchild but that of an ex-wife. These are things you should have told her long ago, besides you just don’t inform a person you are about to marry about things like that. You discuss such an issue inside out with the person. This is because both parties would have to work together to arrive at a compromise situation to make things easy for you. What you have done is to tell this woman that you don’t trust her as well as put to question your declaration of love for her. How do you expect her to be a mother to a child she doesn’t even know exist? What time does she have to get to know him not to talk of learning to love him the way the child deserves to be loved by the woman who would be mother to him? To be candid, you are the problem here. If she becomes a difficult stepmother, it is only because you laid the foundation for her to be suspicious of your intentions and placement of your son over her. Only few women wouldn’t react the way she did or not think your attitude has to do with the quality of love you have for her. Sincerely, you owe her an apology for not preparing her for the task of being a stepmother of a 13-year-old child. She said those things because she was hurt beyond measure. There is no way you expect her to applaud what you did or automatically welcome the idea of this boy staying with you especially if she didn’t know anything about your previous marriage to another woman or that the child is living with your mother outside the country. More than you, she is the one who needs all the assurances that you are for real and that you don’t have any more dangerous secrets you are keeping away from her. Even though she came back of her own free will, to earn her trust and get the best from her, you must explain everything about your previous marriage to her. She is entitled to every detail of what transpired between you and your ex. She needs to arm herself with this information to enable her defend or understand your reasons for certain decisions you may take. Because you have a past she isn’t a part of and which she doesn’t have, you have to trust her for herself as well as offer the platform to trust you sufficiently to place her life in your care. Irrespective of whether you were the injured one or not; the fact that you have a record of a broken marriage behind you doesn’t exactly make you her best choice considering the headache and stress an ex-wife with a child/children represent for the new woman. If she is therefore willing to take her chances with you, the best you can do is learn to trust her reason. Secondly, guessing an action she has not even taken could cost you this relationship. Another thing you should avoid is to bury your disappointed with your first wife. Don’t allow the memories of how she treated you and her son continue to affect your chances of happiness with another woman. You have to learn to live and love again else you subconsciously give her the freedom to continue to rule your life and hurt you all over again. Make the effort to create an opportunity for your son and his future mother to meet. If you haven’t told your son about her, please make out the time to. Ensure he understands your reason to have a woman in your life. Be patient to listen to his questions, because they will mirror his fears as well as hope. Don’t make promises you know may be impossible. Don’t also try to be the image-maker of your woman. Allow both of them meet and fall in love with each other naturally. Both of them have to find their cadence together as mother and child. Step aside for them to make the necessary mistakes as well as the required adjustment to move forward. They each have to learn to respect the place and feelings of the other because she would produce your son’s other siblings. Believe me, if you handle this situation with maturity and wisdom it requires, you will have less to worry about. Above all learn to pray yourself into success always. Good luck.

With Agatha Edo Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com , gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com,08054500626 Dear Agatha, I am in big trouble; one I am not sure how I and my twin sons will ever get out of. Five years ago, out of desperation and greed, I married a man my father disliked and described as a man of questionable character. I ignored my parents and proceeded to get pregnant for him. He was swimming in money so I really didn’t care about what my parents, my father in particular, said. Even when I announced my pregnancy to my father as reasons for him to allow me get married, he refused. He told me he would allow me put to bed in his house; that it was a minor sacrifice to pay than me marrying this man. I ignored my father and went ahead to get married to him legally at the registry. I got someone to represent my parents. At 35, I didn’t really need their consent to marry. Immediately after the marriage ceremony, I noticed some strange things about him. First, he didn’t approve of sharing the same room. He insisted on me keeping my room; his excuse, I would cramp his style. Another thing is the frequency with which he goes out at night for one business appointment or the other. When he has to go for these kinds of assignments, he stays completely away from me; wouldn’t even allow me cook his food let alone touch him. I was curious but something about his attitude and behaviour made me less suspicious. However, he recently took ill; as a matter of fact, he collapsed and I had to rush him to the hospital. Since he was unconscious, and the doctor needed money, I took the key to his room to find out if he had money. What I saw was beyond me. Right inside his wardrobe, I saw a calabash with fetish ornaments and a padlock inside it. Further search revealed different kinds of guns with red cloths and cowries tied to them. Also in his room, I found a bag containing a lot of money. I didn’t bother to take the money or anything from the room. I immediately left the room, took the key back to the hospital. I had to look for money elsewhere. Fortunately, he woke up shortly after I got to the hospital and demanded that he should be taken away from the hospital. He called two of his closest friends, who according to him, would take him to their church for prayers. As always, he told me not to bother; that I should stay behind to look after our twin sons. He is better now, but I am now very scared of him. There is no doubt that my husband is an armed robber. But who do I tell? What can I do? Can I divorce him? I cannot go to the Police because I happen to know he is highly connected in the Police Force. I am so confused. He is beginning to question me about my behaviour as I seldom allow him come near me and the children. Twice he has asked me if I entered his room while he was unconscious, I lied about not having the key to his room, hence the question of me entering the room doesn’t even arise. Please, Agatha, I respect you so much. What can I do without incurring his wrath and putting the lives of my entire family members at risk? This guy is mean and capable of hurting me and my family members. Worried Wife. Dear Worried Wife, First things first, you need the wisdom of God to untangle yourself from this whole mess. Pray and be very calm else you risk making another huge mistake. While you calculate your options, continue to behave as if nothing is wrong. Criminals are the most intelligent people around. He must have guessed from your attitude towards him that you have unveiled his secrets and only bidding time to expose him. But because you are his wife, the mother of his sons in addition to lack of evidence to nail you, he is keeping calm but also watching you closely. He may also have recruited one or two persons to trail your movement which makes any stupid move on your part very dangerous. What simply has changed is that you now have evidence of his profession; beyond that he remains your husband; the same person you have slept, romanced, ate and played with. You must continue to function in all these roles until such a time that you can take your leave of him. To deny him these rights is to further fuel his suspicion. Besides, if you are truthful to yourself, you knew from your account that something was not right about the man you married the moment he denied you free access into his room. When a man ignores your food at a certain time, doesn’t allow you near him also at that particular time, shouldn’t that have alerted you to something sinister about him? Shouldn’t you have known that it was not a normal behaviour for a man to refuse food and sex simply because he has a business assignment? Didn’t you wonder or ask what kind of business assignment would prevent a man from sleeping with his wife or eating her food? And when these kinds of assignments became a regular feature with him, did you for once demand to know or find out what nature of business he was into? The issue here is long past regrets. You cannot turn back the hands of the clock; meaning you have to continue to endure this situation. The less you talk about it, the better for you. Mop up as much money as you can from him. Give yourself a target to leave him. To stay more than necessary is to endanger your life and those of your children. Be careful, this is not the time for you to play smart. With this money, you can buy your freedom from the bondage your greed and disobedience of your father’s warning put you into. This is because in the eyes of law, you are his wife; you could easily be accused of trying to blackmail him by the same people within the Police who have been protecting him. The so-called guns could easily be removed from the house, leaving you without evidence to back up your claims. Be reminded that there is no law in this country that prohibits keeping of charms in the house. He could easily claim the pot of charm you saw is for protection, including yours as well. You will only look stupid at the end of the day. The only thing you would have achieved by this is to further put yourself in a more deadly position. Therefore perish this thought. Divorce is not also an option. On what grounds would you be divorcing him? Instead of considering this option, why not instead become more loving to distract him? Your chances of escaping with the children will only be enhanced if he lets down his guard around you. To take him off your trail, tell him you have been worried about his health hence your seeming withdrawal from him. Make your move only when sure he has eased up. Make sure you don’t stay in this country. Go as far away from him as possible. But if you are in Lagos, please come to our head office so you and I can talk. There are certain things I cannot say here. But in the meantime, continue to pray for him, you and the children. Your family really needs the intervention of God to make right all that is wrong in your home. Good luck.

With Agatha Edo Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com , gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com,08054500626 Dear Agatha, I am a young girl of 17. I stay with my younger sister and brother and our stepmother, who is very cruel to us. My father is never ever around because he works with an oil firm. As far as my father is concerned, he provides us with more than enough. The few days to his arrival at home, my stepmother is the picture of an angel. Telling him all that she puts me through would amount to destroying the house. I simply don’t have the kind of heart to do that to him. Once my father is away, my stepmother does all kinds of things, including bringing her man-friend into the house. Severally, she has hit me for daring to challenge her and has vowed to make life very uncomfortable for us if we dare tell our father what goes on behind him. From her utterances, she doesn’t like our father even though he loves her. Her only interest in our father is the money she gets. She is yet to have a child by him. About three months ago, she brought her boyfriend to stay with us. She is 27. She told our father that the young man is her cousin and even got her younger brother to testify to her lie. About three weeks ago, whenever she is not around, he tries to touch me. I have done my best to keep him off me; even threatened to tell my father. But I am worried that if he is unable to force himself on me, he could harm my younger sister. My brother and I have decided to tell our father’s brother, who is very caring and comes round to see us, about what is really happening. We thought he would be in the best position to tell our father about it, but we were confused on how to introduce the topic to our uncle. Our mother died six years ago. Rolade. Dear Rolade, The earlier you tell your uncle, the best for you all. The longer you and your siblings delay in telling either your father or your uncle about what is going on in your home, the greater the danger of your being abused sexually. Your father will blame you for not saying anything while all these were going on. Don’t stop at telling your uncle about the sexual threat you are facing, let him know that this boy isn’t in anyway related to your stepmother; that he is actually her boyfriend and not the brother she parades him as. Insist, you and your siblings no longer feel safe staying with your stepmother who is quite capable of harming you all if she thinks she is losing out on your father’s love. In the interim, until your father makes up his mind on what to do about his wife, you and your siblings would like to stay with your uncle or move into a boarding school. At least, it will put a distance between you and your stepmother as well as her boyfriend. Frankly, keeping quiet about everything happening behind your father is like giving your stepmother the support to cheat on your father and kill him when she makes up her mind on how to get his property. Being the eldest of your siblings, your younger ones are looking up to you to do the right thing for them. Whether you realise it or not, you are not only failing your father but your siblings as well who would definitely be most affected if anything happens to your father. They will never forgive you for being such a weak sister if your stepmother succeeds in eliminating your father. Your stepmother has the boldness to do as she likes because she knows you are too weak to challenge her or say anything to your father. Your age not withstanding, she wouldn’t have dared if she knew you to be a no-nonsense young lady. Whose interest are you really serving by keeping quiet: Your father’s, your stepmother’s or yours? Telling your father about the nature of this woman he calls wife is the only way you can help him come to a realisation of what is more important to him in life. And if that means ending his marriage to this woman, so be it. Have you considered the damage to you or your sister if her boyfriend succeeds in raping you? Nothing in your life or home will ever be the same. It is best for your father to experience another disappointment in his relationship than to have any of you, his children humiliated. Informing him directly or through your uncle is the only way he can offer you the protection you all deserve at your tender ages. Life isn’t structured by God to be sweet always. It is a mixture of bitterness and sweetness; this is a fact your father knows. Whatever disappointment you are protecting him from, would heal with time. He doesn’t need you to play mother hen to him; what he wants is for you to be his daughter, ask for his protection and love. Call that uncle of yours immediately. And please, do call me. If you want me to help inform your uncle and father, I will gladly do it. Good luck.

I’m married to an armed robber

With Agatha Edo Email: womaneditor@independentngonline.com , gataedo@yahoo.com or agatha.edo@gmail.com,08054500626 Dear Agatha, I am in big trouble; one I am not sure how I and my twin sons will ever get out of. Five years ago, out of desperation and greed, I married a man my father disliked and described as a man of questionable character. I ignored my parents and proceeded to get pregnant for him. He was swimming in money so I really didn’t care about what my parents, my father in particular, said. Even when I announced my pregnancy to my father as reasons for him to allow me get married, he refused. He told me he would allow me put to bed in his house; that it was a minor sacrifice to pay than me marrying this man. I ignored my father and went ahead to get married to him legally at the registry. I got someone to represent my parents. At 35, I didn’t really need their consent to marry. Immediately after the marriage ceremony, I noticed some strange things about him. First, he didn’t approve of sharing the same room. He insisted on me keeping my room; his excuse, I would cramp his style. Another thing is the frequency with which he goes out at night for one business appointment or the other. When he has to go for these kinds of assignments, he stays completely away from me; wouldn’t even allow me cook his food let alone touch him. I was curious but something about his attitude and behaviour made me less suspicious. However, he recently took ill; as a matter of fact, he collapsed and I had to rush him to the hospital. Since he was unconscious, and the doctor needed money, I took the key to his room to find out if he had money. What I saw was beyond me. Right inside his wardrobe, I saw a calabash with fetish ornaments and a padlock inside it. Further search revealed different kinds of guns with red cloths and cowries tied to them. Also in his room, I found a bag containing a lot of money. I didn’t bother to take the money or anything from the room. I immediately left the room, took the key back to the hospital. I had to look for money elsewhere. Fortunately, he woke up shortly after I got to the hospital and demanded that he should be taken away from the hospital. He called two of his closest friends, who according to him, would take him to their church for prayers. As always, he told me not to bother; that I should stay behind to look after our twin sons. He is better now, but I am now very scared of him. There is no doubt that my husband is an armed robber. But who do I tell? What can I do? Can I divorce him? I cannot go to the Police because I happen to know he is highly connected in the Police Force. I am so confused. He is beginning to question me about my behaviour as I seldom allow him come near me and the children. Twice he has asked me if I entered his room while he was unconscious, I lied about not having the key to his room, hence the question of me entering the room doesn’t even arise. Please, Agatha, I respect you so much. What can I do without incurring his wrath and putting the lives of my entire family members at risk? This guy is mean and capable of hurting me and my family members. Worried Wife. Dear Worried Wife, First things first, you need the wisdom of God to untangle yourself from this whole mess. Pray and be very calm else you risk making another huge mistake. While you calculate your options, continue to behave as if nothing is wrong. Criminals are the most intelligent people around. He must have guessed from your attitude towards him that you have unveiled his secrets and only bidding time to expose him. But because you are his wife, the mother of his sons in addition to lack of evidence to nail you, he is keeping calm but also watching you closely. He may also have recruited one or two persons to trail your movement which makes any stupid move on your part very dangerous. What simply has changed is that you now have evidence of his profession; beyond that he remains your husband; the same person you have slept, romanced, ate and played with. You must continue to function in all these roles until such a time that you can take your leave of him. To deny him these rights is to further fuel his suspicion. Besides, if you are truthful to yourself, you knew from your account that something was not right about the man you married the moment he denied you free access into his room. When a man ignores your food at a certain time, doesn’t allow you near him also at that particular time, shouldn’t that have alerted you to something sinister about him? Shouldn’t you have known that it was not a normal behaviour for a man to refuse food and sex simply because he has a business assignment? Didn’t you wonder or ask what kind of business assignment would prevent a man from sleeping with his wife or eating her food? And when these kinds of assignments became a regular feature with him, did you for once demand to know or find out what nature of business he was into? The issue here is long past regrets. You cannot turn back the hands of the clock; meaning you have to continue to endure this situation. The less you talk about it, the better for you. Mop up as much money as you can from him. Give yourself a target to leave him. To stay more than necessary is to endanger your life and those of your children. Be careful, this is not the time for you to play smart. With this money, you can buy your freedom from the bondage your greed and disobedience of your father’s warning put you into. This is because in the eyes of law, you are his wife; you could easily be accused of trying to blackmail him by the same people within the Police who have been protecting him. The so-called guns could easily be removed from the house, leaving you without evidence to back up your claims. Be reminded that there is no law in this country that prohibits keeping of charms in the house. He could easily claim the pot of charm you saw is for protection, including yours as well. You will only look stupid at the end of the day. The only thing you would have achieved by this is to further put yourself in a more deadly position. Therefore perish this thought. Divorce is not also an option. On what grounds would you be divorcing him? Instead of considering this option, why not instead become more loving to distract him? Your chances of escaping with the children will only be enhanced if he lets down his guard around you. To take him off your trail, tell him you have been worried about his health hence your seeming withdrawal from him. Make your move only when sure he has eased up. Make sure you don’t stay in this country. Go as far away from him as possible. But if you are in Lagos, please come to our head office so you and I can talk. There are certain things I cannot say here. But in the meantime, continue to pray for him, you and the children. Your family really needs the intervention of God to make right all that is wrong in your home. Good luck.