Friday, July 24, 2009

Need Good Girl To Hook Me


Dear Agatha,


Thank you for many lives you have changed but one more life you just must touch. I know you don’t publish this kind of mail, but you just have to help me. I have never succeeded in my relationships because I can’t afford the luxury associated with dating women. But all the same, I envy a lot of my friends with viable relationships. I often wonder why I’m so unlucky prompting me to think I am cursed.

I know you can help. Please help hook me up with a serious girl. I have been frustrated by bad women. A serious minded woman can get me through this number, 08072446069.

Kelvin.

He Gets Too Tough For Me


Dear Agatha,


I really appreciate your effort concerning people’s problems. I am 26 years of age, started dating this guy in February 2009. Because of his exceptional love for me I confided the problems I was having with my brother whom I stay with in him.

My plight motivated him into renting a room because where he was staying wasn’t comfortable too, besides he wanted us to live together. I declined telling him there was no way I would agree to such an arrangement until he paid my bride price.

However, I agreed to pay 20 percent of the house rent to appease him. My refusal to stay with him or stay late is however causing problems between us, becoming a daily ritual. I don’t like going home late to avoid problems between my brother and me.

Recently, after our Sunday service, I decided to visit the pastor and his family. When I informed him of my intentions, he instructed me not to go but pleaded with him to understand why I must since I had promised the pastor I would visit that day. And that Sunday was the only time I have to visit. After eating lunch with him, I left for the pastor’s place. When I came back, he told me to go back to where I was coming from. But for the presence of neighbours it would have degenerated into bitter quarrel.

Thinking the matter was over, on my way to work, I went there to see him. He refused to respond to my greetings, to avoid problems I left for work. I don’t know what to do about his attitude. Please help me.

Betty.


Dear Betty,

The problem with this relationship is that you have both cramped the relationship within such a short time with too much expectations and responsibilities. Sincerely, your relationship is too young and tender to handle many of the issues you expect it to shoulder. How much responsibility can a six months old baby handle?

Beyond what you both think you feel for each other, what can you tell accurately about him, his character or he about yours for that matter? What do you know about each other’s temperament, values and priority in life? Who are his friends and who are yours? What are the things that matter the most to him or you?


These are fundamental issues you both should first clear before bringing in the more serious issue of having a place together. There is no home without an agreement of ideas, temperaments and values. These are necessary things that must be put in place before a relationship can work. In your six months together, beyond getting an accommodation, what else have you both achieved together? With everything happening in your relationship, there is the need for you both to sit down and first discuss your persons.

Focus on your individualities, your upbringings as well as your different experiences before you met. If possible talk about your previous relationships. The essence of this talk, in addition to offering both of you a clean platform to begin, would also give both of you an idea of the experiences you are both bringing, areas of weakness, strength as well as things to avoid if the relationship is to survive.


You must know why he constantly craves your company. Is it because he doesn’t trust you, not secured or out of loneliness? What sort of woman can please him? Would he want you to work in the future or have friends for that matter? What in his past shaped him into this type of man who would keep malice over an incident, which can be resolved amicably? Deep in your heart, what do you feel for this man? Is it love or do you see in him an escape route from all the problems you are going through in the house?

If in just six months you are experiencing this number of differences over matters that appear so mundane, then something appears very wrong. It is clear from what you have said that you don’t have the required understanding to exist as a couple. It is a negative sign that unless both of you make the effort the relationship can’t survive for long. It is also a clarion call that whatever it is you both pride as important isn’t what makes a relationship work else you won’t be having problems at all.

You may have all the various styles of sex but if the right things weren’t placed on the front burner the relationship would expire before it even gets the chance to form its character. When premarital sex is given too much place in a relationship, it weakens the couple from focusing on important aspects of their being together.


This is not to say, the talk would eradicate every problem in your relationship, but some of the issues you are fighting over now would have been a thing of the past. You need tolerance, patience and understanding for any relationship to survive. And unless you know what the challenges are you may never be able to deal with his person.

Despite these challenges, don’t be too hasty in terminating the relationship because every relationship has its turbulent time. The secret of a successful relationship is perseverance and knowledge of the character of the person of your partner. This perseverance enables a couple become good friends first before becoming lovers. However when every step taken to ensure a relationship heads the right direction fails, it is always best to part as friends.

Good luck.