Dear Agatha,
My sincere prayer for you is that God will give you long life, good health, and unexpected favours. I mean God will surely bless you.
I am a regular reader of your column and I am always encouraged and blessed whenever I read you.
I just quit a relationship of three and half years, I truly love this guy and he also says he loves me, but the problem we had was defining the relationship.
We were so deep in love that we were the envy of others. When the relationship was a year old, I called him to inquire where the relationship was heading. He told me God is the one that will determine because his main concern was growing his business to make it easy for him to provide for a family. The reason being that he wouldn’t want his wife and children to suffer. I saw reasons with him and let the matter rest.
A year later when I saw things were going on fine with him, I brought up the issue again, he told me he has not gotten any vision concerning marriage from God and besides he doesn’t want to promise any lady until he is ready, this time I wasn’t comfortable with his answer, all I did was to hand over everything to God. I was patient until the third week of August this year, when I went for a vigil in a youth fellowship; the guest speaker was a Prophet of God. In that vigil, the Prophet came to tell me that I am a ‘hidden treasure,’ that I am a treasure but hidden. He also said that he saw a veil on me and that in 14 months time I will get married, later he said I should see him after the programme. Some other youths present in the programme were also prophesied on.
After the programme, I went to see him; he told me many things about myself, and also said I should be very careful. He asked if am in a relationship, I said yes. He said the guy in question is not my husband and that he is a stumbling block to my real husband. He told me what he meant by me being a hidden treasure, so he encouraged and advised me.
When I went home I asked God to help me, because I was so confused, I didn’t know what to do. I invited this guy to discuss the prophecy, I told him what the prophet said. But I did not tell him that he said he was a stumbling block so that he will not misunderstand me. His response was to ask if we should quit the relationship, but later said I should not worry that God is in control. Though deep within me I was not comfortable.
Two weeks ago, I called him to discuss the issue as well as express my disappointment with his response to my questions. Thereafter, I asked if he would be ready to marry me in 14 months time. This time he told me everything in his mind, he said he has not even started praying for marriage and that he doesn’t want to make the mistake his father made by marrying the wrong woman who made him to marry two more wives. He said he has not gotten any vision for marriage yet.
At that point, I told him we should quit the relationship, but he protested, insisting I should tell him if there is another person in my life. I told him not to misunderstand me and that it is over between us. It was not easy, but I have to let go, since then he has been calling me and asking about my welfare.
I want you to tell me if I did the right thing. I want you to also correct me wherever I went wrong. I want to start a new life and I don’t want to make any mistake. I am 24, he is 32 from a catholic background, while I am of Pentecostal.
Chichi.
Dear Chichi,
In life there is a fixed time and season for every thing. No matter how much we desire a particular thing, there is no fast-forwarding the process unless God permits it. Those who have at one time or the other tried to play God end up with more disappointments than they began with.
You appear to be in a haste to marry so much so, you haven’t taken out time to study the nature of the man or think properly about the qualities that you want in a man. You are putting the cart before the horse. In the first place, at 24, you don’t have any reason to appear so desperate so why are you? Frankly your level of desperation is frightening and could make a young man wonder at your hurry. Perhaps this is what the pastor means by the stumbling block. You could be a stumbling block to yourself through your behavior and enough patience to allow things flow in the time God has ordained.
Granted this man may have his own problems but your attitude is capable of making very afraid of your motive as well as appreciation of his own ideas about life. He appears to be a man who likes taking his time planning his life while you appear as someone who is concerned about the immediate before planning.
If he is hesitant, it is because he is afraid at your apparent desperation to marry. As one requesting for marriage, what are your visions of it? What do you know about the institution? How prepared are you for the challenges ahead. It is one thing to desire marriage; it is another thing to have the knowledge of what it takes to succeed.
You can only recognize the right man for you only if you have a very clear vision of what you want from life, especially when it comes to the issue of marriage.
Before you end up making the worst kind of mistake of your life, there is the need for you to take some time off to ask yourself some relevant questions concerning your future else even when the right man comes, you may end up driving him away with your act of desperation.
As for what the pastor said, there is the need for you to pray and depend on what God wants for you. If this man weren’t yours, he would go even if he makes up his mind that you are the right woman for me.
Marriage is a blessing from God hence, ensure you involve Him in all your plans.
Good luck.
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