Thursday, May 19, 2011

Won’t I regret giving him my virginity before wedding night?

With Auntie Agatha gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
Thanks for all your help to people that have challenges in their relationships and marriage. May God bless you.
There is this guy I’m dating, he understands me and we both think alike. I love him and know he does too, even though we have not said anything to each other. But our actions to each other tell the story of our feelings. We have known each other for six months and have been dating each other for three months.
I have had other boyfriends before him but have never felt the way I do with him. With him, I can say and discuss anything.
Agatha, the major issue at hand is that I am a virgin. I didn’t sleep with any of my previous boyfriends because I didn’t like them enough.
But I feel like it is right for me to give it to him. I have always said in the past I would keep my virginity until my wedding night, but I don’t think I can wait any longer. He isn’t rushing me into it but I think it is okay because I love him.
I’m going to see him soon. But I think I am having second thoughts on whether he would still feel the same way after I must have slept with him.
Agatha, should I give it time by waiting just a little more time? Would I be disappointed in myself for not keeping to my promise of waiting till my wedding night?
Chi.



Dear Chi,
What happened between the time you made that promise to yourself and now to make you want to break it? Granted that you have fallen in love deeper than you have ever been but is it enough reason you to want to do away with something so priceless and so honourable to a woman?
If there is a time for you to be very careful it is now. True love is beautiful but is also the time people make the most mistakes in their lives especially if it is the first time one is truly experiencing its magic and full potency.
The best gift you can give to your man on your wedding night is your virginity. No matter how permissive the world has become, men take a lot of pride in being the one to introduce their women into womanhood on their wedding night.
He won’t appreciate this gift as much as he would if given him on your wedding night. It shall make you more honoured than if you give it to him now.
Besides, it is the right thing to do for any sensible young woman. Chances are he might change and you would discover after sleeping with him that you both no longer feel the same way about each other. Should this happen, the essence of keeping your virginity till now would have been defeated and the husband you wanted to please with it would never get to have the honour of being the first because a woman gets deflowered only once in her life.
Relationship is like an ocean. One moment everything is calm and beautiful while the next minute it could turn stormy and very ugly, calling to question one’s sanity in going into the relationship in the first place.
You also have to factor in the consequences of sleeping with a man. One thing is to make up your mind to do it another thing is for you to be prepared for the responsibilities built into this act. For instance, are you also thinking about unplanned pregnancy? There are some stubborn babies that are determined to come into the world irrespective of whatever precaution taken. Are you in particular ready to be a mother now? Is this boyfriend of yours ready for the challenges of being a father? This is one thing you must give adequate thoughts to. Not being a virgin is one thing, being a parent is huge since it is something one never gets out of.
Deep down, are you psychologically ready for this particular challenge?
Don’t forget you have only known him for six months, not enough time for you to be sure you are really both on the same page, desire the same things and share the same dreams.
Although he appears well focused not to put you under pressure for sex like most men his age, fact remains you should exercise some constraints to avoid being disappointed in yourself later on.
For now, ask for strength and the grace of God to be strong in sticking to the promise you made to yourself.
If there is anything life has taught me, it is never to disappoint myself. Once you don’t disappoint yourself, it is easier to discover who you are as well as your assignment on earth.
That promise not to sleep with any man is between you and God. This is the power of our own covenant. Would you rather disappoint that God or please yourself in your new discovery of love?
Once you are able to answer this question honestly you would know the right step to take.
Good luck.

She craves secret date...

With Auntie Agatha gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com Tel: 08054500626
Dear Agatha,
You are really helping people. Please help me too to get out of my emotional dilemma.
I am a 24-year-old second year Higher National Diploma student. My girlfriend and I have been together for five months. We are both in love but I find it very strange that she doesn’t want any of her friends to find out about us.
I really love her and I want something good to come out of our relationship. Please tell me what I should say to her to make her change her mind about telling our friends about us. I would appreciate your response.
Junior Boy.

Dear Junior Boy,
To get her to change her mind you must first understand her reasons for wanting to keep the relationship secret. Obviously something must be influencing her decision. This is what you should first find out from her by questioning her on her past experiences and why she prefers a secret relationship with you when all you want is to proclaim her to the world.
Without you finding this out, you will never be able to appreciate her or wisdom to find the right word to make her change her mind.
Most times our reasons for doing or not doing a particular thing is pasted in the incubator of our past.
Besides there are some people who don’t like to publicise their relationship at all. She may belong to this group. These people are of the opinion that it is private and no business of anybody except they that are in it.
To convince such persons, you must be ready to provide them with stronger arguments as well as apply a little bit of emotional blackmail to get them to shift grounds.
The emotional blackmail comes in the form of you asking her if she isn’t proud enough of you, happy with her decision to date you as well as her love for you.
These questions would make her realise that this relationship is not just about what she wants but also of what would make you happy.
It would also help her come to a better appreciation of what a relationship is all about. A relationship derives its strength from the contribution of the couple involved. She has to give you the opportunity of helping her cope with whatever phobia she has against making public her feelings while she has to give you the assurances of her trust in your love and the relationship.
Your best approach is to be patient. There is no point getting angry or agitated. To do that is to put the relationship under unnecessary stress. You must appreciate her reasons first and foremost, not to make the whole process of building a viable relationship difficult.
There are also ways of making the relationship obvious without you saying a word to anyone. From the way you court and attend to her, seek her out from the crowd, behave whenever she is around would send the signal of an intimacy around your friends.
The heart has a way of radiating its fondness and invisible music of love for a particular person for all to see and hear. True love doesn’t need the help of microphone to announce, the eyes, smiles and signals around a pair in love do more of the announcement than verbal words. I call it the secret scent of passion.
Once you are around her, the message of love between the two of you would be visible for all to see. It would be only a matter of time for people to know what is happening between the two of you.
Good luck.