Dear Agatha,
I am a woman in deep pains and in the midst of the greatest embarrassment of my life. My husband is the pastor and general overseer of our church. Since he founded this church, he has been doing very well until he met this lady who joined the church. She works with an oil company while I teach.
She has a lot of money to spend and before I knew what was happening she and my husband had become very close and a pair. Soon, people began to talk about them but I ignored them all, insisting that they were working towards the growth of the church.
When their relationship became very noticeable, I called my husband to intimate him with what people were saying about them but he told me not to worry, that the people were only jealous and that as a man of God he had a responsibility to all the sheep God directs his way.
The lady soon started buying him clothes. She even bought him a car. Gifts like these from members are not strange but this was different. She excluded the children and I from such benevolence and made sure that when it was time for me to address the women, she took the centre stage with, of course, the active support of my husband.
Many of the women in the church could not understand what was happening. Some asked what her status in the church was; others gossiped about it. As a true Christian and mother of the church, I didn’t quarrel so as not to lay a bad example for other couples who looked up to me for solutions to their marital problems.
At home, my husband continued to deny any special affection for her. He kept insisting that she was close to him because of her role in the church. To underscore his point, he pointed out a number of women and men who were similarly close to him based on their roles in the church.
One day, she came home with him to announce that she was packing in as his second wife, and that they had done the traditional and court weddings. A copy of the marriage certificate was shown me to prove their seriousness. It was the saddest day of my life. If I thought the matter would end up like that I was wrong. The following Sunday at the service, she took her place on the altar as the wife of the general overseer. The children and I attended service as ordinary members. My shame was complete.
The church immediately split into two. The women, especially the elderly ones queued behind me. A lot of the men were cautious. Only the very elderly ones showed open disapproval at what my husband had done. They tried to mediate but it was late as she was already pregnant.
Some members who couldn’t take it left the church but a lot stayed behind to watch the unfolding drama.
Now that she has given birth, my husband has threatened to throw me out. The woman and her people are threatening me with death if I don’t pack out. My husband doesn’t care about me anymore. His new wife has used her money to buy my husband and some prominent numbers of the church over. She gives out free clothes, shoes and bags to the youths in the church, and to families she suspects to be having problems, she gives financial aid.
I really don’t care but the genuine members are urging me to quit for the sake of my children. They are afraid that my husband is under a powerful spell and could hurt me before he comes to his senses.
Agatha, this is my dilemma. Do you think I should pack out of the house? I am deeply afraid for my life and those of my children. Each night, I wake up from terrible nightmare of a woman chasing me around with all sorts of charms and masquerades. It is not easy for me Agatha. People are mocking me. I am left with no will to fight anymore.
Alaba
Dear Alaba,
When the going gets very tough, only the toughest survives. God is closer and nearer you than you think. He is only a moment away. He deliberately allows us go through the valley of’ the shadow of death for a purpose.
Never forget his promise to always protect us with his rod and staff during our sojourn in this valley of pains and rejection. He did not promise us life without pains, problems or sorrows; rather, what makes us victors is how we handle issues.
This battle isn’t yours to fight but his to win; so hand over the battle of your love, home and life to the only power equipped to deal with your situation. Terrible as the situation may appear, don’t despair. Instead, be persistent in your worship of him.
There is no way you won’t smile at the end of this battle between good and bad if you truly hand it over to him. Trust me; if you can withstand this intense heat, you will come out very refined. Most times when God has a job for us to do in his vineyard, he deliberately allows us to go through some experiences that would end up becoming rich references in our ministry. Experience, as they say, is the best teacher. Later in future, when someone comes to you with this type of problem, having weathered the storm yourself, you would use your experiences to minister to such a person. If God allowed Jesus Christ to be humiliated, who are we not to be in the process of working for him?
Don’t pack out of that house. It may not exactly be a home to you now but it is your place. From experiences, it is not easy fighting from outside. You are the rightful owner of the house, not the other woman. She is in transit in your home and when it is time, she would pack and leave for her own final destination. The Bible is in support of your rights and position in that house. Don’t give in to fright, blackmail or threats.
Let millions of masquerades chase you in your sleep. As a child of God, he will always give you victory over them. Never get tired of’ pleading the blood of Jesus over you and the children - that is more than enough shield in the field of battle.
This is the time you need the will most to fight. Agreed things are really bad but this is no time to give up. If there is nobody giving you encouragement, give yourself one. Go to God in prayers and fasting, challenge him, handover the battle to him and sit back to watch how he does it. Hand the heart and life of your husband to God. He needs a lot of prayers for his life and ministry.
This battle is not about him, rather, it is about crippling his ministry. It is a battle beyond him and he needs your understanding to prevail over the situation he has unwittingly roped himself into. Chances are that he does not even know what he is doing or is happening to him. You are the only one who can deliver him from this journey of destruction he has embarked on. The devil is not a fair fighter.
He uses everything and anything to fight. So, rather than wallow in the sea of self-pity, organise prayer sessions for him and those who still believe in his calling.
Difficult and bitter as this pill is, don’t fight, don’t insult your husband and please continue to maintain a dignified silence over the matter. Even when people come with stories, assure them that God is in charge of’ the matter. This is the time when silence is said to be golden. Face your embarrassment with a respectable silence and smile.
This storm would blow over sooner than you think.
God bless you. I wish you the very best of luck.
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