Dear Agatha,
I am really grateful for the response you gave to my problem about the boyfriend I have been dating for three years who doesn’t seem to want anything else than travelling abroad against my persistent plea that he engages in something positive at least until he gets the visa.
My new problem is that it isn’t so easy to find a good man, as most men are simply out to catch fun these days.
Although, I am 25 but wouldn’t want to marry late. Besides, my daddy isn’t helping matters as he keeps reminding me I am of age and doesn't want me to end up like my stepsisters, over 30 yet unmarried.
Agatha, I am really worried because I don’t want to make any mistake by marrying the wrong person, because I have always longed for a very happy married life, which my parents don’t have.
Worried Girl.
Dear Worried Girl,
There is always a time and season for everything. When it is your God ordained time, things would happen without struggles.
The greatest mistake you can make is to get desperate over an issue you have no control over. Marriage isn’t a journey you embark on because others are doing it. It is a highly spiritual and individualistic journey that requires the input of God and His presence to bring it into being.
Our contribution to marriage is to listen to the inner voice of God, to point at the directions we should go and what to look out for in a man or woman we intend to share our lives with.
The real challenge before you isn’t the lack of male attention in your life but knowing what to look out for. If you were to come across a man that has the potentials to be your husband now, how would you know? What must your ideal man have? Are you the kind that places emphasis on a man’s look, the size of his pocket and the flashy cars that grace his exotic home?
Or are you the kind of girl who likes a man with an inner beauty, who has very enduring qualities like good character, supportive, tolerant, understanding, caring, responsible, respectful and above all, the fear of God, in her heart?
Many a time, mistakes come from the wrong values we project in the beginning of our lives. Today many young women are finding it increasingly difficult to get younger men to marry because these younger men are no longer as interested in marriage as before.
The liberal life young women began with the slang of women liberation, being able to survive without a man has made men too weary to settling down with a woman when they have the freedom also of having children as well as their freedom.
The materialism age projected by the young girls through their romances with sugar daddies with obscene money to lavish, considerably made the younger men who were increasingly losing their girls to these rich older men, more determined too to make money at all cost to bid for the hearts of these young girls, who once shunned them.
Because these men are convinced that money is the name of the game and the surest visa to a woman’s heart, they have no conscience, as long as they have money to spend treating any woman in their lives shabbily.
Again, many young girls are suffering heartaches due to the moral values they project of themselves. By nature men are hunter and would always demand for anything from the woman. It is the business of the woman to dictate the limits she is willing to go with any man, but a lot of girls, who, like you, are desperate to marry end up playing the game according to the rules set by men, which in the long run unfortunately backfires on the woman.
Don’t allow anybody, including your father, push you into a situation you may end up regretting later in life. This is because a bad marriage has the potentials of destroying many other things in your life especially if you are the strong emotional type whose system can get over shock easily. More often than not, such women end up very depressed, miserable and very bitter about life.
Learn from your parents’ mistakes to know what to avoid and what not. Since your father is the one pressurizing you into an early marriage, ask him to help you with tips on what to avoid and what not. There is no better teacher like experience. Helping you with these hits is helping you to secure a bright future, prepare you for the challenges of marriage and what your would be husband expects of you as his wife.
It is one of the best legacies he can bequeath you in the sense that most mistakes in marriages can be better managed if parents obliged their children with the benefit of their own experiences.
Let him know that sharing his experiences with you will go a long way into making your marriage one he can be proud off. His duty doesn’t end with asking you to get married, but ensuring you are happy too.
Importantly, you must help yourself learn to set realistic targets for yourself. No marriage is an equal opportunity thing. It strives on respect, dialogue, selflessness, patience, and the fear of God. As the woman, you must learn to endure and never compare your man or marriage with another person’s. Be contented with the choice God has made for you, because we all come in different sizes and colours. One of the costly mistakes a lot of women are making is to pattern their lives and marriages alongside the views of others. Always be bold to project what you really feel even if it means being given tags by your friends and society. Eventually, these same people will become envious once your ways are working well for you. Be wise if you want to be happy in life. When a man sees a woman, who is realistic and reasonable, he would want to stay around her for life.
Good luck.
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