Before Lust For My Ex-boss Sacks My Fiancé

Dear Agatha,

You have to help me on this. I am in love with my fiancé, as a matter of fact he has proposed and I have accepted, but there is something happening to me, which I haven’t figured out yet.

I fell in love with my boss without his knowledge. The feeling is three years old.

My new boss is actually the friend of my former boss. He asked me to come and work for him after my former boss travelled out of the country.

My feelings for him hasn’t changed one bit despite the fact that he doesn’t come often to the office. Whenever he comes in, I immediately begin to fantasize about him. Honestly, I didn’t think it was something to worry about until the incident I am about to relay to you happened.

On this particular day he came to the office and as usual, I fantasized about him. That night I decided to spend it with my fiancé and to my shock when he was making love to me, I began to imagine him to be my boss. Naturally, I couldn’t tell my fiancé about my line of thoughts.

Agatha, I know this may sound absurd, but I am in love with both my fiancé and boss. And no mater how hard I try to get the feelings I have for my boss behind me it keep coming back to me. I know I love my boss, but I haven't summoned courage to tell him as he may think me cheap. Please help me; it is really tearing me apart.

Ngozi.

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Dear Ngozi,

Isn’t this boss of yours married? If he were, what would you achieve by telling him about your feelings? It won’t serve any purpose at all, but only serve to destroy your own relationship with your fiancé.

Telling him would have made sense if he were single and available to return or consider your love. In that case you would be sure you don’t live in regrets later in life. Only men who aren’t men enough, who lack maturity, think a woman who expresses her love for them first is cheap. As a matter of fact men who are matured in thinking end up appreciating such kind of women forever, because it takes guts for a woman to expose herself to the possible rejection of a man.

If he is married, the best thing for you is to leave his employment to prevent the greater calamity of destroying your own relationship. With what you are feeling, it is only a matter of time you call out his name when you are with your man. It would be difficult at that point for you to deny any relationship with him because the guilt of what you feel for him would make denial on your part difficult to plead.

Leaving him would put huge distance between the two of you and help you concentrate on forgetting him. You need to help yourself forget him if you really want to make something out of your relationship and eventually marriage to your fiancé.

There is no way you can love two persons equally. If for three years, you have carried the touch of secret love for your boss, it is important you investigate the qualities he has that have kept you spell bound for this long. At this point it is imperative you do some comparison between your fiancé and boss. The essence is to help you see clearly the qualities one has that the other doesn’t, especially those of your boss. The result would assist you know how to help your man achieve some of those qualities that seem so important to you.

Because you want to marry this man, it is of utmost importance you do everything within your power to make him priority in your life to prevent emotional frustration, disappointment, tendency to stray as well as disrespect for your husband and home. The worst kind of thing that can happen to either a man or woman is to marry someone he or she isn’t in love with. The tendency is for the one not in complete love to misbehave and disrespectful. Being in love with a person, means selflessness, sacrifices, patience, and endurance, no matter the situation that arises in the relationship.

And if your love for your boss is that kind that touches your spirit person, it would be advisable for you to put some distance between you and your fiancé because to go ahead with him when you feel so strongly for another man would make it impossible for you to give him the best of yourself. Because thoughts are like waves of water, until they are ready to settle, they will keep popping when least expected.

The time out will make it possible for you to really articulate your feelings for your man as well as pinpoint the real reason you think you are in love with him. If he is making love to you and you are thinking of another man, it means your feelings for him isn’t as deep as you think and until you subject it to laboratory analysis in your mind’s eyes, you would never know if it can stand the test of time.

Don’t worry about what could happen if you do this because every relationship must go through a dry period to test its durability and ability to bounce back after the storm.

If at the end of it all, you lack a strong conviction that your feelings for your fiancé is strong enough, it would be in your interest not to gamble with your happiness later in life and take the risk of waiting for that man whose aura has enough strength to make you forget whatever you feel for your boss.

It is at this point you need the presence of Holy Spirit to help you stay focused.

Good luck.

She Goes Wild For Declaring My Love For Another Girl

Dear Agatha,

Thanks for the many solutions you have been providing to problems facing people. I have a problem that needs your advice. There is this female friend of mine. We have been friends since our school days. I am a year older than her. We are so fond of each other that my roommate actually refers to her as my girlfriend despite the fact that we never once dated.

However, a twist was introduced to our relationship and it became so ugly that I could hardly recognise the friend I have had for years when I found a lady I felt something very special for.

Being my very good friend, I didn’t think anything of hiding my news from her, but to my biggest surprise she practically changed from such a loving person to this monster right before me.

Because we have had a good relationship as friends, I still want her as a friend in my life. It would be so sad to let go of such wonderful friendship on account of my going into a relationship.

So, how do you advise me on this?

Cool Cat.

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Dear Cool Cat,

There is nothing you can do now when the iron is still too hot to handle. The adage that “one should strike the iron when it is at its hottest” doesn’t apply to a troubled friendship or relationship. The best thing to do at this point in time is to walk away for time to heal whatever wounds your announcement to go into a relationship may have caused her.

It is obvious you didn’t read the relationship correctly. Along the line love came into the picture for her. While you assumed you were only friends, she wanted something more and had hoped you will eventually come round to her way of thinking. You could be the reason she didn’t have a boyfriend, because she has invested in the two of you making something out of your friendship.

If this is the case, don’t expect her to be enthusiastic about your new relationship. She naturally feels betrayed that after all these years, you are leaving her to find warmth with another woman. Something she too has for long offered you on a platter of gold.

Understandably, her hurt is deep and would take time to heal, because right now she feels ridiculed by your decision to leave her and go with another woman.

For now, it would be impossible to continue with her as before. She needs time to recollect her emotions, re-invest herself in another relationship since it is obvious she has lost out on any hope of you two up-grading your friendship to relationship.

Perhaps, overtime she would come to appreciate the way things turned out between the two of you. But until then move on with your life. And in your interest ensure you tell your present girlfriend everything about your friendship with her, to prevent mischief from coming to play later in life.

Good luck.