Dear Agatha,
I am sexually active please help by telling me how to stop it. I started it right from when I was 12 and now I am 17 years old.
My parents don’t know anything about it and I am an only child. I am trying to stop but it isn’t working. Please help me.
Oyin.
Dear Oyin,
Sex is one of life’s greatest addictions. It takes extreme determination for anyone to stop it. At 17, it will certainly take an extra ounce of determination to end your early addiction to sex.
This is because through your early awareness years, you have been dependent on it. Whether you like it or not, sex has become an enormous part of your life. It is like trying to disinterest yourself from the food, which has given you so much joy and satisfaction for years.
When fighting an addiction, the first thing is to admit to the problem it is causing in your life. To do this, be honest and factual.
Why did you go into early sex? Can you recall how it all started, the thoughts that raced through your mind on the day you were initiated and the promises of excitement you thought went with the package?
Five years down the road and with all the experiences you have gathered, how do you still feel about sex? Do you still see it the most exciting thing in your life?
For you what meaningful achievements have you recorded from being sexually active? If it were that rewarding how come your parents are ignorant of it?
That you want to stop shows that you are not happy with what you have done to yourself, the reputation and tarnished image you now have. Had anyone tried to stop you then, would you have listened, pointed you at the shortcoming, danger and dejection that follow premature sex?
No, you would have fought that person but life is a good teacher, always there to reward whatever step we take.
To stop, remember all the negative feelings, the gossips as well as impressions your being sexually active have implanted in the minds of men, most who come to have what they have within their circles christened ‘the national cake.’
The bitter effect of you not being able to hold your heads high when you walk past men, not knowing if a man is approaching you for true friendship or because he wants only the pleasure of your body are enough motivation to make you stop this destructive habit.
Also consider the future. How would you feel if your parents ever find out about this past especially being their only child?
How would you feel in the future if the men who devoured you go ahead to marry other women and begin their own families while you, who they have helped to destroy her womb through series of abortions, is unable to have a child?
Honestly, I sympathise with your situation but it would become something of a tragedy if you were unable to put a lid on your sexual feelings because your body, as a woman, has its limitations to endurance and abuse.
One day, if care is not taken, all the abuses you have subjected it to would all come back to you and by then it would be when you need the body the most.
Apart from the health implication, there is also the spiritual implication that accrues from a woman sleeping with different men. Spiritually, sex itself is a covenant between a man and woman, hence each time two people have sex a subtle covenant is exchanged. If unfortunate to meet a woman or man who has some strong spiritual complications, such is passed on to his or her partner during sex.
This is why some people begin to suffer from things that are alien in their own family settings. If you look back into your life what are you doing that is different from what women in your family are doing? Can you detect any strange behaviour, which makes you feel different from all the others?
These are the reasons for you to stop this bad habit once and for all. Sex will never go away. It is something you will indulge in till you die provided you have the strength to go on.
As you have discovered, the pains of early indulgence is usually more devastating. It is needless because after a while sex loses its mystery and excitement, except done in love, between two people who are in love and matured enough to handle it, it is as worthless as a used tissue paper. This is because the entire process of sex itself takes less than three minutes. It is the love that married couples put into it that transforms its ordinary status to something extra spectacular. What you are doing to yourself end up demeaning everything about you. At the end of it all you are without the peace and happiness with which to enjoy your age.
By even striving to end your addiction, you earn for yourself peace and happiness.
One of the surest ways is go back to God for help through prayers. He sees and knows your heart. He understands that by the time you went into it, you lacked the knowledge of the harm you were bringing on, and at that age, you were too tender at heart to take responsibilities for your actions.
Now you know and want something new. This, God understands and will willingly provide you with the strength to make things work for you. Everyday, you wake, put in front of your mirror, two images of you: one, a successful you, happy in the company of your husband and children while another, a lonely you without a companion to share your life with.
When next the urge comes, look into the image of a lonely you and listen to what your heart tells about it. Go through your Bible daily and avoid people or friends that help you to refresh the addiction.
By changing your lifestyle to a quiet one, refusing to be lured into what the crowd think is the in-thing, it makes easy your task to change for good.
If you are in Lagos, please don’t hesitate to come to our head-office at 7D Wempco Road, Ogba. I would really like to have a chat with you. Being an only child is also taking its toll on you and we need to talk about the quality of parenting you have been exposed to. It is imperative because your cure has to be wholesome to free you from the prison of your past.
Good luck.
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