Re: Not Ready To Hook Me, Yet Hangs On

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My Hatred For Girls, Blame Masturbation

Dear Agatha,

Thanks for all you are doing. There are these problems I need your urgent attention to solve. I don’t know how to deal with them.

First, I masturbate. I have tried to stop it, but to no avail. Secondly, I lack interest in women. If I meet a girl and we become friends, the whole things doesn’t last more than two weeks before I begin to feel hatred towards the woman.

The worst thing is that I don’t make friends easily and the few I make, I lack feelings for them especially the ladies. The strange thing about it all is when we begin; I can go all out to make them feel comfortable. I would stop at nothing to make them happy, including spending a lot of money on material things for them. I can be very extravagant in those early days before I begin to lose interest.

Agatha, you won’t believe this, I have never slept with any of these women or with any woman for that matter.

What do you think is the problem with me? How do I stop masturbating and have a girlfriend in life?

Donald.

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Dear Donald,

At what age did you get introduced to the act? How did it all begin? A lot of your attitude towards women could have been informed by the circumstances that led you into masturbation.

And sincerely, there is no way you can enjoy a fulfilling relationship with a woman as long as you depend on it to have fulfillment. It is a conscience thing, something that you have no control over, something etched in your sub-consciousness. It would take a lot of will battle on your part to come out of a habit that has almost become your second skin.

To help you beat the habit, ask this all-important question. How do you feel after it all? Do you feel proud of yourself or repulsed at what you are doing? Sex, when done the right way brings along with it a sense of deep fulfillment as well as peace.

It is something you are not ashamed to admit. But can you admit to having sex with yourself among your friends? How does it make you feel when others are talking about their girlfriends as well as their relationships?

You must find a way of falling out of love with yourself, to make room for a woman to be part of your life. There is no way you will find a woman interesting enough for you to stay with her if you are constantly in your thoughts. You have made yourself the competition for other women in your love life.

Masturbation has become your passion, addiction and life. Nobody can help you get rid of the habit until you are ready to give it up.

To help yourself, you must first of all make a determination to stop it at all means. This means diverting your energies to very strenuous exercises whenever the urge comes to make love to yourself. Enlist the help of a trusted friend to be around you, because these initial days are going to be tough and depressive. Tough, because having gotten used to touching yourself, it has become addictive. As with every addiction, the initial period of withdrawal is the most difficult because you will always keep having the urge to do things in what has become the normal way of life to you.

It is also essential you enlist the help of God in this matter. He is more than able to handle all things and has the compassion to overlook all our mistakes.

The next time you see a girl, look for friendship, someone you can talk to and who in turn has a caring heart. Overtime, you will be able to care for each other as well as share things you have never shared with anybody. Your friendship would get to a stage that you will have no inhibitions sharing your past story with her.

Avoid, for now, women that are materialistic in nature, only concerned about what they can get from men. These types of women would only spoil you for that special woman meant to make you a complete man in life.

Good luck.