Sunday, July 12, 2009

Get Me My ‘Stolen’ Husband Please!


Dear Agatha,


I want my husband back. Please do whatever you can to help get him back. I have been married for close to 15 years and have had little problems with my husband. He is the typical ideal husband. He does not drink, smoke and hardly eats outside the home. Except when he goes to the office, we are always together. Even at that, I could always give an accurate account of his movements and activities.

You can therefore imagine my surprise when a close friend of ours came with the disturbing tale that my best friend, with whom I grew up, was often sighted with my husband at a particular guest house in Palm Groove area of Lagos.

Initially I didn’t believe it one bit because apart from my friend being married, she and I are often together. The days we don’t see, it is either she is out of town or I am. We were in the habit of discussing our husbands and children. Being close from childhood we were more or less sisters.

I thought the person telling me the story was out to destroy our friendship out of jealousy I even did the stupid thing of telling my friend what this other person said. She, like me, was furious. Together we abused the other person. When my husband heard, he stopped that person from coming to our house.

I guess that was what hurt this other friend the most. Five months after that incident, I got a call from a public phone to come to the same guesthouse at Palm Groove to see my husband and best friend.

At first, I wanted to ignore the call but I decided out of curiousity to go as well as deal with the person behind the malicious gossip once and for all.

To my shock, I met my husband and friend in a very intimate embrace inside his car. Obviously, they had finished and were on their way out when I went to confront them. My friend and my husband ignored me and drove away without saying anything. I was left dumbfounded and watching their retreating images.

Needless to say, my load was waiting for me outside my home when I came back. My friend currently stays in my house. Her husband is as confused as I am. Our mothers too cannot comprehend what is wrong but I heard from a family friend who went to plead with my husband that I am a disappointment in bed. It is strange because I have always thought we had a great sex life. Agatha, I don’t care how you do it; please get my man back for me.

Toro.


Dear Toro,

Sincerely, I wish I could with a mere wave of my hands bring him back to you and the children but I lack that power. Only God can bring him back. Go on your knees and beg God to intervene in this matter because it is clearly beyond what any person can do.

God knows what you and I don’t know. I am not sure of the motive of the person that told you but if you ask me that call was mischievous and calculated to destroy your home and happiness because even though your husband was into another relationship, he still met his obligations to you and the children. If you hadn’t gone there, you would still have been in your home. I am sure you know now when not to listen to people no matter how good intentioned the gesture appears to be.

Unfortunately what this person has only succeeded in doing is getting you out of your home. Doubtless your husband and friend betrayed you in the worst possible way a woman can be betrayed by the two people she trusts the most, this other person finished the process and no matter what people say about your friend and husband, you also helped the process by giving a willing car to external forces whose motive and interest are yet to be established in this matter.

This is no time to throw tantrums or brand your friend and husband rather, it is the best time to hold on to God and ask for mercy and strength to survive this trying period. Go and beg your husband for forgiveness. It doesn’t matter if he is the one that has hurt or betrayed you, it is not yet time for you to play the injured woman and betrayed wife. There is enough time for that.

What is important is for you to reclaim your home. For now, forget the humiliation of being the one to beg after what he did to you, if you keep thinking of that incident, you will never be able to move on and retrieve your home from this intruder. The task before you now is to get back your home, man and happiness as a woman. If you insist on the propriety of the situation you are going through, you might never go back to that house. This is the time to play the stupid wife.

As for your sexual performance, while you shouldn’t take it too seriously since he is bound to find excuses for his behaviour, still for your sake read books, on how to improve your sexual performance. It is very important to the survival of any marriage. In future keep friends out of your home.

Good luck.