Doubt Her Sincerity To Marry Me…

Dear Agatha,

God will grant you more wisdom to do more for humanity, and his mercies to excel in life.

I am a guy of 24 years of age who has this friend of immense contribution to my spiritual life. We finally met three weeks ago, although we have been seeing each other from afar, exchanging greetings but with no close contact. To me, she is more than a friend because she called to confess that ever since we met three weeks ago, she hasn’t been the same. She said that something sparked inside of her at that close meeting.

She told me I am not supposed to be where I am and wanted to know if I am married. She went on to say if I have any problem that I don’t know who to call, I should feel free to call her and that she would do anything to help me. I fell in love with her from the first day I saw her too, but due to the nature of my work, I am a security man, I got scared to approach her.

But now, her love is going deeper in me that if God permits I would love to marry her because she is God fearing, I think, she is my type.

Since then, I have been praying to God to give me sign concerning her, but nothing yet. Now, I want to tell her my mind, but don’t know how, because I am scared she could refuse me and don’t want to lose her as a friend.This is because while she is a graduate and employed, I am just a school certificate holder. She might love to marry in future, but for now I don’t have what a man has to begin a family.

I am still struggling and don’t know her age too. Please advice me. I love her and don’t know what to do.

Worried Man S.A

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Dear Worried Man S.A,

I honestly think you are rushing too much into your menu and putting the last thing first. If both of you are just meeting for the first time, three weeks ago, how much of a contribution has she made in your life to warrant you saying she has influenced your life spiritually?

I know all about falling in love and how heady the sensation can be, but when it comes to issue of making the right choice, it is imperative that a lot of thoughts and consideration are put into it.

If you are just a secondary school holder and working as a security guard, your concern now should focus on how to improve yourself to enhance the quality of your life. While she may not mind having you in her life, still in the interest of your ego as the man and head of the family, strive to improve on your lot in life.

This has nothing to do with her love for you or yours for her but your role and place in her life later in life. This has to do with human psychology. For now, with the magic of love so strong and potent in life, she may not mind having you in her life. But how far this determination and love can go would depend on her attitude later in life when time has mellowed the potency of young love and reality sets in.

Being a graduate, would she ever be able to allow you play the role of her head with the pride this responsibilities demand? Since age is still on your side and responsibilities haven’t set in to rob you of concentration and finances, there is no harm in enrolling for one of the many part-time programmes in town.

There is also the need for both of you to pause your fast tracking of this relationship. Rather than planning marriage and wedding bells, begin as friends. Get to each other, your likes, dislikes, temperaments and how much of good friends you can be to the other. Marriage is more than two people coming together to fulfill their erotic desires; there must be a unity of the soul, spirit, and body. Unfortunately, many couples are more concerned about the body aspect to the neglect of the vital two that eventually determine which way the marriage would head.

As friends, you will be able to discuss difficult issues without shame or fear. For instance, the issue of your education can be discussed effectively under the platform of friendship without you feeling inferior to her. This is the potency of friendship. It has excellent shock absorbers that help friends make amends at every twist and turn that come from two strangers coming together to establish a lasting relationship.

As a friend call her and tell her everything about you. It always pays to be honest at every point in life. She will appreciate you the more if you do.

Good luck.

He Wants Wife, I’m Thinking Of Further Study

Dear Agatha,

I really appreciate the way God has been using you to solve people’s problem. I have a little problem that I would want you to help tackle. I am into a relationship that, by the special grace of God, would see both of us marrying each other.

He has actually asked me to marry him next year. The problem now is that I don’t want to get married next year. I have told him to let the matter rest for now, but he is adamant. I have tried persuading him to allow me get to three hundred levels first, but kept pleading with me to see reason with him.

Doubtless, we are seriously in love with each other, but I am yet to gain admission into any university, though I hope to very soon.

He has assured me he would take care of my education. What do I do? Should I accept his proposal for the marriage next year? My mind is not matured for marriage now. I am just 20 years old.

Worried Girl.

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Dear Worried Girl,

It is a complex situation, one that requires wisdom to deal with. The first place to begin is your heart. What do you understand by love and the attendant sacrifices that come with it?

Love means learning to live in the mind of another person, making sacrifices and compromises. If both of you are serious about spending the rest of your lives together, you have to learn to discuss thorny issues like this and come up with a middle road approach.

Why does he want to marry you next year? What are the major challenges he is facing? Are you both abstaining from sex? How old is he and what social or emotional pressure is he facing to warrant this desire?

Can you identify with any of the issues he is giving as reasons for wanting to marry you? Do you suspect his motive for wanting you to be his wife now? Do you think his reasons are selfish, unfair, and insensitive? Or has it to do with lack of trust?

These are issues you have to honestly find answers to. Nobody can make the decision for you since it concerns your entire life.

Rather than dismiss his suggestions out rightly, listen again to him. Why is he insisting? Ask him all over again to enable you do a thorough research into your mind’s eyes, to help you know how getting married now would affect your dream, plans and focus.

It is also important you know if he is the right man for you and vice versa. Both of you especially him must know what he is getting into, because there is more to marriage than two people living together. Has he the temperament, wherewithal as well as the attitude to stay with a woman? How would three years affect your feelings for him or his for you?

Marriage isn’t something one rushes into unless he or she is very sure to avoid its ugly side. The consequences of a hasty decision to marry are best avoided hence better to wait until one is absolutely sure.

If lack of maturity is what you are playing up, you have a valid point but one he would understand better if you first listen, reason and agree to compromises. You have to earn each other’s trust to be able to move this relationship beyond this point of confusion.

Don’t wait for him to bring up the matter again. After thinking out your reasons as well as your options, go to him with a middle ground thing. If he is insisting, it should be next year and you want it in three years time, agreeing on two years is a fair deal if both of you really want to spend your lives together.

Let him be convinced by your actions that you are as interested in him as he is in you. Only pleading for time will really make you ready for him. Insisting on your ways would only re-enforce the reasons for wanting marriage so soon.

You have to give him every reason to trust you especially if he is the one to sponsor your education. Sincerely, flowing from the bad experiences of other men who were dumped by women they sponsored through school, he may be having doubts about you, but one an honest approach on your part can erase. Don’t forget he is the one with the most to lose, not you. For most people, maturity comes with dedication and fairness at all times.

Go to God in prayers for clearer answers.

Good luck.