Dear Agatha,
I am married with a baby girl. I love my wife who is very humble and caring. But I am now in love with another girl, though not intentionally. She is ready to die for me, the whole thing started when none of us was ready for a relationship. We began as casual friends but along the line, the story and feelings changed to something more serious. I still can’t believe how we got to this point or that it is even happening for that matter. I am so confused. I need your help.
Isaac.
Dear Isaac,
What business do you have you being causal friend with a single lady? A lady whom antecedent or motive as a friend you don’t know.
You are a married man and not of the category of men expected to go into casual friendship with a single lady. You may have had the intentions of keeping the relationship with her without any sense of commitment, what about her motive for accepting to be friends with a married man?
How would you react to your wife having a male and casual friend? Or do you think that because she is married to you, other men would no longer take interest in her? Indulge her fantasies of freedom to do as she likes and you will brand her as an adulteress?
That you are a man doesn’t give you any special privileges to do as you like or the right to engage in an extra marital affair. Not only have you done the unpardonable, you are also putting the well-being of your family at a greater risk than you put yourself.
Marriage is all about discipline and contentment with the package one has chosen. Both men and women feel the same things. You don’t because you feel the itch of an excitement or of another kind of flavour forget the commitment and responsibilities you made to another person. There is an existing covenant between you and your wife, to love and cherish each other through thick and thin until death part you both. It is a bond stronger than anything on earth. It is a commitment that forbids you to enter any other kind of sexual relationship with another woman or she with another man.
This is because when either of you goes outside your home, you go into another covenant with the person you are having sex with. By so doing, it brings about a spiritual confusion because it brings to two the covenants one is operating under. This is why confusion always patterns the life of any man or woman having an extramarital affair. Unfortunately, the confusion is not limited; it extends to everybody and everything around the person.
You are in this mess because you lack discipline, satisfaction and happiness in your own woman. It is so unfortunate because from your own account your woman is caring and humble. Believe me, you are a very lucky man because not many men can boldly say such nice things about their wives. That you think she is all these under the heavy burden of attraction to another woman means she is much more; a rare gift from God to you.
God gave you a woman He knows would always make you happy so why look for a woman who is very insensitive and out to cause you pains later in life? Can’t you see that her determination to have you at all cost is a clear signal that very soon peace would vacate your life and your home as she desperately tries to replace your wife in your home?
Haven’t you learn from the experiences and stories of other men how these affairs could lead to monumental problems later in life? Ask most men who have children from different women of the challenges of maintaining peace and sanity in such a set up.
Her desperation could push her to doing any number of things including engaging the services of native doctors or spiritualists to get you for keeps or rid you of your happy family so as to pave way for her eventual entrance into your home as your wife.
What do you tell your wife if she infects you with a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD)? What do you know about her moral and spiritual history? What makes you think you are the only man in her life? Whatever reasons she has for dating you knowing you are not available might also make her dump you after destroying your life when another man comes by.
Frankly speaking, what you are playing with is a wild fire in the disguise of an irresistible feminine appeal. Even if you are having problems with your wife, having an extra affair is not a solution. The ideal thing is for both of you to sit down and map ways out of the problem not you going into the arms of another woman to solicit solutions. If there are any issues, what are they? Even if you are claiming not to know why you went into this relationship, something must have compelled you to; can you put a name to it?
That you are having this relationship is an indication that there are some salient issues in your marriage but because you are having a relationship, you don’t have the time or motivation to dwell or discuss them with your wife. There is no way you can use another problem to solve an existing one. Even if you claim not to have any problem now, it is beginning to brew saliently unknown to both of you and unless you both look closely at your relationship and admit it and as well learn to deal with it, your relationship may not survive it. If you are already into a relationship when the problem is yet to manifest, how much more when there is a visible problem? Therefore begin now to build structures that would protect your marriage from real challenges when they come.
Is it her look, her person, attitude or comportment? If you can be more definite about the things that keep pulling you to her, it would be easy for you to help your marriage grow along the line of your dreams. You could use your experience with her to help your marriage by pointing your wife at the mistakes she is making and the likely implications on the marriage.
There is no marriage without problems or perfect human beings. Just as you have noticed some shortcomings in her person she has also noticed shortcomings in your character. However, marriage creed dictates couples source for solutions within and not outside. This woman who seems so perfect to you now would some day become so imperfect that you would wonder what you saw in her in the first place.
Unfortunately when feelings get this intense, reasons are usually pushed to a very far corner of the head. However, no matter how strong your feelings for this other lady are, please think? Did you at anytime plan polygamy in your life? Did you grow up in one or witnessed first hand the earthquakes of polygamy in the lives of people? What legacy do you want to bequeath to your children? Have you also put into consideration that polygamy makes it impossible for a man to plan his family the way he likes? All the women involved polygamy would go into competition of giving you the number of children they want. Do you have the economic power to equally train the yet unidentified number of children these women would give you?
Can you provide for them equally? What about their welfare? Being married you know the challenges as well as responsibilities involved when a man and woman come together, double that! Can you cope?
What you have just done by getting involved with her is to expose your happy family to danger. Marriage is not an investment it is a responsibility because it takes more than you get from it.
Since this lady is ready to do anything for you; beg her for forgiveness to let go of you before it is too late. I mean before she forces you into a hasty marriage by accidentally getting pregnant for you. If possible pay her off so she doesn’t cause pains and trouble for you in your marriage. The amount is the price you have to pay for straying away from your home; it is also to buy back the peace of mind to be a good husband to this innocent woman. Whether she encouraged it or not, the fact remains that you are the one that has strayed away from your nest into her snare, so to be free, you make some of sort of atonement for giving her false hopes, encouraging her to dream baseless dreams as well as giving her time, you know she would never have.
Even if she had an agenda from the beginning, you made it possible for her to begin the implementation, so she cannot be blamed for your mess.
What happens if she comes with the news of being pregnant? How do you think it would affect your wife, daughter, and your life?
Time you devote to this woman, use it to build your family, to build a history together, to create your own happiness. Not matter how much attraction this woman offers you, don’t fall into this temptation. No woman outside your wife is worth the trouble of giving up the peace of your life.
You have to imbibe the fear of God in your life as well as in your marriage because if you had it in the first place, you wouldn’t want to do anything that would affect the happiness as well as stability of your home. Therefore it is pertinent you invite God to take charge of your affairs to give you strength to do that which is right.
Good luck.
I am married with a baby girl. I love my wife who is very humble and caring. But I am now in love with another girl, though not intentionally. She is ready to die for me, the whole thing started when none of us was ready for a relationship. We began as casual friends but along the line, the story and feelings changed to something more serious. I still can’t believe how we got to this point or that it is even happening for that matter. I am so confused. I need your help.
Isaac.
Dear Isaac,
What business do you have you being causal friend with a single lady? A lady whom antecedent or motive as a friend you don’t know.
You are a married man and not of the category of men expected to go into casual friendship with a single lady. You may have had the intentions of keeping the relationship with her without any sense of commitment, what about her motive for accepting to be friends with a married man?
How would you react to your wife having a male and casual friend? Or do you think that because she is married to you, other men would no longer take interest in her? Indulge her fantasies of freedom to do as she likes and you will brand her as an adulteress?
That you are a man doesn’t give you any special privileges to do as you like or the right to engage in an extra marital affair. Not only have you done the unpardonable, you are also putting the well-being of your family at a greater risk than you put yourself.
Marriage is all about discipline and contentment with the package one has chosen. Both men and women feel the same things. You don’t because you feel the itch of an excitement or of another kind of flavour forget the commitment and responsibilities you made to another person. There is an existing covenant between you and your wife, to love and cherish each other through thick and thin until death part you both. It is a bond stronger than anything on earth. It is a commitment that forbids you to enter any other kind of sexual relationship with another woman or she with another man.
This is because when either of you goes outside your home, you go into another covenant with the person you are having sex with. By so doing, it brings about a spiritual confusion because it brings to two the covenants one is operating under. This is why confusion always patterns the life of any man or woman having an extramarital affair. Unfortunately, the confusion is not limited; it extends to everybody and everything around the person.
You are in this mess because you lack discipline, satisfaction and happiness in your own woman. It is so unfortunate because from your own account your woman is caring and humble. Believe me, you are a very lucky man because not many men can boldly say such nice things about their wives. That you think she is all these under the heavy burden of attraction to another woman means she is much more; a rare gift from God to you.
God gave you a woman He knows would always make you happy so why look for a woman who is very insensitive and out to cause you pains later in life? Can’t you see that her determination to have you at all cost is a clear signal that very soon peace would vacate your life and your home as she desperately tries to replace your wife in your home?
Haven’t you learn from the experiences and stories of other men how these affairs could lead to monumental problems later in life? Ask most men who have children from different women of the challenges of maintaining peace and sanity in such a set up.
Her desperation could push her to doing any number of things including engaging the services of native doctors or spiritualists to get you for keeps or rid you of your happy family so as to pave way for her eventual entrance into your home as your wife.
What do you tell your wife if she infects you with a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD)? What do you know about her moral and spiritual history? What makes you think you are the only man in her life? Whatever reasons she has for dating you knowing you are not available might also make her dump you after destroying your life when another man comes by.
Frankly speaking, what you are playing with is a wild fire in the disguise of an irresistible feminine appeal. Even if you are having problems with your wife, having an extra affair is not a solution. The ideal thing is for both of you to sit down and map ways out of the problem not you going into the arms of another woman to solicit solutions. If there are any issues, what are they? Even if you are claiming not to know why you went into this relationship, something must have compelled you to; can you put a name to it?
That you are having this relationship is an indication that there are some salient issues in your marriage but because you are having a relationship, you don’t have the time or motivation to dwell or discuss them with your wife. There is no way you can use another problem to solve an existing one. Even if you claim not to have any problem now, it is beginning to brew saliently unknown to both of you and unless you both look closely at your relationship and admit it and as well learn to deal with it, your relationship may not survive it. If you are already into a relationship when the problem is yet to manifest, how much more when there is a visible problem? Therefore begin now to build structures that would protect your marriage from real challenges when they come.
Is it her look, her person, attitude or comportment? If you can be more definite about the things that keep pulling you to her, it would be easy for you to help your marriage grow along the line of your dreams. You could use your experience with her to help your marriage by pointing your wife at the mistakes she is making and the likely implications on the marriage.
There is no marriage without problems or perfect human beings. Just as you have noticed some shortcomings in her person she has also noticed shortcomings in your character. However, marriage creed dictates couples source for solutions within and not outside. This woman who seems so perfect to you now would some day become so imperfect that you would wonder what you saw in her in the first place.
Unfortunately when feelings get this intense, reasons are usually pushed to a very far corner of the head. However, no matter how strong your feelings for this other lady are, please think? Did you at anytime plan polygamy in your life? Did you grow up in one or witnessed first hand the earthquakes of polygamy in the lives of people? What legacy do you want to bequeath to your children? Have you also put into consideration that polygamy makes it impossible for a man to plan his family the way he likes? All the women involved polygamy would go into competition of giving you the number of children they want. Do you have the economic power to equally train the yet unidentified number of children these women would give you?
Can you provide for them equally? What about their welfare? Being married you know the challenges as well as responsibilities involved when a man and woman come together, double that! Can you cope?
What you have just done by getting involved with her is to expose your happy family to danger. Marriage is not an investment it is a responsibility because it takes more than you get from it.
Since this lady is ready to do anything for you; beg her for forgiveness to let go of you before it is too late. I mean before she forces you into a hasty marriage by accidentally getting pregnant for you. If possible pay her off so she doesn’t cause pains and trouble for you in your marriage. The amount is the price you have to pay for straying away from your home; it is also to buy back the peace of mind to be a good husband to this innocent woman. Whether she encouraged it or not, the fact remains that you are the one that has strayed away from your nest into her snare, so to be free, you make some of sort of atonement for giving her false hopes, encouraging her to dream baseless dreams as well as giving her time, you know she would never have.
Even if she had an agenda from the beginning, you made it possible for her to begin the implementation, so she cannot be blamed for your mess.
What happens if she comes with the news of being pregnant? How do you think it would affect your wife, daughter, and your life?
Time you devote to this woman, use it to build your family, to build a history together, to create your own happiness. Not matter how much attraction this woman offers you, don’t fall into this temptation. No woman outside your wife is worth the trouble of giving up the peace of your life.
You have to imbibe the fear of God in your life as well as in your marriage because if you had it in the first place, you wouldn’t want to do anything that would affect the happiness as well as stability of your home. Therefore it is pertinent you invite God to take charge of your affairs to give you strength to do that which is right.
Good luck.
Posts
