Sunday, November 22, 2009

I Don’t Understand My Lover Again



Dear Agatha,


Thank you for your good work. May God also solve your own problems.

I have been facing some challenges in my relationship. I just don’t understand my boyfriend anymore and we have been together for three years. He has been the one sponsoring my education as well as providing for my other material things.I love him so much but I don’t really understand him. Have tried to date other guys because of this habit of his, but I discover a lot of these guys are after my money not my heart, even though I don’t sleep with any of them. After a while, I discovered I didn’t love them as much as I love my boyfriend.

I have tried to talk to him several times but all to no avail. Recently, I had to go through an abortion. Before I did it, I told him about it, but to my surprise, his attitude towards me changed completely thereafter. He doesn’t call me like before.

Besides, my parents prayed over him and came to the conclusion that he isn’t mine. I prayed myself and thought that though a womaniser, he is mine, but I think that I should pray hard if I want him to be my husband.

I love him and doesn’t want to lose him to another woman. Please I am confused, kindly help me out.

Besides, how do I know the right man for me? I am 25 years of age and he is not ready for marriage in the next five years. What should I do? I don’t really know what he has on his mind. I cry every night just because of him. I don’t want to be an ingrate because he has been so supportive. Without him, I don’t know where I would have been by now.

Betty.


Dear Betty,

If a man agrees to sponsor your education, provide for your every need, how else do you want him to make his plans for you obvious? Would he do all these if he has no intention of marrying you? That he says he isn’t going to be ready for marriage in the next five years doesn’t make him think less of you as his special woman.

He has made it more obvious than any word can say how important you are to him so asking such a man what his plans for you are; is to say the least very disappointing and discouraging. Having done so much for you, he expects you to know without being told how he feels as well as his plans for you. No man not interested in marrying a woman would waste his money training her if he has nothing at stake? Do you think it is normal for a man to do what he is doing on account of generosity?

As a matter of fact, you are the one who doesn’t know what you feel for him and who is being mischievous about this relationship. If you actually love this man, you won’t dream of dating other men. Whether you sleep with them or not is immaterial; what is important is your willingness to date other men while this man continues to take care of your bills. If he is unconcerned about the abortion or has changed in attitude towards you, it is because you haven’t been sincere to him.

From his attitude towards you, you should have known that he is a man who believes more in actions than words. For him to have changed, he must have information concerning your unfaithfulness and has made up his mind to forget everything about you. Though you claim not to sleep with any of these men, people who see you with them don’t know this hence his lack of interest in whatever you decide to do with the pregnancy.

You say you don’t want to appear like an ingrate but your attitude towards him is already presenting you as one. If your solution to whatever you perceive as a problem in the relationship is to date other men, what guarantees does this young man have that you are cut out for an enduring relationship? That you have what it takes to be faithful to a man when the going gets tough and tricky?

Sincerely, if he refuses to make a clear commitment beyond what he has already done, it is because your attitude doesn’t give him the confidence to be so sure about your person anymore. No man, no matter how much he loves a woman, would want to keep her permanently if he begins to have doubts about her.

How would you feel in this man’s shoes if you discover he is dating other women on account of a problem between the two of you? How would you feel if after investing your time and money on him, his parents suddenly realise that you are not the right woman for him? Where were your parents when he was paying your school fees and providing your needs? Why didn’t they pray before he started picking your bills?

There is no other name to justify what isn’t right. You have offended this man in more ways than he even knows. Our God is a just one who stands on the side of truth always. Rather than torture him emotionally, why not end the relationship in a very honourably? If he is a womaniser, how many women have you caught him with? Is he also paying the school fees of the other women too? This gesture of his should tell you that even if there are other women, you remain his pride and strength.

At any rate, if you trust in your prayers as well as the answers you get, why are you so such much in haste with this man? According to you, he is yours but you have to pray to overshadow all the other women in his life.

If you must know, the best things in life don’t come without mounting challenges and sacrifices. Unless you are ready to make the necessary sacrifices, you could find yourself moving from one relationship to the other because every relationship comes with its challenges.

In all sincerity, you must endeavour to be truthful to yourself concerning this man especially as it has to do with what he has done for you. If you are dishonest with him or treat him in such a way that he doesn’t deserve, you risk the anger of God. If you are tired of the relationship, let him know you are instead of trying to blame him for natural habit.

Pray that God help you to do what is right and not what you think is right.

Good luck.