After Many Skirt Deals, Can I Ever Live To Love My Wife?

After Many Skirt Deals, Can I Ever Live To Love My Wife?

Share a problem With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626

Dear Agatha,

I am in my early 20s and have never experienced a broken heart. I have never really had problems with ladies except the one I am about to share with you. None of my relationships have lasted more than three months because I find it difficult to be fully committed. I have also never really dated one girl at a time. I prefer double dating; I am of the belief that dating just one girl is inimical to one’s emotional peace and stability. Therefore I always have a standby as a rebound, someone to fall back on when the main girl begins to misbehave. In my opinion, this doesn’t make me a Casanova like some people would want me to think. Frankly, I treat these women well and don’t pressurise them into having sex with me like other guys. Agatha, I am planning to get married soon, but scared I might not be able to stay faithful to my wife. Please advise me on what to do.

Wilson.

Dear Wilson, 

Honesty to one’s partner doesn’t begin overnight. It is something one cultivates from the beginning. If you are having difficulties sticking to one woman now, how on earth do you intend being faithful to the woman you would marry? Because you have never bothered to imbibe the culture of faithfulness, it would be difficult if not impossible for you to remain so to your wife. Life is essentially about risk taking. That you fear a broken heart doesn’t make it right for you to double date. In these girls’ shoes how would you feel if you discover any of them to have a back up for you? Falling in love is all about risk and gamble, and so anybody who isn’t prepared to be hurt should not venture into it. The truth is that there is no venture in life that is risk-free. Your very existence as a human being in itself is a huge risk, because a lot of people out there are battling daily to ensure you don’t live to see the next day. That you have gotten away with playing these girls doesn’t make you smart or your approach a perfect antidote. Rather, you have only been lucky in the sense that you haven’t met that special woman. The day you got to meet her, you will discover that whatever structure you have adopted all these while to protect your heart from failing did not work when true love is involved. 

Rather than map your own ways, begin from now on to depend on God by being honest with yourself. Honesty begins from self-awareness. It is impossible to give what you don’t have. You are unable to trust any of these girls because you aren’t honest to yourself. You must take time out to first discover who you are and what you want from life else you will never be able to fully give of yourself to anybody. 

One of the ways to help yourself discover who you really are is to trust unconditionally. Twisted as this may sound, pain is a natural process of life. It enables us to know our capacity as human beings as well as our ability to adjust to life’s many chances and challenges. You can’t go about protecting yourself from being hurt. It isn’t natural. Reality, maturity and wisdom are about the painful choices we make from time to time. The best things in life are products of very painful choices and processes. 

There is no way you can have a woman who respects you and one you will cherish through life if you are unwilling to get your hands burnt. A heart has to be broken to be made whole again. The brokenness of a heart is what gives feeling, warmth and compassion to it. A heart untouched is prone to vanity and coldness. You either make a choice to be faithful to the woman who becomes your wife or forget about having a good marriage. You must be willing to make sacrifices to reap bountifully in any relationship. 

Good luck. 

She Dates Him On Assumed Love

 She Dates Him On Assumed Love

Share a problem With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626Dear Agatha,

Dear Agatha,

I have a friend who has been having a relationship for two years. Recently, his girlfriend asked him if he truly loved her, to which he replied positively. To his surprise the girl then told him she was ready to love him back too; that all these while she had only pretended to do so.

Agatha, what do you make of this? Your advice would be highly appreciated.

Supportive Friend.

Dear Supportive Friend, 

The heart is often a house of mystery. It houses so many thoughts and often times the reasons are as ridiculous as they come. 

To ponder over such life mysteries is to try to demystify the nature of man. Man is a deep and close being, one whose true nature is only known to God. Rather than worry about her reason for what she said, be grateful she voiced out her true feelings else you and your friend would never know how she felt about him.

But before you castigate her, it is imperative you understand where she is coming from. What were her experiences like before she met your friend? What sort of relationship exits between your friend and this girl until this point? Has he always been serious with her? Giving her all the attentions and confidence she needs to be secured with him? What was the arrangement between the two of them when they started out? Did he give her the impression that he wanted her for keeps?

Many a time the attitude we put up in a relationship is dictated by the character of the person we date. If for two years this lady has been unable to give her full commitment to your friend, it means your friend was behaving in a way that kept her in doubt about his feelings towards her. 

Asking your friend for clarification was a way of knowing what her current stand is with him. She decided to give him her heart to reciprocate his feelings for her. Whatever her reasons may be, she was also trying to avoid getting hurt by a man she wasn’t sure of what his feelings for her truly are. 

What your friend should no now is to call this girl to reiterate his feelings for her and negotiate new ideals and principles for the relationship. Both of them should count the first two years as one of building the right foundation. To see these two years as wasted is to throw away the most important time of their relationship, because if nothing else, these two years afforded them the rare opportunity of discovering the worth, strength and weakness of their different natures as well as relationship. Had these two years never happened, she may not come to realise that whatever her reasons may be for not trusting him enough to give him of her whole heart before now are baseless at the end of the day. 

That she is now willing to take a chance on him and their relationship shows that a vital grey area, one which could have remained a major problem for them has been cleared. 

The talk should take a look at their past, x-ray the reasons for her decision not to love him until now as well as his own past mistakes. There is no moving forward if both parties are unwilling to be truthful and letting go of whatever issues they silently battled with in the past. Not all issues would be made known to you or apparent to both of them. Some issues in a relationship are not the loud kind, but very salient ones that end up with more destructive powers than the so-called major ones. 

It would do both of them a world of good to place all issues on the table with as much honesty as possible. 

Good luck. 

Lonely Heart

Dear Agatha,

Thanks for your wonderful advice that has really helped many. Please help me out as loneliness is closing in on me. I need a girl that I can proclaim love to. I am 23 years of age, but have not had a date for once. Each time I express my feeling to a girl she either tells ‘she has a boyfriend, not interested or not ready for that.’ I am an undergraduate, studying Medicine in one of the southern universities in the country. Without sounding immodest I am handsome, kind, honest, gentle and God fearing. It isn’t as if I am afraid to woo a lady or lack the right words to tell her, but don’t know what the problem is really. 

What do I do? Agatha, could you please help link me up with a girl in University of Port-Harcourt (UNIPORT)? I will be grateful for this. Here is my number, 07031172759. O.B