Dear Agatha,
I have a boyfriend whom I love so much. When my father was very sick and needed blood; he donated his blood for him (my father) to live. But now he shows absolutely no interest in me. What can I do to keep him by my side because I love him so much?
Confused Girl.
Dear Confused Girl,
There is nothing you can do to keep a man who is no longer interested in having you around him. That he donated blood to your father doesn’t translate to something permanent between the two of you. His decision had nothing to do with what he felt for you but because he felt the need to save a life.
In life we do things for different reasons. God made him available at the time your father needed blood to help your father recover.
Everyday people donate blood to people they don’t even know. So to think because he did that for you he must stay attached to you goes against the principle of love.
A lot of things may have made him change his mind about you. For instance, your attitude may not appeal to him as he once thought it was. You may have begun to assume too much as well as take things for granted based on your thinking that simply because he gave his blood to your father, he would never have the heart to leave you no matter how badly you behaved.
Nobody likes being taken for granted. While you may not honestly think you are assuming too much, certain attitudes we put up in a relationship make the other person question his or her sanity at what he or she is getting into.
For you to understand what went wrong, take a deeper look at your attitude when you met and now. At what point did you begin to notice the changes in the relationship? Did it happen after he gave your father blood?
Was it at that point you started acting as if you owned him, body and spirit?
Or did you do overkill, suffocating him with too much love and attention, which, to him, seem more like gratitude than two people in a relationship? Something definitely changed between the time of the blood donation and now to make him have a rethink about the relationship.
Only an honest approach to all the issues involved would help you get to the bottom of it all.
In doing so, you must be very honest. At what time did he promise you something everlasting? What promises did you start out with? To understand his reason, you must go back to the basis; to the promises you exchanged in the beginning.
If after you have examined yourself and comes to the conclusion that you are to blame for the disparity in your relationship, don’t hesitate to approach him for a discussion, one engineered towards achieving lasting solutions between the two of you. Even where you think he is to be blamed, if you really love him, still go to him to find out why he thinks both of you should end the relationship without trying to mend your fences.
If you think his love is worth fighting for, go to him with the sole aim of making the relationship work.
For a relationship to work, one of the parties must be ready to play the peacemaker until the other person comes to see reason as to why things must be done differently. This is because two captains cannot control the boat at one given time. One must be allowed to stay in charge for a relationship to work.
Also it could be he has some challenges he is going through personally. In this type of situation, he would appreciate your concern as the woman in his life. Such appropriative concerns, when one is going through crisis, are not only helpful in being able to cope with the situation but are also appreciated afterwards.
Unless you ask him with a mind that shows that you want to help, you may not achieve much with him.
He would only open up to you if convinced you are for real and not out to patronise him on account of your selfish ambition of wanting to keep the relationship at all cost.
Also, there is no time that is too early to commence prayers. Begin now, ask God to help you make the right choice of a life-partner. Once God sanctions your choice, whatever the challenges that come would be taken care of by Him through strength and wisdom that come from above.
Good luck.
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