I scorned her but another man is set to marry her

With Auntie Agatha, gataedo@yahoo.com, agatha.edo@gmail.com, Tel: 08054500626 Dear Agatha, My case is very complex and painful because lack of satisfaction pushed me into the situation I have found myself in. About four years ago, God blessed me with the most wonderful woman I have been fortunate to know. I am a widower and I make bold to say that when it comes to the nitty-gritty of it all, not even my late wife I prided with tolerance could match this lady’s. At over 60, I have enough experience of women to know when a woman is faking affection. Even though I am very comfortable, able to afford whatever kind of lifestyle she wanted to live, I withheld my money, pretended I couldn’t afford so many things but she didn’t mind. As long as I was happy, she was too. She would use her money to cook and even get me gift items. She took care of my grandchildren as her own and accepted everyone close to me. The fact that she could hold her own financially initially got me scared. I kept asking myself if I could ever control her should I marry her but she passed all the tests I deliberately put her way. Whatever I did was okay by her as long as I was happy. All my friends who met with her begged me to marry her; even the most difficult of my sisters all aligned with her just as my children all wanted her. Everybody agreed that she has the kind of heart to care for my children when I am gone. Once, her younger sister was getting married and wanted me to attend with her. Not only did I decline to go; I gave her only N10,000.00. I was actually expecting her to turn down the money but she instead went on her knees to thank me. Though I felt guilty at the way I treated her but I didn’t change my mind about not attending or supporting her with more money. At times, I would deliberately not answer her calls for days; even though she was the one always calling me. At other times, I would purposely send her messages meant for my other girlfriends to her just to test her reactions. She took everything in her stride. Most times, I would ask her to come only for her to get to my house and I will not be anywhere to be found. I must have really humiliated her because after a while, she stopped coming or calling me. I would send her mails she won’t even reply. Now I hear she is getting married and I want her back in my life. One would have thought at my age, I would have behaved better but a man will always be a man no matter his age. Pity an old foolish man who found a very rare kind of gold but threw it away due to a combination of all negative feelings. I have suddenly realized that my life is empty without her and that all the women I thought were important at the time she was with me don’t mean anything. I foolishly assumed she will always be there for me because in all honesty no woman has ever loved me the way she did. Do you think it is too late for me to beg for her forgiveness? Now it isn’t just a matter of her coming back to me alone but asking for her forgiveness at the humiliating ways I treated her. She is a divorcee with grown up children. I also didn’t like the fact that her house is filled with people. She is this kind of woman who is always picking strays off the streets and giving them a home. Matthias. Dear Matthias, With all due respect deserving of your age, you didn’t act like a man who has seen all the colours of life. You acted like a young man who is still very ignorant of the ways of God and how He patterns the movement of life. On what basis do you seek this woman back in your life? Do you want her to come and continue the dance of humiliation you made her go through all because she made the mistake of falling in love with you or to come and marry you after she has found the man worthy of her love and kind of person? What pleasant memory do you want her to return to? The devaluing of her feelings for you or the fool you made her appear to be when all she wanted was love from you? Surely by now you should know that life doesn’t work that way. There is no way she can come back to you. From your own account there is nothing she has forgotten in your life or heart that she would want to come back to. You represent for her a painful memory; a man whose actions and reactions must have left her an emotional wreck severally. You had your chance with her; you abused it with your lack of focus, greed for women, wickedness and insensitivity. Any man whose mind roams from one woman to the other ends up suffering your kind of loss. The best you could have done was, inform her you were no longer interested in her and not treat her with cruelty. Had you done that the door of communication would still have been ajar for you to walk through now that you have come to some realization of what you really want from life. It would have made asking her for forgiveness easier and a foregone issue. Hell has no fury like a woman who is scorned. She may not be in the mood now to listen to whatever you have to say especially now that she is preparing for her wedding to someone else. Your presence will only bring back unpleasant memories she may not want to remember for now. You indeed made a fool of her. It takes time to heal this kind of memories you bequeathed her. The best you can do for her now is to wish her good luck in her new life. To want her to come back is akin to pure wickedness and total disregard for her feelings for this other man. Besides, in the other man’s shoes, how would you feel if the woman you are about to take to the altar, dumps you at the last minute? The best you can do for yourself is to forget that your paths ever crossed in life. She has obviously found that thing you couldn’t give her in another man. This man too also saw something you never saw while she was with you. Besides, question your motive for wanting her back in your life to be sure you even understand what you really want in life? Are you sure your new position about your feelings for her isn’t because she is getting married to someone else? Isn’t your new position a case of what I don’t want, no other person must want? Doubtless, you are at that vulnerable age when a man needs a woman in his life. A time would come when you will no longer be strong enough to move around, when you will need the presence of a particular woman in your life all the time. Women may come and go but you will desire one you will always come back to; keep company with during those achy nights. Life is about learning from our mistakes. Now you know you require a woman but it doesn’t end there. You have to ask yourself why you were very cruel to your ex in particular. This is the key to finding your happiness in your old age. Is it that you are afraid of another woman taking the place of your late wife or that you don’t want to answer to another woman in your life? What you did to this woman is inexplicable. I am sure if you are required to proffer an explanation that will diagnose the actual reason you behaved so badly towards her, you won’t be able to. Use the opportunity provided by the present circumstances to ask yourself some essential questions. What kind of woman do you really want? Are you in real need of a woman for that matter? Deep down have you gotten over the death of your wife? Are you looking for her in another woman or looking for a woman to make you happy? What kinds of disappointments did you suffer in your former marriage? Are these disappointments the salient reasons behind your wariness in having a serious relationship with any other woman? Be honest with yourself. It will give you a clue into your reason for maltreating this other woman as well as help you move forward in life. Besides, you don’t have to see her to apologise for the way you treated her. A phone call to wish her well in her new life is enough to communicate your apologies to her. Finally ask God for the grace to be happy again in life. Good luck.